by R. J. Belle
Kali parked and walked slowly up the driveway, grasping at what little hope she had that this could possibly be some sort of misunderstanding. She knocked softly on the door and bit-by-bit little things began rushing into her mind. Two years together and she still didn't have a key to his place. Although, at this moment, she was relieved that she did not. Kali had no idea how she would handle what was about to happen. The sound of footsteps nearing the door caught her attention. She steeled herself and sucked in a deep breath as the front door opened.
"What are you doing here baby?" His eyes were looking into hers, uncharacteristically soft and gentle, his mouth wearing a slight frown, perhaps concern of some sort.
Kali opened her mouth in an attempt at forming words but the reply came out so quietly it was barely audible. "I didn't want you to be alone tonight."
"Oh baby, I am extremely busy and under orders to have these reports completed before we leave for vacation. I want you to get yourself safely back home and tucked in. We have a big day tomorrow."
She glanced into the dimly lit front room and could only make out a table full of papers. No Olivia. But she knew full well that Nate would never turn her away under normal circumstances. His sexual appetite was unlike that of any man she had ever known. He was insatiable. His desire to own her body fully and regularly was undeniable. He wouldn't be sending her away for any reason, other than perhaps if there was another woman in his bed. The only logical explanation for him turning her away at the front door was that little red sports car parked half way down the street. She had the proof she needed. She didn't say another word. She turned sharply on her heel and walked away, she could feel his eyes on her the whole way to her SUV.
In that moment, Kali had no way of fully understanding how devastating this would be to her entire existence. She was at the beginning of a journey that would show her, in vivid detail, just how many possible ways there was for a soul to be shattered.
CHAPTER 4
Point Loma, CA
December 25, 2009
Detective Paul Sutton paced back and forth along the sandy stretch of beach outside the cordoned off crime scene, his mind racing as rapidly as his heartbeat. In all his years as a homicide detective, he had yet to witness a woman's body with the amount of damage done to it that this one exhibited. Certain that the woman had suffered sexual assault, his thoughts didn't revolve around the fear she must have felt during that atrocious act. What his mind focused on were the hours of torture she had clearly endured.
Upon initial inspection of her body, it was impossible to put a number on the amount of wounds she had suffered. There was not one piece of her body left untouched. The person that inflicted those wounds had to be the worst of the worst; a depraved soul unable to connect on anything remotely resembling a human level. A monster Sutton thought, pure evil.
In the distance Sutton saw his partner walking down the embankment towards the scene. Surprised that he had been able to break away from Christmas Day with his family; he felt bad for Ryan but, fortunate to have another set of eyes on the gruesome crime scene.
"Hey old man, any indication who she is," asked his partner, Ryan Bradley. "Sutton, you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he snapped wanting to focus on the scene. "No - nothing at all. Whoever did this left it clean. Maybe forensics can give us something, anything to crack this case open so we can locate and nail this bastard."
His face was flushed, and his skin felt clammy. He knew that he needed to get some sleep. Too many years of too much caffeine, nicotine and stress coupled with the same amount of years with a sleep pattern resembling that of a vampire had wreaked havoc on his heart. At his last physical exam, his doctor had put him on heart medication and warned him of what refusing to take steps to better his health would ultimately lead to. He was feeling it now, more and more, each time his stress level rose.
The department had offered Sutton a nice retirement package, but he was too stubborn to concede defeat and give up the one true love of his life - being a detective was what he lived for. If continuing on the job cost him his life, by way of his ticker giving out on him, he felt that was a fair trade.
He and Ryan returned to the station, and he called the medical examiners office to inquire as to when the ME's report on the deceased woman would be completed. He was given the standard answer, which infuriated him. This wasn't a standard case, and he wasn't a standard detective, and it was that attitude which had secured his well-known reputation. Feeling fatigued, Sutton closed it up and headed home for some much needed rest.
After weeks of beating down every possible lead, Sutton grew increasingly frustrated by the lack of internal direction he had concerning the case. He had learned the identity of the woman, as well as the identity of her husband, who was becoming a major pain in Sutton's ass. There was no tangible forensic evidence, no eyewitnesses and no one connected to Laura Carmichael who had a clear motive. Sutton began to wonder if he had lost his touch, and if his health issues were causing him to overlook details that he normally wouldn't miss.
On a Monday night, no different from any other Monday night, Sutton was seated at his antique dining room table getting ready to enjoy the finest frozen dinner that money could buy, when he felt a tightness in his chest that caused him to become winded. As he slumped over in pain, he reached for his phone and managed to punch in his partner's phone number just before blacking out.
Opening his weary eyes, he scanned the bright white room searching for signs of affiliation to anything familiar to him, but he found none. Feeling tired, he closed his eyes and began to drift back into the void he had just come out of when he heard his partner's voice.
"Hey old man, they say you might live," Ryan said, trying to make his tone appear chipper, but Sutton recognized the concern.
"It will take something bigger than a heart attack to take me out," Sutton said, opening his eyes and giving a weak smile.
"How you feeling?"
