by Anna Howard
I would never have a chance with her, so I wrote that awful letter, just so that I could get it all out. Her friends made fun of her for it. She brushed it off like she got letters like that every other day – which she probably did. I figured I could sit near enough to her that I could quietly observe her from a distance at lunch. So I wandered around empty tables until I found one mere feet away. Occupying the table was a group of girls and guys, none too attractive or popular, so it seemed like a safe place to sit.
"Excuse me," I asked in what I hoped was reserved and polite, "Is this seat taken?"
The girl sitting nearest me looked me up and down, considering. She sneered and made brief eye contact with her friends. "No, but you're not going to sit here anyway. New kids sit alone, or with other loser kids, so get lost!" She grinned as if that was funny. I inspected her thick, wavy blonde hair. She was pretty, but not drop-dead gorgeous or stunning as Ariana was. She stared back coldly, and I turned to take one last look at Ariana before finding a quiet spot to be alone.
And she was already staring.
My eyes widened a little bit, did she know I wrote that cheesy letter? Shit! But then she closed her eyes and lay back down, acting as if the whole exchange never happened. I released the breath I must have been holding in a huff.
"Interested, huh?" A guy asked quietly. I looked down sharply, but everyone else at the table was absorbed in what the pretty blonde was saying.
"Interested? I don't know what you're talking about, man." I scoffed.
He glanced at Ariana and back at me with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't waste your time, bro. She doesn't go for guys still in high school, she's all about college dudes or somethin. But daaamn, she is fine." He said suggestively, looking at her in a way that made my stomach churn. Something about this dude reminded me of who I used to me, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I never said I cared, but thanks, bro." I snapped, and walked away swiftly. I was planning on forgetting her. But then she started talking to me in calculus. We couldn't be friends, not if I was starting to like her. Why was she being so nice to me? The fat teacher droned on and I wasn't paying attention, until she announced she needed to speak to both me and Ariana after class. I gritted my teeth and looked down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her flush and shrug nonchalantly to our staring peers.
The teacher called me out for being stupid and failing the class. Honestly, I wasn't that bad at math. I got almost straight B's in my last school. But I never felt like actually participating here, I had no reason for being smart here.
"Trevor," the teacher began, looking down at me sternly. "I understand you just moved here, but you were in calculus at your old school, too."
I shrugged and said, "Well yeah but I wasn't so good at it then, either." I could feel Ariana's eyes on me, and I refrained from rolling my eyes or doing something stupid in front of her.
"Well you won't be failing me class if I can help it. Ariana here is the smartest girl in class, surprisingly enough." She added quietly, and I smirked at Ariana. "So I'm going to ask her to tutor you until your grade improves. If that's alright with you, Miss Luke?"
Ariana? Tutor me? My face fell and I found myself glaring at Ariana. There was no way in hell she would be teaching me math. I panicked. "But Miss Carter, I can try to work harder, really!"
"Carmandy." She subtly interrupted.
"Yeah, Carmandy, sorry. Listen, I don't need a tutor…"
Then Ariana interrupted me, grinning widely. "I'd be happy to do it, Miss Carmandy!"I glared daggers at her. I tried to protest but Miss Carmandy wouldn't hear it, telling us times and dates and shit. I worked at the shop Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we had to do it Wednesdays and Fridays. I wanted to do it during lunch, but Ariana wanted to do it after school.
"Why not lunch?" I asked. I didn't want to do it after school, because I didn't want to be stuck with her inside either of our houses.
"Why not after school?" She contradicted childishly.
I gave up, agreeing to whatever she said as her emerald eyes bore into me. And as we hung out weekly, I started liking her more and more. Strictly as a friend. She was fun, carefree, smart, humble, and when we played strip-arcade (her idea) and she took off her shirt… Damn. I was telling the truth when I said she had the perfect body. But then her dad came home, and her eyes got all huge and she looked absolutely terrified. He must be pretty scary to cause a reaction like that, but when I asked about it she got all defensive. I remember wishing I could hold her and tell her everything would be OK.
