“Jerk” I say as he and his friends walks away not giving me or my spilled cool drink a second look. I walk to the bathroom and look at my flustered cheeks in the mirror. Just two more years and this will be over. I couldn’t wait.
Summer comes walking into my room and she looks white as a ghost. I pack up my books and sit waiting for her to start talking. “Are you okay?” I say and then she starts crying. I didn’t know what to do. I had never seen Summer cry before so this must be very serious. “Brandon… He… His… Cheating on me” She says as she sniffs. Oh shit. I don’t know how to handle this. Brandon was a jock and not just any jock but the super-est asshole jerk-a-ziod you could find. They acted like he was Jesus and I didn’t like him. He hit on anything and everything that had a vagina and when he asked Summer to be his girlfriend over the spring holidays I thought it was too good to be true. I mean the guy was pathological flirt and couldn’t stay faithful even if they paid him a million dollars. He even hit on me at Summer’s birthday party and I gave him a very good piece of my mind but I knew that he was going to break her heart. Summer was too naive and gullible, I told her and tried to warn her but she wouldn’t listen. “Well the guy was jerk from the start” I say emotionless and she looks at me accusingly. I tried looking sorry but I just couldn’t. “Maybe I could talk to him find out what I had done wrong…” She starts talking and I feel like gutted. What the fuck? She thinks that his cheating is her fault. “Oh God…” I say and get up from my bed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I say and throw my hands up. “You think because he can’t keep it in his pants is your fault? Wake up Summer the guy was a man whore from like the eighth grade!” I scream at her and she sniffs again. “And you thought it was going to be different with you?” I say and pointed my finger at her. “You are such a fucking idiot. I told you from the start all he wanted for you and any other girl for that matter is sex” I say she gets up and look at me hard. I see something in her eyes that wasn’t there before. She was deranged. “Well at least someone wants me… not that I can say the same for you. You’ve never even kissed a guy” She says and I feel gutted. Summer was like a sister to me and I loved her, her words were hurting me, badly. “You walk around like you are better than everyone and no-one is good enough for you. At least I’m putting myself out there… what are you doing?” She says and I know that she is hurt and angry that is why she is saying all these things to me. She doesn’t mean it. “You know who gave you that name Ice Princess… It was me” Summer says and points at her person. I couldn’t believe it. “You’re just a loser” She says and turns to walk out my room. I feel the anger in my burning high. I call out her name and she stops with her hand on the door handle. “You know what Summer… I might be a loser in your eyes and people just like you, but at least I’m smart… Hell I’m a genius… And that will last me a lifetime. But you Summer… You are and will always be a dumb whore” I say and I see her eyes shoot full of tears. “Now get the fuck out of my room” I say and point to the door and she stands there frozen. “I said get out!” I scream and she jumps at the sound of my voice. I have never been this mad before. She scurries out of my room and I can feel myself shaking. I could not believe that Summer could be so dumb. I knew she was soft but selling herself so short was just beneath her. I wonder what Ethan would say if he should see her now. I hear footsteps coming up towards my room it sounds like my mother and I know this wasn’t going go down easy. I roll my eyes and sigh as she barges in. “What happened Summer just went out here in tears” My mom says and points to the door. I sit up looking at her still shaking from anger. “She is stupid and for that you can’t blame me” I say and open my books again. My mother looks at me and sighs. “Can’t you just for once be a bit sympathetic… is that too much to ask Annabelle” My mother comes to sit at the edge of my bed and my anger flares up again. “Sympathetic?” I say repeating her words. “She knew the type of person that assehole was before she started dating him and she is