"I'm great, ready to get back on the Carmichael case," Sutton said.
"Partner, they aren't going to let you waltz back into the station until you're cleared. You really ought to reconsider the retirement package. Go out and do some living - away from the evil crap we have to deal with."
Sutton thought about what Ryan said for a moment, and a moment was long enough, "Evil is what I live for, Ryan."
CHAPTER 5
Carlsbad, CA
September 3, 2011
Kali sat alone in her orderly and masterfully decorated seaside Carlsbad condo. The walls were painted in muted colors, the furniture boasted straight lines and no patterns. She poured herself a glass of wine in celebration of closing on her new Laguna Drive residence just blocks from the beach with ocean views and a hefty price tag. The price tag validated, and entitled her, to that coveted label of ‘successful’.
Looking around at her beautiful new space she should have been filled with a sense of accomplishment, but Kali felt alone. The type of alone that makes your heart ache and your soul beg for human connection, human touch. She gazed out the french doors of her living room as the brilliant orange sunset melted into the deep blue water.
She wondered if she would ever find the one. You know, the one who was supposed to magically appear straight off the set of a Disney movie. That perfect haired, white toothed, impeccably put together, and as charming as a make believe fairy tale could conjure up man. Yes, the one who would magically appear at Kali's doorstep, fall madly in love with her and, after a perfect six-month courtship, would gracefully kneel and ask for her hand in marriage. Kali always wondered what happened after that. Did the two of them have 2.5 kids and live in a fabulous house that boasted a bright white picket fence out front guarding the prince and princess from any malevolent force that might dare to tread into their fairy tale? Or did they end up divorced after eight years and squander the small nest egg they had managed to stuff away in the king’s bank on matching divorce attorneys? Or worse? Kali wondered if she ha
d finally reached the point where she was (gasp) a non-believer in happily ever after bullshit. Oh the horror if her Mom ever heard Kali say or even suspect that she had dared think such an evil thought!
Kali Hanson was fast approaching 35 with a solid career as an orthopaedic rehabilitation specialist at the top facility in San Diego County. She had great friends, an awesome family and lived in a community she adored. But none of that kept her warm at night.
Such thoughts were pointless. Uncurling from her chair she strode purposefully into her bathroom decorated in warm beige and sea foam greens and fished in her vanity drawer for a hair tie. The humid evening breeze blowing in from the open french doors had caused her thick mane of long dark hair to curl up into an uncontrollable mess. The constant chore of pushing it out of her eyes was beginning to drive her mad.
As she glanced at her reflection in the circular mirror above the bathroom vanity, she wondered how many prime years she had left to find that prince. How many years until her dark brown eyes would be surrounded by signs of aging or before her bright complexion would begin to dull. How many years before she would be so set in her ways that no prince would be able to recognize that fragile princess deep within struggling to hang on to even the shadow of a desire to set up and play house. The reality was that Kali could barely recognize any of that left within herself. Her heart had grown cold and her soul devoid of the warmth necessary to allow a man inside. Nate had made sure of that; she had allowed him to do so. All she saw in that reflection staring back at her was a woman who longed to be free of the expectations put on her by her family and society. The expectations that demanded she not only believe but, act upon the fairy tale. She knew firsthand the aftermath that inevitably followed when that seemingly perfect fairy tale existence came to a screeching halt, and she never wanted to be a party to that sort of abrupt ending ever again. Of course, the story of her and Nate was not quite a fairy tale; she knew the darkness that lurked behind that white fence. She had lived in that darkness for two years with Nate. She liked that darkness, yet the strength of the pull she felt towards it and him left her confused, lost and broken inside. She despised what she had become, and she hated that she craved to be back in that darkness, fully wrapped up in Nate's game of lust and lies and pain.
The sun’s rays were a faint breath upon the beige walls. She wasn’t ready to leave the darkness yet. Her fingertips trailing along the smooth wall, she walked within the shadows in the hallway to her bedroom. Sitting on the edge of her new bed, she leaned forward and pulled the nightstand drawer open. It was empty except for a stack of black covered journals and a pen. Keeping a journal had become part of who she was. It was the one place where she told all. All of the good and all of the ugly, and there had been much of both during her relationship with Nate. Earlier that day, as she had unpacked the boxes that held years worth of her journals, she had considered putting all of the journals that contained entries during her time with Nate out in the garage, but she hadn't. When she was down or missing Nate, she would pull out the journal that contained the entry from the first day they met. She would read it as if she were reading one of those fairy tale books. When reading the fairly long entry from that day, she could still feel that magic. She could feel his warmth and she could see his light. The light she had seen right away in Nate had been replaced shortly after they began dating though; she couldn’t see it anymore without re-creating it from old, mostly manufactured memories brought on by that journal entry. In fact, she hadn't been able to see that light for the majority of their relationship. She was the mask he wore, the mask that displayed a fabrication of a man who possessed lightness and charm. But Kali knew what was beyond that mask. She had become a part of Nate's darkness and, in doing so, she had begun to wear a mask as well. A mask that kept everyone in her life from being able to see the darkness consuming her, the darkness she was getting lost in, a darkness she was coming to love dwelling within.
