As the truck rattled away from her house, she couldn’t hold back any longer.
The mug of tea Will had made for her sat untouched on the bedside table, and the tears streamed down her face.
She should have known.
She should have known this was a terrible mistake. Should have known Will Carruthers would break her heart.
Her sobs grew louder and she pulled a pillow against her mouth to muffle them, but nothing could diminish the storm inside her.
She loved Will. Loved him, loved him, loved him, loved him.
She’d always loved Will, and she’d wrecked her whole life by getting involved with his brother in a bid to make him jealous. She felt so guilty about that. And even now her memories of her mistakes cast a shadow over what had happened tonight.
Almost two weeks later, Lucy bought a packet of liquorice allsorts.
It was an impulse purchase in the middle of her weekly shopping. She saw the sweets, felt the urge to buy them and tossed them into her supermarket trolley. It wasn’t until she was unpacking her groceries at home that she realised what she’d done and what it meant.
She only ever had the urge to eat sweets on the day before her period was due.
Which meant…
No.
No, no, no.
This didn’t mean she wasn’t pregnant, surely?
She’d been tense all week, alert to the tiniest signs in her body. But she hadn’t noticed any of the well-known symptoms. No unusual tiredness. No breast tenderness. And now—she was having pre-menstrual cravings!
She couldn’t bear it if her period came. She so wanted to be pregnant.
Just this week she’d delivered five Dachshund puppies and two purebred Persian kittens and each time she’d handled a gorgeous newborn she’d imagined her own little baby already forming inside her.
Heavens, she’d imagined her entire pregnancy in vivid detail. She’d even pictured the baby’s birth and Will’s excitement. She’d pictured bringing the little one home, watching it grow until it was old enough to play with Gina and Tom’s twins. She’d almost gone into Willowbank’s one and only baby store and bought a tiny set of clothes.
She had to be pregnant.
But now, on a rainy Friday night, she sat curled in a lounge chair with the bag of liquorice in her lap, aware of a telltale ache in her lower abdomen.
She was trying to stay positive. And failing miserably.
She’d had so much hope pinned on this one chance. She couldn’t risk another night in bed with Will, couldn’t go through another round of heartache. She really, really needed that one night to have been successful.
Time dragged for Will.
November, however, was a hectic month on a New South Wales sheep farm so, even though he couldn’t stop thinking about Lucy, he found plenty of ways to keep busy.
Now that the shearing was over, all the sheep had to be dipped and drenched, prior to the long, hot summer. It was time to wean lambs and to purchase rams for next year’s joining. To top it off, it was also haymaking time.
Will found himself slipping back into the world of his childhood with surprising ease.
In his wide-ranging travels, he’d seen breathtaking natural beauty and sights that were truly stranger than fiction, but it was only here at home that he felt a soul-deep connection to the land.
He supposed it flowed in his blood as certainly as his DNA. He’d always been secretly proud of the fact that his great great-grandfather, another William Carruthers, had bought this land in the nineteenth century.
William had camped here at first and then lived in the shearers’ quarters, before finally acquiring sufficient funds to build a substantial homestead for his bride.
Will found himself thinking more and more often about Josh, too. His brother had been the family member everyone had expected to work this land as their father’s right hand man. The man who had won Lucy’s heart.
He remembered the fateful morning Josh had woken him early, proclaiming that this was the day he was going to fly the plane he’d worked on for so long.
It had been too soon. Will had known that the final checks hadn’t been made by the inspector from the aero club, but Josh had been insistent.
‘I’m not waiting around for that old codger. I’ve put in all the work on this girl. I know she’s fine. This is the day, Will. It’s a perfect morning for a first flight. I can feel it.’
Will had gone with great reluctance, mainly to make sure Josh didn’t do anything really stupid. As they drove through the creamy dawn towards the Willowbank airfield, he’d conscientiously reread all the flying manuals, anxious to understand all the necessary safety checks.
‘I still don’t think you should be doing this,’ he’d said again when they’d arrived at the hangar.
‘Give it a miss, little brother,’ Josh had responded angrily. ‘Just accept that we’re different. I’m my own man. I go after what I want and I make sure that I get it.’
‘Is that how you scored Lucy McKenty?’ Will hadn’t been able to hold back the question that had plagued him ever since he’d arrived home.
Josh laughed. ‘Of course. What did you expect? In case you haven’t noticed, Lucy’s the best looking girl in the district. I wasn’t going to leave her sitting on the shelf.’
‘She’s not another of your damn trophies.’
‘For God’s sake, Will, you’re not going to be precious, are you?’
An unreasonable anger had swirled through Will. His hands had fisted, wanting to smash the annoying smirk on his brother’s handsome face. ‘You’d better make bloody sure you look after her.’
‘Don’t worry.’ Josh laughed. ‘I’ve already done that.’ He was still laughing as he climbed into the pilot’s seat. ‘Now, you sit over there and stay quiet, little brother, while I take this little beauty for her test flight.’
Once more, Will had tried to stop him. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this. You only have to wait for one more inspection.’
Josh had ignored him and turned on the engine.
