by Lucy Harvey
Walking around the convention hand in hand, heart beating with heart, I made a mental list of all the amusements and stalls I wanted to visit. They had everything here. From medieval Britain to the historic Western. Roman was right, he knew me better than I could ever possibly know myself.
I sat on a bench to shoot a quick message to Harley, I needed apologise for showing up late yesterday and bailing on a spa day today. Roman queued at a food stall and later returned with chips for me and a burger for himself. I should not have been as surprised as I was to watch him act in such an informal way but this regular side to him was as captivating as all the others, if not more.
“Oh so Mr. Global Success eats like one of us does he?” I teased him as he stole a chip from my takeaway container.
“That smart mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble. So what do you want to do first?” With his arm looped around my shoulders Roman tried his best to keep me as close as possible. As though just like me, no matter how close we were, it would never be enough to cure the fix. I wracked my brain for what to do first as I noticed a billboard in the corner of my eye capturing my attention.
Fifteen minutes. It took me fifteen whole minutes to persuade him but I knew how to get my own way with him. Patiently waiting outside by the photographer I began to anticipate whether Roman truly surrendered to my plea.
“Happy now?”
He did. Roman waltzed out of the changing room of a stall dressed as a fantasy of mine. From his toes to his smile - every essence of him replicated a cowboy. I was dressed as a saloon girl and had begged Roman to dress up with me so we could take pictures in front of the cheesy western background.
Wearing brown boots on his feet he stalked towards me. The black leather chaps made his bulge even more prominent; igniting that lust filled fire that never seemed to cease inside me. Roman had a black bandana tied around his thick neck and I watched it move as his Adam’s apple bobbed underneath it with every annoyed word he spoke. I knew he could see the want burning in my eyes because he began to play on his sex appeal. He tilted his cowboy hat, the wide brim hiding then revealing that glint in his eyes and my heart took flight. Fuck.
Without thinking I grabbed his hand forcing him back into the changing room. In one rushed dash my dress was hitched up around my waist. Roman groaned and released his cock, it was thick and veiny, wanting me as always. His arousal always answered to the call of my own. We didn’t need words because I knew him and he knew me. Instinctively my hand began to tug at his iron shaft whilst in a circular motion Roman teased my clit.
We were sheltered by nothing more than a flimsy cloth, any closer to the photographer and he would hear every whimper fleeing our rebel mouths.
“It’s not enough.” I whispered begging for more.
Roman caged his arm around my backside and lifted me onto him. I yelped at the fullness of him and I knew I was heard.
“Umm madam, is everything okay in there?” The photographer called.
Roman continued to slam inside me, I could tell he found the anticipation for my answer hilarious.
His cock rubbed against the sweet spot deep inside me and I was coming undone before him.
“I’m coming.” I squealed as normal as I could.
I was not aware of who I was telling but footsteps outside confirmed the photographer took the hint and I began to unravel around my Roman.
Wow.
It was fast and dirty, crazy and exciting. It was raw just like us.
Planting his lips to mine he whispered, “You never cease to surprise me beautiful girl.”
Roman and I prepared for our pictures. We started off playfully posing not taking the experience seriously, then the more we laughed the closer we got and the euphoric energy of our love spoke for itself. As soon as I returned home I would buy frames for every single photo.
The rest of the day flew by in a daze of laughter and palpitations. If my heart plummeted or tightened any more I was sure it would explode. No expense was spared and Roman went to the extremes to gift me with a day as beautiful as him.
Even at the western shoot out when our past threatened to brake us, our embrace never faltered. Just as we were queuing for a seat to the show two skanky former lovers of Roman decided to greet us. I knew who they were before he even spotted them. I read every detail of their story on the ‘I hate Roman Court fan page’.
“Oh my god, Roman, what are the chances?” The fake red interrupted us. She smoothed her hand down Roman’s arm but he pulled away at the touch.
“Chloe look its Roman.” She called to her equally fake friend ignoring his brush off.
My grip on Roman’s hand tightened whilst my teeth clenched together in anger.
“Oh sorry I didn’t even recognise you.” Roman calmly spoke.
“You never called you bad boy, where have you been hiding?” The skanks were pathetically giggling and rubbing against each other in a seductive manner trying to entice the guy who was here with another girl. They continued to flaunt their manufactured assets as though I was invisible.
“I’ve been too wrapped up with my girlfriend, this is Lily. She tends to occupy most of my time if you know what I mean. Remember when I told you I didn’t like fake whores?”
I broke out into laughter as Roman stole the smug grins from their distraught faces. Tugging on my hand he led me away from the two girls who were desperate to be in my space. Once out of earshot Roman looked at me whilst my gaze was firmly fixated to the ground.
“Don’t even think it Lily, you know it will always be you.” He reassured me.
The next on our list was to have our futures told. This time I was the apprehensive one, what was I to do if told that I was to live a future without him? Swallowing my doubt I cupped down onto the cushion sat before the travelling gypsy waiting for her to spin some nonsense that could be applied to anyone.
