by Ann Grech
“Yeah, I’m not really up for it either,” Connor murmured. A wave of relief washed over Levi. He was protective of his best friend—hell, he’d worried over him for years—and Miranda’s insensitivity made his hackles rise, putting him even more on edge. He’d been tiptoeing around Katy, trying to lift her mood most of the night, but it wasn’t working. And now, he’d had enough. He couldn’t watch his friend fall in lust with this girl, or see them make love-heart eyes at each other again.
“Let’s go to the beach then,” Miranda pressed. She clearly didn’t want the night to end, and who would with a man like Connor fawning over them? He wasn’t ashamed to say that he was gorgeous, especially in the dark shirt and jacket he wore. Sleek and suave, with piercing dark eyes. But the parts that really made him, well… him, were covered or tamed down. The unruly waves his spikey hair was growing into were held in place by product and the intricate tattoos adorning his right arm from shoulder to wrist, his ribs and his shoulder were hidden from view. The script on his ribs was so detailed Levi had found himself wanting to trace it, to follow the curls and blunt lines along his side. But Levi’s curiosity would remain unsated. Dudes didn’t do that to each other.
Miranda’s next comment dragged him out of his head and back into the conversation. “A walk would do us some good after this dessert.” And it probably would, but there was no way he could go with them. A fierce streak of something ran through him when Connor turned to Miranda—surely he was just feeling protective of him. The desire, almost a desperate need for Connor to also say no gripped him. All he wanted was to end the night with the three of them together at home relaxing on the couch together. It made no sense for him to be jealous, but dammit, he was. He’d only just gotten his friend back, and now that Miranda had sunk her claws in, Levi was going to lose him again. He just knew it. The knowledge sent a sharp jolt through his heart, like a knife plunging in, the loss so intense his breath caught. He watched as Connor studied Miranda. His gaze held hers as if he was looking for something, searching. He thought the pain was acute, but instead, it overwhelmed him, like the knife was being twisted violently, when he saw Connor slowly nod, a small smile playing on his lips.
“Sure.”
He was still holding Katy’s hand. The extra pressure she applied, even though it was minute and for barely a second was enough to tell him he wasn’t the only one it was killing. Or maybe it was wishful thinking on Levi’s part—he shouldn’t want his girlfriend to be jealous of her friend going on a date with his best mate, to share his confusion and the crushing blow to his heart.
“Sorry to be a downer, but I hurt my ankle this afternoon. I don’t wanna aggravate it by walking. You two enjoy yourselves.” Katy’s words were a surprise to Levi. Was he so wrapped up in himself that he hadn’t seen her limping? She hadn’t said anything to him, but had he just missed it? He turned to her, concern for her blocking out the pain in his heart. He cupped her face with his free hand, wanting, wishing he could fix everything. She leaned into his touch and kissed his palm, and that simple gesture healed him, gave him the strength to put aside the clusterfuck in his heart and protect her.
“Let’s get you home and get it strapped.”
“Yeah.” Katy squeezed his hand again. “Thank you,” she mouthed.
The drive back to their house was quiet, Katy as lost in her own world as Levi was. The light he’d stopped at turned from red to green, and he moved automatically, following roads he’d travelled down more times than he could count, taking them home without conscious thought. He pulled into the drive and paused, looking at the now empty space next to his car where Connor had been parking.
“I should sell my bike. Make room for Con in the garage. He’s worked too hard on his car to have it sitting outside overnight.” He didn’t want to, but he would. Connor deserved it, deserved to have a place of his own.
Katy jerked in her seat to face him, alarm written on her features. “No, you shouldn’t.” Katy’s vehemence surprised him. He thought she’d appreciate getting rid of crates of unassembled bike parts and the frame which took up half the space in the garage. “That Harley is your baby. You can’t get rid of it.”
