by Lisa Ireland
He took a seat on a faded blue vinyl chair that was placed beside a small round dining table, and looked around the room. It was fairly standard for a country motel. He’d stayed in plenty of similar places on his auction trips. The worn beige carpet was fairly standard, as were the floral curtains. The room was, however, quite large. There was a queen-sized bed and a small couch as well as the table where they were seated. There were two closed doors to his left. One would be the bathroom and the other appeared to be another bedroom. Lucy had the family suite. He wondered if she was travelling alone. Perhaps her mother or one of her sisters was travelling with her. For some reason this thought increased his nervousness. What had Lucy told her family about him?
‘Can I get you a tea or coffee?’ she asked.
He glanced at the ancient kettle sitting on the brown bench top next to the TV. ‘No thanks. I’m fine.’
‘A cold drink perhaps? There’s Coke in the mini fridge, I think.’
He shook his head. ‘Lucy, I don’t mean to be abrupt, but your message said you wanted to see me urgently. Is there something you wanted to talk about?’
She rubbed her temples briefly and then stood up. ‘This is hard Mitch. I hope you don’t mind but I might just make myself that cup of tea. You know, settle the nerves a little.’ She smiled nervously and then took the kettle to the bathroom to fill it. Soon the sound of boiling water filled the room, making conversation difficult. When the kettle finally clicked off the room was awkwardly silent. Lucy stood with her back to him, jiggling the tea bag, opening and adding two little plastic tubs of UHT milk then ripping open a stick of sugar and stirring it in. Finally, she brought the cup of tea back to the table and sat beside him.
‘I want to talk to you about what happened when we broke up,’ she said. Her hand shook as she picked up the cup to sip. Milky liquid sloshed onto the saucer.
Mitch decided this was a time for kindness. ‘I’m glad you came, Luce. Obviously meeting like this after … well, after what happened between us is awkward, but I want you to know I’m not angry about how we parted. Not anymore. I was at first, of course, and it took me some time to move on from it all. But I have moved on.’
Her eyes darted to his left hand. ‘Are you …?’
‘Married? No. But there is someone else. We’re just starting out, but it’s serious.’
She looked away then and the silence returned.
‘What about you?’ Mitch asked. ‘Is there someone in your life?’
A thin, hollow-sounding laugh escaped her lips. ‘You could say that.’ Her gaze dropped to her feet and her face visibly paled.
He’d obviously hit a sore point and he wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing.
Eventually she looked up. ‘There was someone, but he’s gone now, which is why I’m here.’
Crap. She wanted him back? Mitch’s heart began to pound. Why the hell hadn’t he considered that possibility? It seemed so obvious. Why else would she travel halfway across the world to see him? He’d stupidly imagined she was here to beg for her forgiveness, and he’s been rehearsing a magnanimous speech in his head. What an idiot. As if she’d fly out here just to say, ‘I’m sorry I ran away. I’m sorry I didn’t keep the baby. Can you forgive me?’
‘Lucy,’ he said gently, ‘a lot of time has passed since we were together. I loved you very much once. It took me a long time to get over you, but I am over you. I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on.’
She nodded. ‘I get that, really I do. But this isn’t just about you and me.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I think it might be easier if I just showed you.’ She stood and beckoned for him to follow her as she walked towards the closed door next to the bathroom.
Mitch followed, utterly confused about what was going on.
Lucy carefully turned the door handle and slowly pushed open the door. She put a finger to her lips and nodded for him to enter. For a moment he wasn’t sure what he was looking at. Then he noticed the travel cot jammed between the double bed and the wardrobe. He glanced back at Lucy, who simply nodded. Mitch moved forward as if in a dream, stopping about a metre away from the cot. He took a deep breath and peered in. An angelic-looking baby—it was hard to tell whether it was a boy or a girl—lay sleeping under a white blanket embroidered with yellow ducks.
‘Mitch, this is Oliver. He’s your son.’
Chapter 15
‘Mmm, mmm. I don’t know how you do it, Bea. This lamb shank soup is positively orgasmic,’ Em said.