‘I’m not going to sit around here like your fan club,’ Will shouted above the engine’s roar. ‘If you’re going to break your bloody neck, you can do it by yourself.’
From the cockpit, Josh had yelled his last order. ‘Don’t you dare take the car.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll bloody walk back.’
They had been his parting words.
The plane had barely made it into the air before it had shuddered and begun to fall. Will had seen everything from the road.
So many times in the years that followed, he’d regretted his actions that morning.
He’d washed his hands of his brother, turned his back on him, but he should have stood up to Josh, should have found a way to stop him.
But then again, no one, not even their father had been able to stop Josh when he’d set his mind on a goal.
Lucy wouldn’t have stood a chance either.
The next morning, Lucy knew the worst.
She sent Will a text message.
Thanks for your help, but sorry, no luck. We’re not going to be parents. L x
She felt guilty about texting him rather than speaking to him, but she was afraid she’d start blubbing if she’d tried explain over the phone.
If Will’s parents were nearby when he took the call, it would be really awkward for him to have to deal with a crying female who wasn’t actually his girlfriend.
But it was a Saturday morning and she wasn’t working, so she wasn’t totally surprised when Will turned up on her doorstep within twenty minutes.
She hadn’t seen him in two weeks and when she opened her door and saw him standing there with his heart-throb smile and blue jeans sexiness she felt a sweet, shivery ache from her breastbone to her toes.
‘I guess you got my text,’ she said.
Will nodded. ‘I’m really sorry about your news, Lucy. It’s rotten luck.’
She quickly bit her lower lip to stop it from
trembling and, somehow, she refrained from flinging her arms around Will and sobbing all over him, even though it was exactly what she needed to do.
Instead she took two hasty steps back, tried for an offhand shrug. ‘I guess it wasn’t meant to happen.’
Will shook his head. ‘I can’t believe that.’
Her attempt to smile felt exceptionally shaky.
As they went through to the kitchen, she couldn’t help remembering the last time they had been here together on that night.
‘I should warn you, Will, I’m rather fragile this morning.’ Her hands fluttered in a gesture of helplessness. ‘Hormones and disappointment can be a messy combination.’
‘Maybe we were expecting too much, hoping it would all happen the first time.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe I should have more tests. I’m so scared that my eggs aren’t up to scratch.’
Before she knew quite what was happening, Will closed the gap between them. His arms were around her and she was clinging to him, snuffling against his clean cotton T-shirt and inhaling the scents of the outdoors that clung to his skin. Trying very, very hard not to cry.
His fingers gently played with her hair. ‘I’m sure your eggs are perfect. I bet they’re the healthiest, cutest little goose eggs ever.’
She muffled a sob against his chest.
‘We might have to be patient,’ he said.
‘Patient?’ She pulled away. ‘What do you mean?’
His eyes reflected bemusement. ‘In a couple of weeks we can try again, can’t we?’
No. No, they couldn’t. She couldn’t do this again. It had been a mistake.
‘No, Will.’ Lucy swallowed. ‘I’m afraid we can’t try again.’
Unhappily she slipped from the haven of his arms and turned away from the puzzled look in his eyes.
‘But surely you’re not ready to give up after just one try?’
‘Yes, I am. Perhaps nature knows best.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Perhaps friends shouldn’t try to be parents.’
‘Lucy, that’s not rational.’
‘I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but I couldn’t go through this again.’
Not with Will. It would be a huge mistake to sleep with him again. It was too painful, knowing that he was only being a friend to her, that he didn’t love her.
In the agonising stretch of silence he stood with his arms folded, frowning at a spot on the floor. Eventually, he said, ‘You’re disappointed right now. That’s understandable. But you’re sure to feel differently in another week or so.’
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, Will. I’m sorry. This isn’t a snap decision I made this morning. I’d already made up my mind last week. I decided I should give up on the whole idea of a baby if there was no pregnancy this month.’
‘But that doesn’t make sense.’
Tears threatened, but she kept her expression carefully calm. ‘It makes sense to me.’
If only she could explain her decision without confessing that she had always been in love with him. But that meant talking about Josh and she felt too fragile this morning to go there.
Perhaps it was better to never talk about it. If they stopped the friendship plan now, they could leave the past in the past, where it belonged.
Somehow she kept her voice steady. ‘It was a great idea in theory, but I’m afraid it’s not going to work, Will. I might take months to fall pregnant. Friends don’t keep having sex month after month, or possibly several times a month, trying to becoming parents.’
‘But I thought you really wanted to have a baby.’
‘Well, yes, I did want a baby. But—’ Oh, help. What could she tell him? ‘Maybe sex is different for guys,’ she finished lamely.
‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’
Lucy’s heart stuttered as she watched a dark stain ride up Will’s neck. Knotted veins stood out on the backs of his hands as he gripped the back of a kitchen chair.
Lucy knew she mustn’t cave in now. She should have recognised from the start that this convenient baby idea could never work. She should have known that her emotions would never survive the strain of making love to him when he’d only ever offered her friendship and a fly in, fly out version of fatherhood.
She should have heard the warning bells then. She’d been foolish to agree.