frankly way out of his league and still she went with him… And now I’m supposed to be sympathetic with her because he turned out to be exactly what I told her he would be?” I say and get up off my bed and start pacing around the room. “Well… Love… Love sometimes makes us do and sometimes believe things that aren’t good for us… But it happens sometimes. You have to kiss a few really ugly disgusting frogs before you find your prince… And believe me love sometimes does make you blind and weak and well stupid” My mother says and I look at her questioning. “But you and dad… He was your first and only love… So why do you have to go be a whore before you can find your prince” I say and look at her. She tilts her head to the side and frowns. “What makes you think your father was the only man I ever dated” My mother asked and look at me questioning. “You said that you were a virgin when you met dad… And he is the only man you have ever been with” She tilts her head to the other side and smiles. “Yes… Your father was my first and my last sexual partner, but I had a few boyfriends before him but it just never got to the point where we ended up having sex… You see I didn’t save myself for your father or for any man at that matter but he was the only who well… managed to get me hot enough to give up to him” I feel my cheeks turning bright red. I couldn’t believe my mother was telling me this. It was so disturbing really. “Mom!” I say and she starts laughing hard. “What… It’s true… I wanted my first time to be the way I wanted it to be. I wanted to feel special and loved and I refused to have sex with a man until I felt that… And that would mean that I should want him more than he wanted me.” She said and I kind of got what she meant but I didn’t think that I could look at her and my father again the same way. “Everyone can’t live their lives the way the next person sees fit” She says and looks at me. “Sometimes we just have to be there. Even though we don’t agree when the other person loves someone we don’t like, sometimes we just need to be there for when the shit hits the fan you know” My mother says and I stand looking in the mirror at the girl staring back at me. “She gave me the name Ice Princess… You know what that did to me… You know how people treated me because of that name?” My mother looks shocked. “I don’t ever want to be hurt like that again. And the way I live my life works for me… If anyone has a problem with it they need to take the first exit point out” I say and I feel myself shudder as my mother puts her hand to her mouth. “I’ve got a project to finish” I say and turn to look at her. She gets up and walks towards me. “I will make you some hot chocolate…”She says and rubs my shoulder. I know she is hurt but I’m done feeling sorry for people who hurt themselves. I will never allow myself to get hurt.
I see my phone go off and look at it annoyed. I wasn’t in the mood to chat it would either be Summer or Ethan or Angela. I haven’t heard from Angela in ages. I pick up the phone and see that it’s a text from Summer saying she was sorry about what she said earlier and she didn’t mean it. She said that she was extremely upset about Brandon cheating on her. I became angry all over again. Fuck off! I typed back and hit send. I wasn’t in the mood to humour her at all. She didn’t reply. I hear a faint knock on the door and then my mom comes in holding a cup of hot chocolate. I smile at her and she smiles back. “We all need love Annabelle… To give and receive love” She says and looks at me before she leaves my room. What the hell does that mean? I have her and my dad I don’t need anyone else. Maybe in the far very far future I will maybe find someone, but what are the chances. No man wants an Ice Princess and by then I might be the fucking Ice Queen. The thought makes me laugh and I turn back to my books.
Summer and Brandon made up. I couldn’t believe it but realized that it wasn’t for me to judge her. If she wanted a low life piece of shit like him; then be my guest. But I wasn’t about to entertain that shit one second. I basically wrote Summer off. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but there was no other way she was going to intoxicate my life with her drama and I had a plan on how I wanted my life to go.
