If she were a teenager, this would be the time when she'd call her best friend and talk about it until she felt better. But she hadn't allowed herself to get that close to anyone in years. Dani was the first person she'd encountered who might have filled the position, but she was too busy for girl-talk. She knew she could call Tammy but Tammy was too young to understand her reasons for putting Kyle off. The only thing she might say is "I told you so," and that was certainly not what Barbara needed at the moment.
She and Matt were walking out the door the next morning when the telephone finally rang. She hurried back to answer it just in case it was Kyle. "Hello?"
"You sound out of breath," Kyle observed.
"I was on my way out the door."
"Then I won't keep you. I just wanted to apologize for not calling last night. It was so late when I got back to my room, I was afraid I'd wake you and Matt up if I called then. But I didn't want this to wait until I got a break later today. I'm sorry I pushed you yesterday. I told you I would wait, then—"
"It's okay. I'm sorry I've been so... I don't know, uncertain, I guess. But I'm not anymore. I want to see you Friday night." She paused a moment, then decided to let him know just how certain she was. "Matt will be spending the night at his friend's house." Though he didn't say anything, she got the impression he was smiling.
"Maw!" Matt complained. "We're going to be late."
"I have to go," she told Kyle.
"I know." There was laughter in his voice. "I'll call later if I can, but today and tomorrow are packed with appointments and after what you just said, I'm going to want to get through them as fast as possible. Just please don't change your mind. I don't think my heart could stand it, to say nothing for other parts of my body."
She was still smiling when she arrived in the cafeteria for her coffee and doughnut, and her friends immediately commented on it. She didn't feel comfortable announcing her secret to an audience, but at lunch she gave in to Tammy's nudging. The girl had been teasing her ever since she heard about Kyle, yet when she learned of Barbara's decision to give the relationship a chance to develop, she seemed disturbed.
"What's wrong?" Barbara asked. "I thought you'd be happy about that."
Tammy smoothed the frown lines out of her forehead. "Of course I'm happy. It's just that when I said you should get out more, I meant with different men, not just the first one who came along. I mean, Kyle's nice enough, but I don't think Matt likes him very much and you really should consider his feelings before you start getting serious about a man."
"Whoa!" Barbara protested. "Who said anything about getting serious? It's just... well, it's just a strong chemical attraction. I may be ready to do something about that, but I'm certainly not ready for a permanent commitment."
Tammy raised a brow at her. "Maybe you don't think you are, but Kyle certainly sounds like he's looking for a wife. You know I'd be the last one to stop you from having some fun, but I'd hate to see you rushing into another bad situation."
"Don't worry," Barbara replied with a shake of her head. "No man will ever rush me into anything again."
That brought a satisfied smile to Tammy's face. "Good. So, what time do you need me to sit with Matt?"
"Thanks, but he's going to his friend Kenny's house after school."
Disappointment erased Tammy's smile again. "Oh. Well, give me a call if that falls through or if there's any other time I can help with him. You know how much I enjoy his company."
Barbara smiled her appreciation, but her mind was replaying the statement she'd made about not being rushed into anything. Despite her confident words, she began to worry that she had already given in to a bit of rushing. The question was, was it coming from Kyle or was her own libido doing it? Either way, she wondered if she really was strong enough to slow it down before she got in over her head.
Chapter 10
As Barbara drove home from work on Friday, she wondered if the temporary insanity plea would work with Kyle. What could she have been thinking? After she had made it clear that the house would be all theirs for the whole night, there was no doubt in either of their minds as to what they were going to be doing in a few short hours. There would be no more putting off what seemed to be inevitable from the first glance.
From a purely physical standpoint, she wanted to spend the night with Kyle. She wanted it as much as she'd ever wanted anything in her life. If she could simply enjoy the physical part and remain detached emotionally, everything would be fine, but she knew she wasn't that type of woman.
If only he weren't so perfectly wonderful. If only Tammy hadn't gotten her thinking about how fast things were moving.
She glanced at the decorated bottle of champagne on the seat next to her. It had been delivered to her office that morning with an unsigned note that said only; 7:30 tonight or I'll pop my cork trying to get there. Yesterday afternoon he'd sent a telegram that read: Thirty hours and counting down. Love, Kyle. He had called at least once every day, just to let her know he was thinking about her. He was completely sure of himself and the fact that they would have a beautiful future together.
How could she not want to be with him tonight?
On the other hand, how could she be with him like that when he didn't even know her real name or how she'd become the person she was? She had told him the make-believe stories she gave to strangers or acquaintances who weren't important to her. Would he still think they had a future together when he learned that she had lied to him? Didn't he deserve to know the truth before they made love?
Questions were still bouncing around in her head while she got ready for her date. Kyle had told her to get dressed up without revealing where they would be going. To give herself a little more confidence, she had gone out at lunch that day and bought a black cocktail dress that would suit a wide range of functions. Recalling how early Kyle had been for their first date, she made sure she was ready well ahead of time.