Eventually we became real friends, and I started hanging out with her and her friends more. It was a nice change from being alone with just my thoughts all the time. Then she set me up with some hot girl that looked a lot like Sarah. At first I didn't like her, due to that little fact. But Casey turned out to be a lot cooler than Sarah, and I did start liking her. I knew I could never start loving her, and so I was content to keep going out with her. She was sweet and funny, and I liked spending time with her, though I would rather be with Ariana.
And where was I going with all this? The little fact remained that I still liked Ari… a lot. Too much, if you ask me. When she came to my house after her dad hit her… it was like a tidal wave of emotion. I wanted to badly to comfort her, but how could I when she had a boyfriend and I a girlfriend? Then she got my mother to talk! At first I was a little jealous, I'd been trying to get her to talk to me for years. My mother is a great judge of character, so to talk to Ari had to mean something, right?
I sounded like some love-sick fool. Thinking about fate and love and shit. But she loved me, too. Didn't that count for something? Of course I could never go through with it. My heart couldn't take it if she were to up and leave like Sarah did. Screw Sarah, for screwing this up for me. I had been such an ass to Ari. I wasn't even mad about the whole newspaper, divulging my secrets anymore, I just was hurt that she would do such a thing to me. So I blew up in her face and stormed away like the wimp I am. Now here I was at the park we went to, looking into a little pond at my frazzled reflection.
Really, though, I looked like crap. My eyes lingered on the short hair I now wore, thanks to Ari. I ran my fingers through it a few times, remember that day we spent together. She was so broken. And now she was broken again, thanks to me. I sighed and threw a rock in, the ripples distorting the picture.
"She loves you, ya know that?" I heard a voice say behind me. It was Austin, Ari's boyfriend. I remember him from when we all went out, them, Casey, and me. That was my first date with her, how could I forget the way Austin and Ari kissed, making my heart thud irregularly and my fists clench beneath the table. That ugly green monster called jealously made me hate the guy.
"Whatever, man." I grumbled, turning slightly away from him.
After a few minutes of silence he said almost to himself, "She broke up with me."
She broke up with him because of me? I may have been a player, but I was never a woman-stealer. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking down and biting my tongue. I was screwing with everyone's lives. I should never have come here.
"It's not your fault, she would have never loved me, anyway. I don't know that she ever has loved anyone, besides you." Austin said, skipping a stone over the surface of the water. Against my will, my heart jumped in my chest at his words. I shook my head. "Dude, she told me herself. She was so excited to tell you or something. Give her a chance."
"I can't." I said, more to myself than him.
"Sure you can, she likes you, you like her, it's simple." He said and got up. Brushing his pants, he looked at me one last time. "You really ought to at least try." He said, walking away.
"Maybe that's so, but I don't know that I can risk it." I whispered to myself after he was long gone. Then I thought, hell, what am I risking? Breaking my heart again? Breaking her heart? Neither of which have never happened. So why not, right?
Ariana's POV:
I wiped my mouth and spit one last time into the toilet. Regret. Tears stream
ed down my cheeks and I shut my eyes tightly, shaking my head and gritting my teeth. I had sworn I wouldn't do it. I promised myself. But then I did it. And now I had no friends; no amazing Amber to help me through this, no sweet Bella to assure me I'm not a horrible person. I groaned and slapped my forehead. I was such an idiot! After a few minutes of wallowing in self pity, I stood up and examined myself in the mirror.
My cheeks were flushed and tearstained. My eyes were red and puffy, making it painfully obvious that I had recently bawled my eyes out. My forehead was sweaty and the hair around it lay flat and lifeless. I brushed my teeth slowly, rinsing the taste of puke out until all that was left of the foul taste was unreachable in the back of my throat, and I washed the last out with mouth wash.
Basically, my day sucked. And I was done. I threw myself on my bed and stuffed my headphones in my ears, turning my iPod on and all the way up. Red Hot Chili Peppers blasted in my ears and I groaned. Trevor's favorite band. Of course this would happen… But I didn't change it.
