“If we wanted the same things, it would be a different story, but we don’t. A short-term relationship might work, but for me it isn’t enough. I want something more.”
He exhaled slowly. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“It’s who I am and I won’t apologize for it.”
“I know.” His smile was weak. “If you should change your mind, you know where I’ll be.”
She nodded. “Good night.”
Annie walked into the living room, pleased that she’d sounded so calm, but inside she was a total mess. Anger warred with temptation until she wanted to simply sit down and yell out her frustration.
How dared he offer her half a loaf when he knew she wanted a whole one? And how could he claim to love her and still hold back an important part of himself?
She wanted to stroll into his bedroom and be content with what he was willing to give her, but in the end she’d only shortchange herself. She could agree to his arrangement in the hope that he might eventually change his tune, but what if he didn’t? Jared wasn’t the type to veer from the course he’d charted and if she wanted to hope that he would, she’d be in for a huge disappointment.
And by doing so, wouldn’t she be doing the very thing that Brandon had done to her? Wouldn’t she be trying to mold Jared into what she wanted him to be rather than what he was?
Better to suffer through a clean break now, she told herself sadly. Better now than before—She cut her thought short. Before what? She’d already given him her whole heart. What did she have left?
Determined to act as if last night hadn’t happened, Annie bustled into Jared’s bedroom with a cheerful smile pasted on her face.
He’d obviously made the same decision, because he responded in kind. It wasn’t until after breakfast that he delivered another shocking announcement.
“Carrie and Lynn have been asking me to stay with them while I recuperate. Under the circumstances, I think it would be best if I accept their invitation.”
He couldn’t have hurt her more if he’d stabbed her. “When did you plan to leave?” Annie was pleased by the even tone in her voice when she wanted to weep instead. With her rearranged schedule, she didn’t report for duty until Tuesday and it was only Friday. What would she do to occupy herself?
“Carrie’s driving here this afternoon.”
He’d made a quick decision and had implemented it just as quickly. If he wanted to run, then so be it. She wouldn’t stop him. At least he had somewhere to go.
A sense of rejection pierced her, but she stuffed it into her mental box to be dealt with later. She hadn’t felt so alone since her grandfather had died.
“Then I’d better pack your things.”
“Annie, I wish I could give you everything you want.”
“But you can’t. I understand.” She forced another smile. “We had some good times, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Until I lose this.” He held out his broken wrist.
“Being with your family will be good for you. For all of you.”
“I think so. I hope so.”
“Don’t worry about things here. I’ll make sure your apartment stays in one piece.”
“Thanks.”
“Where’s your suitcase?” she asked, with false brightness.
“In the spare bedroom closet.”
Annie hurriedly packed his things, trying not to dwell on the fact that this would be the last time she’d handle his clothes, his toothbrush, his razor, and the rest of his personal possessions. If he noticed that her hands shook as she folded his clothes, he didn’t comment.
While he cancelled his newspaper and paid his outstanding bills, Annie cleaned out his refrigerator and dusted his apartment.
“You don’t have to do that,” he told her.
“I’d rather stay busy until Carrie arrives,” she said. If she didn’t, she’d break down and she refused to do so until after he’d left town. She wanted to be angry with him, but her broken heart was her own fault. She’d known he was the wrong man for her, but she’d fallen in love with him anyway.
When would she learn?
Carrie finally arrived at four o’clock. Annie took a minute to greet her, then went to Jared. “Goodbye,” she said softly. “Enjoy your stay with your family and have a great life.”
Standing on tiptoe, she kissed him, then left without looking back because she didn’t want Jared to see her tears.
Carrie stared at Jared. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
She slowly shook her head. “Oh, yes, there is. You can’t fool me. Annie was crying.” Her eyes narrowed. “Did you two have a fight? Is that why you decided to come home?”
“No. Not really. We learned we had irreconcilable differences.”
“The irresistible force meets the immovable object.” She spoke in a dry tone.
