Needing To Fall

by Ryan Michele

  “Let’s go. Weston just texted me. They’re in there,” Lynx said after greeting his sister and brother-in-law.

  The smile that graced my face was full of joy and promise. That night, everyone I cared about, everyone I loved, my family, were going to be together in one space. I had never thought I would have that. I had never dreamed of having it after I had lost Drew, but now I did, and I was so damn excited to see everyone.

  When I entered the back room, Andi was the first to come to me and wrap me in her arms. I had met her man Matthew several times, but there still wasn’t that comfortable feeling with him. Andi loved him, though, and that was enough for me.

  “Hey, girl.”

  “Hey. Thanks for coming.”

  Andi pulled away. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

  We smiled just as Weston and Chloe came up. Things between us weren’t perfect, but what in life was? The fact that we lived so far apart was a hindrance at times, yet we had come together more than I could have dreamed, something I was grateful for.

  “Reign, my girl,” Weston said, taking my hand and kissing the top of it. Letting him do this had taken a while, and we weren’t in the hugging phase, but it was a way he showed me how much I meant to him.

  Chloe, on the other hand, pulled me against her, hugging me tightly. “So good to see you.”

  “Same here. Thank you for coming.”

  “All right, move out of the way,” Lindsey said, pulling Chloe from me.

  She and I had something unique. It was kind of a sister thing, but more of a friend thing. I could say with all clarity that she was one of my best friends. We talked every day on the phone, and if we couldn’t, we texted. Out of all five of them, I was the closest to her, which was one more thing I loved.

  Lindsey pulled me to her, hugging me and swaying me from side to side. I relished in the hug. I had missed her. Skype just didn’t cut it. The real thing was so much better. When she pulled away, it was a little too soon for me, but I kept that to myself.

  “Hey, little sis.” Kyler came up then, holding his fist up for me to bump. I secretly loved him calling me that, but I felt the urge to give him shit about it.

  “Little, my ass.” I bumped his fist as he chuckled.

  “Hey, girl,” Colton said, staying in his seat around the table.

  “Hi.” He and I hadn’t really talked much, but I kept in touch with him and cheered him on in one of his races. That was a fun experience.

  “Let’s sit,” Lynx said, and everyone found their chairs.

  I looked around at all the people who had come together for me. I had to be a little selfish in that moment because I had never thought I would have this. I had never thought I would experience people around me who loved me, cared for me, and would do everything in their power not to hurt me. I would do the same in return.

  “May I have your attention please?” Lynx said, rising from the seat he had just sat in. “I want to thank each of you for coming. Reign has wanted this for some time, and we appreciate that you guys”—he nodded to Weston and the family—“were able to come. This is a very special night for my girl, and I know it means the world to her to have you all here. It does to me, too.”

  Lynx turned to me, pushing out his chair. “Reign, I love you more than life itself. You’re my light, my partner, my everything. I want to wake up to you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms at night. I want you to burn dinner so we have to go out.” Laughter came from the table. “And I want you to be a permanent fixture in Pepper’s and my life.”

  I got confused for a moment, thinking I already was a permanent fixture. Then my pulse picked up.

  That was when Lynx did something I had never believed possible for a kid who had never been wanted, who had never had anyone, who had done things she wasn’t proud of to survive, and then who had tried to take her own life.

  He lowered down to one knee, and tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to pinch myself to see if I was sleeping or dreaming, something.

  “Reign Owens, will you be my wife? Will you burn my food, take walks with me and Pepper, and spend the rest of your life with us?” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a box as tears flowed over my cheeks and onto the floor. He opened the box to reveal a beautiful diamond, circle-cut ring.

  I looked into his eyes where all the love he had given me shone so brightly. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “What?” he asked in shock, and I hurried up and spoke, thinking he thought I was saying no.

  I placed my hand on his cheek. “Thank you for giving me a life I never thought possible, for being my rock and letting me grow into myself, for being the man I need in my life. I love you with everything I am and everything I have to give. I would love to marry you and burn your food.” Sobs racked my body as I heard the women in the room sniffling and the guys chuckling.

  Lynx smiled his gorgeous smile and took the ring out of the box before he placed it on my finger.

  I had never had anything in my life as beautiful as this except my love for Lynx.

  He then scooped me up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on with all my strength.

  Life was a journey of ups and downs. Unfortunately, I’d had way too many downs, but I dealt with them, grew from them, and learned from them. I wasn’t perfect, never claimed to be, but I was the perfect me.

  Readers,

  Depression, PTSD, and other deep issues covered in this book take different lengths of time to combat—some take a lifetime, meaning some people are never free. In this book, time is skewed and sped up to flow with the story line. Please keep that in mind at all times and note that I understand it completely.

