by Dan Ames
“Where’s my coffee?” I said to the old man.
He put my cup on the counter, but I ignored it. Using the barrel of the gun, I waved Darkie and the old man toward the partially open door in back.
“Move,” I said.
The old man walked slowly without complaint. Darkie shuffled along muttering curses under his breath.
The old man opened the door, and I made sure the safety was off the Glock. There was a chance, extremely slim, that someone else was in the office. But I doubted it. The last occupant had left the door slightly ajar.
My little Albanian coffee party went into the office, where there were two chairs facing an old steel desk.
“Have a seat,” I said to them.
“You asshole, you are a dead piece of man-shit,” Darkie said.
“Well put,” I said.
I was at a crossroads. Darkie seemed like a punk, but sometimes the Albanians could be stubborn, even after a lot of torture. I know this from experience.
The old man was no pussy. It would be even harder to get the truth out of him. He probably despised Darkie, so threatening injury to the younger man was not a viable option.
So I could torture and kill both of them.
Or I could snoop.
I chose to snoop.
The office was a treasure trove of information. Bills on the desk, a calendar, and a computer. File folders.
I leaned the baseball bat up against a small, metal filing cabinet. With the Glock pointed squarely at Darkie, I flipped through the paperwork on the desk.
The bills were mostly utilitarian: water, energy, a couple of credit cards, a phone bill. There was a brochure from Kohl’s. A catalog from Victoria’s Secret.
“Buying yourself a nightie?” I said to Darkie.
“Shitty head,” he said.
“I wish I had your vocabulary,” I said.
At the bottom of the pile, I came across another phone bill. This one from Century Link. That was not a Michigan company.
I knew.
It was from Florida.
I looked closely at the name on the phone bill. It was a business. There was a Florida address with a post office sticker partially covering it that said the letter had been forwarded.
I committed the name of the business and the Florida address both to memory then slid it back into the pile of mail. I spent a few more minutes going through the desk and some files, but I already had what I wanted. There was no need for Darkie and the old man to know that, though.
Before I could leave, however, I still had to do two things.
It took me three more minutes to find the hard drive linked to the security camera. I unhooked it.
“Let’s go,” I said.
The old man and Darkie walked out of the office. There was no desire on my part to kill the old man, so I swung a bit easier than when I had clobbered Squatty. Instead of trying for a home run, this was more like going for an opposite field base hit. The old man dropped to the floor. I was quite pleased with my bat control.
Darkie made a break for the door, but I tripped him with the bat then dragged him back to the coffee bar.
I put the security camera’s hard drive on the counter. The bat whistled through the air, and the hard drive exploded. Next to it, Darkie’s iPhone still sat on the counter, undisturbed.
I swung again, this time a beautiful arc, and the phone shattered. Bits of plastic bounced off of Darkie’s face. He looked very sad to see his phone demolished. Yet not a trace of emotion over the old man.
Kids these days.
I reached into the old man’s pockets, found a set of car keys, nodded to Darkie who reached into the pocket of his sweatpants.
I picked a point on the center of his left temple.
The bat was still in my hands.
This time, I went for extra bases.
7
I landed back at Fort Myers airport, got a rental car, and drove directly to the name on the phone bill.
Dream Breezes, Inc.
74200 Cypress Cove Road. Estero
* * *
Just a half mile from my house-sitting job.
I took 41 South, hooked over onto a road called Jamaica Bay Road, then followed that to Cypress Cove.
It was a run-down street full of small houses about to fall down with the occasional brand-new subdivision thrown in for comic relief.
One yard had two small horses in the yard.
The last house on the street was 74202. Next to it was a giant electric installation complete with towers and coils and metallic objects looking like something from a sci-fi movie.
I looked across the street.
There was no 74200 Cypress Cove.
Not surprised, but I sighed just the same.
When would these guys learn that these cheap parlor trick never worked?
It just took me longer to track them down.
It did succeed in pissing me off, though.
* * *
•
* * *
Back at my apartment I dug out the Yellow Pages. Dream Breezes had a little ad touting their work installing screens over pools and lanais. Even fake businesses have to run advertisements. It’s enough to fool the tax people but not enough to dupe the Feds.
Dream Breezes’ motto: No bugs, just the breeze. No address. But a phone number with the area code 239. Same as mine.
I called the number.
After twelve rings, it was finally answered. The guy didn’t say “Dream Breezes,” he just kind of grunted.
When I said I had a job for him, he told me they were booked.
His voice had a thick accent, yet it conveyed the tone of his unfriendliness quite clearly.
“I want to put a big screen over an entire property,” I said. “Even the house. I’m an architect and my client has an unlimited budget. This thing will be massive. I’m prepared to pay top dollar, sir.”
He told me to hold on.
A different guy came on the line.
“What’s the address?” he said.