He sighed and shrugged, staring straight ahead. Cutting the engine, he sat back in the seat, dropping his hands to his lap. The need to make space in the garage would never have been an issue before, but now it was. Connor needed a place with them. He needed to know that their house was his home too. “I’m never gonna get around to fixing it. And let’s face it, I’m no mechanic.” The darkness in the car seemed to speak to him, whispering that his dream to fix the bike with Connor was dead. Was he overreacting? Probably, but he had to face reality. Connor was moving on. At the time Levi bought the Harley, it’d meant something to both of them. But things changed, and he had to as well. “I don’t even know where to start with it, and it’s not like I’ll ever ride it.” He ran his hand through his hair, sighing again. “I’ve got my car, so it’s a waste of space. And money. It was probably ridiculous to get one in the first place.”
Katy grabbed onto his arm, trying to twist him in the seat, but he couldn’t bear to look at her. “It wasn’t ridiculous, and there’s no reason why you can’t ride it if you get it put back together. You’ve always blamed your job, and I’ve let you, but it’s not gonna happen anymore. You deserve it. Keep the bike.”
He closed his eyes. Levi had never told her that he wanted to fix it up with Connor, kind of replacing the project Connor and his dad were supposed to work on together. He was embarrassed to admit that he’d wanted to give that experience to Connor, just as much as he wanted it for himself. “Yeah, but… I dunno. I s’pose I just need to wake up to the fact that it’ll never happen.”
Katy’s warm hands on his face had him leaning into her touch, shifting his gaze to her eyes. She’d moved, sitting on the console between them to get closer to him. “I know you, Lee. You don’t give up on anything that easily.” She shook her head, her eyes imploring. “Don’t start now. If you want it, reach out for it. You might be surprised.”
“And if I’m disappointed?” he asked, knowing it was a loaded question. He sensed that Katy understood he was talking about more than the bike as they sat together in the darkness of their driveway, cocooned in the car together. What exactly he was talking about was still a mystery though. He was waiting for all the pieces to fall into place, to suddenly make sense, but it was all out of focus, a blur. He did know that he was changing. Or maybe not so much changing as realizing something about himself.
“Then you’ll have tried.” Those four little words that Katy uttered, with nothing but sincerity in her voice, were more comforting than anything else she could have said. It was as if she got it, that she could see what Levi couldn’t yet. Like she was guiding him to where he needed to be to make sense of it.
He kissed her hand and pulled her close, burying his nose in her hair. She fit into his arms like she was made for him. And she was—Katy was his soulmate, the love of his life. Whatever the hell he was going through wouldn’t ever change that.
Levi paced the lounge room. He’d been doing that—pacing and slumping down on the couch staring at the blank TV screen, then pacing again—for hours. The predawn light had begun to breach the darkness of the night sky, but the sun held little solace for him. Katy had long ago fallen asleep, but even though he’d laid with her wrapped around him, he couldn’t do the same. And the more time he spent wearing a track into the hardwood flooring, the more frustrated and on-edge he became. Where is he? But he knew—Connor was with Miranda, probably in bed. There was nothing wrong with that, so why the hell did it feel like there was? It was irrational, sure, Levi would acknowledge that, but it didn’t make what was going on in Levi’s head any less real. Connor was out there enjoying himself with another woman. No, with a woman. They were both single and willing, so why was it grating on Levi? It wasn’t like Connor was cheating, but apparently in the dark of night, Levi was beyond the point of reason and lo
gic.
Weary and dejected, Levi sprawled out on the couch with a coffee in hand. His head hurt and he was in a shitty mood. He was glad Katy was giving him some space. She’d woken up earlier and put the coffee machine on, brewing a mug and handing it to him when it was ready. She hadn’t even said anything to him before she went back to their room to get showered and dressed for the day. Guilt consumed him. He shouldn’t be feeling sorry for himself on the couch. He should have been with Katy, loving her like she deserved.
The key turning in the front door had him swallowing hard. He was home. Finally. Levi looked up when Connor called out to him. He was so damn happy, like he was riding a high. The sight broke something in Levi and made him lash out. With venom in his voice that Connor didn’t deserve, Levi stood and spat, “You haven’t lost it, mate. First date, I’m impressed.”
