"Can you borrow it from someone? Your parents? Friends?"
Barbara didn't need to give that much thought. "No. I've decided not to tell my parents until after the baby is born. And most of my friends have less money than I do."
"You could probably get it from the Hamiltons."
Her eyes widened in panic. "You wouldn't tell them, would you? I'd rather die than have any of them find out."
"Even Howard?" Russ prodded.
"Especially Howard. If he didn't love me enough to choose me over his mother, I certainly don't want him to feel obligated to come to me because of a baby. Please, Russ, promise, no, swear on your life that you won't tell a soul about this. Heaven knows what twisted plans they'd have for my child. As much as I hate the idea of going to a clinic, I'll do that before I take one penny from the Hamiltons."
Russ gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. "You won't have to do either. I swear. Something will come up."
She was surprised to see him back at the restaurant a few hours later.
"I have something for you that just couldn't wait until you got home." He handed her a folded white piece of paper.
It took Barbara a moment to comprehend that it was a receipt from Dr. Roselli's office for fifteen hundred dollars.
"I need the other five hundred for an investment that should bring in the rest in plenty of time."
Instead of being overjoyed as he expected her to be, she was extremely annoyed with him. "Russ! That was all the money you had. I don't know when I'd ever be able to repay you. You've got to get your money back."
"Now, babe. I know you wanted to do this on your own, but you have a little one to consider. I'm going to help one way or the other, so you may as well stop being so stubborn about it. And you don't have to repay me. Consider it my portion of the rent. Anyway, I owe you for giving me the idea about the florist. The owner of the third shop I went to this afternoon jumped at the idea of my operating a sidewalk franchise of his store. The money I have left should be plenty to get started and in exchange for his help with the business end, I'll work for him for free a few hours each week."
"That's wonderful." She was elated that her suggestion had helped him, but his offhand remark that he had just prepaid his share of the rent for an indefinite number of months nullified her pleasure.
She was determined to get his money back and have a straightforward conversation with him about her preference to live alone, but another issue took precedence that night. Russ hung around for the remainder of her shift, exchanging jokes with the waitresses when they had a minute and talking at length about sports with her boss.
Barbara was repeatedly told what a great guy Russ was and how cute he was.
"You be nice to this boy, Barbara," her boss told her as they were leaving. "You make him wait too long and some other girl will steal him away!"
"What was that all about?" she asked Russ after they were outside. Russ winked at her. "Just laying the groundwork for your cover story."
"I beg your pardon?"
"In a few months everyone's going to know you're pregnant and wonder what happened to the father. I told them how I want to marry you, but you keep putting me off."
"You what? Why would you make up such a crazy story?" He looked so crushed, she regretted her choice of words, but it made no sense to her.
With much more force than necessary, he kicked a crushed can out of his way. "I only thought it would be easier on you if your friends thought the baby's father actually wanted to marry you."
She knew he didn't mean to be hurtful, but his words cut through her chest like a razor.
"I would, you know," he said quietly.
"Would, what?"
"Marry you." He stopped and took her hands in his. "If you'd have me, I'd be your husband and claim the baby as my own."
She was too stunned to respond. Apparently he misunderstood her silence, for he got down on one knee and made his offer more formally.
"Will you marry me, Barbara? Become Mrs. Russell Latham, to have and to hold, till death do us part. If we did it right away, no one would ever need to know that the baby wasn't mine."
"My God, Russ," she whispered. "You're serious, aren't you?"
He stood up and kissed both her hands. "Completely."
"But we hardly know each other."
"How long did you and Howard know each other when you said yes to him?" His voice revealed more than a little jealousy.
"Obviously it wasn't long enough. I won't make that mistake twice."
He gave that a moment's consideration, then gave each of her hands another kiss. "Good enough. I'll accept that as a maybe for now. There's just one more thing."
Without further warning, he embraced her and pressed his lips to hers. This was no tender caress to seduce her into submission. This was a raw assault on her mouth, meant to conquer and dominate. When she moaned and tried to push him away, he held her tighter, slid one hand down to brace her backside, and pressed his lower body hard against hers.
"I didn't want you to misunderstand," he murmured in her ear. "My offer wasn't made because I feel sorry for you, or because I'm such a nice guy. I want you bad, babe. I have since the first day I saw you in the barn with Howard." He shifted his hips from side to side so that she couldn't be mistaken about the extent of his desire for her. "I've been in this condition almost constantly since then. But the timing hasn't exactly been right for me to show you how I feel."
Instead of his words and actions exciting her, she felt threatened and it must have shown.
"Don't worry about it now, babe. I know you don't feel good and you've had a lot of shocks lately. Nothing will happen between us unless you tell me you're ready. Until then we're just friends."
She hadn't realized how hard her heart was pounding until he released her.
"Of course, I may have to take a lot of cold showers in the meantime."
He said that with such a comical expression, she was put at ease again. She had to give Russ credit for keeping her spirits up most of the time. Perhaps, after her heart completely healed from the damage Howard did, she might be able to care for Russ the way he was hoping she would. But at the moment, she just wasn't ready for another relationship.
