The Texan's Future Bride

by Sheri WhiteFeather

  He was still frowning, still visibly troubled. “I don’t know whose kids they were, but losing them is part of the darkness. Of what went wrong in my family and why it can’t be fixed.” He paused. “Doc said that I would remember things when I can handle it. But I don’t want to remember anything else. Not today.”

  “Then don’t think about it anymore.”

  “I’m not going to. It makes my head hurt.”

  It made his heart hurt, too, she thought, feeling sad for him. She wanted him to have a bright and happy future. She wanted that for herself, too.

  And their families.

  * * *

  After work, Jenna thought long and hard about what she needed to do, and when she came to a decision, she told J.D. that she was going to go for a walk with her sister. But she didn’t tell him why she’d summoned Donna. She didn’t tell Donna, either.

  So, as the women strolled along the ranch, a soft hush drifted between them.

  “What’s going on?” her sister finally asked.

  “I have something important to talk to you about.”

  Donna stopped walking. Jenna did, too, and with the sun setting in the sky, she said, “I’m going to go see Dad on Saturday, and I’m going to ask him to tell me why he betrayed Uncle William and slept with Savannah. And no matter his excuse, I’m going to do my damnedest to forgive him.”

  Her sister took a step back, and a twig snapped beneath her shiny black boot. “Just like that? You’re going to let him off the hook?”

  “I’m in love with J.D.”

  Donna flinched in surprise or maybe it was confusion or both. “What does one have to do with the other?”

  “J.D. has been saying that there are things in his family that can’t be fixed, and now he’s starting to remember some of those issues.”

  “So you’re going to try to fix the way you feel about Dad? How is that going to help J.D.?”

  “It isn’t. But it’s going to help me comes to terms with what Dad did. And hopefully it will help Dad in some way, too.”

  “Please don’t ask me to go with you. I’m not ready to see him.”

  “I know you’re not. I also know that this is more difficult for you than it is for me. I was always disappointed in him, but you used to idolize him.”

  The city girl set her jaw. “I did not.”

  “Say what you will, but I used to see the way you looked at him. You aspired to be like him. He was strong and tough, and he was your role model. I never expected much of him, but you did. And he let you down.”

  Donna took another step back, and Jenna thought her big sis looked like she was ready to bolt, to run straight back to New York as swiftly as her long, gorgeous legs would take her.

  Then Donna said, “I don’t want to have this conversation with you.”

  “Yes, I can see that.” Hence, Jenna wasn’t going to push it. “I just wanted you to know that I was driving to Houston on Saturday.”

  “Don’t give Dad my regards.”

  “I won’t.”

  Donna turned and walked away, but she didn’t go far. She came back with a concerned expression. “Does J.D. know that you love him?”

  “No.”

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  Her heart clenched. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it won’t change anything. And because I wasn’t supposed to get attached. He and I talked about it ahead of time, and I kept insisting that I wouldn’t.”

  “I’m sorry if you’re hurting.”

  “Thank you.” She longed to hug Donna the way she’d done on the day of the vote, but she feared that she might cry in her sister’s arms. And that wouldn’t do either of them any good.

  They parted company, and Jenna continued to walk by herself, immersed in her surroundings. The Flying B was her home, the place that gave her hope, but would it be enough to sustain her after J.D. was gone?

  She thought about Tammy and Doc and how lucky Tammy was. Her cousin had the ranch, but she had the man she loved, too. What if Jenna never found anyone to replace J.D.? What if she compared every man she met to him—to his qualities—instead of what was on her list?

  Maybe she should throw that stupid list away.

  She frowned at the path in front of her. She couldn’t do it. She’d compiled it for a reason, and she was keeping it, especially since J.D had told her it was her magic.

  Her magic. Her pain. Her confusion.

  Before her emotions drove her straight into a ditch, she headed for the cabin, where she knew J.D. would be awaiting her return.

  She went inside and came face-to-face with her lover, who was fresh from his evening shower and attired in a plain white T-shirt and crisply laundered jeans.

  “How was your walk?” he asked.

  She blew out the air in her lungs. “I told Donna what I needed to tell her.” And now it was time to tell him, except for the part about loving him, of course. “I’m going to my dad’s on Saturday.”

  “You are?” He widened his eyes. “To try to square things with him?”

  She nodded. “What you recalled about your family has made me think deeper about mine. I can’t keep letting my wound fester. I have to find a way to heal it.”

  “I’m so proud of you and the progress you’ve made.” He took her in his arms. “Knowing that you’re going to be okay will make my leaving easier when the time comes.”

  She buried her cheek against his neck, her emotions going haywire again. “What if I’m not okay? What if I turn into a lonely old spinster, waiting for a man who never appears?”

  “Are you kidding? Your future husband is out there and he’s going to be everything you imagined.”

  She buried her face deeper into the warmth of his skin. “Are you still jealous of him?”

  “Hell, yes. But I’m glad he exists, too. That he’ll be there when you need him.”

