by M. T. Ossler
I dream of the life we should have had together. The family we will never have together, sons and a daughter, two boys and one beautiful princess that looks just like her mommy. Bella is happy and lively and in love with our family and me. I see her gorgeous smile that lights up my world.
In another life, I suppose. In another lifetime.
At least I get to have her in my arms in my dreams every night that haunts me. The only place I’m ever really at peace and alive, and I don’t have the Reaper chasing down my ass.
It may be time to move on and deal with the real issues at hand and make peace with my life. That will probably never happen for me, I’ll always crave the one I can’t have and live in hell on earth until my last dying breath.
Chapter 4
Isabella
I’m totally whipped out from today and this past weekend. Saturday night was our Families annual summer kickoff party. I drank way too much, as of the usual since I turned 21. It’s the only thing that helps cover up the pain I’m constantly feeling in my heart. Dad had to send me home in the limo with Jules, Ces, and Gigi before the night was through before my excessive drinking got out of hand. Sunday, I stay in bed all day recouping from a massive hangover. Monday was Memorial Day, and we had the families here at our house for our annual barbecue. All day running around serving our guest and preparing food with mom was exhausting. Even the alcohol didn’t help push me along. It’s been a long few days for sure.
Mom made a special cake for Val, Romeo, Bash, and Lorenzo. They left early this morning for Italy on business with our cousins.
Jules, Ces and I have spent the whole day in the city walking around looking at retail space and apartments, with no luck on an apartment. We did, however, find a few retail spaces for our boutique that we have narrowed down to three different areas.
All in all, it wasn't an entirely wasted day. We shopped, ate good food, drank the best wine and walked around the city for miles.
It’s almost one and tomorrow is Wednesday. I have nothing planned except to sleep in till noon.
With Val, Romeo, Bash, and Lorenzo away on Famiglia business in Italy until next week no one should bother me. Dad doesn’t leave the house much anymore and mom rarely ever leaves either. Gigi is on summer break from school, so no one will bother me. She starts high school soon – teenager - so she never wakes up before one in the afternoon unless she has special plans with her friends.
Thankfully, the cleaning crew will leave me alone too in the morning.
Dad is expecting an update on today, but he’ll wait until lunch. Jules and Ces will be here around one, and we can show him the retail properties we’re considering. The realtor said we have until Friday to make our final decision if we want one of the best locations in the area.
The house is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It’s kind of eerie how quiet it is tonight with a number of people roaming around. The guards were in the guard house when Luigi brought me home an hour ago. Luigi is my personal bodyguard.
Vito, our head of security, was the only guard in the surveillance room when I arrived home surprisingly. Usually, there are five other men in that room with him that is off the kitchen on the main floor. I stop in the kitchen for a bottle of water on my way to my room for a shower before bed to say goodnight.
As I lay here in my pink silk baby doll short nightgown staring at the ceiling in the dark all I can do is think about Gio. I’m continently thinking about him. He’s consumed my every thought for years. I miss him so much my heart aches all the time and all the alcohol in the world can’t take that away.
Jules, Ces and I really should take a trip before we open our boutique. We could go to Disney World in Florida and find him. I know he’s not far maybe an hour or two at the most from there. Mom said he’s not far from the beach, maybe a trip to the beach would be better. To Daytona or saint Augustine or Amelia Island or Jacksonville could be in my future.
I have to find a way to get dad to loosen the reins a little bit. He’s even making Luigi and Ricco move with Jules, Ces and me to the city to keep an eye on us. Ricco is Jules personal bodyguard. Finding an available Penthouse apartment that’s perfect for the five of us is not easy I’ll tell you that. Jules, Ces and I are way too picky for our own good that’s for sure. Luigi and Ricco could care less what the place looks like, as long as they have their own rooms they’re good,
I know dad has a lot of enemies, but I need to live a little too. I am a soon to be 23-year-old woman and should be having some fun instead of living like a prisoner. I’ve never been to a night clubs dancing or even a strip club.
For my 21st birthday dad rented the top floor of a hotel for my friends and I. Sure, we had a shitload of alcohol, but we also had a dozen guards and my brothers around. It was fun even with them watching us like a hawk. At least I was able to get drunk off my ass and pass out in peace and not have to worry about someone hurting me.