October 20, 2007
"I think I met the one today. My someone. His name is Nate Warner, and he is absolutely delicious in every way. He is tall, strong and has the most brilliant light green eyes that seem to be able to see into the very depths of my soul. Like every good fairy tale prince, he rescued me. Well, he stayed with me until the tow truck driver came to provide lockout service for me - because I lost my car key during my run. I know I shouldn't have been running that late and after dark but imagine if I hadn't been. I might have never crossed paths with this amazing man.
When our eyes met for the first time, it literally felt as though time stopped. Wait, am I really writing this? Right now I cannot believe the emotions I am feeling. I don't even know how to describe it to you, and I hide nothing from you, not ever - you know that! But this man, this amazing, beautiful man has me at a loss for words. Be still my heart, I think I may now be a believer in love at first sight. Yes, I did just say that - oh my gosh! I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. I am going to see him Monday night after work. I promise I'll tell you all about it as soon as I get home. Maybe by then I will be able to tell you what I am feeling right now. Maybe I’ve been kidnapped by aliens. Maybe writing this journal entry is just a dream I'm having, and at any moment I might awaken to discover that this magic, well, that this magic isn't truly real at all. But, if and until that happens, I am going to delight in this reality and feel every single precious goose bump growing over my body. Nate. I love the way that sounds when I hear myself say it out loud. Nate..."
The familiar ring of her cell phone bounced Kali away from her journal entry and from the memories attached to it. She gathered up the journals from her bed, tossed them back into the nightstand drawer, and rushed into the living room stumbling over the unfamiliar furniture to get to the phone.
"Hi Meg!" Kali said, thrilled to hear her best friend's voice on the other line.
"Hi K! How's the new place? Did your couch arrive this morning? I still can't believe you spent that much on a couch!" The excitement in Meg's voice was always refreshing.
Kali sighed and tried to muster all of the matching excitement she could bring out in her voice as she answered, "Yes Meg the couch is here and it's glorious! Worth every cent I spent on it. The place looks like someone lives here now and the last of the boxes are unpacked. 'A place for everything and everything in its place.' Mom would be proud."
"Can I come over or do you want to chill alone tonight?" Meg asked.
Knowing it was a rhetorical question, Kali answered, "I will see you when you get here. I'm pouring you a glass of wine now." Kali could feel Meg's smile though the phone. "And Meg, bring your pillow. I don't want to sleep here alone tonight." Kali pushed end on her iPhone and set it back on the tiled bar happy that she would not have to face the night alone.
CHAPTER 6
Meg James had a light about her that was like a warm blanket in the middle of a horrible snow storm. Kali first noticed that light when they were both freshmen in high school. Meg had long, deep auburn hair and the brightest, bluest eyes a girl could have without wearing colored contacts. Her laugh was infectious, and she had a confidence that was seldom muted that rubbed off on those closest to her. It was impossible to be around Meg for any length of time without absorbing some of her positivity. Meg was exactly what Kali needed at that time in her life. Moving to a new town at the beginning of your high school career can be a devastating experience for a teenager. Kali was an honor roll kid and had been running track competitively from a young age. She had no problems making friends, but the move sent her into a bit of a shock.
Kali and her family had moved to Coronado Island just before the school year began, and she had had no time to make new friends that summer. Meg had reached out and sheltered Kali from a terrifying first day of school by making her the new cool girl without any background to go on. Meg was like that. When Meg decided she liked you, she instantly became your biggest cheerleader promoting you like a tenacious, seasoned marketing professional in a high stakes popularity contest.
People were drawn to Meg and whomever Meg liked, everyone in Meg's circle liked and Meg had a very large, very prominent circle even back then. That dynamic had never changed. Meg had sat the sidelines and cheered Kali on ever since that first day at Coronado High.
Kali took two glasses of wine and walked through her living room out to the deck. She set Meg's glass down on the new patio table she had purchased to fill the large outdoor area. Kali sat in one of the chairs next to the table and felt the plush, teal cushion hug her body for the first time. She gazed out at the ocean as the sun was finishing its descent, melting into the dark blue water leaving nothing but a hint of the spectacular sunset still faintly glowing on the horizon.
Staring out at the magnificent view, Kali drifted back to her lonely place. She was still a bit shell-shocked and in disbelief that she had ended up buying this spectacular place alone. The loss she had felt at walking away from Nate still utterly consumed her. There wasn't a day that passed without Nate’s presence in her thoughts. He was there in all of her waking moments, stealing her peace of mind, leaving a wake of devastation that she felt swallowed up by at times. The emptiness she felt by his absence was palpable. Her body still yearned for his touch. Her soul still cried out in silent desperation, begging for his return. It was Kali that had walked away, but she secretly hoped that he would come after her. If he were again to put the slightest bit of pressure on her to return she knew she would do so, crawling back to him on her knees if that's what it took to make him forget that she disobeyed his direct order by leaving the way she had. Kali heard a knock at the door, jumped up and sprinted to open it.