by AC Netzel
“Okay. Thank you for this weekend.”
“I could say the same.” He kisses the back of my head then twirls me around until I’m facing him.
I look up at him and smile. He cups my face in his hands and kisses me, slowly, deeply, and so sensually, my knees practically buckle.
He breaks our kiss and gazes warmly into my eyes.
“I love you,” he says tenderly, moving a lock of my hair behind my ear.
“I love you too,” I say, returning his tender gaze.
“Let’s go.” He takes my hand and leads me back to the street where his SUV is parked and waiting.
I rest my head on his shoulder as we walk onto the street. He opens the passenger side door and helps me into the car. Just as he’s about to close the door, I stop him. He tilts his head and frowns.
“Ben?”
“Something wrong? Did you forget something?” he asks.
“No. I just wanted to tell you… I’m glad I’m your girlfriend.”
He smiles, no doubt remembering his words before he passed out last night.
“Me too.”
~o0o~
I arrive back to my apartment after avoiding most of the holiday traffic to find Allie sitting alone on our couch, sipping coffee from a mug.
“Hey,” I say, dragging in my overnight bag. “Look, we have a new pet.” I hold up my stuffed Dalmatian.
She looks back and nods, smiling politely.
“Where’s Vince? I thought you were spending the weekend at his place. You came here instead?”
She shakes her head.
“Did you lose your vocal chords? What’s with the silent treatment?”
She shrugs a shoulder. I get a good look at her face. Her eyes are puffy and her skin’s pale.
“Allie, are you okay?” I ask. I rush over to the couch and sit next to her.
She shrugs a shoulder again and looks down at her lap. I glance over at the coffee table and see a bottle of vodka and a carton of orange juice out.
“That’s not coffee you’re drinking,” I state the obvious.
“Nope.”
“What do we have here?” I ask, pointing to the vodka and orange juice.
“Brunch,” she deadpans.
“Vodka and Orange Juice?” I ask, raising a brow.
“It’s a buffet. Grab a mug and help yourself.”
“It’s not like you to start happy hour this early in the day. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she whispers, taking a large gulp of her drink.
“Is this about you and Vince?”
She nods, obviously trying to hold in her emotions.
“Did something happen?”
She nods again, her eyes brimming.
“Oh Al, what is it?”
“I told him we should stop seeing each other,” she whispers.
“Why? You both looked so happy.”
“Yeah, well… he fucked everything up. He did something unforgivable.”
“Son-of-a-bitch. That bastard’s been screwing around behind your back?” My eyes widen; I’m instantly taken back to my ex, Mikehole, and the shitty way I was treated. That asshole cheated on her? The first guy she has any real feelings for and he cheats on her.
She shakes her head as tears roll down her cheeks. “No. It’s worse.”
“That stupid fuck. There’s more than one? I’ll kill him.”
She stops crying and looks up at me, perplexed. “He’s not passing around the peen.”
“Oh my God, Allie. Did he hurt you?”
She shakes her head. “No. He would never do that.”
“Then what? I don’t understand. What happened?”
“He blurted out…” She closes her eyes tight and her fingers massage her temple like she’s warding off a migraine. “He told me he loves me. He fucking loves me. Things were going so well. Why did he have to go and do that? Fuck everything up.”
I roll my eyes. Here I am thinking he hit her or was a serial cheater and all he did was love her.
I smack her arm, hard. “Dammit, Allie. You scared the shit out of me. I had all sorts of crazy ideas going on in my head. Did you tell him you love him too?”
“Why the hell would I do something stupid like that?”
I take her hand in mine. “Because you do,” I say quietly.
She pulls her hand away and scowls. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t love Vince. I don’t do love. I’m a free spirit.”
“You think you’re giving up your freedom by loving him? Come on, Allie.”
“All that relationship crap holds you back. I don’t want to answer to anyone.”
“Vince would never expect you to answer to him. Maybe he loves you because you’re a free spirit.”
“Well, I’m not interested.”
“Okay. Have it your way. He’s a great guy… it won’t be hard for him to find someone new,” I say. I stand from the couch and casually stroll into the kitchen, grabbing an empty mug.
“I know what you’re doing. It won’t work,” she calls out threateningly. As I walk back in the room, I notice her face is turning bright red.
“He won’t be alone for long. Great guy, great job, and from what you tell me, great in bed. He’s probably dusting off his little black book as we speak. He should have your replacement, some random hook-up, on your side of his bed by tonight.” I casually pour the orange juice into my mug and… oh what the hell… add a splash of vodka. Make that two splashes. Then take a sip.
She flips me the finger. I laugh. “Oh Al, remember when I told Ben I loved him? He was afraid too. He let me go. Do you remember how that almost destroyed me?”
“Yes,” she says softly.
“I’ve been in Vince’s shoes. If you really don’t love him, then there’s nothing you can do. But if you do… do you want him to go through that pain? That kind of pain I went through… when all it would take is for you to swallow your pride and admit you want to be with him, you care about him. You love him. Allie, this is a good thing. Look how happy Ben and I are. I know he regrets every day we were apart because he was afraid. Don’t waste time. Don’t do that to Vince. Don’t do that to yourself.”