At seven-fifteen the doorbell rang, and she bolted up from the sofa. Then she stopped and took a slow breath to try to compose herself. She didn't want Kyle to see how nervous she was. Determined to greet him as a confident, mature woman, she pulled her shoulders back, smiled and casually opened the door.
It took her brain a moment to absorb the fact that it wasn't Kyle standing on her front porch, but Russ Latham.
That moment cost her. Before she could slam the door shut, he stuck his booted foot in the way.
"C'mon, babe. Don't be like this."
She pressed her weight against the door as hard as she could. He didn't push back, but he didn't move his foot out of the way, either. "You'd better get out of here, Russ. I've already warned the police about you. They're watching this house around the clock."
"I only want to talk to you. I swear. Just give me five minutes."
A flood of acid filled her stomach. How many times had he said those same words? Why wouldn't' he give up?
"You know you don't have the strength to keep me out here if I really wanted to get to you, so why don't you make this easier on both of us and invite me in so we can talk like two civilized people?"
She held back the obvious retort, knowing from past experience that insulting him only made things worse. She heard him let out a long-suffering sigh intended to make her feel sorry for him, but she knew his act too well to be fooled.
"Okay, I guess I deserve this," he said. "I've done some things that really hurt you. I know that, and I'm sorrier than you can imagine. That's why I spent every penny I had to hire a private detective to find you this time."
Though she was tiring, she maintained the pressure against his foot so that he'd know she wasn't relenting. Focusing on that helped to slow down the hysteria, but it wasn't enough. She knew it was her imagination, yet she felt his fingers around her throat, squeezing tighter and tighter. Breathe! she ordered herself. Keep breathing and you won't black out.
Her body began to perspire despite the cold draft and the smell of her own fear filled her nostr
ils. No matter how far she thought she had come, nothing had changed. He still had the power to destroy her life whenever he chose. Why couldn't he have died in the car accident instead of Howard?
"Are you listening to me, Barbara? I said, I thought you looked real pretty when you opened the door, like you were all dressed up. Are you and Matt going somewhere special?"
Concentrating on his question helped her to remember that Kyle would be there any minute. What would he think was happening? Would he automatically react to protect her, the way he did with the mugger in the garage? Would Russ stand and fight or could he be discouraged if he learned she had a man in her life?
She swallowed and tried to make her voice sound calm. "I have a date. I thought it was him when I opened the door." It seemed to take him forever to respond, and when he did, it was the last thing she expected to hear him say.
"Good. I'm glad. I was afraid I had caused so much damage that you'd never let a man close to you again. I know you're not going to believe this right away, but I've changed. It took me a long time, but about a year ago, I met someone who convinced me to join a therapy group. It was as if somebody suddenly switched a big light bulb on in my head and everything became crystal clear.
"I understand now that I was eaten up with jealousy over everything Howard had that I didn't and sometimes it came out of me in really negative ways. That was why I wanted you so much. As part of my recovery, I have to see you again, apologize, and say good-bye."
"Good-bye?" Barbara wanted it to be true badly enough to give him her whole attention.
"Yes. If that's what you really want. But I need your help to do this. I have to spend some time with you to prove to us both that I've gotten over my obsession."
She was certain there wasn't a therapist on earth who would recommend a stalker spend quality time with his victim to aid his recovery. More than likely he'd read an article on the subject and memorized enough of the psychobabble to sound sincere. "Where was this therapy group?"
"Outside of Dayton."
At least that was the truth. She knew he'd hung around Dayton last year, hoping to get a lead on her. But that didn't mean he was being honest about anything else.
"You don't have to agree right now. The shrink told me it could take you a while to trust me again. That's why I gave you some time in between sending you the roses and coming to see you. I wanted to show you I wasn't trying to push you anymore. Wait a minute."
Barbara couldn't tell what he was doing until he tried to pass her a slip of paper through the opening.
"Please take it. That's the number of the motel where I'm staying. Call me after you think about what I said. Okay?" When she didn't take it from him, he let it drop to the floor. "There's one more thing I have to do as part of my recovery. I have to be completely honest with you and tell you all the things I lied to you about when we were together—a complete confession."
"I know about your lies, Russ. There's no need to dredge it all up again."
"You're wrong. You don't know everything. You don't know the part I played in breaking your engagement to Howard."
The part he played? What had Decker said about Russ being willing to do anything for money? It didn't matter. That was in the distant past and wouldn't make any difference today. Still, it took tremendous willpower not to ask him to explain.
"When you're ready to hear about that and some other things that you should know, call me at that number. We'll have lunch, maybe take in a movie. It'll be just like old times, only better. You'll see. You don't have to run from me ever again."
As soon as he retrieved his foot, she closed and locked the door. The years had taught her never to believe anything he said, especially when he sounded remorseful or made promises to leave her alone. They were all lies. He may have taken advantage of Howard's abandoning her, but he couldn't have had anything to do with it.
Could he?
She watched him walk across the street and get into a Volkswagen. The streetlight wasn't bright enough for her to make out the car's age or color, except that it seemed to be pale.
