by Ann Grech
The buildings grew taller, the traffic heavier as she directed Con into Broadbeach. As the afternoon began to fade into dusk, they pulled into the street where their favourite pizza place was. It was quieter during a weeknight, but the city was always vibrant. Tourists and locals alike wandered down the wide paths enjoying the eclectic mix of restaurants and cafes. After Con had pulled up and they stepped out, Katy took Levi’s hand and waited for their friend to come around the car. Walking along, she hooked her arm through Con’s and smiled at him. “We’ve been coming here for a few years now. They make the best food in town.”
“You keep talking them up, and I’ll have high expectations.” Con grinned at her and Katy shook her head, rolling her eyes. He adjusted the strap of his guitar case on his shoulder and playfully poked out his tongue. The move had Katy snorting out a laugh.
“You just wait and see.” Katy playfully elbowed him, before laughing again at his pout. She’d laughed a lot since Con had returned. Smiled too. In fact, she couldn’t wipe the giddy grin off her face with the deliriously happy buzz she had happening. “Aww, boo, did that hurt?”
The smell of the pizza cooking in the wood fired ovens couldn’t be beaten. Inhaling deeply, Katy filled her lungs and hummed. Yeah, dinner. “Hello, lovely Katy and Levi.” After the usual chit chat with Tony, and introductions to Con, Tony instructed them to sit at a free booth.
“We’re taking away today,” Katy informed him, smiling.
It wasn’t long before their order was ready and they were taking it down to the sand. A bottle of cheap wine and pizza straight out of the cardboard box was their dinner, but the view was a million bucks. The glitter strip’s famous beachside towers at their backs, the three of them wandered down toward the water, white sand under their feet. The three-quarter moon sat high in the sky, illuminating their way as the ocean breeze caressed her skin. Both she and Levi loved this spot. They went there every chance they got. Stripping off their shirts, Levi and Connor spread them on the soft sand, using them as a blanket to place Connor’s guitar case on and, on that, the food, bottle of wine, and plastic cups. As they sat on the still-warm sand, a lone jogger ran past them much closer to the water-line, lost in the rhythm of the beat pumping through his headphones.
“God, I’ve missed this. Sand is so different when there’s an ocean to go with it, and no one’s trying to kill you. Rob was right. I did need to come home.”
“We’re glad you’re back, boo.” Katy grasped his hand and squeezed tightly. “We’ve missed you, and the thought of you being in danger every day was terrifying. Since you walked in that door, I’ve been able to breathe again. Lee too.”
“I’m sorry I worried you, Cupcake, but…” He hesitated. “…I needed to do it.” Connor looked down, and Katy stroked her thumb over his hand. “I dunno if I achieved what I set out to do, but it’s made me appreciate what we have here so much more. I don’t wanna waste any more time. I wanna start living.”
“Is that what your new tat’s about? A new beginning?” Levi asked gently.
“No, it’s a memorial piece.”
“Can we see it? Or is it too personal?”
“No, s’all good. Here.” He pointed to the back of his shoulder. “Peel back the plastic wrap and you’ll be able to see it properly.” It wasn’t the only tattoo Connor had. There was another on his side in small script. She couldn’t read the words in the dark, but she knew it was the code he lived by. The other, a full sleeve on his right arm, was an intricate Gaelic tribal tattoo celebrating his roots. Katy peered at his shoulder, and the image brought tears to her eyes. Heavy engineering boots, a rifle leaning against them, a combat helmet resting on the barrel, and a pair of dog tags hanging from the cartridge.
“Oh, boo.” Katy covered her mouth and sniffed, tears dripping onto her cheeks as her heart broke for him. Levi’s arm was instantly around her, but it wasn’t until Con did the same, holding her tightly, that the sobs escaped her. Burying her head against Con’s warm chest, Katy cried, mourning all their lost moments, their lost innocence, the life of the soldier Con was grieving for.
“Cupcake,” Con murmured as he stroked her hair. “It’s okay. Hush, baby.”
“Dude, I know it’s too painful to talk about now, but when you’re ready, we’d like to listen to your story.”
