by Lisa Ireland
‘Bea!’ Mitch and Em called in unison and she heard their footsteps on the gravel path behind her. But she couldn’t look back. She ran as fast as she could but Mitch was faster and stronger. She hadn’t made it to the end of the driveway before he caught up and grabbed her arm.
‘Bea, wait.’
‘Let me go,’ she said, yanking her arm away.
‘It’s not what it looks like.’
‘It isn’t? So that isn’t your ex-girlfriend standing inside your house in her pyjamas?’
‘No, well, yes it is, but there’s nothing going on here. Not like you think.’
‘All right then, explain it to me. How is it that she happens to be here? And how come you never mentioned that she was coming?’
‘I didn’t know she was coming. You have to believe me. She just turned up yesterday.’
‘On a day when you knew I would be busy and unlikely to be in touch. That’s very convenient, don’t you think?’ Bea heard Em panting behind her. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Her whole world was disintegrating yet again. What was wrong with her that she chose such dishonest bastards to fall in love with?
‘Bea, please. I can explain this. There is a very rational explanation for the whole scenario. I just need you to sit down calmly with me for a few minutes and I’ll explain the whole thing.’
‘Not now, Mitch. Not with her standing in the doorway staring at me like I’m some sort of freak.’ She swallowed a sob. ‘I’m too damn angry to think straight anyway.’ She turned to Em. ‘Come on. We’re leaving.’
Em nodded before shooting Mitch a withering look. She grabbed Bea’s hand and they began to walk.
‘When?’ he called at her retreating back.
Bea turned her head without breaking her stride. ‘I don’t know.’
Chapter 17
‘You did that on purpose,’ Mitch said as he slammed the front door shut.
Ollie’s eyes widened in surprise and his bottom lip trembled, before he let out a howl. Lucy shot Mitch a furious look. ‘Now look what you’ve done.’ She jiggled Ollie up and down. ‘It’s all right sweetheart. Silly door go bang, that’s all. Everything’s okay.’ When the crying stopped she put him back on the floor with some toys. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. What did I do on purpose?’
‘Came outside while Bea was there, before I’d had the chance to explain the situation to her. You knew who she was and you knew your appearance would cause trouble.’
‘For heaven’s sake Mitch, don’t be so melodramatic. We’re not teenagers. I had no idea she was there. I was simply looking for you. In any case, there’s nothing stopping you from going down there right now and explaining yourself.’
His shoulders slumped. Maybe she’d done it on purpose and maybe she hadn’t, but Lucy was right about one thing—Bea needed an explanation. Right now a bit of breathing space might be best. Give her time to calm down. He didn’t really know what he would say to her anyway. Obviously he would tell her the truth about Ollie being his son but beyond that he didn’t know what the future held.
He wasn’t sure exactly where this was all heading. Last night he and Lucy had talked for hours but hadn’t reached a satisfactory solution. He wanted to be in Ollie’s life and Lucy wanted that too, but they couldn’t agree on how to make that happen. Lucy seemed to think it would be best if they stuck together, made themselves into a family unit. Of course from his perspective that wasn’t going to happen. He’d argued that they didn’t love each other and that fact alone should be enough to stamp out the idea as an option. Surely such an arrangement wouldn’t be good for Ollie. He’d also pointed out that she refused to live in Dulili and he couldn’t see how he could leave here permanently. His parents needed him. She argued that things were different now they had Ollie to think about. They would both have to make sacrifices. Maybe she could stomach living here for a short time if she knew it wasn’t forever. Mitch began to suspect her willingness to make this ‘sacrifice’ was mainly because she didn’t seem to have any money. Apparently her boyfriend leaving had put her in a financially precarious position. She had her mum and her sisters but it seemed none of them were in a position to take her and Ollie on.
Despite talking for ages they were no closer to a solution. Mitch wanted to help but he didn’t want to live with Lucy again. They’d gone round and round for hours before the need for sleep overwhelmed them both. Right now they were at a stalemate.