The year flew by and it was time to star
t looking at Universities. I knew where I wanted to go Stellenbosch. I always dreamed about it. There was nowhere else I wanted to be. “So… I got accepted!” I shouted one night at supper after I had received my acceptance letter earlier that day in the post. My dad jumped up from his chair pulled me out of mine and swung me around the room like I was ten years old again. It felt weird but I loved it. My mom was grinning from ear to ear and I knew she was happy with me again. We hadn’t been on a really good foot since I practically gave Summer the boot out of my life and she has since been trying to ‘fix’ me. She gets up too and we hug. We get back into our chairs and start eating again. I look at them and carefully think about what I want to say next and hope that they are receptive of my next proposal. “So… Can I get my own place?” I say as my dad put another fork of food in his mouth. My mother looks at me confused. “What? Why would you want your own place?” She looks at me confused and I take a deep breath. They are not going to understand this one bit. “I just want my own place” I say and pull up my shoulders. “But why? I mean you’re getting a full bursary which pays for Res and everything” My dad says and waves his fork around the room. “I don’t want to stay in Res… I just think Res is distracting” I say and move my food around on my plate. “Besides I have never shared a room with anyone so why would I want to start now” I say and put a fork of food in my mouth. My mother looks at me narrow eyed. “Well you will just have to start” She says and I look at her openly shocked. I could not believe it. I look over at my dad and he looks shocked too. “You’re not serious mom?” I say and put my fork down. “I can’t live in Res… I will go crazy” I say and throw my hands up in the air in distress. “Do you have any idea what it’s like…? I mean seriously?” I say and she looks at me opening annoyed. “Well were going to find out now aren’t we, besides when I was in Res it was a lot of fun…” My mother says and I roll my eyes at and knew that this was going to end up in one messy fight. “When was that mom…? When dinosaurs roamed the earth… This is twenty twelve times have changed and I it’s like a cesspit for vile and sinister shit now…I can’t believe you are doing this to me… All through God damn high school I did this for you. Made friends and joined clubs and all that social bullshit and now… Now that I just want my own God damn space you deny me that?” I say and my father looks over at my mother and I can see that she is furious. “Annabelle! Mind your language young lady! This world does not revolve around you and your feelings and your wants and needs” She says and gets up from her chair. “I never said it did mother” I say and get up too. “Stop treating me like I’m the worst person in the world just because I feel like I’m better off on my own” I say and get ready to leave the table. “We are not done eating yet Annabelle” My mother says and slams her hand on the table. “Well I’m not hungry anymore… I don’t like the way all this bullshit is tasting right now” I say and walk up to my room. She is still talking behind me to my father and I hear him mumbling something in return. I feel the tears stinging my eyes and hate the fact that I want to cry right now. My mother just won’t understand she doesn’t even try. But that was her problem I had so much other shit to deal with.
We didn’t speak about the Res thing again and I had made peace with it. Hopefully I would get a roommate who wasn’t a drunk or a whore. The days came and passed. I had stopped everything social the last couple of months of my matric year and only focused on the work. I found out that if you do well in your grades then in your second year you can get your own room that you don’t have share with anyone and that was my goal. Peace and quiet. “So are you going to the matric ball” I hear my father asking one night at supper. I look up at him and he seems urgent.
“Of course she is going” I hear my mother answer and I look over at her raising a brow. She seems oblivious to what is going on around her. I look at my dad and continue eating. “Did anyone ask you yet” My father continues and I look at him sarcastically. “Really dad; who would ask me to the matric ball?” I say and my mother looks up and as I ask the most rhetorical question in forever, maybe I can burn her a little I think as she says nothing in return. “But nobody has asked me yet… besides I don’t want to go to the matric ball anyway.” I say and wait for her to respond. She lifts up her shoulder and smiles “Ethan can go with you” She says and gets up from her chair and carries her plate inside. “Yay! How great” I say and continue eating. I had decided to ignore my mother and all her mess. The year was almost over and then I would be rid of her and all her drama. My father looks at me and for the first time I notice that he looks sad. Why would he be sad? “She only wants you to be happy?” He says and I frown at him. “What makes you think I’m not happy?” I say and he looks at me frowning. The truth is I was. I like being on my own and doing my own thing. I really didn’t feel like I needed tons of friends and social groups to be happy. My father looks at me and touches my hand like I was crazy. I pull my hand away and frown at him. “You think there is something wrong with me? You think I’m crazy, socially impaired or something?” I say and get up and look at my mother as she enters the room. “No honey that is not it… We just think that it’s not normal for…” I start laughing. “Oh my God… I don’t believe you… I really don’t believe you guys right now” I say and start walking away from them. “You guys go and find out what ‘normal’ is and then you ask yourself if you want me to be normal” I say and walk away. I start shaking and I feel the tears running down my face. This was becoming worse; the hurt in my heart I couldn’t bare it anymore. I take out my I-pad and put in my earphones. I curl up on my bed and cry.