I’ll be 23 in less than a month, and by golly, I think it's time for a vacation.
****
I wake to the sound of my door creaking opens. Popping open my eyes to the blinding light seeing a shadow of an enormously tall man creeping in. I immediately turn to my nightstand to check my iPod dock for the time. 3:03 in the morning, who the hell is in my room. Before I get a chance to retrieve my gun from my nightstand I hear my door slam shut causing me to freeze. My eyes are still heavy with sleep, and my brain is trying to process what’s happening. My room is dark again except for the low-light coming from my clock. The man stalks over to my bed in three quick strides. My hearts feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.
I turn on my stomach again and lunge for my gun from my draw before he gets any closer to me, but it's no use. I waited too long, and I’m not fast enough. A heavy body pounces on top of my back causing me to lose my breath. The man pins my hands above my head pressing me down into the mattress. I breathe in deep squirm and wiggle trying my hardest to get my hands loss and inch myself closer to my gun. But it's no use with a heavy body on top of me, I’m trapped. I can feel the man’s hardness pressed against my butt and I panic even further with fear.
Fear envelopes me taking over my body making me shake. “What do you want? Please don't hurt me. Please,” I say to the man as he moves his head closer to my ear with his mouth breathing hot and body cumbersome leaning against mine. “You're mine now, Izzy, forever,” Antonio says in my ear. “Daddy can't save you from me, and when you brothers return, if they return, it will be too late. It’s over I’m taking over your daddy’s empire, and I’m claiming this sweet body is mine. Darlin', there’s not a damn fucking thing you can do about it. You are my bitch to do with as I see fit.” Then he licks and sucks my ear lobe. My stomach rolls with fear and I feel as if I’m going to be sick. Tears threaten my eyes, but I hold them in. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
That must mean he’s killing my father or he already has. And our guards too probably or someone would be in my room removing him. Oh dear God, please let my dad be okay and have someone help me.
In a split second I feel his other hand on my upper back, he lifts off me slightly to pull my comforter away that's between us. His hand travels up my outer tight under my nighty uncovering my behind. Cupping my butt squeezes me with his slimy hand. He forcefully rips my panties from my body. My breathing is erratic, and I’m in shock at the moment. As I try and process what is happening, I barely hear a zipper being unzipped. When I feel his bare cock against my bare behind, I know what he has planned for me, and I have to stop him.
“Anton, NO! NO! STOP! STOP! STOP! You can't do this. NO! PLEASE STOP! Not like this, please!” I scream at the top of my lungs hoping somebody will hear me. He slaps the side of my face hard causing my head to bounce and immediately hurt. Ignoring my pleas, he forcefully spreads my legs open with his knees allowing him access to my most precious part of my body. Panic ceases me at an all time high as adrenaline pumps through me to sto
p him. “NO! NO! STOP! PLEASE! DON’T DO THIS! PLEASE ANTON STOP!” I beg him yelling and receive another hand slap across my face before he pulls my hair lifting my head up. Then drops me and takes his hand under me flat on my stomach and lifts my bottom up in the air off the bed. He still has my hands pinned above my head, and I can’t move. I feel him at my entrance, and I try my hardest to fight him squirming under him, but he has the upper hand here. I can't budge him. He moves his hand with a firm grip on my hip. All I can do is scream and beg. His answer is to slap me and pull my hair raise my face to look at him before pushing me face first into the mattress.
Tears are spilling down my face now out of my control, but I bury my face away from him. Where are all the guards? Where is my father? We have two dozen men on the estate. Where the hell are they all?
With no warning, he thrust inside my dry entrance. I scream bloody murder from the pain. My insides feel like a knife just pierced me and are being ripped apart. I’m in an excruciating amount of pain from his brutal assault on my body and feels like I’m in hell. I want to die from the pain, humiliation and envision to my body.
I try my hardest to separate myself from my body away from him, but it’s hard.
Through my screams of agony, I hear Anton in my ear. “Damn, why the fuck did I wait so long to have you, darlin’. Fuck now you're mine for good.” You asshole, my father, and brothers are going to string you up by your balls for this.