Bea laughed. ‘Thanks, I think. It’s Nanna Elliot’s recipe, so I don’t really think about it in terms of sexual pleasure. Nanna would have had a coronary if she’d heard it described that way. I know what you mean though. It is yummy. I remember her visiting on weekends after Mum died. She’d catch the train down from Warrnambool and cook for us all weekend. This soup was always on the menu and I loved it.’
‘Speaking of orgasms …’
Bea raised her eyebrows. ‘God, Em, only you could turn a discussion about wholesome soup dirty.’
‘There’s nothing unwholesome about good sex, my friend. I hope you are finding that out.’
Bea felt herself blushing. ‘A lady never tells.’
‘Oh rubbish! And anyway, since when were you a lady? No more excuses my friend. I’m hydrated, you’ve given me the tour of this delightful house and we’ve eaten. You can’t stall any longer. I want all the juicy details about you and the cowboy and I want them now.’
‘Okay, okay. Why don’t we get cosy in the living room, then? I’ll light the fire, while you make us a cup of tea and we can get settled in for the afternoon.’
Em grinned. ‘Sounds perfect to me. I’ll pop the kettle on and then go get my slippers. If we’re in for a big chat fest, I might as well be comfy.’
Minutes later they were snuggled up on Bea’s cushy couch in their PJs. Em had insisted. Bea even had her woolly bed socks on. She drew her legs up onto the seat and pulled the soft mohair rug from behind her to cover her knees. ‘There’s a rug behind you, too, if you need it, Em,’ she said. ‘The fire will take a little while to really get going.’
‘Thanks,’ Em said and she mirrored Bea’s position on the couch. ‘So spill, please. What the heck is going on here with you and the farmer?’
A bubble of happiness rose up in Bea. She was almost too afraid to tell Em how wonderful her life was right now lest she jinx herself. But being evasive with her best friend was not an option. Em would nag until she got the information she wanted. ‘Oh Em, he’s amazing. I think I’m in love. Seriously in love. I almost feel like it’s simply too good to be true, that I’m dreaming or imagining things.’
Em nudged Bea’s foot with her toe. ‘That’s enough of that. You, my friend, deserve happiness more than anyone else I know. So how did this happen? I mean, I know all the bits leading up to the big night of s-e-x, but I don’t know how you went from fancying each other to jumping into the sack. In fact, I can’t believe you actually did it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled for you that you did, but before you left Melbourne you were talking like you’d never have sex again.’
Bea shrugged. ‘I don’t know really. There’s something about him—you’ll see when you meet him tomorrow. He just makes me feel so safe, so secure. I trust him completely.’
‘He sounds like one in a million. Were you nervous? You know, about …’ Em’s hands rested on her breasts.
‘Yeah, of course I was. I was terrified that he’d be repulsed. But he wasn’t. Not at all. We talked about it beforehand and I was completely honest, so he was prepared, well, as prepared as he could be. It did kind of happen out of the blue one night. We’d both been drinking—a lot—and so I guess that helped settle the nerves. For both of us.’
‘Bea, stop me if this is uncomfortable or inappropriate but …’
‘What? Em, we’ve been through so much together and no one has been there for me the way you have. You can ask me anything.’
‘Well, like I said, I was nervous at first, worried that Mitch wouldn’t be turned on once he saw my naked chest, but that didn’t turn out to be a problem at all. And as for the actual sex, it was …’ Bea felt herself blushing. She and Em had always discussed their sex lives. They asked each other questions and told each other things that neither would disclose to another soul in the world, but suddenly she felt shy. ‘It was good, actually. I’ve discovered erogenous zones I didn’t know I had.’
‘Oooh, do tell!’
Bea buried her face in her hand and giggled. ‘I feel weird telling you this.’
Em became serious for a moment. ‘You know you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.’
Bea laughed. ‘I’m just worried you’ll think I’m a weirdo.’
‘The ship’s already sailed on that one, I’m afraid.’
Bea reached behind her for a cushion and proceeded to toss it at Em’s head. ‘Takes one to know one.’