  What she needed was for him to be J.D., not a nameless, faceless stranger.

  He said, “Someday you’re going to get married with your entire family in attendance, and it will be the best day of your life.”

  How could it be the best day of her life unless she was marrying him? “I don’t want to think about my wedding right now.” Unable to let go, she clung to him, like a love-fraught reed in the wind. “I just need to deal with going to Houston on Saturday.”

  And the reconciliation with her father.

  Chapter Twelve

  As Jenna parked her truck and took in her surroundings, the familiar blue-and-white house stirred pangs of loneliness. But what did she expect, for this pristine suburban structure and its perfectly manicured lawn to give her a happy sense of home?

  She would never forget the day she and Donna had moved in with their dad. They’d been two young girls raw from their mother’s passing, and the ache was as vivid today as it had been then.

  She exited her vehicle, her mind alive with deathly memories. The friends and neighbors who’d brought casseroles by had meant well, but their condolences hadn’t helped. Dad, Donna and Jenna had made an awkward trio. The divorced father with his motherless children. The busy executive who’d been estranged from his own family. They’d been doomed from the start.

  Jenna moved forward, taking the shrub-lined walkway toward the front door. She’d called ahead and let Dad know that she was coming, only now that she was here, she wanted to turn tail and run. But she quickened her pace and approached the awning-covered stoop. She no longer had a key. She’d gotten her own apartment ages ago, and now, of course, she was living at the Flying B.

  She rang the bell, and Dad opened the door, appearing like a cautious mirage. They gazed uncomfortably at each other. He was an attractive man for his age, with striking blue eyes and graying brown ha
ir. He stayed in shape by hitting the gym. His only lazy indulgence was the TV game show that he plunked himself in front of each night.

  She went inside. He kept the place tidy, especially for a bachelor, but it lacked warmth. It had been that way ever since she was a child. Something had always been missing.

  “Do you want a cola?” he asked.

  She shook her head. He kept pop around for guests, but he rarely entertained. She couldn’t actually remember him dating anyone, either. If he had lovers, he never brought them home for her and Donna to see.

  He spoke again. “Where do you want to sit?”

  “The living room is fine.”

  He offered her the sofa. “I’m not much of a talker, Jenna.”

  “I know, Dad. But this is a discussion we need to have.” She hadn’t told him that she wanted to make amends. She’d just said that she wanted to discuss their family.

  He sat in his easy chair, the one from which he normally watched TV, only the television was off.

  She said, “I have a lot of questions about the past. But first I wanted to check to see if anyone informed you about the outcome of the vote.”

  “William called me and said it went through. His kids gave him the details. Tammy was in favor of hiring the P.I. and Aidan and Nathan weren’t, but their votes were canceled out by yours and Donna’s. So now Roland Walker is searching for Savannah.”

  That pretty much summed it up. “I didn’t know that you and Uncle William were on speaking terms, other than snapping at each other.”

  “We’re not. He called out of anger, to remind me of what a mess I made out of everyone’s lives. How many times do I have to hear that?”

  “As many times as it takes.”

  He heaved a heavy sigh. “So you’re here to berate me, too?”

  “No. Actually, I came here to forgive you, Dad.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  She bristled. This was going to be harder than she’d thought. “Maybe I should just leave and forget it.”

  “No, please. Stay. I miss you and Donna.” He shifted in his chair, looking big and tough and troubled. “How is your sister?”

  “She’s fine.”

  “Why didn’t she come with you?”

  “She isn’t ready to make amends with you.”

  He didn’t reply, but he seemed wounded. Did he know that Donna used to idolize him? Or had he been too consumed with himself all these years to notice?

  Jenna hoped and prayed that forgiving him was truly the right thing to do. Clearly he was hurting, but if it was self-indulgent pain, then it didn’t count, not the way it should.

  She asked, “How do you feel about us looking for Savannah and her possible child?”

  He skirted the issue. “William is upset about it.”

  “I know. But how do you feel?”

  He hesitated, obviously not keen about answering the question.

  “Dad.”

  “I was in love with her, Jenna.”

  That was the last thing she’d expected to hear. And because it took her by complete surprise, she merely sat there, probably with a stupid look on her face.

  He continued, “Out-of-my-head, out-of-my-young-heart in love. I even married your mother on the rebound because I’d lost Savannah. Your mom reminded me a bit of her, but they weren’t the same woman, and I never got over Savannah. She was always there, like a ghost who wouldn’t stop torturing me.”

  Conflicted by his admission, Jenna tensed, feeling sorry for him and hating him at the same time. “Did Mom know about Savannah?”

  “No. I didn’t tell her that I was estranged from my family because of a girl. I didn’t make up a story, either. I just said that it was too painful to talk about, and she accepted it. I think in the beginning, my rebel-boy pain made me more appealing to your mom.”

  Jenna’s voice went sharp. “She wouldn’t have found it appealing if she’d known you were pining over another woman.”