Oh God, make this pain stop. Get him to stop. Please, someone, help me. Let it be over. After a few minute of me screaming and him hitting me anywhere he can hard and pulling my hair so he can hit my face to shut up my raspy screams it’s finally over.
I hear him grunt in my ear falling on top of me. Then he pulls out of me abruptly causing more pain.
The pressure of his body finally lifts off of mine, then I hear his zipper.
I lay there frozen with my head buried in my pillow squeezing my eyes shut with a wet face, in the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. It feels like knives have torn my insides apart.
My head is lifted by my hair again facing my headboard, blinded by my swelling eyes and the bedroom light he just turned on. “Get your sweet ass up, change and pack a bag we’re leaving. I'll have my men bring the rest of your things home tomorrow,” he says through my haze.
The feeling of my insides in shreds I can’t move. I feel warm liquid running down my thigh puddling. Oh shit, he not only raped me, but he also didn’t use a condom. Oh no, this can't be happening to me. My room is spinning, and I’m light headed. I think I’m going to faint.
“What did I just say, get your ass up, bitch? Now!” he yells the last part as he smacks me hard on my butt cheek. I’m numb inside, and the lower half of my body still feels like knives are cutting me. My legs are still spread open, I can't move or speak. I can only lay here in agony shutting my eyes to stop the dizziness. “Oh shit.” I hear him say from a tunnel far away. “Izzy, get the fuck up now. You’re bleeding. Now, Izzy, move!” He orders, and it almost sounds like he cares about what he just did to me. Only for a second then it’s gone replace with the hard asshole.
He rolls me over onto my back since I haven't moved. “Oh shit,” he says again. “Izzy, tell me you weren’t a virgin, and you’re just on your period because that's a lot of blood, darlin’, you’re lying in.” I don't answer him, I’m too dizzy. My head is spinning even with my eyes closed. It’s from the pain, fear, loss of blood, and erratic breathing. I fall into a welcomed black hole.
****
I wake up in a cloud hearing beeping noises. I open my eyes fully seeing Gigi and Jules asleep in chairs next to me. Realization hits me, I'm in a hospital, in a white room and the beeping is my heart monitor. The lights are on dim over my head. I feel weak and disoriented. Jules is closest to my bed, and I quietly say her name not to wake up Gigi. “Jules, Jules. Wake up,” I squeak out through my dry throat. Jules’ eyes flutter open, and she comes rushing closer to my side.
“Bella! Oh my God, how are you feeling?” She asks in a whisper. I don’t answer; I need answers first. “Why am I here? What time is it?” I croak out through my dry mouth again. She gives me a concerned look and my stomach rolls. “You don’t know. Anton said he found you in a pool of blood after the break-in. I was hoping you could fill in the blanks. You lost so much blood, Bells, Gigi had to donate hers for you because of your rear blood types. You’ve been out for almost two days! It’s six in the morning!” I need to process her words. I’ve been out for nearly two days. Wow, the last thing I remember is being in the city with her and Ces on Tuesday. I was in a pool of blood and Anton found me. What the hell? “Where are my parents? Why is Gigi here with you and not at home in her bed?” She gives me a sad look, and a tear escapes her eyes. By the look on her face I know it’s bad. She’s trying to control her breathing. I rack my brain to figure out what the hell is happening.
After a few minutes of silence and us staring at each other with me thinking it all hits me like a bulldozer. I grab Jules’ hand and pull her close to me so I can whisper in her ear. “OH MY GOD! Jules, I think Anton killed my father he said he wants the organization and he did this to me. You have to keep him away from Gigi and me. Please, you have to help us get away from him. Warn my brothers to stay away, he wants them dead too. Please help me,” I say with tears in my eyes. She pulls back with wide eyes and a look of horror. She’s only seen me cry maybe three times in our lives and all over Gio.