“Most of it’s classified. I can’t tell you much even if I wanted to relive it.”
Katy felt the movement of his shoulders as he shrugged.
“We don’t want mission details.” Levi paused. She could just imagine him shaking his head. “Can you talk to someone though? Someone with clearance?”
Con gently pulled Katy’s hair back off her shoulders, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. “I have been ever since it happened. But let’s eat. Don’t want it to get cold.” As much as Katy wanted him to talk, wanted to hear his story and to help him recover from those past torments, she wouldn’t push him into it before he was ready. There was no way she’d do that to him, so for now, she let the subject change drop. Hopefully, one day he’d open up to them.
Con reached down and snagged a slice from the box, passing it to her before reaching for another. Levi retold his story from his day on set, and as they ate, they laughed, relaxing together in the warm evening. Stories soon turned into reminiscing on the months they’d spent together before Con’s first deployment, and Katy could almost pinpoint the exact moment they fell back into their groove, finding their equilibrium and themselves at the same time. Her relationship with Levi was super strong. She loved him like no one else in the world, and she knew he felt the same, but there was always a missing piece, part of their hearts that wasn’t there. Now he was back. Now she could love her man, live without fear, without the possibility of death breathing down their necks. Con was safe—and damn, what a weight off their shoulders it was knowing that.
Pizza finished, Katy shifted, curling up against Levi’s side. Con began strumming away on his guitar, singing softly with the tunes he played. She always loved the classics, and Con’s rendition of Oasis’ “Wonderwall” made her shiver. He had the most beautiful voice.
Levi rubbed the goosebumps that had formed on her skin. “Let’s head home, sugar. You’re cold.”
“No, it’s so nice down here.” Katy shook her head and cuddled into Levi more, tugging Con to them. “Both of you just scoot closer and I’ll be fine.” The two men shifted, blanketing her in their warm bodies.
She couldn’t help her sigh of contentment when Con started playing again. “This is the life, isn’t it?”
“Fuck yeah,” Con answered immediately.
A month later
The three of them walked through the wire gate of the lot. The machine Katy spied parked there, between two beat-up Fords, was sex on wheels. A beautiful gunmetal grey, the classic sports car was restored to perfection. Con had spent nearly all day every day over the last month at his father’s old workshop, rebuilding it from the ground up. Katy smiled. He’d been doing okay—fewer nightmares and was somehow lighter, like he wasn’t carrying the weight of his time overseas around with him. Counselling and his focus on building new memories in the garage that had meant so much to his father were helping him to rediscover himself. And now, seeing the results, she couldn’t be happier that his hard work had paid off. It was… stunning.
He hadn’t done it alone. He’d had loads of help—Kevin, his father’s long-time business partner, was a master mechanic. The man loved American muscle cars as much as Con did. The beat-up old Shelby his father had imported was going to be their project car, but it’d never happened. Con’s mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer and lost her battle with the disease mere months after it’d arrived at the workshop. His father hadn’t coped well, drowning his grief in a bottle and prescription meds. Kevin had kept their business running while his father tried to drink himself into an early grave. It was only a matter of time after that that he’d disappeared into thin air. His body had shown up six months later floati
ng down a river. He’d drowned, his body pumped full of the drugs and liquor he’d become addicted to. Con had mourned his loss once. Then, finding his body and knowing how he’d died had been even harder. Katy knew those demons still haunted him—he’d confided as much to her in one of their many emails to each other.
“Whatcha think?” Con asked them.
“Mate, she’s beautiful. You’ve done such a fantastic job.” The wide-eyed wonder in Levi’s gaze radiated pride. And Con should be proud. His work was as good as any mechanic’s in the shop, but he’d confessed to Katy that he couldn’t work there. Temporarily, it was okay, but he’d confided that the thought of following in his father’s footsteps made Connor’s skin crawl.
“Thanks, Lee. We’re really happy with it.”
“I think I want to make love to this car. Or in it,” Katy murmured absentmindedly, as she ran her fingertips over its sleek roofline. And she wasn’t joking. It was sensual, downright erotic.