  “I tried to make the marriage work. Honestly, I did. But I didn’t love your mom the way I should have, and she began to lose feelings for me, too.”

  “I remember Mom being distraught over the divorce.”

  “You were six years old when we split up. How clear can your memories be?”

  Clear enough, she thought. “I remember how often she cried. And how much time she started spending at her job. She didn’t seem like the same Mommy anymore.” But Jenna had stayed by her side, sticking like kindergarten paste, right up until the day she’d died.

  He stared at the empty TV screen. “I never meant to hurt her.”

  “You hurt a lot of people.”

  “I didn’t set out to do that.”

  She took an enormous breath, struggling to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Tell me more about Savannah and how your relationship with her unfolded.”

  “William and I were both home from school that summer. Me from Rice University and him from Texas A&M. It was our first year of college. William was majoring in animal husbandry so he could work beside Tex on the ranch, and I was majoring in business with a minor in economics, so I could get the hell off the Flying B someday.”

  She knew some of these details already, but she’d arranged this meeting to hear his version of the story, so she listened to the way he was telling it, concentrating on the emotional inflection in his voice.

  He continued, “Right before summer break, William had gotten into a car accident and ended up with a fractured leg, a sprained wrist and some cuts and bruises on his face. So that’s the condition he was in when he came home. He’d been dating Savannah for a while by then. She was a student at A&M, too. Since he was all banged up, she offered to drive him to the ranch and help nurse him back to health.” He paused, then added, “I arrived a few days later, and from the moment I met Savannah, I was awestruck. But I kept telling myself that I was only attracted to her because she was William’s girl. I’d always felt a raging sense of competition with my brother.”

  She interrupted. “Why, Dad?”

  “Because Tex favored him. Tex never said so, but it was obvious to me from the time we were kids. William’s love of the Flying B was a bond they shared, and it alienated me from them. I fought back by competing with William. But he was just as macho as I was, and he pushed back, competing with me, too. In retrospect, I probably created that holy-hell trait in him.”

  “Or maybe you both inherited it from Tex. Grandpa was an ornery old guy.”

  “That’s for damn sure. Ornery when he was old. Ornery when he was young. Our father had always been a powerful force to be reckoned with.” He glanced away.

  She urged him on. “Finish telling me about Savannah.”

  He complied. “Since William was laid up, I spent a lot of time with her, entertaining her on the ranch. The Flying B was a heck of a lot more fun with her around. We took walks, we rode trail, we picnicked by the stream.”

  Jenna merely nodded. She’d been doing those same activities with J.D.

  “She was charming and beautiful, and I started falling in love with her. Genuinely in love. I battled with my conscience every day, trying to make my feelings stop, but I couldn’t. I wanted her so damned much. Finally, I reached the point of not caring that she was William’s girl.”

  “How did she feel about you?”

  “She went mad for me, too. In fact, she’d been awestruck over me from the moment we met, just the way I was over her. It wasn’t the same between her and William. They had a nice easy relationship that she’d assumed was love. Only after she met me, she knew the difference. Of course she was terribly guilty over William, too. She kept saying that she needed to break the news to him. We even discussed coming clean and telling him together. One way or another, William had to be told.”

 
“But neither of you followed through?”

  He shook his head, frowned. “Actually, we did just the opposite. We kept sleeping together. But we’d never done it at the cabin until the night we got caught. Prior to that, we’d been having secret trysts, mostly in the hills, away from the Flying B.”

  Jenna went quiet. At this point she didn’t know what to say. But her silence wasn’t a problem, because her dad kept talking, as if he needed to get the whole sordid story off his chest.

  He said, “Funny thing, too, when Savannah and William first arrived, Tex had insisted that she stay in the dream cabin because it was the farthest from the house. I think it was to stop her and William from getting frisky under his roof. He hadn’t counted on me being tossed into the mix.”

  Once again, Jenna said nothing.

  He spoke further. “After Savannah and I were together that night, I snuck out of there as fast I could, and ran smack dab into Tex, who’d gone for a walk to smoke one of his fancy-ass cigars. I was in the midst of tucking in my shirt and adjusting my belt. He knew instantly what I’d been doing with Savannah in the cabin. He lit into me, calling me every rotten name in the book. According to Tex, I was the biggest SOB that ever lived and Savannah was a trollop who’d cuckolded one twin for the other. He refused to listen to anything I had to say, so I didn’t even bother trying to explain myself or tell him how much Savannah and I loved each other.”

  She went into question mode again. “So what did you do?”

  “I blasted over to the main house to pack my things. But I was planning on going back to the cabin after Tex went to bed. To ask Savannah to run away with me.” He gave a long drawn-out pause. “But later, when I returned to the cabin, she was gone. I figured that Tex had given her a piece of his mind and kicked her off the ranch. I left, too, and headed for A&M, where I thought she’d gone. But she didn’t return to school. She just up and disappeared, and I never saw her again.”

  “And you had no idea that she’d taken a pregnancy test or that she suspected that she might be pregnant?”

  “No. None.”