by Ryan Michele
“It’s a surprise,” he replied before tipping his beer up and taking long, hard swallows.
I watched in avid fascination as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. My tongue darted across my lip, instantly feeling dry.
“Babe, that’s not a good idea.”
My eyes snapped to his heated ones. “What?” I asked dazedly.
“Licking your lips. I’m a man, babe, and there’s only so much I can take.” It came out as a warning, but inside it made me burn, like sex hot.
A switch inside of me clicked, tingles spreading throughout my body and dampness growing between my thighs. Oh. Shit.
I turned away, embarrassed. “Sorry,” I muttered. “I’ll be back.”
I needed a little bit of distance from him. In the time we had spent together, he had been so damn patient with me, holding my hand, for goodness’ sakes, and kissing it. He had never once taken it beyond that, knowing he had to be slow with me. There were small touches, even a slight hug, but nothing more.
Was it wrong of me to want something more? To want more of his touch on my body?
I picked up a wet rag and began wiping down the bar as a waitress came up, giving me their orders. I filled them quickly, handing them back out. I didn’t look down at Lynx for fear he would see into my thoughts.
The only touch from a man I had experienced that wasn’t forceful, beyond my control, or for survival was from Drew. When he had kissed me, it had been thrilling and exciting, but we had never taken it a step further than that.
The punch to the gut hit at the thought of him, but like so many times before, I dug down deep, trying to shake it off.
The other men I’d been with…
I shook my head, not wanting to think of those others, not wanting to acknowledge some of the things I had done. I was ashamed of it, dirty for it.
Sex had always been a tool for me on the streets, something I could use to get what I wanted. It was all I had to give, and there were plenty of men willing to take it.
I had seen movies and the way the guys would be so tender with their women. I had never had that. I never believed I even wanted that, because I buried myself so deep I never thought of it at all. All sex reminded me of was hurt and pain.
I didn’t want to associate Lynx with that. I didn’t think I was capable of giving that part of me to a man. A man like Lynx—one that was so self-assured, handsome, and fun to be around—wasn’t going to sit around and wait for the day when I might be ready. No … No man would do that. I was going to have to let him go.
My chest tightened to the point of pain at the thought, and tears sprang behind my eyes. I wasn’t good enough. I was broken beyond repair. I could never make a man like Lynx happy. Hell, I could never make any man happy, because I couldn’t give him what he needed, what every man craved. No band-aid or medication would ever fix the part of me that was so hurt, so torn.
As tears streamed down my face, I batted them away, turning away from all the customers. Pull yourself together! Work was not the place to do this.
The blackness I had kept at bay for the past week came back with a vengeance, swirling so rapidly it almost knocked me to my knees. I clutched the small desk that held the register, trying to get some grasp on myself, trying to stop myself from falling under, trying to gain some sort of control.
Large hands came to my arms, and I jumped, turning around fast. Lynx was there, his face set in hard lines.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the bar and down the hall toward the bathroom. I didn’t resist, only followed. “Here.” He pointed to the women’s room.
I shook my head, pointing to the door on the opposite side. “Break room.”
He wasted no time getting us into the small room and flipping on the light. He pushed the lock on the door, but I felt no panic from that. No, the panic was from me. My short comings, everything I was lacking as a woman hit me like a wrecking ball, crashing down the structure I had started to build within me.
I scurried around, trying to pick the pieces up to snap them back in place, but they were in a piled, jumbled mess, only making me feel more lost.
“Talk to me,” he demanded.
I shook my head, not wanting to tell him, still wrapping my head around the turmoil inside as my world began to tip.
“Yes, we talk. That’s what we do, Reign. You can do this.” His words came out encouraging and light instead of demanding, which I felt some sort of relief from. It was nice to have someone in my life who understood what was happening to me.
Then I blurted, “Why are you with me?”
It was the million-dollar question, one that had plagued me since he had showed up on my doorstep. I was a mess and had more issues than a person could count, so why would this big, strong man want anything to do with me? After all, judging by the looks the other women gave him, he could have his pick, and none of them would have so much weight on their shoulders.
“Because I want to be,” he answered quickly, his hands coming to my arms then sliding down to my hands and intertwining our fingers. It felt good, comfortable, and safe, which made this so much harder, but there was no way I was letting go.
“Why?” I challenged, clutching him for dear life, wanting to know, not wanting to know, scared of the answers.
“Because you’re Reign.”
My brows drew together. “What?”
“The moment you sat in a ball like a scared little rabbit, I knew. When you smarted off to me, telling me about the life you’d lived, I knew. When you opened up at the hospital, I knew. And when you talked to me, ignoring the others in the room, eyes solely focused on me, I knew. When I saw you again after all those days, I knew. When you allowed me to support you when we went to your mom’s, I knew. And I definitely knew when we were lying there, talking like we’d been doing it for years.”
“Knew what?” I asked softly, my nerves bouncing all over the place. It wasn’t the blackness that was starting to envelop me by that point. No, it was something else that I didn’t have a name for.
When he raised our laced fingers, pulling them between our bodies, I had to take a step closer to balance myself.