His proposal made her even more determined to convince him to move out, but her body thwarted those plans. The next day, the nausea and vomiting didn't alleviate after an hour. Though she managed to drag herself to the restaurant, her reaction to the smell of food was so bad, she had to go home again.
When it didn't subside after another day, Dr. Roselli prescribed some medicine that controlled it most of the time, but made Barbara so sleepy she couldn't pull herself out of bed. The doctor assured her that she would feel better by the end of the twelfth week, but Barbara wasn't sure she would live that long.
Russ was a saint through it all—the sickness, the fatigue, the depression and crying jags. He went out to work for a while each day, but he was always back in time to coax her to eat something, take her vitamins, and make sure she bathed and brushed her teeth no matter how awful she felt. After a week of being nearly helpless, she gave up all pretenses of modesty, yet he continued to behave like the perfect gentleman, or more precisely, the perfect male nursemaid.
The only complaint she had—and it seemed too petty to voice—was the musty odor of cigarette smoke that now hung throughout the small apartment. Though he didn't smoke inside, his clothes and hair reeked of his bad habit and it seemed to slide off him onto the furniture.
It was during one of Russ's brief absences that Simon Decker called Barbara and informed her that the two-week grace period had passed. He would be at her apartment the following day to pick up either the signed agreement or the gifts, particularly the jewelry.
"I suppose I should just give him everything," she told Russ when he returned. "But I have the feeling that what they're trying to do isn't even legal, and that bugs the hell out of me."
"But you haven't got the money or the ener
gy to fight them. Would you mind if I looked at the agreement?"
Thinking that an unbiased opinion could help, she got the envelope out of the drawer and handed it to him. As he pulled the papers out the ring fell to the floor.
"Jesus Christ," he muttered, and picked the diamond up to look at it more closely. "I wonder what this thing is worth?"
Barbara shrugged. "I never asked. After I saw how much he paid for a pair of simple gold earrings, I didn't want to know the cost of anything else he bought me."
"Do you still have it all?" he asked as his eyes scanned the agreement.
"Of course. It's mainly clothes and jewelry, and the flat screen, but there were a few other things that don't have any real value to anyone but me." Like the autographed cartoons, she thought. She would keep those for her child.
"Show me. Show me everything he ever gave you. I might have an idea."
She couldn't imagine what he had in mind, but she had no objection to giving him a quick tour of her newest possessions. He encouraged her to talk about the circumstances surrounding the various gifts and she discovered that it was somewhat cathartic to be able to talk to someone about those times.
"I think you should sign the agreement," he said after she finished.
She frowned at him. "Why?"
"You said you don't want the Hamiltons' help or interference. Well, reread that sentence." He pointed at the line he was referring to: Barbara Mancuso and Howard Hamilton IV shall be henceforth absolved from any and all promises made or implied to one or the other. "I don't know a lot about legal stuff or business, but if I'm reading this right, it works both ways. You would have no claim on Howard, but he would have no claim on you, either, which would also mean the baby growing inside you."
She combed her fingers through her hair as she considered his interpretation of the legal words. "I'm not so sure. That might be stretching it a bit, but it could give me some power if it ever came down to a battle."
"Besides that," he continued, "I've been thinking. It isn't right that your child should suffer because his father's an asshole. What if you can't go back to work right away? I mean, I wouldn't mind supporting you both... if I could. But there's no telling how long it'll take me to get on my feet. And then there's still the rest of the doctor's bill and the hospital, and let's not forget rent, utilities—"
"Okay! I get the point. I need money. Dr. Roselli said I should be feeling better in a few more weeks then I can get back to work—"
"And what if you can't? Some women can't do it all, you know."
She wanted to argue that statement but her stomach chose that moment to rebel again and she rushed to the bathroom.
"See what I mean?" Russ said, following close behind. "You need to consider the worst possible situation." He automatically made a cool compress for her forehead and poured her a cup of water with mouthwash to rinse with. "What I'm getting at is this. You sign the agreement and demand receipts for everything. That way, whenever you need money you can sell something."
The fact that he could continue to carry on an important discussion on top of her gagging said a lot for their peculiar relationship. By the time she was relatively composed again, he had convinced her that she should sign the agreement.
"By the way," he said once that was decided, "I stopped by the restaurant today. Everybody asked about you."
"Oh, gawd. I really need to call in again."
"No, you don't. I told your boss the truth and he understands. He said to tell you he's got to hire another girl, but whenever you're ready to get back to work, he'll try to find room for you."
Barbara couldn't believe her ears. She didn't know which angered her more, his taking on another responsibility that she hadn't asked him to or that her illegitimate pregnancy was no longer a secret. "You told my boss that I'm pregnant and too sick to return to work? How could you do that? I've worked for him for almost two years. It was up to me to tell him what my problem was, not you!"