Em laughed. ‘You might be right about that. So where are these mysterious erogenous zones that I know nothing about?’
‘Turns out my collarbone area is quite sensitive now, and the base of my throat. I’m telling you, Em he started kissing me there and before I knew I was …’
‘Ready for action?’ Em offered helpfully.
‘More than that.’
Em’s eyes widened. ‘He made you climax by kissing your neck?’
‘Almost. See? I told you it was weird.’
Em smiled and shook her head. ‘Not weird at all. Just different. I take it that never happened with Jason?’
Bea shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Do you think it’s the changes in your body, or is Mitch just a supersonic lover?’
Bea couldn’t keep her smile to herself. ‘I think it might be a little of both.’
‘Well, I’m glad for you. At least one of us has a decent love life.’
‘Oh honey, what happened to Jeremy?
‘Jeremy turned out to be a jerk with a capital J.’
‘I think we might need chocolate for this one,’ Bea said as she rose from the couch. ‘You stay there while I go get some. It’s definitely time to crack open the emergency stash of Lindt.’
* * *
‘Jesus Christ, Lucy. You can’t just spring this on me like this. I mean, how did this happen?’ Mitch paced the length of the motel unit and then swung around to face her again. ‘How could you have kept this from me?’
‘Keep your voice down. You’ll wake him.’
He shook his head, but lowered his voice all the same. ‘I just don’t understand. It wasn’t like you didn’t know how to find me. I’ve been in the same place all along. Same address, same phone number, same fucking email address, even.’
She winced at his swearing and her eyes began to water, but no answers came.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sworn at you. I just don’t know how to deal with this.’
‘Please come and sit down so I can explain what happened.’
Reluctantly Mitch took a seat on the faded floral couch. Lucy seemed unsure of where to place herself. Eventually she dragged one of the chairs closer to him and sat down.
‘Before you say anything else, I want you to know I understand what I did was wrong and I’m sorry.’
He shook his head in disbelief. His mind was having difficulty making sense of this bizarre situation. ‘Well? I’m waiting.’
‘Obviously, I changed my mind about the abortion.’
‘Obviously.’
‘Mitch please, just let me get this out and then you can do your worst.’
He raised his eyebrows but said no more.
‘It wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be. When I went to the clinic in Sydney, I had to have a blood test and an examination. It turned out I was a little further along than I first thought, but I was still at the stage where the clinic was happy to book me in. I had to talk to a counsellor so they were satisfied I was really sure. I was positive, so they made an appointment for me later that week.
‘The following day I had a terrible pain in my side and I started to bleed. I have to admit I was actually kind of happy because I thought I was having a miscarriage. I figured that would be better than having to go through with the procedure. At first I just stayed in my hotel room, but the pain got really bad and I ended up in the hospital emergency room.’
Mitch’s anger softened just a touch. ‘That must have been really frightening. I wish you had let me stay with you in Sydney. I told you I would support you. I was happy about the pregnancy, Lucy, but that didn’t mean I would force you to do something you weren’t ready for. It was always your choice.’
‘Well, you know, Mitch, at the time it didn’t feel like that. I didn’t want you around me. It was hard enough making that decision without you there looking like your heart would break in two every time I mentioned not keeping the baby.’
‘So it wasn’t a miscarriage then?’
She shook her head. ‘It turned out to be an ovarian cyst that had burst. Not really such a big deal.’
‘But the cyst prevented you from having the … procedure.’ He just couldn’t bring himself to say the word abortion. Not when he’d just clapped eyes on that beautiful little boy in the next room.
‘No. There was no medical reason I couldn’t have it done. But …’ her voice became soft and husky and her hands clenched into tight fists, ‘… I had to have an ultrasound and once I heard Ollie’s little heartbeat and I saw his image on the screen. I just couldn’t.’ A single tear slid down her cheek.
One time he would have reached out to touch her. To comfort her. But not today. ‘I can understand that, but why didn’t you tell me? You knew I wanted to be with you and that I wanted to have kids. Why the hell didn’t you call me?’