“You look so beautiful” My mother says as I stand in the mirror looking at myself. I decided to go along with her matric ball dreams. I must say I did look smashing but I really just wasn’t feeling it. Our eyes meet in the mirror but she quickly looks away. She didn’t want to deal with the tension between us. I hear my father shouting from downstairs that we were going to be late. My aunt Adele and Summer was here too. Ethan had agreed to go with me which made him feel like a kid again but I couldn’t care less. I just wanted all of this too be over. I wanted to get out of here and gone. “Wow… Cousin you clean up good” Ethan says as we come walking down the stairs. My mother is grinning from ear to ear but my dad just looks at me in complete awe and then he smiles proudly. It makes my heart swell of the first time in months and I smile back at him softly. We take a couple of photos and then my mother comes walking up to us just as we are about to leave. “Please try and have a good time Annabelle…” I don’t answer just walk away from her to the awaiting car.
The matric ball was okay. Ethan really enjoyed himself and I enjoyed the food. I decided not to go to the after party but Ethan he was about to have a blast. He dropped me off and smiled at me. The next morning at breakfast my mother looks at me and I look at her. “So what was it like?” She asks looking giddy. I pour my coffee and head back upstairs. My father stands looking at her and shakes his head. She sighs and looks away.
The final exams were upon us and before I knew it the year was over. I couldn’t wait to leave. “So your father and I think that you should come home over weekends” My mother says as I started to pack up my stuff. I look at her and knew this was her way of keeping me close. “Whatever” I say and she sighs again.
“I will pick you up on a Friday and we can spend some family time over the weekend and then I will drop you off on Monday again… How does that sound.” I’m barely listened to what she was saying and just smiled. “Whatever you want mom” She looks at me and I look at her. My father walks into the room before she could get her next word out. “Anything I can start taking to the Res yet?” He asks and I point to some of the boxes on the floor. The last drive to Res is upon us and I love that it wasn’t far from our house and that was another reason why I loved Stellenbosch, everything I needed was right here. “So… I guess this is goodbye” I say and my mother looks at me with tears in her eyes. It annoys me a little but I ignore her. “Why does it sound li
ke we will never see you again?” My dad says and swallows hard. “Well dad lets me be honest… You lost me along time ago” I say and I see him looking hurt. My mother looks up at me and the tears start rolling down her face. “For God sakes mom… Why are you crying” I ask angrily. “I think you guys should go…” I say and start unpacking the last of my things. They stand there for a while and I ignore them. “Well I guess we will see you the weekend?” My dad says and I close my eyes. “Sure whatever” I say and look out of the window. They stand a while and say the most hurtful words I’ve ever heard. “We love you Annabelle” I can’t believe they would say that too me. “Yeah okay” I say and I hear them sigh and then they are gone. I sit down on my bed and close my eyes. I didn’t cry anymore but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. My roommate Nicole stands around the room awkwardly not knowing what to do with herself. I look at her and fall back on my bed and pull my pillow over my face and let out a little yell. “Do you want to go to the gym later and play some squash” She asks and I look at her interested. “Oh I suck really hard… But is a great way to work out built up anger and shit” She says to me again and smiles comforting. I smile back at her softly.
The years flew by… My relationship with my parents never really changed. Or maybe I just didn’t see it changing or gave them the chance to make it up to me; I didn’t feel like they deserved the chance really. The second year I got my own room. That was like a dream come true. Summer and Brandon broke up and she was seeing a new dick headed Jock. Ethan was working overseas in London and enjoying life. I worked and worked and worked. I was overall top of my class and only had one more year left. I was studying languages. I loved it. I thought about becoming a teacher or a lecturer. I loved university. I loved learning and I became fascinated with the life. I would go out at night with Nicole and just observe the way they partied the way they drank and everything that happened in between. The next day I would look at them in class hangover and stupid. They looked like they were in pain. This was normal. The normal my parents wanted for me. I laughed out loud thinking about it. I hear her coming in, She was so wasted I swore she didn’t know her name. “Nicole you look like shit” I say and she falls next to me on my bed. I close my laptop and see that she has her top on inside out. Oh God not again. I shudder to think what they had done to her this time. She was so careless when she got drunk and believe me guys loved that about her. The next day she would walk in my room with the shame and disgust smeared all over her face like the night before’s makeup. “What is the matter with you? Really; when are you going to learn that this is not working for you?” I say and wipe her hair out of her face. She was such a pretty girl and smart too, but she was weak… so weak to the attention and the life. The normal. I shake my head.
Loving Annabelle Page 8