“There’s no need to be so hesitant my darling.” She attempted to comfort me.
Her ebony black hair was teased back into a tight bun. The lady did not appear like something out of a fairy tale but there was a glimpse of forbidden magic in her eyes, I almost began to fell for the illusion.
“All I can see with you are pages, they’re ignited with such an intense yellow, and I can tell it’s your passion.” I smiled at the accuracy but then again I was a young naïve girl, reading was a lucky guess.
“You have been finding yourself in two minds recently but it’s not a case of will you or will you not try, is it? The two minds are not the two options of a situation. The other mind is the one controlling yours. I know girls like you. You want to change him but the only thing that can may not be something he can contend with.”
I pulled my hands out of hers disgusted with the bombshell. How dare she speak to me like that? Roman was eye candy and I had my issues write all over my face, anyone in ear shot could sense the chemistry of our warped entangle. I did not need someone as fake as her hair to get off at my expense.
“But I love him and he doesn’t control me or my mind.” I explained, nothing she could unveil would make that any less true.
“I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about them, the ones that live up there.” She pointed her finger to the center of my forehead.
Without finding words to speak I decided to get up and run. When fleeing the fortune teller’s tent I crashed into the back of Roman.
“Woah, everything okay?” He interrogated, searching my eyes.
I reassured him everything was fine and Roman led me to my final surprise before we made our journey home. Together.
If I was to be asked what my perfect day would be then not even I could have anticipated something so perfect. Something that I would hold so close to me. Just days before I was left questioning our entire connection. Roman could never keep away from me. No matter what his demons would force him to say; his heart was always there to guide him back to me.
“Baby don’t get me wrong I have had the best day with you but w
e have been here for eight hours, I’m exhausted.” I whinged.
Now I was hanging off Romans back like an infant chimp as he carried me through the crowd.
“Just one last stop Angel.” He smirked.
What could possibly be so important that it kept Roman from taking me home and claiming me?
Just when I thought Roman had exceeded every single one of my expectations he struck me harder than I could have thought possible. The last tent at the convention, the last activity of the day and the last thread of my stability. A Shakespeare reading.
Taking my shaking hand he directed me into my most heavenly dream. Unfortunately we only managed to catch the last ten minutes of the reading but watching the words of my inspiration acted out before me, no matter how short, completed me.
As I basked in the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet I kept a firm hold of my beautiful alpha.
He had fully became everything.
Nausea roared through me. I was about to take my place at the stand to give my speech. Both Peyton and Harley had given theirs but I was the unfortunate one to go last after everybody else’s masterpieces.
I smoothed down my fitted dress and took center stage after hearing my introduction. I shook the hand of Sir Terry Rhodes (founder of MM) and turned my attention to the audience. Patiently waiting for the governors and co-founders to finish their slide shows I met Roman’s eyes in the audience.
Just a few nights before we had put an end to everything, a clean slate, a new start. Somehow I felt like we had not even braved the worst. His glare was intimidating but more so enticing, that’s when I remembered why I once again beckoned at his call.
This job was something I was deeply passionate about and something I wanted to keep away from Roman. This was the one thing I had a steady grip on unlike everything else that seemed to alter after his touch.
It was just typical that out of all the psychiatric units in this part of town I would manage to land myself a vacancy at the one that Roman funded. How hilariously fantastic that he was the one we had ironically thought about teasing into giving us a shot. He really had begun to exercise the two meanings of ‘King of fucking everything’.
“Over to you Lily.” Professor Rhodes instructed and then all eyes were on me.
I took in a deep breathe, reminded myself of why I could not let myself falter at this crucial part and then I proceeded.
“When I first discovered my application to work at the MM was accepted I was beyond fulfilled. Not just because I had landed myself my dream job but mostly because I knew this was the perfect opportunity to make a difference.”
So far so good I had not stumbled or stuttered and as I lost myself in my speech everyone around me began to fade away.
“One promise I make to my future acquaintances is that you will know how truly brave yet normal it is to feel broken. You will never be conveyed as an outsider or exist as someone who feels unwanted or unneeded and that you do not fit in. You will be shown that you are the most valuable quote of a sonnet. And that pain you feel that makes you feel so alienated from real life is okay, you just need to embrace it.”
I watched as mothers put their arms around their daughters and fathers along with well-wishers and funders leaned forward in genuine interest. My speech was risky and nothing like the ones before but if I wanted to properly land this it had to be in this way.
“It is what makes you yourself, it makes you real and wise and that is the secret to happiness. Knowing that you are at one with your own insanity. You will not have to ever question why you feel a certain way, you will laugh and thank god that you can even feel at all. You could feel dead inside and the shattering bellowing of silence and emptiness will complete you in a way no one’s love or acceptance ever could. I will help you until you realize it is completely normal and perfectly okay to feel as far from normal as possible. Carpe Diem.”
I waited for confused murmurs or even complaints, instead the crowd stood to applaud me and some of the patient’s parents shed tears in approval. I had done myself justice.