Katy looked over to Con and saw the heat bloom in his eyes, his nostrils flare as he watched her stroke the car. It was wrong, she knew it, but damn it turned her on to be the object of his desire. She followed his gaze as it tracked from her to Levi who was leaning in the open door, checking out the interior. The play of Levi’s muscles under the white polo shirt had Katy licking her lips. Following the swell of his arse in the khaki shorts he wore—his rock-solid glutes flexing as he shifted—had Katy biting back a moan. She loved every inch of her man. And she wasn’t the only one staring at him. Con had followed her line of sight and was watching, apparently riveted, by the way Levi moved. She shivered, feeling the heat in Con’s gaze down to her bones as he took in Levi’s form. God, that look, the sheer devotion Con had to him, was one of beauty. They were a team, so why had she agreed to set Con up with her friend? That night. What was she thinking?
Her friend had practically begged Katy to set her up with Con when she’d posted a picture of him and Levi on Insta. Miranda was totally sweet, a great catch for the right guy. How could Katy resist her when they’d been friends for years? But something didn’t feel right. It was as if she was encouraging Con to leave them again. I’m being ridiculous.
Shopping with him and helping him pick clothes for his date made her head spin, getting her all mixed up. The place Miranda had suggested for dinner was so unlike Con that it made her cringe. He was a faded jeans and tee kinda guy—usually grey, but it varied between that and black or white—not the suave suit-wearing CEO lookalike that was standing before her modelling his outfit. She nodded her approval, albeit reluctantly.
His dark eyes flashed and he fingered the cuffs of his dark grey shirt, adjusting them under the black jacket he wore. “I’m nervous about this date, Katy,” Con said quietly, keeping out of earshot from the people standing nearby. “It’s been so damn long since I’ve done this, and I never do blind dates. How’d you even persuade me?”
“Boo, you need to get out there. Find your happiness.” But he’s happy with us. He doesn’t have to date to be happy. Katy forced herself to end that line of thought. Again. It wasn’t the first time she’d run through the argument in her own mind. Maybe that was why she was so messed up. He deserved so much more in life. Stopping him from dating would keep Con from the intimacy that went with being in a relationship. And that wasn’t fair. Just being friends with them wasn’t enough. He deserved the world.
He sighed. “You’re right. Maybe I should get back out there.”
“Trust me. You’re perfect for each other.” The words sounded forced even to her own ears, and she was sure her smile was more of a grimace.
“Famous last words,” he mumbled before letting the change room curtain fall back in place.
THREE
Connor
H is date, Miranda, was nice. Cute and sweet, she was seemingly perfect for him. It was true, they had a lot in common—their interests in music and movies aligned, they loved the same food and were both runners, but truth be told, he was bored. Miranda seemed up for whatever he wanted and she wasn’t shy with her affection, but it was almost too much. She’d had her hands on him all night, and Connor was suffocating. He wasn’t wearing a tie, but he might as well have had one lynching him. She was right, but all wrong at the same time. Her perfume was too sweet, her lips too red, her hair too light. Not feisty enough, not… not the person he’d always wanted, but could never have. He had a healthy sex drive—not one that got satiated very often, but he was a dude. He had needs. And tonight? Nada. Flaccid as fuck. What the hell is wrong with me?
Katy had seemed out of sorts when they’d been shopping, and the tension had only gotten worse. Levi was walking on eggshells around her, not knowing what to say, but he had his nose out of joint too. He was pissed at something and had turned all surly. It wasn’t a good look on him. But it was worse when his mask fell away and he looked like someone had killed his dog. He was miserable. Connor had to resist the temptation to blow off his date and try to put a smile back on his friends’ faces, to make them laugh again. Surely that’s it. They’re bringing me down, distracting me from a beautiful woman.
Dinner was long and drawn out, but finally over, though Miranda wanted to move onto something else. Katy and Levi begged off a walk along the beach, and as much as it sucked to be on an awkward date, Connor was grateful for the chance to get away from his friends. Miranda slipped her hand into his and, hoping for some attraction to take hold, he didn’t pull away. They walked together along the boardwalk down Surfers Paradise beach. He loved it there—the lights, the sounds. The rhythm of the waves crashing on the darkened sand and the cool breeze settled Connor in a way he hadn’t experienced since leaving to join the army. The beach always did that to him though—gave him a sense of place, of peace, like nowhere else on earth.
