by Mia Kayla
That’s why it had to be James. He was the safe choice for me. The one the psychic had predicted. He was more mature, older, and more importantly, the one she had chosen.
“Don’t let fear stop you from being happy. Unless you’re a hundred percent sure this doctor guy is it.”
But I wasn’t sure. I was realizing that I really didn’t even know him, yet I wanted to give him a chance. I needed to give him a chance to prove the psychic right, but that was beyond my control. He wasn’t even giving me a second glance lately. How could I make a guy love me? I couldn’t force a thing like that.
“Kendy, I love you. You know I do.”
I gripped the phone closer to my ear, needing to hear those words, letting them wash over me and calm me. “I know,” I exhaled, wishing I could blink her across the country and into my apartment.
“Sometimes, we only see what we want to see and miss the very thing that’s right in front of us. Don’t miss the opportunity with this awesome guy, just because you want someone else to be it for you. From experience, I know that sometimes you don’t realize the perfect guy could be right in front of you all along.”
I rubbed at my brow, still unsure.
“You don’t need to decide today. Go to sleep, honey. Let that mind of yours rest.”
“Maybe you’re right.” All of the day’s energy was leaking out of me, exhaustion hitting me straight in the face as I yawned into the phone.
“I love you, Kendy.”
“You too. Bye.” I let the phone drop onto the bed, and then turned over, taking in the scent of my pillow.
As I closed my eyes, all I could see was Brian’s handsome face as he stood over the stove, making me my hot cocoa. I hadn’t even tasted it. It was the drink that usually calmed me, but not tonight. Not when an internal battle was brewing inside me.
My heart wanted this man with such certainty; the one who made me laugh, the one who I cared for, and the one who I knew I could count on.
But my mind was fighting my heart’s every instinct, using fear as its sidekick to push down all those inner desires and screamed at me to stay in control.
And as I fell asleep, I decided I had to think with my head. Thinking with my heart would only get me hurt.
***
Brian had called all week. We had exchanged a couple of texts, but luckily I had been working back-to-back twelve-hour shifts, so I didn’t have to lie to him about not having the time to see him. As the light from the morning sun filtered through my window, my phone vibrated with a text.
Brian: Morning, Beautiful. There’s Fourth of July fireworks tonight at the East River. Wanna go? We can meet at eight, right before dusk.
After a couple of minutes, when I didn’t respond, he texted again.
Brian: I impressed the Tiggins Corp and landed a meeting with the CEO and their board members tomorrow, so I’m aiming to just go out and have fun. Put this work alcoholic out of his misery.
I sighed. How long could I avoid him? He’d know something was seriously wrong, if he didn’t think that already. And I wanted to see him, but fear was the heavy-duty steel door keeping me at a distance.
He looked nothing like Cole. Cole was tall, dark, and handsome. Brian was the all-American male with the bluest eyes—eyes that sucked you in.
Their outward appearance was nothing alike, but the way I had felt for Cole, the deep attraction and passion, was the same, or even stronger for Brian, which frightened me to no end.
But I couldn’t deny I missed him.
Without thinking, my fingers moved across the screen, texting him back. Maybe I could set him straight, reiterate what our platonic relationship entailed. Or maybe . . . I was lying to myself, and my mind was already losing the battle against my heart. Either way, I wanted to see him. If lying to convince myself that I was in control of this situation would justify meeting him, then so be it.
Me: Okay. Meet at my place.
***
BRIAN
As I knocked on her door, my palms began to sweat. I had no idea why I was so damn jittery. I wasn’t usually the nervous type, and this wasn’t a first date.
Still, I hadn’t seen Kendy in almost a week, and a part of me was a little worried, because she had been so brief over our texts. An unsettling feeling came over me. Had Stiff finally made his move? Was she done with me?
The thought of either scenario made me sick to my stomach, but I’d made the decision that I was all in with her. Just like a game of poker, even though I didn’t know if I had the winning hand, I was going to fight for her, and I’d fight dirty if I had to.
Today was the day. I was going to claim her, make her mine—tell her how I feel.
My knuckles were about to hit her door again when she opened it. At first, she seemed hesitant, and then she bit her bottom lip, a telling sign that she was nervous.
Half of her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, the rest cascading down her back. Her short shorts revealed the span of her toned legs, and her fitted Cubs T-shirt was straining against her chest, the red ‘C’ stretching to the max. She didn’t have on an ounce of makeup on, but damn was she gorgeous.
A second later, that hesitation washed away and she smiled, stepping aside to let me in. I swear if I hadn’t seen her smile before, today it would’ve knocked me on my ass.
***
KENDY
Brian stepped into my apartment and wrapped one arm around my lower back, leaning in to me to give me a kiss on my cheek. I swear he inhaled me as his arm tightened around my waist, and his head dropped to the crook of my neck. My whole being felt content just being in his arms, but I was having a hard time shaking this nervousness.
I bit the inside of my cheek and told myself this was not a repeat of history. I repeated Beth’s words in my head: paths can change; futures can change.
His hug lingered a tad bit longer than what could be considered just friendly. Not that I minded.