At the after party I made a bee line for the bar and downed a large glass of my signature white wine. Just moments before my speech Roman decided to bombard me with the information his parents were eager to meet me after the ceremony. Fan-fucking-tastic. Due to both of their busy schedules they were unable to attend the wedding rehearsal weekend and I had thought I had a lucky escape.
As I took in my appearance I stood confident with classy nude heels complementing my navy fitted midi dress as my blonde curls cascaded all around me like a tamed mane. I was ready to meet his parents. I could do this. But what was I to say when they ask about our relationship? We have not even had chance to talk about that ourselves, I was sure to put my foot in it.
I placed my hand in Romans as he led towards a couple that were laughing at the expense of their future daughter-in-law as she filled them in on every single detail of the wedding so far.
When studying Roman’s parents they did not appear to resemble him at all and I would have never placed them in the same family.
Roman stood a strong six foot two his parents were stood comfortably at five foot eight both with auburn hair and strands entwined throughout. Their eyes were a warm chocolate color appearing friendly and inviting mixed with their pale vanilla skin, physically they could not have been more opposite.
“Mum, dad, this is my girlfriend Lily. She will be starting an internship here this fall.” Roman casually introduced me.
I forced my hand in attempt to shake theirs and maintain a cool composure as though I was not ecstatic on the inside at the fact he had called me his girlfriend. I was finally braking through the hard exterior he used to keep so many out. Had he been hurting all this time too? He had come back to me every time which was a bigger insight than any answer.
Finally his warped perception of life and fear of me leaving was taking a backseat in our relationship.
“It is so lovely to finally meet you Mr. and Mrs. Court.”
“Oh honey please call me Karen, you are right it is a pleasure, we have heard so much about you oh and that speech - my lord it was captivating. Beauty as well as brains Roman she is definitely a keeper.” Karen’s face remained soft as she held my hand in her warm embrace for a few seconds.
“Hello dear I’m Conrad, indeed it is a pleasure to finally meet the girl stealing the topic of conversation these last few weeks.” Romans father introduced.
I was sure my face was turning beetroot red as I tried to shrug off the complements. Even through the time he was absent I still occupied his mind and vice versa. We spent the next half hour exchanging pleasantries as I secretly tried to dig for information about Roman and his childhood; I was met with ordinary responses giving away nothing about my mysterious lover.
The topic of conversation changed to the upcoming wedding of their youngest son and my dearest friend. Karen was devastated she had missed the co-head party and rehearsal dinner so I promised I would fill her in on all the details.
Karen’s excitement matched Harley’s moms, they were similar in so many ways. She was thrilled over the fact I was a bridesmaid and insisted she met with my mother before the wedding.
“It’s such a shame I have had to miss such a large chunk of this wedding, I was only able to conceive one child and when we decided to adopt part of me wanted a girl so I could experience that whole mother of the bride fiasco but as soon as I met Roman I fell in love.” Karen shared.
Romans body turned to steel and his eyes locked on mine. The glass of wine I had been nervously clutching slipped from in-between my fingers. He was adopted? The glass smashed to smithereens and a cleaner rushed over to clear the mess before any injuries. Luckily his parents did not pick up on the hostility in the air and Karen proceeded oblivious; most likely putting my act down to cockiness.
“Hopefully by the time you two get married I can play out that part.” She finished in subconscious ignorance.
After departing from K
aren and Conrad Roman and I had agreed to attend dinner at theirs that evening to be properly acquainted before the wedding. Roman led me to his car and drove back to mine so I could freshen up and slip into breathable clothes.
The ride home was comfortably silent despite the bombshell that had been dropped just moments ago.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were adopted?” I had finally mustered the courage to ask.
“It does not matter Angel.” He kept his eyes on the road as I watched his jaw tense.
“Is that why you are like the way you are? Because of your life before?” I assumed.
“Don’t fool yourself into thinking I’m the same as these made up guys you read about.” He bit at me. “Sorry Lily just can we at least drop this until after dinner?” Roman signed and took his hand from the gear stick to rub at his temple.
I nodded at him and once arriving at my house I hurried inside, quickly trying to get ready before he changed his mind and left me there. That was the only constant about Roman was that he himself was never constant.
Once Lily had finished getting ready she nervously climbed back into my car, I hated having that effect on her, how she would always anticipate which version of me she was about to be faced with. I chucked her leopard print overnight bag into my car and headed for the familiar route leading me to my parents.
When we arrived I looked up at the white mansion. A swarm of memories and flashbacks absorbed me whilst I relived the first ever feelings I felt here.
“Hi Roman, this is going to be your new home okay, you let me know if there is anything you need. Promise?”
I nodded my head at the kind lady. Their home looked like something out of a fairy tale and I knew it was too good to be true. Ava would have loved it here. I prayed that Ava would watch over me and somehow she would be here too.
The kind lady took my hand and showed me to my bedroom. The first time I met her she asked me what my favorite thing was and I told her I liked stories. Whatever hell we were in Ava would always calm me by telling me stories of princesses and knights or adventures. I miss getting lost in those stories with her. I miss her so bad.