“Bella, Anton told the hospital your parents were murdered, and he’s your fiancé. He has all the guards under his command and threatened me to keep my mouth shut and Cesare away. I can't keep him away from you. As for Gigi, she’s staying with Ricco and me at my apartment. Ricco will keep us safe, he hates Anton but is playing nice until your brothers are home,” she says sadly pausing to think of how to proceed. “Your brothers aren't answering their phones either. I have been trying them since we got the call early Wednesday morning. There’s only one person I can think of to help us. I think it time to call Aunt Cindy and find …” Before she can finish the door swings opens and Anton strolls in with two big goons behind him, I don't recognize them, and they don’t look Italian at all. He struts right to me pushing Jules to the side. I try my hardest to control my breathing, but the damn heart monitor gives away my racing heart. Deep breaths, eyes closed, laying me head back to help keep me calm down.
Anton takes my hand in his, and I want to recoil from his touch, but I don't for fear of what he will do to me. We’re outnumbered in strength with three big men. Plus I’m in pain.
“Izzy, darlin', how are you feeling?” Anton asks in a sweet voice.
I what him away from me and not touching me, but there’s nothing I can do to stop him
“Tired and I hurt,” I croak out. My throat is dry and sore it hurts to talk. “Darlin’, do you know why you’re here?” he asks in a tone that says he wants me to stay quiet. My eyes to pop open and look in his, they say that I better keep my mouth shut.
The only thing I can think to do is lie until Jules can figure something out. I shake my head slowly. “No, Anton, what’s going on and where are my parents?” I counter back and get a murderous look in return. I wonder how he plans on explaining his way out of this one.
“Izzy, let's get the doctor to check you out. You’ve been asleep for a while.” Before I can respond to him, he turns to one of his goons. “Get her doctor.”
Then he turns to the other goon. “Get her some ice chips.”
Once they’re gone, he turns back to me bending to my ear. “Be a good girl and stay quiet until I get you home to recover in our bed, darlin', or you will regret it. Then we have our wedding to plan.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and concentrate on my breathing. I can't look at him, he discusses me and thinking about what will happen if he takes me out of this hospital has my panic level going up fast.
The door opens breaking my thoughts as a middle-aged woman in blue scrubs, a
nd a white coat enters the room. She has blond hair pulled back in a messy bun, and her eyes are bright turquoise. “Mr. Esposito, ladies, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the room so I can examine Ms. Castellani.” As the doctor is speaking, Gigi wakes up sees me and jumps to my side. “Oh, Bella, thank God you’re awake.” After she gives me a sweet hug not hurt me, Jules escorts her out by the hand. “We’ll be back when you’re done,” Jules says to me then whispers in Gigi’s ear as they walk out.
The doctor turns back to Anton waiting for him to leave, impatiently. “I'm not leaving, so just do your damn exam,” he orders. The doctor stares him down not the least bit intimidated by him. “You will leave now, Mr. Esposito, or I will have security escort out of my hospital.” I don’t wait for him to respond, I don't want him here. “Anton, please. You can leave it will be okay,” I say in a sweet whisper not looking directly in his eyes just to get him out without a fight. He huffs then walks out the room slamming the door behind him without saying a word.
Once the door is shut, the doctor walks over to my bedside pulling the curtain shut behind her. “I’m Dr. Romano. Do you know why you’re here?” she asks me and I stare at her. I’m not sure how to answer her. I'm also not sure what Anton will do if I tell her the truth. I have to play dumb and figure out a way to get out of here. I have to find help.
“No, I don’t know why I’m here,” I say in a whisper holding back my tears that threaten to spill. I keep a close eye on the doctor to find out who’s side she’s on, and she keeps an eye on me. I wait for her response so I can figure out what she's thinking. Her eyes turn sad with pity. “You were admitted to the ER early Wednesday morning with vaginal bleeding and tearing. You were hemorrhaging from vaginal tearing. We administered the morning after pill to you when we saw the tearing. You also present with facial busing and back bruise,” she says as my heart beats faster. “Your fiancé,” she says in a nasty tone. “Refused to allow us to perform a rape test.” I don’t know what to say to that. I pulled the blanket over my chest looking to cover my tears in my eyes from the doctor. She can see my discomfort. After a few seconds, she asks me, “How are you feeling?” This time I decide to answer with the truth. “My lower body hurts, actually my whole body is sore. I feel feeble and tired.”