“How do you decide you’re in love?”
“You don’t just decide to love someone.” I shrug. “You just do. I didn’t want to be in love with Ben either. But what was I going to do? Once you find that one person, there’s no turning back.”
“Here’s the thing about Vince. I see all the good things about him. And think… Okay. Then I see those little things that irk the shit out of me… and… I just don’t care. He annoys me more than anyone I’ve ever met, but I look forward to every frustrating minute of it. Isn’t that crazy? He’s the first guy I’ve known, where I can look past all that and still want to wake up next to him. He can get me so mad; I want to throw him as far away from me as possible, but he keeps coming back for more. He’s like a goddamn boomerang. I can’t get rid of him.”
“Do you really want to get rid of him?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“All my life I jumped into situations and I ended up with some real losers. I’m scared, Jules. I’m afraid I’ll make another wrong decision. My track record isn’t exactly stellar. What if I stay with just one guy? I might miss out on something. How can I make that choice?”
“Your heart’s already made that choice for you. Look Al, I don’t mean this to sound harsh, so please don’t take it that way… but you’ve been with a lot of guys. Vince is the only one you’ve ever really wanted to keep around. I know it. You know it. He gets you… and he loves you, even with all your flaws. Does he make you happy?”
She pauses, looking down at her feet, and nods. “Yes. It’s freaking the fuck out of me.”
“I know it is.” I wrap my arms around her and hug her.
“What if I say those words…” Her voice trails off.
“That you love him…” I complete her thought.
“Yeah, that. And
we become this sickly lovey-dovey couple. Lose the spontaneity. I don’t want to lose that, it’s the best part of us.” She sighs, looking thoughtfully up to the ceiling, then back at me. “There are times he stares at me with a certain look and I know it’s not about sex.”
“How do you feel about that look?”
“Uneasy—but nice. Oh Jules, who wants nice?”
“There’s nothing wrong with nice—especially when hot and raw are included in the mix. Are they?” I already know the answer to this; I can hear it through the walls. The whole building can probably hear it through their walls.
She blushes and looks down at her lap trying to hide her smile.
“Oh my God, you’re blushing. About sex? You’re the most open person I know on that topic.”
“I never had someone so down and dirty. And he’s hung. Man, is he hung. The guy I slept with before him… well, let’s just say there was no fear of him accidentally dick-slapping anyone,” she snickers, taking a quick sip of her drink. “But it’s more than that. I’ve never connected with anyone the way we connect. I guess, I noticed. I just didn’t want to notice. You know what I mean?”
“Yes. That’s how I felt with Ben at first.”
“All the signs that Vince was…” she drifts off.
“In love with you? God, Allie, it’s not a curse word.”
“Yeah, that. I guess if I paid more attention I would have been aware of it. Last week, I mentioned going away for a weekend in the fall. The smile that crossed his lips—I didn’t get it then— but now I know what that smile was about. I never spoke about us doing anything more than a week in advance. He caught it… why didn’t I? Now that I think about it, that smile was kinda sweet.”
“See? You were invested in this relationship before you were aware of it.”
“Yeah, but… No. It’s better this way. I’m not interested in becoming lovey to his dovey.”
“Don’t you feel the butterflies when he woos you?” I ask.
She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “Have you met me? I don’t want to be wooed. I just want to be screwed.”
I let out an exasperated huff. I know Allie. She’s holding back. There’s something else worrying her.
“There’s more. What is it?” I ask.
She sighs, resigned. “What if I lose me? The person I am,” she whispers.
“Vince loves you for who you are. He doesn’t want you to change. That’s why he fell in love with you.”
“What if he breaks my heart?”
“What if he doesn’t?”
She places both hands over her face, shaking her head. “I don’t know, I don’t know.”
It’s time for drastic measures. I channel my “Inner-Rose”, the nickname Allie gives me when I spew out wisdom and analogies like my mother.
“Allie, remember when we were in the sixth grade… after school we’d hang out in the playground at the grammar school when we were bored?”
She nods, her hands still covering her face.
“We always went to the seesaws first. Everyone else would go up and down on their seesaw, but we never did. Up and down was boring. What was harder to do and way more challenging was to get it to balance while we were on either end. That took work. The seesaw reminds me of us, my sensible nature versus your crazier. That’s why you and I are best friends. We balance each other out. ”
“What’s your point?” she asks, peeking through her splayed fingers.
“Don’t you see? That’s you and Vince. What would you prefer? Going up and down the rest of your life until someone gets off and the other lands hard on their ass? Or making the more challenging choice… staring across from the one person in the world who not only makes you happy but keeps you in balance?”
She sighs. “I’m afraid.”
“I know, but if you let your fears dictate your life, you’ll be stuck in the same place forever. And Allie, the only person breaking your heart right now is you. And you managed to break two... Vince's and yours.”
“How did you know Ben was the one?”
“I just knew. It’s like a high when I'm with him. I watch his doorknob turn and I get an adrenalin rush. After we broke up, he was still with me. Even after I left him, I felt him with me. And I missed him.