  This book is dark. It deals with tough issues that many of us don’t talk about because we’re afraid of being exposed and cut open raw, but to heal, we must lay it out there. We must go there to find our sunshine and hope like hell that we do. Depression and suicide numbers are on the rise, and we need to be aware.

  This book was extremely hard for me to write. It is deeply personal and pushed my boundaries as an author and a human being. I also found that it was very therapeutic to write. I hoped you enjoyed it and felt the tug of Lynx and Reign’s story.

  Please make sure to stop by and leave a review on whatever outlet you purchased Needing To Fall. It is much appreciated.

  Thank you for taking the time to read,

  Ryan

  Need Help? Are you or someone you love in need of assistance? Please seek it immediately. Here are some contacts. There is help. You are not alone.

  Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

  https://www.afsp.org/preventing-suicide/find-help

  https://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/getinvolved/locator

  http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/where-to-get-help.asp

  http://veteranscrisisline.net

  To my family, I love you more than words can express. You are my rock, hope, and light.

  I had a shining star in writing this book. She pushed me hard. She had me digging deeper in parts of this book than I wanted to go. Her bubbles littered my work, and I loved every damn one of them. If it weren’t for her being there and being my own personal cheerleader, this book wouldn’t have come to light. For that, I can never repay her. It was therapeutic for me. I’m the lucky one to call her my friend. CC, “It’s not a sprint; it’s a marathon.”

  Ashley, thank you for all your help and lending me your ear.

  My betas, Terri, SM, and Mia, love you, ladies. Thank you so much.

  My readers, I appreciate every single one of you. Without you, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to do what I love doing. You are MY ROCKSTARS.

  Bloggers, thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time to read and help get the word out about my books. I appreciate each and every one of you.

  About the Author

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  Other Titles by Ryan Michele

  Ravage MC Series

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  Preview of Letting Lox In-Marco’s MMA Boys Book 1

  by S.M. Donaldson

  Letting Lox In

  All rights reserved. This Book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased or publicly performed or used in any form without prior written permission of the publisher.

  Thank you for respecting the work of this Author.

  Letting Lox In is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book are either from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, with exception to brand names, Artists named, and their song lyrics, and direct quotes from movies whose titles have been named. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Copyright © 2015, SM Donaldson

  • Due to mature subject matter this book is for readers 17+.

  • This book is written in a true southern dialect, from a true southern person. Therefore, it is NOT going to have proper grammar.

  PROLOGUE

  LOX

  LAST NIGHT’S FIGHT

  This little shit thinks he’s something. He’s over there jumping around like his ass in on fire or something, and he likes to talk shit, too.

  I’m in my corner with Marco right before round three. “Don’t let that little shit get in your head, Lox. You got this, that fucker’s got nothing. You go back out there and show him that the best thing his momma could’ve done for him was to have his daddy use a condom or pull out.”

  I hear my signal and I’m back out of my corner. He bounces around me again. “You think you’re so big and bad, Storm.” I slam my left fist into the side of his face.

  I chuckle at the look on his face. “What was that, Bain? Yeah, I know I’m a badass, and I have the moves to back it up.”

  I unleash on him. He can’t keep up, I just have to wear him down. He’s big and strong, but he’s not near as conditioned as I am. He’s getting winded. Today is one of the days I’m glad Marco kicks our ass like he does.

  I bring my leg around, sweeping his out from under him. He grabs my arm as he starts to fall, snatching me to the mat with him.

  “Finish it, Lox!”

  “Yeah, come on, Storm! Finish it!”

  I hear my fans and Marco yelling at me. My arm is killing me where he pulled it. Fuck. I work him over for the next couple of minutes. Suddenly, the official is pulling up my uninjured arm to declare me the winner.

  Sly has the very next match so Marco has to stay out there. I’d have him check my arm but it’s probably okay, I just need to take some Advil and get some rest.

  Huck is on his way out of the locker room as I enter. Some little blond is behind him giggling. He stops when he sees me and kisses her temple. “Thanks sweetie, you sure do know how to take the edge off for a man.”

  She grins. “Anytime.” She winks as she turns, heading back into the arena area.

  I shake my head. “Dude, really? The locker room?”

  “Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. You wouldn’t have almost gotten your ass handed to you out there if you’d take the edge off more often.”

  I shake my head. “Just get out, I’m going to shower. That little shit tonight snatched some shit in my arm. I’m going to watch yours and Sly’s matches, then I’m going to medicate and go home for bed.”