My body molded to his, fitting against the span of his chest like this was my natural place, caged in his arms. Just like a book in its natural spot on a bookshelf, snug between two other books.
I inhaled his masculine scent and let out a soft exhale. I hadn’t realized until now how much I’d missed him this past week.
He released me and tucked an escaping strand of hair behind my ear. “I missed you.” The way he said it, the seriousness in his tone, made my heart race faster than before, faster than I should’ve allowed it to.
I shied away. “I know why you missed me, you horny little man.” I was playing off how much his words affected me. I stepped away from him and tried to calm my raging pulse. “Let me grab my purse.” My voice sounded shaky when I hadn’t meant it to be.
But he reached for me, squeezing me from behind. “I missed you. Your smile. Your laugh. I’ve had a very uneventful, boring week without you.”
I closed my eyes, my eyebrows pulling together. He didn’t even realize he was going from zero to one hundred, not giving me a chance to breathe. I headed down the hallway, not meeting his eyes. “I need to potty first.” Torment was happening inside of me, a battle brewing between my heart and my head, and I was confused as hell.
What do I do?
I rushed to the bathroom. Resting my back against the door, I dropped my head into my hands. His words had made me swoon, but as much as I tried to deny it, I couldn’t resist his charms.
And there it was, the real truth—I was slowly but undeniably falling for this man.
***
BRIAN
I was making it a point to break every rule in her book, ones mentioned in passing and even the rules left unsaid. I wasn’t even hiding it anymore.
I held her hand as we got off the train and kissed her palm when we were stopped at a crosswalk. I didn’t break contact as the crowd weaved past us, rushing to the same place. I led us toward the entry ramp to the Manhattan Bridge, where we could catch a good spot. She didn’t say a word, just let me lead.
When I took side-g
lances of her, I noticed her sagging shoulders and there were faint bags under her eyes. She had told me she’d worked twelve hour shifts three days in a row.
Damn.
I should’ve suggested we stay in, but knowing me and how much I’d missed her, not much resting would take place.
Just being in her vicinity had me itching to touch her. If we’d been alone, I’d bury myself deep inside her, make love to her until we were too tired to do anything else but lie there. Just the thought had me wanting to forget the fireworks and take her back to my place.
When we reached the bridge, the area was bustling with families and couples, all ready for the firework celebration. A set of triplets were wearing matching red, white, and blue shirts. They glided in front of us, holding their parents’ hands. A woman held an American flag proudly above her head.
I sensed Kendy’s excitement as she bounced on her tiptoes while we walked. Her tiredness from a moment ago was disappearing.
“Can we get closer to the front?” she asked giddily as she took the lead and forced us through the crowd. “I want a better view.”
She tried to break contact when the crowd didn’t budge, but I didn’t let up on my hold. Instead, I pulled her back, stepped in front of her, and used my upper body to weave us to the front.
I stopped behind the little kids sitting on top of their parents’ shoulders. It wouldn’t have been fair to block their view.
Satisfied with our spot, I moved Kendy in front of me, caged her with my arms and rested my chin on top of her head. We watched two little boys light up sparklers in front of us.
Kendy’s eyes lit up as she watched their interaction, their laughter matching hers. When the dazzling flame burned slowly to the end and they lit up another, I had an undeniable urge to kiss her. The way the light caught the aqua blue in her eyes left me breathless. I turned her slightly, cupped the side of her face, and ran my thumb up and down her cheek.
***
KENDY
Brian was about to kiss me. And I knew it was going to change things. We’d kissed so many times, but this, here . . . it felt different. We felt different.
Most importantly, I was slowly coming to realize what I wanted, and I knew I wanted more. I wanted him. The movies the other night and now this had given me glimpses of how our relationship would be, how effortless it would be to be with him.
As I peered up at him, the bridge’s lights highlighting all his boyish features, I found myself wondering about a future with him. Would it be possible? What would it be like to be solely his? There was something so incredibly gentle in his eyes. A look of adoration and awe. For me.
Excitement fluttered in my belly. Everything as I knew it was shifting. I could feel it. In his hold, when we had sex and in everything we did together. I should’ve stopped the building of this budding relationship, but I wanted to accept it, even though the stars and that psychic’s prediction had lead me to James.
Brian bent down farther, and just before he kissed me, I caught that look again, as if he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
I had an undeniable urge to meet his lips, and when he brushed his mouth against mine, my knees weakened and I felt like a puddle of mush within his hold. His lips were soft, sweet, and caressing, as if he was telling me something with that one kiss alone.
I inhaled deeply, taking in his masculine cologne, the kind I’d remember if someone else was wearing it and passed me by, but that scent would always remind me of Brian.
He pulled back, cupping the side of my face, and my heart stammered in my chest. I rested my cheek against his palm. His hold, his aura, something about him, calmed me. Even with the chaos of the crowd around us, just being near him relaxed me.
As the crowd of people continued to push against us, I sighed, feeling content and oddly whole.
If there had been a sea of beautiful models in our vicinity, Brian wouldn’t have even noticed. His eyes were solely focused on me, making my cheeks warm and the butterflies to work up a frenzy in my stomach.