Her angry tone caused him to respond in kind. "Oh, yeah? And just when were you going to tell him? While you were vomiting or sleeping?" With each word he closed in on her until he was shouting in her face. "I was only trying to take care of something that was long overdue and save you some embarrassment. But could you just say, thank you, Russ, and shut your mouth? No way! Not the high and mighty 'I can do it all myself' bitch goddess! If you weren't so busy feeling sorry for yourself, you might have noticed that you haven't done one goddamned thing by yourself lately. Well, I'll tell you what you can do now. You can go fuck yourself."
He raised his fist as if to strike her, then abruptly turned and strode out the door.
For several seconds, Barbara simply stood there, staring at the open door in utter confusion. Had she been wrong to be upset? Would he come back? Did she want him to?
Yes. No. Maybe. It was all mixed up in her head. She didn't want to need him, yet she did. She had clearly come to rely on him, even though she'd never asked for his help.
Between being sick and the argument, she barely had the strength to walk to the door and close it. What she needed was a short nap, then she could think about it more clearly when she awoke. Before lying down, she took one of the pills the doctor had prescribed to settle her stomach. As her eyes drifted shut, she tried to remember when she had last thanked Russ for his kindness. In her determination to do it alone, had she failed to be the least bit appreciative, as he had accused? She would also think about that... after her nap.
* * *
She felt something touch her cheek and heard her name being whispered, but it wasn't enough to make her want to surface from the murky darkness.
"Barbara. I'm sorry."
She felt her body being shifted to make room for his alongside her. Howard was such a big man. They really needed to get a larger bed. She sighed and nestled into him as his hands stroked her hair. He was sorry. Everything was going to be just fine again.
"I shouldn't have gotten angry. It's just that I've been trying so hard to be the man you want me to be and not push you into anything before you're ready."
That wasn't Howard's voice. Nor was it a dream. The smell of cigarette smoke drifted into her nostrils and she forced herself to concentrate on waking up.
"I can't keep pretending. I can't keep lying here beside you without touching you night after night. It's making me nuts. All I think about is fucking you and sucking on your tits. They're so much bigger than they used to be."
Through her cotton nightgown, Barbara felt his hand molding her breast but she was still struggling to resurface. Only when he shifted his body and his mouth closed over the bared peak, did she find the energy to open her eyes. "Oh, Russ. No. I don't—" He sucked hard and a spear of pleasure shot through her, stealing away her breath and her words.
"Don't say no. Say yes. You need this as much as I do." His fingers ran down her abdomen and cupped the soft flesh between her thighs while his mouth captured hers in a searing kiss.
Her body responded before her mind could form an argument. He was right. She may not want Russ the way he wanted her, but she did need this—the fundamental proof that she was still a desirable woman. She suddenly, desperately needed to lose herself in physical pleasure, to be assured that she could still feel something good.
Without waiting for her verbal answer, Russ pushed up her nightgown and pulled her panties off. Only then did she realize he had come to her bed already undressed and fully aroused. A second later his teeth clamped down on one of her nipples and he sucked the puckered flesh into his mouth so hard it hurt.
"Ouch! Remember, I'm tender."
He released her breast only to assault the even more sensitive area between her thighs with the same aggressive manner.
"Please, slow down," she complained. "You're hurting me."
Drawing himself up, he practically growled at her. "I can't slow down. You made me wait too long." And with barely a pause, he pushed her thighs apart and rammed his penis into her body.
; Thankfully, it only took him a matter of seconds to finish and roll off.
"Oh, babe, I knew it was going to be great between us. Next time, though, we'll get you started before me. That way you'll want it as hard and fast as I like it."
Barbara was stunned. It was incredible to her that the man who had given her such gentle care while she was sick could be so thoughtless when it came to lovemaking. Next time? She shouldn't have given in once, let alone repeat the animalistic act again.
As she got up to go to the bathroom, she saw the satisfied smile on his face as he lay sprawled on her bed. He actually thought what had just happened between them was great! She cleaned herself up and bolstered her courage in preparation for the talk they needed to have. She appreciated his help but she was not willing to thank him with physical favors. He had caught her at a weak moment. Had she been thinking clearly, it wouldn't have happened. The best thing for both of them would be for him to move out as soon as possible.
Her firm resolve disintegrated when she returned to the main room and heard him peacefully snoring. He had been pushing himself so hard lately, trying to get his business started and taking care of her around the clock. He certainly deserved one good night's sleep before she rejected him again.
Damn! She was so confused. She knew she hadn't requested his help and shouldn't feel obligated because of it. Yet she had allowed it to go on. Every time she thought of ordering him to leave, she felt guilty because she knew how hurt he was going to be.
The more she thought about it, she even became confused about what had happened that night. She could have said no, up front, but she didn't. Was it his fault that he wasn't able to make her feel the way Howard had? She thought of Russ's words, hard and fast. With Howard, hard and fast had been exactly how she had wanted him. It was always perfect with him.
She wiped away the tears that instantly built up when she thought of Howard. Surely this grieving would stop someday, but obviously that time hadn't come yet. With a sigh of resignation, she took another pill and put on a clean nightshirt and underpants.
Unnatural Relations (Lust and Lies Series, Book 1) Page 7