  He shrugs. “All right man, suit yourself. You know the chicks will be prime for picking when we leave tonight.”

  “Yeah, but I’m going to bed. I don’t feel like trying to act like I’m even interested in someone long enough to get into their pants tonight. I just need rest.”

  He shrugs and goes out of the locker room.

  I hit the showers, fulfill the rest of my night’s obligations and go home.

  Fuck, I hope my arm is better in the morning. I hope that little fucker didn’t mess it up bad.

  CHAPTER 1

  LOX

  Going through my usual workout with Sly and Huck has been a tough one today. Last night’s local match up was hell, the people you know are sometimes worse than strangers. I’m pretty good, I’ve had scouts looking at me for a little while now, so sometimes that makes me a bit of a target to younger or newer guys trying to prove themselves.

  I’ve been to some of the bigger regional match ups and I’ve done well. I have some offers from different agents, but I’m sticking with my trainer, Marco, for right now. Vance DeMarco has been our mentor since we were just punk kids.

  “Dude, you are nursing your arm and you look like shit today. Better not let Marco see that. He’ll get your ass for slacking,” Sly says as he goes through some sparring reps with his twin brother, Huck.

  “Yes, I will,” Marco says loudly as he walks in. “What’s going on with the arm, Lox? This from last night?”

  I try to rotate my shoulder. “Not sure. Something about how that little wise ass snatched on it last night. I guess I pulled something because my arm and down my side are bothering me.”

  “So you just thought you’d what? Not listen to your body? Come here and push through it?”

  I nod. “Yeah, you always told us not to be pussies.”

  “I mainly said that to Frick and Frack over there.” He tilts his head toward the twins. “If I wasn’t hard on them, I’d still be putting Spiderman Band-Aids on their cuts.”

  I laugh at Sly and Huck grumbling. I hear a couple of ‘fuck you’s’ and something about an old bastard.

  Marco grunts. “Go home and ice that shit. If you still have trouble in the morning,” he hands me a card, “go see my chiropractor, Dr. Beck.”

  I look at him strangely. Most doctors look at us like we are into self-mutilation or something. “You sure?”

  “Yeah, he used to be a Marine. He understands the fighter mentality.”

  I nod. “Yeah. Okay, I’m off work tonight so that works.”

  I grab my gym bag and look over at the twins. “Don’t go beating the shit out of each other since I’m not here to separate you. I’ll see you guys at home later.”

  Huck looks at me and rolls his eyes. “Go home and soak your vagina and take some Midol.” As he finishes his sentence, Sly lands a punch right to his lower jaw. “What the fuck, Sly?”

  Sly shrugs. “You weren’t paying attention, fucktard.”

  Huck shoves him and Sly shoves back. I shake my head as I’m walking toward the door. I hear Marco. “You two knock that shit off. I’ll kick both of your asse
s!”

  I get in my silver Chevy Z-71, my most prized possession. I bought this a couple of years ago after a few of the bigger tournaments I fought in in Biloxi. That damn guy at the dealership nearly shit his pants. I walked in and said this was the truck I wanted, he started talking about financing and saying that for someone of my young age, I was probably going to need a cosigner. I pulled an envelope out, ready to pay cash money, and suddenly I went from a dumb kid to, “Mr. Storm, we’ll be happy to help you.”

  Pulling into the small, two car drive way in front of the small house we rent, I sigh. I make my way inside and see that my turtle is still alive. I grab up his food and open his terrarium. “Here, Flex.” I drop some food in for him.

  I go to the kitchen and grab one of my protein meals that I keep ready. While it’s in the microwave, I get out my ibuprofen, heat pack and ice pack. Taking the ibuprofen and grabbing my meal, I go sit down on the couch. Putting the ice pack on first, I grab up my Wii remote and turn on Netflix, starting some Grey’s Anatomy reruns. Yes, I watch Grey’s Anatomy, it’s my guilty pleasure and I don’t care. I caught the reruns on Lifetime and I started watching the show. I got hooked. Now, I’m trying to get to the current season.

  The twins gave me shit until they were up one night when I was watching. Next thing you know, they were hooked, too. They are going to be pissed that I’m watching ahead of them.

  Sly and Huck have been my best friends since we were five. I have an awesome mom. She’s always done her best for me, but they couldn’t say the same thing. Their mom fucked up their world from the beginning. She was always strung out. Hell, look at the names she gave them, after cartoons. Their dad was dead, my dad was a deadbeat and I’ve never met him in person. So the first time the twins followed me home, my momma fell in love. She bathed them and fed them, and pretty much after that my mom was a single mother to three kids. They stayed at my house more than they did their own.