Then once we were back together, we had amazingly passionate sex. After, we’re lying in bed, I happened to brush my leg across the other and I realized I only shaved one leg. He had to notice, he was all over me. But he never said a word. He didn’t tease me or embarrass me about it. How can't you love a man like that?”
“Vince would probably do the same.”
“Go to him, Allie. I’m sure he’s hurting.”
“I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“I know. Talk to him. Make him understand where you’re coming from.”
“What if he won’t see me?”
“He’ll see you. Go. Go.” I stand, grab her hand, and pull her off the couch. “Fix this.”
“What should I say?”
“Tell him you love him. That’s all he wants to hear. Trust me. I speak from experience.”
“That’s it?” she asks.
“That’s it. For as complicated as love is, it’s also incredibly simple. It doesn’t have to be hard… it just has to be.” I take her hand in mine. “Just say ‘I love you.’ Now if I were Marcello, I would tell you to promise Vince a blowjob every day for the next year.”
She’s quiet for a moment, lost in her thoughts. “Okay. I’ll do both.”
I laugh. “Good.”
“Jules?”
“Hmm?”
“Thanks.” She gives me a quick squeeze, grabs her purse, and flies out the door.
I’m betting I won’t see Allie for a few days.
Chapter 10
*What are you wearing?*
I look down at the stretched-out T-shirt complete with a gaping hole under the armpit and the old pair of gym shorts I’m wearing and text Ben back.
*Black silk camisole and matching panties.*
*Wish I was there to take it off you.*
I’d have to put it on first.
*Me too.*
*Wear something silky tonight.*
*Will you wear your glasses?*
*Desk sex in my study?*
*Yes, Professor.*
*Be prepared for an oral exam, Miss Conti.*
*Already licking my lips.*
*You kill me. I miss you.*
*I’m right here. All alone. In silk.*
*I’ll be right over.*
*Sorry, I’m a working girl. In fact, I have to get ready. I’ll see you later.*
*I’ll be there.*
*Have a good day of writing.*
*Will do. Love you.*
*Love you too.*
~o0o~
I’m dreading today. If there were a way, any way, I could fast-forward it, I would. Ben is coming to Wisteria Hill for a meeting on the last set of chapters he submitted for his book. Vivian wants changes.
A lot of changes.
Generally, editorial issues are addressed via email. But Vivian prefers a hands-on approach with local authors. Instead of wasting time going back and forth in emails and phone calls, she lays all her cards out on the table and deals with issues head-on.
It’s an efficient way to manage problems, and it cuts out a lot of time-wasting nonsense. But when your boyfriend is on the receiving end, it makes me wish he didn’t live so near.
Ben is not going to be happy with our recommendations.
I’m the poor soul who’s stuck in the middle. Ben and I talked about this for a long time before we told Vivian that we were an “official couple”. He knows work is work, and I have to remain impartial. Of course, this means there will be times we disagree on the direction of his manuscript.
For the most part, it’s gone fairly well, but a few times it sent Ben off brooding with claims that we were trying to change “his voice.”
Authors and their stupid “voices”�
� Drama Queens.
Somehow we’ve always managed to find a middle ground and move forward with our work arrangement—with some bonus mind-blowing make-up sex to follow.
Today I’m nervous. Other than what I know will be an unpleasant exchange at the office, Ben’s grandmother was hospitalized three days ago. He pretends everything is okay, but I know better. He’s internalizing his worry. The guy is going to develop an ulcer if he doesn’t talk about it. This has put him behind in his writing, which is stressing him even more. I haven’t seen him in two days. We’ve only had a few short conversations on the phone and our morning texts. I miss him, but I’m not about to rock the boat and complain when he has so much going on.
Today won’t be the reunion I was hoping for.
I miss Allie. Ever since she and Vince patched things up, she’s been practically living with him. I’m thrilled for her. She deserves this slice of happiness. And I’m happy for Vince. I love that despite her eccentricities, he sees her, the real her. And he loves her for it.
Usually, I’d bounce off my problems to her over breakfast. Allie may act like a ditz, but she gives great advice. This time I’m on my own.
~o0o~
I’ve spent a better part of the day drumming my fingers on my desk watching the clock. I can’t concentrate. I hate meetings like the one I know I’m walking into.
By four o’clock I have butterflies in my stomach, excited and equally petrified to see Ben. He was playful in his texts this morning; hopefully he’s kept that good mood and I’m worrying myself over nothing.
At four-thirty on the dot, Ben walks through the office door. He stops in front of my desk and smiles, that panty-creamer smile that highlights his heart-stopping dimples. Lord have mercy, he’s wearing his glasses. I inhale his Benessence and my body quivers. Between the pheromones he’s churning out, which I’m apparently addicted to, the scent of his cologne, and his glasses, it makes it virtually impossible to concentrate around him. Sometimes I wish he could turn down the Martin charm a few notches, especially here.
“Miss Conti, good to see you again,” he says, extending his hand out to mine.
I nod slightly. “Professor Martin. Nice to see you.” I extend my hand and shake his. I feel an instant spark, that current of electricity I always feel when we touch.