I was woken up by the sound of a slamming door. I wasn't surprised so much by the door slamming, but by the silence that followed. No cursing, no smashing, so crashing, just… silence.
I ventured to peek out the door down the stairs. I saw the shadow of not one, but two figures standing in the kitchen. Weird… I stepped out and slammed the door shut. The figures downstairs flinched, but nobody yelled at me.
"Ariana," I heard my father call out gently. I froze. He sounded completely sober. No alcohol invaded his system tonight… and that scared me. "Please come down here, sweetie, there's someone I want you to meet."
Slowly I inched out of the safety of my bedroom and approached the stairs. Honestly, yeah, I was scared. This was not normal. At all.
I took a deep breath and rounded the last corner, facing my dad and whoever was with him. It was a woman about his age. She was pretty. I immediately didn't like her. Suspicion boiled inside of me as I shot her an icy glare.
"Honey, this is Kayla. We're getting married."
Chapter 16 - Adventure is Out There!
"Honey, this is Kayla. We're getting married." My father said firmly, placing a hand on the woman's shoulder gently.
Icy fingers slithered around my heart and squeezed as I looked between the two strangers standing before me. "No…" I mumbled, backing away slowly. My father shook his head and started saying something, stepping closer and causing me to tumble backwards in a desperate attempt to get away.
"Get away from me." I growled, ascending the stairs without taking me eyes off of him. I glared at Kayla and clenched and unclenched my fists at my sides. The movement caught dad's eye and he took a careful step back. When the coast was clear, I turned and ran up the stairs and into my room as fast as humanly possible. With a firm click the door locked behind me and I leaned on it breathing heavily. No, my dad couldn't get married! That was never the plan! I yanked a suitcase out from under my bed and started throwing random things in it, all the while keeping up a mental stream of complaints.
He could have at least asked me. I mean, I'll have to deal with her too, thank you very much. And all that talk about wicked step-mothers, it's probably true. All fables are built on truth, you know. And when did they meet, anyway? There was hardly a time I didn't see him at least a little tipsy. But it wasn't as though I saw him very often, even if he was my father. Oh and yeah, maybe he should try to spend a little time with me, his daughter? Remember me dad? But no. Instead he has to go and get married like the jerk he is. And they'll probably be having sex in the same bed he did it in with my mother! Ew! I shuddered at the thought.
I suddenly became aware of the pounding and shouting at my door. He sounded angry, and I could barely hear a feminine voice by him telling him I'll need time to adjust. Damn right I will.
Using the sound of his insistent yelling as cover, I threw open the window and tossed my suitcase out. It landed in the grass below with a dull thud, followed shortly by myself. I ran to my car just as I heard a door – presumably to my room – swing open. My father's red face appeared at the window moments later.
"You get your ass up here right now, you little bitch!" He shouted, glaring down at me. I shrugged and flipped him the bird before driving off at about five times the speed limit.
o.O.o.O.o.
Two hours later found me driving down a long, desolate road, humming along to Katy Perry. The tears no longer streamed down my face; my eyes were dry as the desert in front of me. My phone buzzed in the seat next to me, and I ignored it easily. This was the fifth call I'd received since I'd left, and I hadn't answered a single one. I didn't even know who they were from, although I had a pretty good guess.
Texas. I was finally going to Texas and there was nothing but empty road ahead of me. In spite of myself, I smiled. Why had I waited so long? The feel of the wind rushing by, blowing my hair wild, was amazing. And the feeling of finally doing what I'd been wanting to for so long was even greater.
The Magnolia Hotel was even more beautiful than I had expected. The white, polished marble floors gleamed in the light from the ornate candle chandelier. My room was on the seventh level in a nice – but not ridiculously expensive – suite. The walls were a soft green, and the bed spread was white, decorated with pillows that complemented the walls. Deep burgundy and cream curtains covered the grand window on the far wall, and I even got a writing desk with a swivel chair.