“Exactly.” Suddenly, his frustration exploded. “I don’t know why she’s so stubborn!”
“She probably thinks the same thing about you.”
“It’s over, so let’s go.”
Carrie sank onto the sofa and propped her feet on the coffee table in a picture of ease. “Not until you tell me what’s going on. And I want details.”
He explained. “She expects more than I can give her.”
“You’re still bound and determined to use your profession as an excuse for avoiding relationships.”
“It’s not an excuse. I know what I can handle. I don’t want to fail.”
“So you’re going to hide behind your career for the rest of your life. I didn’t realize you were such a coward, Jared.”
Annie had called him the same thing. He didn’t like hearing that description any more than he had before.
“I’m realistic and fully aware of my limitations.” Unlike Annie.
“What would you call it? Have you ever stopped to think how your decision affects Todd?”
“No,” he said slowly. “Why should it?”
“You made certain choices based on his actions. Are you determined to dump another load of guilt on him for ruining your life?”
“But he hasn’t.”
“Tell that to Todd. His older brother, who was the closest thing he had to a father, has totally refused to become a father again. He remembers how you helped him with baseball and football and his algebra. He knows how much you liked being around kids and he feels responsible because you’re choosing not to have those things.
“Why do you think he works so darn hard, trying to build his business and be successful? Because he’s trying to prove that he’s not the confused boy he once was. He’ll finally be able to stop atoning for his sins.”
Was Carrie right? Instinctively, he knew she was.
“You accused me of holding on to you too tightly. What if I can’t find the happy medium between nurturing, protecting, and allowing them to spread their wings? I’ll drive my own kids away, just like I did you.”
“You didn’t drive us away,” she said gently. “It may have seemed like it, but we’re still there. We’re just not depending on you as much as we once did. As for finding that happy medium, Annie would help you.”
He didn’t know what to say. He’d been given far too much to process all at once.
“I suppose the right woman would change your mind in a heartbeat,” Carrie said offhandedly, “which means that Annie probably isn’t the woman for you. I certainly couldn’t change my goals for someone I didn’t love.”
“I love her.” God help him, but he did. Which was why he had to walk away. He couldn’t be responsible for destroying her precious dreams.
Carrie continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Maybe you should reconcile with that Erica person. You can both concentrate on your careers and be married singles who spend your vacations on business trips. Because you won’t have any kids, you can leave your fortune to your nieces and nephews.”
Jar
ed tried to imagine coming home each night to Erica, and failed. While he didn’t care about people’s opinions of him, he didn’t like what his rejection of Annie reflected about his character.
“And on the nights when you’re at home alone in your million-dollar mansion with only the maid, the gardener, and chauffeur for company, you can look back on your time with Annie and count your blessings that you escaped such a horrible fate.”
His only horrible fate would be if he didn’t have Annie in his life. For the first time since he’d met her, he knew what he wanted and it was Annie McCall.
“You’re absolutely right.”
She dropped her casual air to stare at him as if he’d grown an extra arm. “I am?”
He smiled. “You are.”
“But, Jared, I thought you weren’t listening,” she wailed.
“I heard every word. Your reverse psychology worked.”
“Well, praise be,” she said tartly. “Logic wasn’t getting through, so I hoped agreeing with you would. Now, what do you intend to do about your change of heart?”
“I’m going to ask my sister to walk me across the hallway,” he said. “After that, I want you to disappear.”
“Whatever you say.”
He slowly made his way to stand in front of Annie’s apartment door. “You need to grow some muscles, sis.”
“And you might think about losing some weight,” she countered as he knocked.
A long minute passed before the door opened, revealing a red-eyed Annie, who gazed at him with suspicion.
“Delivered as promised,” Carrie said cheerfully.
“May I come in?” he asked.
“What for?”
“I left something over here,” he said simply.
A puzzled wrinkle appeared between her eyes. “I haven’t found anything of yours.”