* * *
Bea heard her bedroom door open and footsteps softly padding towards her. When she felt Em’s weight on the bed she removed the wet facecloth from her eyes and sat up.
Em sat a tray down on the bed. ‘I brought you a cup of tea and a sandwich. I thought you might be hungry,’ Em said.
‘Thanks. What time is it?’
‘Almost two.’
‘Oh Em, I’m so sorry. What a shocker of a day for you. I can’t believe we’re back here—me a huge mess and you picking up the pieces.’
‘Don’t be silly. What are best friends for? Besides you’ve done the same for me plenty of times.’
‘A few times maybe, but you don’t seem to mess up your life quite as frequently or as spectacularly as I do.’
‘You haven’t messed anything up. Whatever’s going on, it’s not your fault.’
Bea reached over and picked up a mug of tea from the tray. ‘Isn’t it? I was so stupid, Em. Before I came here I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with anyone. All I wanted was to make a go of things on my own. To prove myself and to everyone else that I’m not a monumental screw-up, you know? But I didn’t even last three months on my own. I’ve had to get the town’s help so my business didn’t go belly up and I recklessly threw myself into a relationship with a man I clearly know nothing about. I’m pathetic.’
‘Stop it, Bea. To start with, the town is supporting you because they believe in you. That’s because of everything you bring to the project. You’ve done an amazing job with this B&B and it is going to be a huge success because of you. As for Mitch, well, we don’t really know what’s going on there. I agree things looked bad this morning, but you need to give him a chance to explain. He says he has a reasonable explanation and maybe that’s true. Perhaps you should listen to his side of the story before you get too distressed.’
Bea nodded. ‘I will give him a chance to explain. But after everything I’ve been through with Jason, it’s not hard to see that my judgement with men is way off.’ She put her mug of tea on the bedside table. ‘You saw what I saw right? She had a baby on her hip.’
‘Doesn’t mean it’s his baby.’
‘I’ve been thinking about it for hours. The timing is right. That baby’s at least a year old. They broke up eighteen months ago. You do the maths.’
‘Don’t jump to conclusions. Maybe she had an affair. And anyway, why does it matter if he’s got a baby?’
‘Because he never told me about it. Don’t you think that’s something worth mentioning to the person you are in a relationship with?’
Em blew out a sigh. ‘I guess. But let’s wait and see what he has to say before you decide that he’s a total arse. For all we know she just turned up on his doorstep and the baby isn’t even his.’
Bea sighed. ‘If that’s the case, why didn’t he call me to tell me that last night? All those unanswered calls and texts. He was clearly avoiding me.’ She felt the tears welling again. ‘You know, she was the one who left him. He was crazy in love with her. He told me so. And did you see her? She’s gorgeous and …’ Her voice had an edge of hysteria now, and she knew what she was about to say crossed the line, but she couldn’t stop. ‘Did you see those gigantic tits of hers?’ She flattened her hands against her chest. ‘I mean how on earth could he be attracted to me when he has a beautiful full-breasted woman right under his nose?’ She broke down again and began to sob.
Em scooted up the bed and took her in her arms. ‘Whatever this is about, I’m sure it’s not about your breasts.’
Bea abandoned herself to grief, each sob shaking her body like a physical blow. ‘How do you know?’
‘Oh Bea, you’re so beautiful. You’re smart and funny and warm and kind. What man wouldn’t want those things? Besides, Mitch knew about your body before he slept with you. If it was an issue for him you would have known about it before now. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I’m sure that whatever is happening is nothing to do with your appearance.’
Bea didn’t answer for a while. Instead she took a few tissues from the box beside her bed and blew her nose, then grabbed the cold compress and applied it to her burning eyes. Maybe Em was right, maybe she wasn’t, but she was done crying for now. She peeled the cloth off her face and looked at Em.