8
I was expecting something ridiculous and I pretty much got it. Instead of say, a working pickup truck with a side decal displaying the “Dream Breezes” logo, two thick-looking guys showed up in a white Lincoln Town car.
“Thought you said you were building a house,” the first guy said. He stood with his legs spread. He had on dress slacks and a black T-shirt. Inside his right forearm was a tattoo. The red, double-headed eagle.
“Building an addition,” I said. “The world’s biggest lanai. I’m hoping to get into Architectural Digest. I paused. “Again.”
It sounded ridiculous, even to me.
“Seventy-five grand,” the second guy said. He was dressed like the first, but he was younger and had black Vans on his feet.
I could tell by the way he stood that he had a gun in the back of his waistband.
“Wow, that’s the fastest estimate I’ve ever gotten,” I said. “You don’t want to walk around? Take some measurements?”
“I already did,” the second guy said and tapped his temple. And then he nodded, knowingly.
“Me too,” the first guy said.
It took everything I had not to bust out laughing. These clowns needed to go to gangster finishing school.
“So for seventy-five grand, you’ll build a screen over this entire house?” I said. “Guaranteed to keep bugs out?”
“Guaranteed,” the first guy said.
“Okay,” I nodded. “Do you have any examples of your work? You know, a portfolio? Testimonials from previous customers?”
The two guys looked at each other.
“We don’t work that way,” the first guy said.
“How do you work?” I asked.
“You cut us the check for half, we’ll be here tomorrow and start working,” he said. “When we’re done, you pay us the second half.”
I shook my head, tried to look like I was tempted. “I need to know a little bit more about your c
ompany. You know, where you’re headquartered, your address, who owns the business,” I said. “Just so I can check with the Better Business Bureau to make sure you’re, you know, on the up and up. I mean, I’m sure you guys are.”
Their matching two-pound eyebrows furrowed in unison.
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” the second guy said.
I acted a little scared. “Whoa, whoa, no offense meant. You guys seem like legitimate businessmen. I mean, that Town Car is bitchin’.”
They looked at me, trying to decide if I was fucking with them.
“However, I’ve got another guy coming to give me an estimate.” I glanced at my watch. “In fact, he should be here in about ten minutes. Do you want to leave me a card?”
The second guy looked at the first. I could tell what he was silently asking. He wanted permission to kick the shit out of me, or at least create enough pain and fear to result in a nice big check.
The first guy looked up at the house. There was a little security camera over the rear of the house.
“You’ve got our number,” he said.
They turned and got back into the Lincoln.
They backed down the driveway and when I heard their tires squeal on Broadway, I jumped into my rental, roared down the driveway and out, just in time to see them turning onto Highway 41 North.
* * *
•
* * *
I knew where they were going before they got there.
Fort Myers.
More accurately, North Fort Myers.
It only made sense. There were three strip clubs in the entire area. From Fort Myers south to Naples. The best was Angel Station, second best Candy Assets. The third one, Real Dolls, was out in the boondocks. I know, I checked it out. And it was unpleasant, to say the least. Most likely a front for a biker meth lab.
These guys pulled into the parking lot of Candy Assets.
It made sense the Albanians had control of at least one of the strip clubs in the area. Hell, they might have all three.
I parked on a side street and went inside.
The place was cheese incarnate.
They had tried to re-create some kind of candy store decorations, but it mostly amounted to a bunch of photographs of women licking lollipops
So creative.
I took a seat at the bar.
“I’ll take a Heineken, please,” I said to the bartender. She was a tall redhead with an apron that parted down the back to show off a silver thong between two bright-white ass cheeks.
“Seven dollars,” she said.
I pushed a ten across the bar. “All set,” I said.
“Thanks,” she said without emotion and walked down to the end of the bar. Not gonna lie; I watched her the whole way.
I considered what my best plan would be, and then the solution presented itself.
Her name was Java. She was dark-skinned (again, the creativity!), probably Native American, and she wasn’t young. Her boobs were small and obviously real, which meant for a stripper her age that she either had ethics or not enough cash for the procedure.
If it were for ethical reasons, my plan wouldn’t work.
If, however, it had to do with a financial issue, I might have a temporary employee sitting next to me.
I pulled out a fifty and told her what I wanted her to do.
She said, “Easy money. I like it.”
* * *
•
* * *
The two men were reflected in the mirror behind the bar. I took a long drink of beer, then turned with a look of irritation on my face.
“Awfully tough to see tits and ass with you two standing there,” I said. “Actually, I do see asses. Two of them.”
They were both big, thick thugs. Heavy arms and foreheads the size of toasters.
“A girl said you were harassing her,” the one closest to me said.
“So fucking what?” I said. I loved playing an unruly customer. It was my favorite role. “Isn’t that what they’re here for, douche bag?”
“No, that’s not why they’re here,” the second one said. “I think maybe you should step outside, sir.”