“I hate to point out the obvious, but Jared isn’t exactly a lightweight,” Carrie broke in. “Would you mind taking this big lug off my hands before I drop him?”
Jared propped himself against the doorframe while the two switched positions. While he appreciated his sister’s efforts, he felt more secure both physically and emotionally with Annie at his side. That realization sent any lingering doubts flying off the balcony.
“See you two kids later,” Carrie said, waggling her fingers goodbye.
“Why did you come?” Annie asked.
“I couldn’t leave.”
“Why not?”
“I wanted to say how sorry I was for—”
She stopped in her tracks. “If you’re going to apologize one more time, I’ll drop you here and you can crawl home,” she said fiercely.
He twisted his mouth into a wry grin before he finished his sentence. “For being a fool.”
“You got that part right.” She sounded irritated.
“I intended to leave, but I couldn’t. The thought of walking away from you was more frightening than the alternative.”
“I don’t understand. What are you saying?”
“That I love you and I’m willing to do whatever it takes for us to stay together.”
She froze and didn’t comment for several seconds. “Are you certain? Absolutely certain?”
He nodded. “I’ll still be bossy at times and overprotective at others. And I’m sure you’ll get angry at me when I try to stop you from overextending yourself, but we’ll work it out.”
Annie’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Oh, Jared,” she breathed before she buried her face into his neck. “I can’t believe this. Pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming.”
“I’d rather kiss you,” he said, lowering his mouth to hers.
Annie clung to him as she returned his kiss. The time for further explanations would come, but for now she was right where she wanted to be.
In Jared’s arms.
Finally, he lifted his head and gave her a wry smile. “I have a favor to ask. Would you mind if we sat down? I’m not sure how much longer my leg will hold up.”
Realizing that he’d been on his feet—his foot—for some time, she moved him to the sofa where he gratefully sank onto the cushions.
“Say something,” he urged, pulling her down beside him.
“Are you serious about becoming a family man instead of a bigwig in the field of emergency medicine?”
He grinned. “Who said I can’t do both? As for having a family, that’s what a man does for the woman he loves.”
“You loved me this morning, too, but you still walked away. What made the difference?”
“It takes more courage to fight one’s fears than to run away. Carrie helped me realize it was time to stop running.”
She snuggled against him. “I’m glad someone got through to you, but if this is a figment of my imagination, I hope the fantasy never ends.”
“It won’t,” he assured her. “You saved me from a nightmare so I can have a real life. Our life.”
“Through good times and bad.”
“In sickness and health.”
“Does that include broken wrists and ankles?”
He grinned. “Along with power losses, burned hot dogs, and floods.”
“And teaching our kids how to play their great-grandfather’s bagpipes?”
“That, too.”
He trailed his fingers down her throat to the cleft between her breasts. “I didn’t sleep too well last night.”
His touch was driving her crazy. “Neither did I.”
“I could use a nap.”
“You won’t sleep tonight,” she answered, aware of how breathless she sounded. If he continued his gentle assault, she was going to burst into flames.
“I don’t intend to. I plan on being very busy.”
His hand continued to roam at will and she was both powerless and unwilling to stop him. “What about your sister? You can’t just leave her to her own devices or tell her to drive home after she just got here.”
“Watch me. She’ll understand if I choose to spend my time with my new fiancée instead.”
“But, Jared—”
“We aren’t getting younger and if I want to have enough stamina to run after our kids, we’d better not waste any more time.”
“Shouldn’t we wait until your casts come off?”
“Trust me. They won’t interfere if we’re creative.”
She smiled. “I do like how you think,” she said, before she showed him a few creative tricks of her own. Jared might not like roller coasters, but they were both climbing aboard the ride of their life. There would be highs and lows, twists and turns, but they’d enjoy the journey because it was beginning in a special place.
A place called Hope.
ISBN: 978-1-4603-5779-8
SAVING DR. TREMAINE
First North American Publication 2004
Copyright © 2004 by Jessica Matthews
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
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Saving Dr. Tremaine Page 17