by Mia Kayla
What if that one person, the person you loved the most, who you thought would never, ever do you wrong, took away your free will, where you felt helpless.
My arms tightened around her, wanting to protect her in some way, even though she’d already been hurt. Her soft curves melted against my lean chest as a lump developed in my throat.
She seemed to be oblivious to my concern as her eyes twinkled with mischief, her lips still swollen from our passion. You would’ve never guessed she was troubled. But I noticed. I noticed everything about her.
I needed to know more. What had happened to break such beauty?
I cupped the side of her face, and she rested against my touch. My thumb grazed her cheek and, as I stared into her eyes, the blue irises, which seemed so carefree but weren’t, I finally couldn’t hold it in any longer. “What happened? Who hurt you?”
As if a door inside of her slammed shut, her stare turned blank. “Don’t. It’s nothing.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Her eyes turned cautious, and I knew I had crossed some invisible line, but this time I didn’t care, because in my gut, I knew she was lying.
“Brian . . .” She lifted herself off of me and moved to the side, wrapping the sheets around her naked body. She averted her eyes, staring out the window. “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. He’s not a part of my life anymore.”
As soon as those words left her mouth, my whole body tensed.
I gritted my teeth. “I want to know.” My voice came out harder than I’d intended, but I didn’t back down. The curiosity burned inside of me. The need to know who hurt her was so strong that I took deep and slow breaths to keep me calm. I reached for her arm. “Tell me.” I ground out.
She shook her head, closed her eyes, and stood. My hand fell to her wrist and I held her, waiting for her to respond to this one question I needed to be answered.
“Brian . . .” Her eyes shone with pain when they met mine. “Don’t. If you want this to work, just don’t.” She wrapped the sheets around her body and darted to the bathroom.
As I sat up, my gaze dropped to the floor and I ran one hand down my face, releasing a heavy sigh. I had no idea what the bastard looked like, but I somehow formed a face in my mind. His evil eyes, his cruel mouth, a bottomless pit of a soul. I’d never wanted to punch something, someone, anything, so badly. But I needed to keep myself in check.
My lips pinched together as I reminded myself of my place in Kendy’s life and our arrangement. I needed to lay off. This was her business, and I wasn’t in any position to pry.
Problem was, could I?
Knowing me, it would be a hard feat to accomplish.
***
KENDY
I flipped onto my stomach and then onto my back for the hundredth time, restless. Brian had left my place over five hours ago, and still I couldn’t fall asleep.
I shut my eyes tightly, only seeing darkness, but my heart was pounding loudly in my chest, as though I’d run a race. Brian’s concerned tone was ringing in my ears like a broken record.
What happened? Who hurt you?
After another minute, I shook my head and sat up, trying to push memories of Cole down to the hidden chambers of my brain, where I always kept him locked up.
Cole was the first guy I’d been in love with. The man I not only gave my virginity to, but the one I’d thought I was going to marry. I could still picture his sugar brown hair and eyes as light as honey. He’d swooped me up and made me his in a matter of weeks.
I’d thought he was it. Everyone thought we were it. The first time we made love, he’d rented a motel room and lit up the room with candles. I wasn’t his first, but he was definitely mine. First love, first sexual partner, first everything.
The night had been perfect, unlike my friends, who lost their virginity in the back of a pick-up truck. I’d assumed I was going to be one of those girls who married her high school sweetheart, and that was fine by me.
The first six months were bliss, absolute bliss. We hadn’t fought at all. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I’d thought our love would last forever.
But slowly, I had witnessed his eyes straying. He’d become distant. And the more distant he’d become, the more jealous I became. Sweet Kendy had turned into bitchy, jealous Kendy.
I should’ve trusted my gut, because one night, when he said he’d be at the diner, I showed up. He was nowhere to be seen, but I had found a bunch of his football buddies chilling against the pool table. I’d searched the vicinity and walked outside, noting his truck in the parking lot. I’d found him in the back of his truck, pants down and Clary’s mouth on his cock.