Even so, a huge part of her wanted to remain foolish. She longed to rush into Will’s arms again. She longed for him to kiss her, longed for a future where Will Carruthers figured in her life, no matter how remotely.
‘So,’ he said tightly, ‘you’re quite certain you want to ditch our arrangement?’
‘Yes, that’s what I want.’
His jaw clenched tightly and a muscle jerked just below his right cheekbone. For a moment he looked as if he wanted to say more, but then he frowned and shook his head.
‘Will, I do appreciate your—’
He silenced her with a raised hand. ‘Please, spare me your thanks. I know what this is all about. It’s OK.’ Already he was heading back down the hallway to her front door.
Puzzled by his sudden acceptance, but aching with regret, Lucy followed. On the doorstep, she said, ‘Gina’s invited me to the twins’ christening. I guess I’ll…see you there?’
‘Of course.’ He smiled wryly. ‘We’re the star godparents.’
It occurred to Lucy that this christening would be like the wedding—another gathering of their friends and families. Another ceremonial rite of passage. Another occasion when she and Will would be in close proximity. But she wondered if either of them could look forward to it.
The heaviness inside her plunged deeper as she watched Will swing into the truck. It was only as the driver’s door slammed shut that she remembered she hadn’t asked him about his job interview.
She ran down the path, calling to him, ‘Will, how was the interview in Armidale?’
His face was stony. ‘I didn’t end up going.’
Shocked, she clung to her rickety front gate. ‘Why not?’
‘When I really thought about working there, shut up in a building all day, preparing lectures, marking papers, talking to academics, I knew I wasn’t cut out for it.’
Before she could respond, he gunned the truck’s motor and sent it rattling and roaring to life. Without smiling, he raised his hand in a grim salute. Dust rose as he took off.
Miserably, Lucy watched him go.
Soon he would probably disappear completely, off to another remote outpost. Now, too late, she realised that she’d been secretly hoping he’d get that job in Armidale and stay close.
At least Will had been honest with himself. He was right—unfortunately—Armidale wouldn’t have suited him. Alaska or Africa were more his style. Anywhere—as long as it was a long, long way from Willowbank.
The christening was perfect—sweet babies in white baptismal gowns, white candles, a kindly vicar, photos and happy onlookers.
But it was an ordeal for Will.
Lucy was a constant distraction in a floaty dress of the palest dove grey, and Gina and Tom’s obvious pride in their beyond cute, well behaved babies was a poignant reminder of her recent disappointment.
Spring was at its best with clear blue skies and gentle sunshine, but Will felt like a man on a knife edge. He so regretted not being able to help Lucy to achieve her goal of motherhood.
He was deeply disappointed that she wasn’t prepared to have a second try. In fact, the depth of his disappointment surprised him. It was disturbing to know that she’d found the whole process too stressful.
Will reasoned that his relationship to Josh was the problem. He was too strong a reminder of the man she’d loved and lost. Why else had she looked so miserable when he’d tried to convince her to keep trying?
After the church service, the Carruthers family held a celebratory luncheon at Tambaroora. Long tables were covered in white cloths and set beneath pergolas heavy with fragrant wisteria. Everyone helped t
o carry the food from the kitchen—platters of seafood and roast meat, four different kinds of salads, mountains of crispy, homemade bread rolls.
Two white christening cakes were given pride of place and crystal flutes were filled with French champagne to wet the babies’ heads.
Will chatted with guests and helped with handing the drinks around and Lucy did the same but, apart from exchanging polite greetings, they managed to avoid conversing with each other.
It seemed necessary given the circumstances, as if they both feared that a conversation might give their strained relationship away.
Fortunately, no one else seemed to notice their tension. Everyone was too taken with the babies, or too eager to hear about Mattie and Jake’s honeymoon travels in Italy.
Gina’s father-in-law, Fred Hutchins, broke off an animated conversation with Lucy to catch Will as he passed.
‘Great to see you again,’ Fred said, shaking Will’s hand. ‘We old-timers have been following your exploits in Alaska and Africa and Mongolia. It all sounds so exciting.’
‘It’s been interesting,’ Will agreed, without meeting Lucy’s gaze.
‘Good for you. Why not enjoy an adventurous life while you can? I should have headed off myself when I was younger, but it just didn’t happen. I’m pleased you didn’t get bogged down here, Will. I suppose, in some ways, we look on you as the one who got away.’ Fred chuckled. ‘When are you heading off again?’
‘Pretty soon.’
Fred clapped Will on the shoulder. ‘Good for you, son. Don’t hang around here. It’s too easy to grow roots in a place like this.’
Will caught Lucy’s eye and saw the sad set of her mouth and the thinness of her smile. He wondered, as the laughter and chatter floated about them, if he was the only one who noticed the shadowy wistfulness in her eyes whenever she glanced in the direction of the babies.
Unlike the other women, Lucy hadn’t begged for a chance to cuddle little Mia or Jasper and Will’s heart ached for her.
When it was time for dessert, silver platters piled with dainty lemon meringue tarts appeared.
The Bridesmaid's Baby Page 10