“It’s not what you think,” Connor replied. Levi huffed out a response and walked away. The angry mask he wore was slipping, his hurt bubbling just under the surface waiting to spill over. He couldn’t let Connor see how upset he was. He knew why. He understood there was something more than being scared of losing a friend. But he wasn’t going there. There was no way he’d let Katy think she wasn’t enough for him. She was. Levi just had to get his head out of his arse long enough to shake this shit out once and for all. He slammed down his mug in the sink, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as he rested his hands on the edge of the kitchen bench. Breathing out slowly, he stood there for a moment. Get it together.
Hours later and Levi was still too wired to do anything other than clean. He groaned. Tired and miserable, he couldn’t stomach doing any more housework. He needed Katy; all he wanted was to hold her. She always managed to distract him when he got too stuck inside his head, but she was shopping with Emma for the day. It left Levi at home with Connor, not that he’d seen him. The other man had crashed almost as soon as he’d walked in, and hours later he was still asleep.
Pulling a bottle of water from the fridge, Levi downed half before leaning against the back of the couch. In the quiet of the house, he heard a door open and close, the shower turning on soon after. Knowing Connor was washing away the evidence of his activities the night before had Levi’s blood boiling. All the insecurity, the stress and the self-doubt he’d been dealing with exploded. Levi was shaking. Betrayed and hurt, he stewed on it, glaring at the closed door while the shower ran. He wanted to blast through it and shake his best friend. Why did he do it? Why did he hurt Levi so fucking much?
Connor opened the door, and Levi found himself moving without conscious thought. His hands pressed against Connor’s still damp skin, and he pushed him against the wall, stepping closer to him. “What the fuck, man?” Connor stuttered.
“Why’d you do it? Why?” Levi hissed.
“What?” Connor threw his hands in the air, before pushing back against Levi. “What the fuck did I do?”
“Stay with her.” Sure, he’d thought it, but he’d never intended to say it out loud. Hearing his thoughts voiced surprised Levi. By the wide-eyed stare and his mouth popping open, Connor was just as shocked.
“I didn’t,” he replied quietly. Connor’s hands were warm against his pecs through Levi’s shirt, and it sent a spark of awareness through him. “I dropped her off then went for a drive. I ended up in Byron. Stayed down there for breakfast.”
“Goddamn it,” Levi muttered, slamming the heel of his hand against the wall. The pictures rattled, and Connor’s grip on his hips tightened. His nostrils flared when Levi realized that he still had his hand on Connor’s shoulder. Curling it, he massaged the firm muscles under his fingertips. “I’m sorry, I’m an arse.”
Connor looked down, breaking their gaze. “Nothing happened between us. If it wasn’t for her kissing me, I wouldn’t have even done that. Is that fucked up? She wanted me, but I couldn’t do it.”
His friend was hurting and there he was wallowing in self-pity. “Why?”
He shook his head, sadness radiating from him. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, it does, mate. Talk to me.”
“I couldn’t do it, couldn’t bring myself to go inside her house. I need to get laid. I’m as horny as fuck. But when she offered, I turned her down. I’m fucking confused.”
Levi pulled him into a hug, needing to comfort him. “I’m sorry I was a jerk.”
“Why are you being a jerk?” Connor asked quietly, still holding Levi tightly. He pulled back just enough to look at him. Levi sighed. He knew why. Jealousy would be a great explanation, but there was no way he was voicing that.
“I don’t know,” he replied, equally as quiet. “You’re not the only one who’s confused.” Levi shivered and sucked in a breath when Connor ran his thumb down his side, following the line of his obliques. Shocked he’d liked it so much, Levi stepped back, breaking Connor’s hold. What was he doing? What was he thinking? He couldn’t touch Con, not like he’d been doing anyway. It was almost intimate. But Connor’s smooth olive skin, his cut muscles, and the bulge standing to attention underneath his low-slung towel begged to be admired. Levi clenched his jaw and took a few deep breaths to get a hold of himself again. He wasn’t attracted to his best friend. He couldn’t be. But the images scrolling through his mind painted a very different picture.