I had cried for ages in Beth’s arms. I thought I’d never mend my broken heart, but cheating was one thing I would never, ever condone.
I didn’t want to be my mother, and in our small town of Bowlesville, history did repeat itself. It was a known fact that if I had married Cole, I’d be waiting for him to come home, just as my mother had waited for my father year after year. She had turned the other cheek, even when the stench of another woman had been heavy on my father’s jacket. She’d lived a life of one-way love, and that was not how I was going to live. Not one bit.
I should’ve known better. That wasn’t love. Lust was temporary, and only true love lasts forever.
I shuddered as more memories rushed to the surface. He had stiffened, cussed her out, and shoved her off him. Then he’d chased me, begging me to believe it was all her, that she had initiated it. I’d fought him, even though he’d tried to hold me against him, continuing to use lies to calm me. But I needed my space away from him.
Unfortunately, he’d felt differently. I’d seen a different side of him—a frightening side I never knew existed.
Pulling the pillow over my head, I let out a loud scream. Then I threw the pillow to the floor, staring intently at the popcorn ceiling above me, trying to focus on anything other than my past.
I’d done so well not bringing up memories of Cole, until recently.
When would this madness end? It’d been years.
I glanced at the digital clock on my side table. It was six in the morning, and I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. Great. Now I’d be dead on my feet for my shift at seven. I should fit in a nap in between. If I could only force my mind to stop . . . to turn off my thoughts.
I bit my pinky nail, debating whether I should call the only person who knew what had happened that night. My fingers trembled as I reached for my cell.
She picked up on the third ring. “Kendy?” Beth’s groggy voice filtered through the phone. “What time is it?” She exhaled a heavy yawn.
“Six my time.”
“Are you at work?”
“No . . .” I paused, feeling silly and sagged against my comforter, the tension easing just at the sound of her voice.
“Everything okay?”
I remained silent, wondering how I would tell her I was now doing the guy she used to date. I doubted she’d care, but I also doubted her ability to understand our mutual arrangement.
I let out an exaggerated sigh and continued to chew my pinky nail.
“I know something’s wrong. Spill it.”
I heard the rustle of sheets and a door shutting. She must’ve left Kent sleeping in their bed.
I let my head hit my mattress, threw my arm over my eyes, and started rambling. “Remember, I went out this past weekend to a club I knew Dr. Hot Pants would end up at?”
“Yeah,” she said, prompting me to move on.
I let it out in one breath without gulping for air. “Well, he left with a redhead, which pissed me off, and let’s not go into the fact that he left with a different woman last weekend. So I had this bright idea—because I always get bright ideas—that I’d use Brian to make him jealous. But when Dr. Klein left with that woman, one thing led to another with Brian and, before I knew it, we were a little tipsy. But still, holy mother of God . . . it was the most raw, animalistic sex I’ve had . . .
ever. And it’s been great . . . until I almost mentioned Cole last night, and now it’s not that great.”
My body relaxed as I let out a low laugh. “Oh gosh, I feel better already.” Maybe all I needed was to vomit all that pent-up emotion to my best friend.
I had stunned her into silence because she didn’t say a word. I listened to her breathing and waited for her to respond.
“Beth, are you there? Where did I lose you? Before or after the animalistic sex?” I started to laugh until . . .
“How does he know about Cole?” she asked carefully.
The corners of my mouth pulled down at the sound of that bastard’s name. My chest tightened as I twisted the edge of my covers between my fingertips, wondering why I’d almost slipped about the one thing I never slipped about. “I started to tell him . . . but I didn’t finish. He just guessed. He knows something’s wrong with me.”
Of course he does. Is it so obvious that I’m damaged goods? The only thing I’ve ever held onto was a stable job. Everything else has gone to shit. My father. All men after Cole.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. You did nothing wrong,” she said sternly.
But if her words were true, then why couldn’t I get over it? Why couldn’t I move on?
She let out a frustrated sigh. “What’re you doing, Kendy?” Her tone turned accusatory, which I didn’t appreciate.