‘You know, I don’t want to think about this anymore today. I’m going to have a shower and get changed. Then I’ll drive us into town and show you around. We can go to the coffee shop—they make delicious cupcakes—and when we’re done exploring Dulili we’ll come back here and have our special dinner just as we planned, sans Mitch. I’m not wasting one more minute of your holiday moping around.’
‘Sounds like a plan to me. Who can say no to cupcakes? I’ll just take this tray back to the kitchen and clean up a bit, while you freshen up.’ As Em stood up they heard a loud knock on the back door.
‘Oh god, that’ll be him.’ Bea froze. Half of her wanted to jump up and run to him so she could be told this was all a silly mistake, and the other half wanted to pull her head under the covers and get Em to shoo him away.
The knocking came again. This time it was more insistent.
‘He doesn’t have a key?’ Em asked.
‘Yeah, he does. The door’s not locked in any case. He obviously thinks he needs to tread carefully. A sign of guilt maybe?’
Em headed to the bedroom door. ‘Maybe he’s just trying to be respectful of your space.’
Bea had her doubts. ‘Maybe.’
‘Should I let him in?’
Bea sucked in a big breath and tried to steady her galloping heartbeat. Was this the end for them? If it was it was, better to know now. She nodded. ‘Yeah. Let him in. I’ll be out in a second.’
Em left and moments later Bea heard voices in the kitchen. Mitch’s voice mingled with Em’s. She couldn’t hear what they were saying. She looked in the mirror at her puffy red eyes. This was bullshit. She’d come to Dulili to recover, to stop feeling like this, and now she was back at square one. No matter what Mitch said, this thing ended today. She simply couldn’t take any more heartache.
After a few more deep breaths she summoned the courage to leave her bedroom and listen to what Mitch had to say. He and Em sat at the kitchen table, an awkward silence between them. He looked up at her and she could see the raw pain in his eyes. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’m here. Start explaining.’
Em jumped up. ‘I might leave you two to it,’ she said. ‘I’ve got some reading to do. I’ll be in my room if you need me, Bea.’
Mitch stood up and moved towards her. He moved as if to put his arms around her, but she swivelled around and walked towards the living room. ‘Come in here,’ she said. ‘If we’re going to do this, we might as well be comfortable.’
Before they could sit, Rosie’s unmistakable bark came from outside. ‘Damn it,’ Mitch said. ‘She must have done a runner on Mum.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Lucy doesn’t want her near the baby, so Mum’s looking after her for a few days.’
‘So Lucy’s staying for a few days then?’
‘Honestly? I don’t know.’
Rosie began to whine and scratch at the door.
‘For God’s sake Mitch, let her in. I might not be happy with you but I’ve got no beef with Rosie.’
As soon as the back door was open Rosie bounded in and found her way to Bea. She sat in front of the armchair where Bea had plonked herself and dropped her head in Bea’s lap. Bea stroked her ears. ‘It’s okay, Rosie. You’re here now.’ Rosie let out her happy dog sigh and curled herself into a ball at Bea’s feet.
Mitch closed the door to the hallway, presumably to ensure complete privacy, and then perched on the edge of the couch. ‘I’m so sorry, Bea.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to hear your apology. I want to hear your explanation.’
Mitch nodded. ‘Fair enough. I’m not sure where to start, really.’
‘You can start by telling me why you are shacked up with your ex-fiancée and explain to me how come you never mentioned to me that she was coming for a little holiday, or whatever the hell it is.’ She could hear the venom in her voice and she knew that it stemmed as much from jealousy as it did from anger.
‘She just turned up. I had no idea she was coming. After I left you yesterday I got a text message from her to say she was in Orange and needed to see me urgently.’
‘And of course you dropped everything and went running to her. It’s okay Mitch, really. You can admit it if you’re still in love with her.’
‘What? Where the hell did you get an idea like that?’
‘You’ve told me how you felt about her and how heartbroken you were when she left. Now she’s here and sleeping in your house. What do you expect me to think?’
Mitch’s shoulders slumped. ‘Okay. I can see where you’re coming from, but honestly, it’s not like that at all.’