She wiped away the tear with her sleeve and looked him in the eye. ‘I didn’t want to be with you. I’m sorry Mitch, but once I realised I was pregnant it all became crystal clear to me. What we had was fun, but it wasn’t love. Not for me anyway. I knew if I told you about the baby you’d try to talk me into staying. I couldn’t bear to go back to Dulili. I know you love it but I can’t breathe in that tiny town. The second I pass the town population sign I feel the air being sucked right out of me. Everyone looking at me, knowing every little thing. I just couldn’t bear it.’
‘We didn’t have to stay in Dulili. I would have followed you anywhere.’
The defiance in her eyes softened. ‘I know this might be hard to understand but being pregnant made me realise that while I cared about you a lot, you weren’t The One.’
He nodded slowly. At the time he would have disagreed, but now he knew Lucy was right. They weren’t each other’s soul mate. He knew this because his soul mate, the love of his life, was back in Dulili, blissfully unaware of what was taking place in this bland motel room. ‘So where have you been all this time?’
‘I know it was wrong and I know it was selfish, but I didn’t want my baby born here in Australia. I wanted him to be born back home. I went back to my family in London.’
‘Why did you come back? Why now?’
She sighed. ‘Ollie’s getting bigger. The older he gets the more of you I can see in him. He’s got your eyes and your chin. Even his expressions remind me of you. There’s a photo at your mum’s place of you on your first birthday. Now Ollie’s around the same age he looks almost identical to the way you did.’
Mitch could not find the words to express how he was feeling. He couldn’t put a name to the emotion causing his chest to burn. ‘How old is Ollie?’ The name sounded strange on his lips. Ollie. Oliver Mitchell. Was that his full name?
‘He’s thirteen months. I can’t believe how the time has flown. He’s crawling and pulling himself up on furniture. It won’t be long before he walks. He’s talking a little bit too.’
Mitch swallowed
down the lump in his throat. How could Lucy have done this to him? He had a son, a beautiful little boy, and he’d already missed out on so much.
‘You didn’t answer my question. Why are you here now?’
‘I realised how much you were missing out on and that made me feel ashamed. And I want Ollie to know his dad. The older he gets the more I realise my life isn’t about me anymore. It’s about what’s best for Ollie.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I want you in our lives, Mitch.’
Before Mitch had a chance to ask her exactly what she meant by that, a piercing cry cut into their conversation. Lucy jumped up and rushed to the bedroom. ‘It’s okay, baby,’ he heard her say. ‘Mummy’s here.’ The crying stopped and was replaced by the Ollie’s little voice saying ‘Mama’ mixed in with a jumble of other incomprehensible sounds. Lucy’s voice made soft soothing sounds as she interacted with him.
Mitch was rooted to the spot, his heart pounding furiously. In mere moments he was going to meet his son. It seemed surreal. For many years he’d dreamed of a family, but not like this. He fought an urge to run while he still could, before he’d met the little bloke’s eyes. Two hours ago his life was pretty much perfect and now … well, now he didn’t know what it was. But he wasn’t a shirker. Ollie was his child and no matter what else happened he would live up to his responsibilities.
Lucy stood in the doorway with the baby on her hip. He wasn’t looking at Mitch yet; he had his head buried in his mother’s neck. ‘Here he is,’ Lucy said in a singsong voice. ‘Mitch, this is Ollie. Ollie this is your daddy.’
The child slowly turned his head to look at him. Lucy was right. He could see the family resemblance right away. He stood up and walked toward them. ‘Hello, Ollie,’ he said, his own voice sounding foreign to him.
The child ducked his head again, and Mitch shrugged his shoulders at Lucy.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘He’s going through a bit of a clingy stage. He’ll be better when he wakes up properly. Once he gets to know you better he won’t leave you alone.’
Mitch went back to the couch as Lucy put the baby on the floor with a few toys. Suddenly Mitch saw the motel room through different eyes. This was no place for a baby. The carpet was old and didn’t look like it had been thoroughly cleaned in years. Ollie was crawling around on it then putting his fingers in his mouth. It wasn’t on.