“Having fun,” I snapped back, feeling my blood pressure rise.
“Don’t you have your sights set on that doctor?”
My insides heated at the tone in her voice. “So?” I sassed. “Brian knows. What we’re doing is mutual.”
“I’m just saying. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Are you concerned about me, or about another girl hurting Brian?” It was a low blow, and I knew my words were a slap in the face, but I didn’t need her to lecture me on how to live my life.
“Both,” she stated plainly. “I don’t want either of you hurt.”
“I’m having fun, Beth.” I already had a mother. I didn’t need another one.
“I can’t imagine this ending well. Hear me out, babe. I know him . . . the kind of guy he is, and I know you. I know you want the doctor and why you’re so damn set on having him—”
“Stop!” I didn’t need to hear anymore of her lecture. “I’m done with this conversation.”
I was about to press end on the phone, when her voice softened. “I love you, babe. We’re cousins, and we’ve been best friends since we were six. I know what you’ve been through.” Her voice dropped. “But . . . you never mention his name or what happened to anyone except me. So why did you . . . to Brian?”
I didn’t respond, because I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t sure why I’d spilled my guts to him. Or part of my guts. He was doing something to me. Something about Brian chipped at my exterior, the one I’d been working so hard to keep up.
Maybe it was his happy-go-lucky demeanor, or his sweet concern for my wellbeing. Or maybe it was my need to connect to someone and not having a close friend in New York. Or maybe it was just him. Who knew?
Gulping down my inner thoughts, I told her, “I have to go.” Then I threw the phone on my bed and dropped my head in my hands.
I hadn’t signed up for this, all this chaos. I’d moved here to leave the craziness behind and move on. Why did everything seem to keep pulling me back to Bowlesville, to when I was seventeen?
Breathing in through my nose and slowly out my mouth, I let out an exaggerated sigh. After a moment, I pulled myself out of it and went to take a shower. Things with Brian would be fine. We could manage this FTF thing. Everything was going to be fine.
Right?
***
BRIAN
After work, I walked into the condo, dropped my laptop bag onto the hardwood floor, and went straight to the fridge. “Hey,” I said, acknowledging Trey, who was spread out on the couch. “Dude, don’t you work?”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Daddy dearest is out of town on business, so I cut out early. You look beat, man. Hey, can you grab me one of those?”
I reached for two beers, tossed one to him, and plopped my ass on the couch next to him. “I finally got the Tiggins Corporation to agree to sit through a presentation.” As I lay my head back, I felt the tense muscles in my neck relaxing. Damn, this had been a long week. “Now it’s a matter of making them choose us over their current bank.”
He knocked my shoulder, hard. “Great job, man! That’s what you’ve been banking on. We gotta celebrate.”
I would’ve been more excited if I wasn’t exhausted. My usual A-game had been a bit off in the boardroom today. I couldn’t help it, though. My mind was preoccupied with more than work, running rampant from my night at Kendy’s and our strained conversation. I still wanted to question her, and so many times I’d had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from asking about her past. But she’d use her tempting sex appeal to change course. She was a fiend, addictive. Sex with her was raw, wild, and uninhibited. I wouldn’t have been dead tired if she hadn’t rushed me out of her bed at two a.m.
She blamed it on the FTF handbook and her god-awful rules. I didn’t understand what the deal was. If we had a mutual understanding about our relationship, why did it matter if I crashed at her place?
This morning, I had to press my snooze button twice. It took a while to wake up, even after a cold shower. My body was physically exhausted, plus the nerves from the morning meeting had worn me down. Still, I couldn’t get enough of her.
Physically, she tired me out, but hanging out with her, being in her presence, rejuvenated me.
I glanced at my watch. I hadn’t been home more than ten minutes, and I was already itching to see her again.
Trey took a swig of beer and rested his elbows on his knees. “Where are we going?” He had a smile on his face like he wanted to cause some trouble.
“I’m going to Kendy’s.” As soon as it slipped out, I regretted it.