‘Then why all the secrecy?’
‘When I got the text I had no idea what she wanted. You’d already headed off to the airport so I decided to go see her. I thought I’d go sort it all out before you and Em got back. You were so excited. I didn’t want to spoil your day with drama from my past. I didn’t think it would take long to deal with. I had every intention of telling her to leave me alone.’
‘But?’
‘That was before I saw Ollie.’
Bea felt her heart plummet to the pit of her stomach. ‘The baby?’
He nodded. ‘Ollie is my son.’
She’d suspected as much but somehow hearing his admission came as a shock. Bea fought to keep her voice low and calm. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a child?’
‘I had no idea myself until yesterday.’
‘How is that possible?’
Mitch buried his head in his hands for a moment before looking back at her. ‘I haven’t told you the full story about my break-up with Lucy. Just before she left here Lucy discovered she was pregnant. She was distraught. She didn’t want to keep the baby. I did. We talked about it a lot. She said that she felt trapped in Dulili and that having a baby would only make that worse. I suggested moving from here as a way to try to make her happy. In the end she agreed to keep the baby on the proviso that we moved to one of the capital cities. I thought the problem was solved. But I was wrong. You know the rest of the story. She left while I was away at an auction.’
‘But you knew she was pregnant, so how can you claim you didn’t know about your son?’
‘When I came back to find her gone I discovered a note. She told me she couldn’t go through with our plan and was heading Sydney to have a termination. She told me she felt pressured by me and she didn’t want to see me again. I ignored the note and followed her to Sydney. It wasn’t too hard to track her down. I wanted to tell her that I would support her no matter what her decision but she totally flipped out when she saw me. She told me I was too late, that she’d already “taken care of the baby”, as she put it, and was going back to England. She begged me to leave her alone. That was the last time I saw her.’
Bea knew from the pain in his eyes that he was telling the truth. It hurt that he hadn’t entrusted her with this story until he was forced to, especially after all she’d shared with him. ‘Why didn’t you tell me all this before?’ she asked, her voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew from the outset that you couldn’t have children, and more than that, that you were okay with never having kids. I thought if I’d told you about Lucy’s
pregnancy and how badly I wanted her to keep the baby, you’d think I couldn’t be happy with you. But that’s not true, Bea. You are more than enough. You’re my everything.’
As much as she wanted to believe this, and as much as she knew Mitch thought it was true, it simply wasn’t. ‘So you’d give up ever seeing Ollie again to be with me?’
His eyes widened with shock. ‘Well, no, but I don’t have to. Lucy and I have been talking all morning about how we can make this work. We don’t love each other. She’s only here because of Ollie. She thinks we should be together for his sake, but I’ve told her that can never happen. She disagrees but I think she’s accepted that I’m not going to change my mind. We’re going to try to work out a way that I can be part of Ollie’s life.’
If there had been any doubt in her mind before, now there was none. What she’d had with Mitch had been wonderful. He’d made her feel whole again. But now it was over. ‘Mitch,’ she said gently. ‘I would never ask you to give up your child for me. Of course, I wouldn’t. My point is that I am not enough for you. How can I be? Family is so important to you. Having a child, an heir to inherit Warialda, is something you’ve longed for. I know that. I know you’ve tried to keep that part of yourself hidden from me, but it’s so ingrained it slips out in ways you’re not even aware of. Besides, as you well know, this is a small town. People talk. Most people don’t know about my medical situation. Do you know how many people have stopped me in the street to say how happy they are that you and I are together? The old folks are not backwards in coming forward about how it will be nice if it works out between us so you can have the family you’ve always wanted.’
His face turned beet red. ‘Bea, I’m so sorry. I had no idea …’
She smiled. ‘It’s okay. I’ve been so happy that for the most part I haven’t let it bother me. I kept telling myself that it was too early to worry about stuff like that and we could address the problem when the time came. Turns out the time’s come earlier than I expected.’