I threw myself onto the luxury bed and screamed with delight. This would be my room for the next few days! I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying, but as long as I got to stay here, I would be fine.
I started my stay off with a long, hot shower. Who knew running away would be so exhilarating? I wondered how long I'd be gone, but then I realized I don't care! Long enough at least for these nasty bruises to fade a little.
When I got out, I braced myself. I was going to check my phone… Don't make fun, this was a big moment for me. I assumed my father would have left at least one message, but then again, when had he before? He would have already called Amber and Alyssa… Amber would probably have called but Lyssa was a different story. I hadn't even taken into account what horrible rumors would be spread about me after what just happened at school. In fact, Amber may not have actually called, due to the fact that I'd basically been a raging bitch last time we spoke.
And Trevor? I had no idea.
Slowly, mechanically, I lifted the phone gingerly from the bed, peering at the screen through slitted eyes. Nine missed calls, fourteen messages, and two voicemails. Ok, I can do this. I checked the missed calls, which seemed the least daunting of the three. Two calls from Dad, three from Amber, one from Alyssa, (shudder), one from a number I didn't recognize, and two from Austin. None from Trevor. I tried not to let that get to me, but still my heart sank a little. None from Trevor. That's ok, I still had fourteen messages and two voicemails to check.
Most of the messages were from Amber, and a few from that number that had called me. I found out that number was actually Bella, and she had gotten my number from Amber. I also found out that she and Amber no longer hated me, but were worried about me, crazy as it seemed. Tears sprang into my eyes against my will when I saw that none of the messages were from Trevor.
Clinging to one last tiny shred of hope that maybe, just maybe one of those voicemails was from Trevor, I listened to them. Of course, it was impossible that either would be from him, seeing as he didn't even call. But I listened to them anyway.
The first was from Dad. Not once did he ask where I was. He didn't ask if I was ok, or mention the fact that I had ran away from home. All he could do was point out my every flaw. From how I was immature, bratty, inconsiderate, stupid, to how I was unhygienic, disrespectful, horrible in every way. Behind his yelling I could detect the faint sound of a woman crying, but all I could pay attention to were the words that echoed inside my head. Worthless. Selfish. Bitch. I knew my dad wasn't proud of me, but I always somehow hoped that deep down, he loved me. Now I was sure his feeling
s for me didn't go beyond the surface.
I didn't want to listen to the words, but I didn't have the willpower to delete the message before it ended. And with each insult, my heart broke a little more. My dad really, truly hated me.
Finally it was over. I choked back a sob. Somehow the man managed to torture me, even when we were miles apart. I couldn't bring myself to push the delete button, knowing that every word was true and at least now I had a legitimate reason to hate myself. I couldn't let go of that yet, could I?
My heart shattered when the machine told me the last message was from Amber. I barely heard her words over my own self pity. He hadn't even tried to contact me. Then again, maybe he wasn't aware of what happened? If he knew, he would surely be calling without fail until I picked up, right? But I knew that wasn't the case. There was no way he didn't know. Amber would have told him. Alyssa would have gloated to him about it. He knew, yet he never called.
I blinked the tears away furiously, biting my tongue until I tasted blood. I didn't care that he didn't care. I couldn't. This was supposed to be my vacation from all of this drama. I wasn't supposed to think about any of this at least until I was headed back. I threw my phone across the room. It smashed into the wall and dropped with a thump to the floor, leaving a dent where it hit. This was my drama-free vacation. And I wasn't going to let Trevor or my dad or anyone take that away from me.
o.O.o.O.o.
My next few days were spent wandering the city, looking up good touring locations and going to see them myself. It was a little lonely all by my lonesome self, but I didn't really mind. When I was alone, I didn't have to worry about what everyone else thought.
I also went golfing. It was an old man sport, but I was always a fan. I'd heard once my mother was really good at it, and so I went to the nearby golfing course every morning until I was a pro. It was stupid, but I felt closer to her every time I hit a hole-in-one, or whenever I stepped on the course, even. Why couldn't I just face the fact that my mother hated me just as much as my father?