“Oh boy. Getting some action tonight.” He lifted his fist, but I stared at his outstretched hand and left him hanging.
I raised an eyebrow, tired of his teasing, and moved my eyes to the television. Maybe Kendy and I were only friends that fucked, but I didn’t appreciate Trey joking about it.
“So you getting serious?” he prodded, fishing for more information.
I didn’t know what to tell him. All I knew was that I didn’t want it to end.
“No. It is what it is. A fling until she decides it’s over.”
He ducked his head into my line of sight and asked again, “You like this girl?”
“Me?” I shook my head in response. “Not in the way you’re thinking. We have a mutual agreement. That’s all.”
Besides, I needed to be focused. If I won this new deal, I’d make my quota for the year and could position myself for a promotion. It was the next big step on my radar.
“Hmm.” Trey tipped back his beer. “Mutual understanding . . .”
I didn’t appreciate his sarcasm. “Yes.” I gave him a look, telling him I didn’t need to be pestered any further.
Trey took another swig of his beer and stood. “Chill, man. I’m just playin’.” He slapped my back before moving toward his bedroom.
I ignored him, reached for my phone, and texted Kendy.
Me: Hey, still want me to come over?
Kendy: Lover boy!!!! But of course. Be here at 8.
I blinked a couple times at her text and rolled my shoulders back. The stiffness in my neck, which had started to dissipate a few minutes ago, was back. Mutual agreement or not, part of me felt like the appetizer, not the main course, a feeling I was familiar with.
I shook my head. This mutual relationship was my choice. I already knew what I was in for. In my prior relationship with Beth, she’d chosen the other man. I hadn’t previously been prepared for that. There was a difference.
I rubbed at my brow to ward off an oncoming headache. Before I contemplated what our relationship w
as any further, I placed my phone on the table and got ready for our next date.
ELEVEN
KENDY
The scent of coffee from my mug filtered through the air of my one bedroom apartment. There was nothing more refreshing than a fresh brewed cup of coffee.
“So, you wanted to talk?” I prompted, bringing the mug to my lips.
Sarah sat on the stool at my kitchen island, holding my Mickey Mouse mug as she blew at the steam rising from the cup. She had some important news to tell me about Dr. Klein, so of course I’d told her to come right over.
“I’m sorry. Super Cupid failed you. I just wanted to tell you this in person, since we’ve been on different shifts lately.” Her eyes dropped to my granite countertop, one of the many beautiful features which had drawn me to the place. “I’m working my magic on the other side, promise you. I’ve been dropping your name whenever he’s around.”
I rolled my eyes, thinking back to Saturday night when I had been dressed to impress, but had bedded the man I hadn’t been expecting to leave with. I didn’t know what more I could do. “Well, that night you got a stomach virus and left me without a wingman, the night you abandoned me . . .” I gave her a joking narrowed eye. “He left with another woman. If I wasn’t Kendall Lynn Miller, I’d be losing hope here, and be on the verge of giving up.” I didn’t need to mention that he’d left with another woman the next week too. Saying it out loud would only increase the blow.
“Forget that girl.” Sarah waved her hand in dismissal. “That was a one-night thing. You’re going to be a forever thing, so you can’t give up.” Her eyes turned sympathetic as she shook her head before she placed her hand on my forearm. “On a good note, he asked about you,” she sang, her eyeballs practically popping out of their sockets. “He wanted to know if you were dating anyone.”
I perked up, her words sinking into me. Had I finally caught his attention?
She blew her dark hair from her face. “I have never, ever failed in a hook-up situation. I set my sister up with our neighbor, my friend with a boy who works at Wal-Mart, and my old roommate with the personal trainer at my gym. All have ended in successful relationships and marriages,” she said proudly. “God has graced me with a talent; a talent for leading everyone in the right direction to their true loves. I guess the only person I can’t set up is myself.” She shrugged like it was no big deal, but I heard the sadness in her tone as she slumped against her seat and focused on my Mickey mug. Maybe Sarah had been hurt before.