“I knew there was a spark in there. I knew, whatever man was lucky enough to ignite it, he would be in for the most special gift you could give: you.”
Tears fell from my eyes in a steady rhythm. That had to be the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had ever said to me. I believed he meant every word of it, too.
I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I had to ask, “What if I can’t give you what you need?”
He smiled. “You can. You do. You just don’t know it yet.” His eyes flared as he pulled me even closer to him, his head dropping down before he brushed his lips against mine. It was almost an illusion. The only way I knew it had actually happened was from the tingles on my lips. “When you’re ready, we take this further.”
I was beginning to feel like the lucky one in all of this as he brushed his lips against mine again. It felt so good, so damn good I wondered what it would be like to have more.
Damn, I hated that my emotions bounced all over the place. I was hoping the medicine would even out my ups and downs, but it was still early and the doctor had said it could take a month to six weeks before it showed any improvement.
“Plans just changed for the night,” he said, not releasing his grasp on my hands that felt warm in his.
“To what?”
“It’s still a surprise.” He reached down and kissed my forehead.
The giddy and excited feelings came back, which I liked much better than the others, as the blackness was kept at bay, even if it was only for a little while.
“Where are we?” I looked around the wide open space. Trees lined the road we traveled down, opening up to a clearing with even more trees and bushes along the space. In the middle was a cabin. It was rustic and looked like it was built by hand, like one of those I had seen on the DIY shows I liked. It was lit up with lots of
light casting a glow around the entire space, showcasing a beautiful deck that, from what I could see, looked as if it went around the entire home. Plants hung from the rafters of the porch, and old rocking chairs were a focal point along with a small table. It was nice. Secluded, but nice.
“My place.”
My breath caught in my throat as my nerves came on high alert, sending every one of them into electric overstimulation. I pulled my hands together in hopes of stopping the shaking, but it did nothing except pull attention to them as Lynx set his hand on mine.
“Babe, look at me.” His voice was calm and gentle, and my eyes went to his. “As soon as I unlock the door, I’m giving you my truck keys. At any time, if you feel you need to go, you go. But I ask that you talk to me before you take off.”
I let out the huge breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and nodded.
“That’s my girl. You have nothing to fear from me.”
My words came out whispered, “I know.” I really did.
He gave my hands a squeeze, parked the truck, and hopped out.
I reached for the handle, willing my hands to quit shaking. I wasn’t scared; I was nervous. Not that I believed he would hurt me, but that he would kiss me. I felt like such a child. What woman at twenty-one would be nervous about a hot guy kissing them? I shouldn’t have all these newbie jitters, but I did, and they scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
My door swung open, and Lynx held out his hand to me, something he had been doing much more of lately. Not only that, but simply holding my hand all the time, which I liked, too.
I took it, and he helped me out of his monstrosity of a vehicle. He held my hand, leading me up to the front door.
I was so on edge that, when a large, black animal started running toward us, I screamed and clutched Lynx for dear life.
“What is it?” I yelled, burrowing myself into Lynx’s back, knowing that, whatever it was, he would protect me from it.
I heard a bark then Lynx’s deep voice. “Pepper, sit. Stay,” he commanded.
That was when it clicked. A dog. He had a dog.
I slowly peered around his shoulder.
“Babe, it’s fine. Reign, meet Pepper. Pepper, this is Reign.” He introduced us like Pepper was a person.
I cautiously stepped out from behind Lynx, noting a striking, black dog sitting on his bottom, his front legs tall and straight. Its tongue was out, panting. He didn’t look mean, but more excited to have humans around.
“Do you like dogs?” Lynx asked when I didn’t say anything after the intro.
I paused. “It’s not that I don’t like them.” I sucked in deeply. This would be more of letting Lynx in. “When I was out on the streets, there were many dogs fighting for the same scraps of food I needed. Some were mean and won out because I couldn’t afford to get bitten and sent to the hospital. There was one dog, a bull dog, I later learned. He became my buddy.” Thoughts of Bullet spun in my head. I hadn’t thought of him in a really long time. It was strange how something so simple could be scrounged up.
I continued, “Bullet was his name. The other dogs would pick on him because he wasn’t as big as them. I took him in and kept him with me. I did the best I could, but Bullet was sick, and I had no way of helping him. He ended up dying.”
Lynx’s arm came around my shoulders, and he pulled me to him. It took a moment for me to relax, but I was getting so used to his touches it didn’t take nearly as long as before.
“Oh, babe. Sorry about that. I’ve had several dogs and gone through several of them dying. I get it.”
He whistled and Pepper came closer, but before he got too close, Lynx yelled, “Sit. Stay.”
Pepper listened.
“Pepper here is a black lab. She gets very excited when new people come around. Since I know you have a slight fear about it, we’ll take this nice and slow,” he said just before he put his hand up to the dog’s nose. “I want you to do the same so she can sniff you, know you’re good people.”
Tentatively, I did. It tickled when her cold nose touched my palm, and I smiled. “Hi, Pepper,” I called out just as she stuck out her tongue, giving my hand a lick. “All righty then.” I chuckled, wiping the dog drool on my jeans. “That’s kinda gross.”