Slowly, he turned me to watch the first booms as he lightly rested his chin on my head. I took in the colorful array of blazing lights shattering against the dark night sky before breaking up into tiny sparks, that trickled down like teardrops. Silence filled the air for a few second before a sonic boom shook the ground, followed by a stream of red, white, and blue whirls into a spiral against the backdrop of the Brooklyn Bridge.
I turned to Brian, yelling above the noise, “Isn’t it beautiful?”
He nodded, smiling down at me.
“Almost like I can reach up and touch the fireworks. Be that much closer to the stars.”
A sudden hint of amusement crossed his features before he reached for my waist and started to lift me.
“Wait,” I said in a panic, feeling my feet leave the ground. But before I could protest more, he sat me on his shoulders like I weighed no more than a feather. “No, no, no, I’m afraid of heights,” I started to argue, hating being so high up.
Ignoring me, he pushed me up higher. “Don’t worry, baby,” he said with pure confidence. “I’ve got you.”
I’ve got you. Such innocence in those three words. Nothing like what he almost said the other night, or what I thought he was about to say. And yet, those three words had tears budding in my eyes.
He’s got me.
“Okay,” I replied quietly, unable to find my full voice.
He gripped my thighs so I wouldn’t slip, and I slowly but surely decided to trust him. I reached up toward the sky as another array of fireworks colored the darkness. Then I sat taller, throwing my head back and stretched my fingers as if I could catch a star and, if I did, I’d make a wish. Just one. For happiness.
I let out a loud scream, followed by laughter, feeling free. Lighter.
It was the Fourth of July fireworks, not a baseball game, where I’d be cheering, but still, I felt like the queen of the universe as I sat above the crowd of people below me.
He chuckled like I was the funniest thing on Earth, and I smiled down at him, my cheeks hurting. Laugh lines would probably forever be etched on my face.
I knew when it was almost over when bursts of fireworks exploded consecutively one after the other, ending with a glittery shower trickling down until the sparks disappeared against the black back drop.
I wiggled to let him know I wanted down.
“You sure? We can keep you up there all night long.”
“Yep, ready.” Trust or no trust, I didn’t need to be up here longer than necessary.
“Okay, on the count of three,” he started. “One, two . . .” Then, without a three count, Brian turned me so I slipped down the length of his body until we were chest-to-chest. Tingles traveled from where we were connected to my core, arousing me. It was crazy how his body affected me.
When my eyes met his, I read desire in them. I had no doubt what was playing in his mind, because it was playing in high definition in my mind, too.
My feet touched the ground, and we stared at each other for a moment, then he bent his head and crashed his mouth into mine. This was the kiss I had felt at the bar, my whole body hyperaware of his lips on me.
His fingertips gripped my waist, leaving indentations against my skin. His tongue danced with mine. We were in the middle of a crowd, but it didn’t matter. It was just the two of us and this all-consuming kiss.
After a moment, I pulled him into me, fisted the back of his shirt, and felt his arousal against my stomach. My breathing intensified, and I knew if he didn’t take me home this instant, I’d have to resist the urge to drop my panties in front of this massive crowd.
I pulled back slightly, just enough to catch the look of desire on his face. I went on my tiptoes and whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”
He blinked once, but didn’t hesitate. Grabbing my hand, he led me out of the crowd.
An inner warmth radiated throughout my body at our connection, and my hands trembled within his, because I w
ould’ve let this man lead me anywhere.
***
I heaved in exhaustion as I lay on Brian’s chest. We’d just had marathon sex, and my stomach suddenly grumbled against him, hungry from the workout.
The only light filtering through his window was the moonlight cascading a blue shadow over his grey blanket, which encased both of our bodies.
Sleep was calling my name as my heart rate descended, finally returning to its normal pace. Brian ran his hands through my hair, over and over, contributing to my drowsiness.
Don’t fall asleep. Stay awake.
I couldn’t fall asleep here, not at his place. Not before I had consciously made my decision about us.
He kissed my hair. A week ago, I would’ve told him that was against the rules, but we were definitely past rules now. Those rules had been broken, destroyed.
He kissed my temple and his hands moved to trace circles along my back. And just as I was thinking about the rules, or lack thereof, I heard his gentle voice. “Stay. Stay the night.”
I shut my eyes tight, letting the words wash over me. I was tempted, so very tempted, but I couldn’t. Not when I hadn’t totally thought things through.
This one slight move would be the final change. It would solidify things. It would be an unspoken act of affection on my part, a proclamation that I wasn’t sure I was ready to make.
I shifted off of him and smiled to soften the blow. “I can’t,” I said regretfully. My stomach churned as I watched disappointment filter through his eyes.
Without saying a word, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He didn’t even look at me as he headed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
Wait. What just happened?
I sat there for a moment, debating going after him as his cotton sheets rustled against my naked body. Should I go? Should I let him stew alone?
No. I wanted to know. I had to know what he was thinking.
I jolted up and clutched the sheets against my chest, but remained stoic on the bed.
Chickenshit, I scolded myself. I was a chickenshit. I was usually much braver than this.