“Connor, should we go down onto the sand?” she asked sweetly. He paused, looking at her closely. The innocent enough question had him pausing. Under the sweet smile, the doe eyes she flashed him, she looked like she wanted to eat him alive. Does she wanna get lucky on the sand?
“Um, Miranda,” he began, but seeing her expression drop—the sides of her lips tilting down and the disappointment swirling in her baby blues as she looked up at him—had him backtracking. “I’m kinda tired. Could I perhaps take you home instead?”
Her eyes lit up and she flashed him a sweet smile again. But to Connor, that predatory gleam in her eyes—the one that told him she’d consume him whole—was back. And no doubt about it, there’d be teeth. He gave her a nervous smile, looking away when she stepped closer. When did we stop walking?
He motioned for them to move back to Connor’s car and when they reached it, he held her door open. The drive back to Miranda’s house was quiet except for the directions she gave him, but her eyes never left him—it was obvious when she was turned on the seat, angling her body towards him.
He pulled into the drive and cut the engine. She lived around the corner from Katy and Levi, in a house much like theirs was before the renovations. There was no way he was staying with her, but he didn’t want to head back to Katy and Levi’s place either. They needed some time alone, to work out whatever it was that was eating away at them. Either that or have a good session to fuck the angst out of their systems, whatever its cause. Putting on a smile, Connor opened Miranda’s door and walked her to the front step. He stepped back when she opened the screen.
“Home safe.” She smiled at him and nodded her head towards the interior. “Wanna drink?”
“Not tonight, Miranda. I’d best be getting home.” I don’t think I can let you down softly if I walk in your front door.
“Maybe we can do this again?”
No. “Yeah, that sounds nice.” What am I doing?
“Okay then, call me. I’m free next weekend.”
“Great,” Connor replied, forcing a smile. He didn’t want to hurt her, lead her on—she was too nice for that. Maybe his wanting to protect her, albeit from himself, was because there was something more t
o his feelings.
He leaned down to kiss her cheek, but she turned her head at the last second and pressed their lips together, before licking his bottom lip with little swipes of her tongue. As much as Connor second guessed himself and whether he was attracted to her, he had to see where it could lead. He opened against her mouth and kissed her deeper, their tongues stroking together. It was... nice, but there weren’t exactly any fireworks going off.
He broke the kiss and smiled at her. “I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t let you get inside now.”
She ran her long nails down his chest, stopping at the button of his suit pants and grinned at him. “Being a gentleman is overrated.”
“Not on a first date, it’s not.” He grasped her hand and squeezed it, stepping back again as he let go.
Confused and frustrated with himself for giving up a sure thing, he got behind the wheel and sped off. Three hours and all the back roads down to Byron Bay later, he stopped the car, cursing the situation as he got out. He breathed in the cool salty sea air and leaned against his car. Shaking his head at the stab of aggravation that hit him, Connor kicked at the grass, his shoe finding a stray rock and sending it flying in a high arc somewhere into the park. Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he looked out over the darkened beach, listening to the waves caress the shore. Instantly the weight lifted from his shoulders, freeing him.
Pulling his guitar from the back seat, he strummed it. He didn’t have a song in mind when he started playing, instead letting the notes form into a melody, the melody into songs. He found himself humming Rag’n’Bone Man’s “Skin.” The poignant words drew him in and settled deep inside. Connor’s eyes slid closed, and he played song after song.
The first rays of dawn kissed the sky warming his skin. Tilting his face up, he released a slow breath before blinking open his eyes and watching. Pinks and oranges splashed across the sky in ever brightening hues. The sun, a fiery yellow that morning, had breached the horizon sending shimmering rays across the water. The power of nature was captivating, and Connor stood transfixed as the sky changed from a pale predawn grey to a rich shade of blue he’d only ever seen above the Pacific.