Lynx smiled at me, even giving me a soft chuckle. “Seeing you smile is like watching the world light up. You have no idea the power you have in that one little act.”
My insides flipped, warming uncontrollably. With his arm still around me, he leaned down and kissed my temple. I took it, but deep down, I wanted more.
“Come on. Let me make ya somethin’ to eat.” He gave a soft squeeze, called Pepper, and just like he had told me he would, he handed me the keys after unlocking the door. I set them by my purse. I didn’t think I would need them.
Pepper stayed close. Every time she tried to jump up on me, Lynx would be right there, blocking her, to the point he told her to go lie in her bed. With a sad whine, she did.
I felt bad. This was her house, not mine. She should be able to move around without having restrictions. Besides, she seemed like a good dog. She listened to Lynx every time he told her to do something. That gave me the confidence to do what I did next.
“Lynx?”
He turned from the stove where he was making spaghetti since I had liked it so much at the restaurant he had taken me to.
“May I call over Pepper?”
“You sure? She’s gonna wanna jump on you.”
I nodded. This was okay. I had nothing to fear.
“All right. If it’s too much, you tell her to sit and stay, all right?”
“Yep.” I moved to the dog. “Pepper, come here, girl,” I told her.
She looked to Lynx, who must have given her a sign because she then came straight to me. It was weird, though. She didn’t barrel down on me like I had thought she would. She came up slowly, excitedly yet still in control. It was like she knew I needed this to go smoothly and was helping me. How could dogs know that?
As she came up to my feet and rubbed her head against my leg, I ran my hands through her fur, loving the softness. That was the moment my heart warmed to the point of bursting. I knelt down as she moved closer to me, accepting me into her space. I had nowhere else to put my arms, so I wrapped them around her.
“I take it you like her?” Lynx asked, kneeling down as I pulled away from her.
Pepper got more rambunctious with Lynx there, so I rose, taking a step back.
“Yeah. She’s a good dog.”
“That she is. Come, sit.” He motioned to the table, telling Pepper to go lie back down before he joined me where two plates of steaming hot pasta with meat sauce were waiting. It smelled so good, making my stomach rumble, and Lynx chuckled. My arm unconsciously reached out and nudged him.
Then I stilled. I didn’t just do that, did I? I so did.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around my body, feeling like I had done something terribly wrong.
When his strong arms came around me and pulled me to him, I didn’t retreat. I looked him dead in the eye.
“Babe, that’s normal. You didn’t hurt me at all. I rather liked it. I fucking love when that playful side comes out of you. You’ve shown me a time or two.” He smiled and I was mesmerized by it. “Babe,” he said, but I didn’t listen to anything except my thundering heart that sounded as if it was ready to jump out and win a race or something.
I cupped the side of his face, knowing I was going to mess this up, but I was unable to stop myself. It was like his lips were magical, and I wanted to taste them.
“Let me?” I whispered, seeking his permission.
“Babe, I’m not stopping ya.” His lips formed each word perfectly.
Unable to control the urges building inside me, I leaned in, feeling his breath on mine, hot and ready. I tried to remember how to do this then gave up and decided to just do it, and I did.
As our lips touched, a searing heat spiked with the contact. It was like
something bigger was at play here, like the planets were aligning, making everything right in the world, even if for only this moment.
He didn’t take over the kiss like I thought he would. He simply let me lead.
I didn’t know what I was doing, but as our bodies pressed together and his arms tightened around me, I knew I was doing something right. I went with it, tilting my head and loving his warmth.
It wasn’t enough, though. I needed more.
Tentatively, I licked his lips as I kissed him, wanting to really taste him. Lynx didn’t hesitate on my offer. He thrust his tongue fully in my mouth, the unbelievable taste of him exploding. Only briefly did I wonder if I was doing it wrong, but his groans spurred me on, wanting to have more, needing to have more.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head down harder to mine, taking, giving. It was utterly the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced.
My breaths turned into pants and my core started to burn. I lifted my leg, wrapping it around his hip and feeling his hard length through his jeans. Something inside me craved, needing more.
When he broke the kiss, I immediately felt stupid. What in the hell was wrong with me? How had I gone from not kissing this man to wanting to rub myself against him? Shit, I was a whore.
As he rested his forehead against mine, his breaths labored, I put my leg back down on the ground.
“Babe, I can feel your body tightening. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong. Nothing.” He gave my lips a soft peck. “Everything was fucking amazing. I knew that spark was in you. Fuck, I’m one lucky son of a bitch.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry … I—”
“No sorry. No going back, Reign. You did nothing wrong. It was fucking perfect. I am the one slowing things down. I don’t want you jumping too soon, babe. You’ve told me your past, so you’ve gotta let me take care of you, make this good for you.” He kissed me again. “Fuck, now I can’t stop tasting you. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
“I shouldn’t have…” Everything he was saying was wonderful, and parts of me were so excited he felt this way, but the other parts were telling me it was my fault, that what I was doing was wrong. That was why he didn’t want to take it further. And how far did I want to take it? Now that the lust levels had gone down, did I want to take it to us being naked together? So many questions.