“You know what, asshole?” I said. “If Fama tells me to leave, I’ll leave. Until then, buy me a beer, or a lap dance, or just fuck right off.”
The redhead glanced over from the end of the bar. I waved her over.
“These two meatballs are buying me another Heineken,” I said.
They didn’t say anything to her, so she gave me one, with a slightly curious look on her face.
The thugs left, but one of them came back after a little more than half of my beer was gone.
He spoke.
“Mr. Fama would like a word with you, sir.”
It may have just been me, but his “sir” sounded a bit sarcastic.
9
He sat behind a desk, an iPad in his hands.
I recognized him instantly. He was a short man, wide, with a beer belly and man titties. His face was the very definition of bulbous: big, thick lips and a blubbery nose. A heavy forehead that hung over his eyes like a bone visor.
“Do you have one of these?” he asked, tilting the iPad toward me.
“Nope,” I said.
“It’s the new one. Look at how nice this picture is,” he said.
He turned the screen to me. It was a video of a young girl having sex with three men at the same time.
For a brief moment, I wondered if it was Kiki. But it wasn’t.
“I can tell you don’t like this, even though you are pretending to not care,” he said, pointing at the video.
“How old is she?” I said.
“Old enough.”
The other two guys laughed at the boss’s joke.
I looked at Fama. I knew his first name was Bruno, and that I had last seen him about a year ago at a brothel in Detroit, from which I had pulled Kiki out at gunpoint. Bruno Fama hadn’t been in charge then, but he’d been present. So had his little brother, Darko.
“So you remember me?” Fama said. “Because I remember you. You cost us some money. Maybe you want to pay me back now. We take credit cards. Everything but American Express. Their merchant’s transaction tax is too much. Fuckin’ robbery if you ask me.”
“Don’t think so, Bruno,” I said.
He gave a half-shrug and an I-could-care-less smile.
“What is it they call you?” he said.
I just stared at him.
“The Garbage Collector, right? He laughed. “Maybe that is why you carry such a bad smell with you, no?”
The other guys laughed some more. No one is ever as funny as the boss. Just ask these guys.
“So why did you dump her in the river right across from me?”
“What on this Earth are you talking about?” he said. He put the iPad down on the desk again. The porn video was still playing.
“You’re just going to piss me off by lying,” I said.
He chuckled.
“You know,” he said. “After you stole one of our products back in Detroit, we put word out that we wanted to get to know you.”
I nodded.
“No one wanted to tell us anything,” he said. “But then a couple weeks ago, some friends of yours—lawyers, I believe—called me and said they’d heard a rumor you were in my neighborhood. They suggested I give you a gift, sort of like a . . . what do they call it . . . a Welcome Wagon?”
He picked up the iPad again and started tapping on the screen.
“We already knew how much you liked Kiki,” he said. “In fact, your lawyer friends said they’d heard that you and Kiki had become very good friends after you abducted her.”
I shook my head, but it was the truth. I had made a mistake. Kiki’s relatives had asked me to deliver her to them, sober. I’d taken her to my place on Drummond Island and helped her kick the drugs. It became more than that, briefly, until I’d reunited her with her family. That was the last I’d seen her, until we’d met again.
On the river.
Fama continued his story. “And since it was time for her to go, we were going to feed her to the crabs, but then someone had an idea. Maybe it was me. That we could turn her into . . . what do they call it? The gift that keeps on giving, right? And you still haven’t said thank you! So rude.”
This got a big laugh from the assholes.
I knew the only reason Fama was telling me this was because he planned to kill me.
I smiled at him.
Fama laughed. “I can see you cared about her. I don’t give a shit and two halves about these bitches. These girls aren’t people to me. They’re product.”
“I bet that’s not what you tell them, though, is it?” I said.
“Tell them? I don’t talk to them, you idiot.” He held up a finger. “But I do fuck them. I believe I fucked this girl you talk about. Crystal. Kiki. I break them in, make sure they can suck dick like nobody’s business, then I am done. It’s like a test drive. Kiki told me I was the best fuck she’d ever had.”
I’d had enough of Fama. But I knew this wasn’t the place. Still, I wanted to make sure he would come after me as soon as possible. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him.
“So were you in the KLA, too?” I said, gesturing at the red double-eagle on his forearm.
He didn’t bother glancing down. He knew what I was referring to.
He also didn’t answer.
“I almost said the ‘army,’ but it wasn’t really an army, was it?” I asked. “Just a bunch of criminals running around, killing kids and raping young girls. Sort of like a training ground for Albanian scum.
I let out a big sigh.
“Guess some things never change,” I said.
To his credit, he kept his face still. His dark eyes were flat.
“Goodbye, Mr. Garbage Collector,” he said. But his voice had lost any trace of joviality.
“How are Darkie’s ribs, by the way?” I said. “That guy is a pussy. Just like every Fama I’ve ever met. You guys probably want to go to prison so you can take it up the ass every night.”