She picked the scrap of paper up off the floor, intending to call Dani to report the visit, when Kyle pulled into her driveway. Hurriedly, she stuck the note on the kitchen message board so she wouldn't misplace it before she had a chance to pass it on to the police.
Her initial case of nerves over seeing him was nothing compared to how she felt now. She no longer had the energy to greet him with a confident smile, nor did she have any desire to go out on a date, or even talk to another man, for that matter. However, she couldn't wish him away any more than she could Russ.
Before Kyle got to the door, she opened it and did her best to appear happy to see him. She could tell by the way his smile immediately turned to a frown that he wasn't fooled by her effort.
"What's the matter?" he asked, stopping short.
"I, uh, I was just a little worried that something had happened to you when you weren't here on time." The lie didn't sound the least bit convincing. She moved aside so he could come in, but he didn't move.
"I don't believe that's what's wrong. It's only seven thirty-two now. Would you rather not see me tonight? Have you changed your mind? I'll be disappointed, but I really won't die if you've—"
"Stop! Please, just come inside. I'll be all right in a minute."
He continued to scrutinize her face as he walked past her and took off his coat. "You're going to have to give me some direction here," he said, keeping several feet of space between them. "I've been counting the hours till I could hold you again, but I'm not sure if reaching for you would be good or bad at the moment."
She closed her eyes and let her heart decide. "Holding me would very definitely be a good thing right now."
"Thank God." In an instant his arms were around her, but that only served to make him more aware of a problem. "You're shaking." He leaned back and touched his palms to her cheek, then her forehead. "And your skin feels cold and damp. Why didn't you say you were sick? We don't have to go out anywhere. We can stay here, and I'll take care of you."
"No!" She back stepped out of his reach. "I don't need to be taken care of by anybody! I'm not sick." The look of bewilderment on his face told her she'd overreacted to his casual remark. "I'm sorry. Something very upsetting happened right before you arrived, and I haven't calmed down yet. Maybe you should leave. I'm not going to be very good company tonight."
"Too late. You missed your chance to work it out by yourself. I already took off my coat, and you admitted you needed to be held. Now you have to sit down and tell me all about whatever shook you so badly." He held out his hand to her and had to wait several seconds for her to accept it.
"I need to go take a shower and—"
He silenced her with a soft kiss. "Not now. I have a better idea." Looking around the room, he noticed the knitted afghan hanging over the back of the rocking chair. He got that and wrapped it around her. "The Boy Scout first-aid manual says to raise a shock victim's body temperature. This should help."
He then guided her to the sofa, but instead of sitting on it, he used it to support his back as he sat on the floor and pulled her down so that she was sitting between his legs with her back against his chest. Crossing his arms in front of her, he gave her a hug. "And this will help even more. Now talk."
She let the warmth of the afghan blend with the sense of security his body provided. It was almost as if he knew that, besides wanting to be enveloped by him, her story would be easier to tell if she didn't have to meet his gaze. "I'm not sure where to begin."
"As cliché as it sounds, how about the beginning?" She sort of laughed, and he gave her a little squeeze. "Start anywhere you'd like. I'll figure it out as you go."
She didn't expect Kyle to understand, only to listen, but he did so much more than that. For the most part, he let her talk without interrupting, except for a few questions that encouraged her to tell him how certain events made her feel. When she told him of Howard's death and
what it had meant to her, she felt his chest tremble and turned to see him blinking moisture from his eyes. She nearly fell apart herself, but his empathy helped her to finish the account.
"Had you gotten here five minutes earlier, you would have met Russ on my front porch."
"Believe me, if I'd known a bastard like that was bothering you, I'd have broken all the speed limits to be here in time to greet him personally."
She shifted sideways in his arms and kissed his cheek. "I have no doubt you would have, but I didn't tell you about him so that you would get all macho on me. I've had to deal with him before. I'll do it again."
He narrowed his brows. "How? By running away again? Changing your names again? For God's sake, Barbara, haven't you had enough of being victimized?"
She was stunned by how quickly he'd gone from compassionate to condemning. "I had enough nine years ago, but I have a child to protect, and if I'm forced to run again, I will." She tried to pull away from him, but he held her tighter.
"Forgive me. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. Of course you'll do whatever you must to protect Matt, but I don't want to think about you going anywhere when I've just found you. I won't let this guy or anyone else force you away from me without a fight."
"That's very sweet, but it's not your fight."
"Like hell, it's not," Kyle stated firmly then softened his words by stroking her hair. "The timing isn't right, I know, and I'm probably moving much too fast here, but I can't help it. I want you to know how I feel about you."
"I gave this a lot of thought while we were apart this week, and I came to the very logical conclusion that I had to wait awhile before saying certain things, but logic only works when I can't see your face or hold you in my arms."
"I love you, Barbara. It's as if I always have. I know I always will. You don't need to answer in any way tonight. I just wanted you to hear that at a time when you could be certain it wasn't lust making me say empty words."
Unnatural Relations (Lust and Lies Series, Book 1) Page 15