“We’ll work it out, mate.” Levi flinched when Connor punched him lightly on the arm before stepping out of reach. Watching him walk away, he could only nod.
Katy
Her feet hurt from walking, her cheeks hurt from laughing and her credit card hurt from all the new clothes she’d bought. But, her outfit for Levi’s birthday was sorted—a black lace jumpsuit with the tiniest little shorts and a plunging neckline paired with silver heels. She’d seen it and fallen immediately in love with it, and Emma had agreed.
“Okay, spit it out. I can tell something’s wrong.” Emma had stopped walking in the middle of the shopping centre. Arms full of bags, she looked ridiculous trying to cross them as she gave Katy a stern look. She couldn’t help but laugh at her new friend. The funny thing was, they’d spent barely any time together, and yet they’d developed this crazy connection. She just knew that she and Emma would be friends for years to come. No wonder her cousin had fallen madly in love with her.
Katy sobered. “I don’t even know where to start, to be honest.”
“Tea and cake? Or cookies?” Emma grinned at Katy and linked arms with her, dragging her to the nearest coffee shop. They ordered and found a table for two in the corner of the cafe, hidden away among rows of indie books and artwork for sale.
Emma took her hand and squeezed. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but if you want to talk about whatever it is that’s going on, I’m here. Sometimes it helps to speak to a near stranger. Even though it feels like we’ve known each other forever.”
“It does, doesn’t it? And thanks for the offer. I’m just… I dunno… I’m not really ready to talk about things, mainly because everything is kinda swirling around in my head, and I can’t make anything out. It’s like being stuck in fog. I don’t know how I feel about anything at the moment. I’m confused.”
“Can you focus on the things that make you happy? Block out the rest?” Emma took a sip of her tea, setting down the giant mug after.
Katy stirred her coffee, watching the spoon swirl patters through the frothed milk. “I am, but something happened last night which is making me rethink things.”
“Is it Levi?”
“I love him. More than anything.” Katy smiled, thinking of her man.
“But?”
“No buts. I’ll figure it out.” Katy smiled again, this time knowing that she would do just that. The truth was, things had become clear the night before. Sitting down at dinner, she’d known. The protectiveness, the worry the platonic love she’d had for Con since the first day she’d met him was really something deeper. It wasn’t the love between friends anymore. Perhaps it had never been. But she had Levi and never in a million years would sh
e do anything to hurt him. He was far too important to her to do that to him. So as much as she loved Con, it’d only ever be friendship between them. “Lee and I are solid, and that’s the only thing that matters. The rest will sort itself out.”
“Do you have Levi’s birthday present sorted?”
“Um, yeah, sort of. Con’s helping me organize it.” Katy grinned and leaned forward. “We’re doing up his bike. Well, Con is anyway. I’m so damn excited about seeing him ride it when it’s eventually finished.” Dropping the spoon into her empty mug, she steeled her resolve. She had to get her runaway heart under control, and it needed to start right at that moment, especially because she was on her way home. He’d hooked up with Miranda the night before. And she and Levi were together. Katy had to remember that.
Arms weighed down with bags, Katy tried juggling her keys to unlock the front door, but it opened before she could grasp the right one. “Hi, Cupcake,” Con greeted her as he swung the door open. It only took a second for him to relieve her of all her bags so she could step inside. “You did well today by the looks of it.”
“I did.” She nodded and smirked. “I picked up my outfit for Lee’s party. And the shoes, oh my God, they’re beautiful.” Pointing to the smallest of the paper bags, a pink and black striped one, she added, “I picked up some cakes from work for you.”
Con moaned, and she rolled her eyes, laughing at him as they walked down the hallway into the living room. “Place looks great, what have you guys been up to?”
Levi piped in, smiling at her as he met her in the middle of the room. “I tidied a bit this morning, and we just watched a replay of last night’s footy match. I was just about to get dinner started.”