by Julia Sykes
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It means you weren’t supposed to leave my sight line. We talked about this. I had no idea what was happening with you in that back room. What if he decided to interrogate you?”
I scoffed. “He wasn’t exactly going to waterboard me. He’s MI5, not a terrorist. Besides, he doesn’t suspect anything.”
Dex’s expression turned stony. “Don’t underestimate what an agent will do off the books. Because I’m pretty sure that’s how they’re operating.”
“Why? Because Sam didn’t find a case file for the op?”
He nodded. “Yes. That, and I’m almost positive they’re not just at the clubs for recreational purposes. They’re looking into something. I don’t know if it’s just the drug usage or if they know about Dimitri, but Finlay was definitely casing the place.” His lips twisted. “Hugh was obviously casing you.”
“No, I was looking into him,” I countered acidly. “That was the plan, remember?”
“And what did you find out?” He turned more business-like.
“Judging by his conversation with his partner, Finlay was just as annoyed with him as you are with me. It seemed like they were supposed to be looking for people using at the club, and Finlay was pissed that Hugh left him to go off with me. I don’t know if they’re aware of Dimitri’s involvement. That’s why I agreed to the date with Hugh tomorrow. So I can find out more.”
“Uh-huh,” Dex said skeptically. “That’s why you’re going out with him.”
“Yes,” I bit out. “We can’t be at the clubs with them unless we’re friendly. Otherwise, we’ll never get past them to get a shot at one of Dimitri’s men. And at least I found out something useful,” I continued. “What the hell were you thinking, indulging in a random fuck? That’s not why we’re here.”
His face hardened to stone. “I can fuck whoever, whenever I want. Finlay wouldn’t talk to me, and you disappeared with Hugh. I had some free time.”
I fixed him with a no-nonsense stare. “Are you going to tell me what your damage is? Or are you just going to pretend like you joining me for a suicide mission and simultaneously going on a sex bender is just your usual M.O.?”
“It’s none of your business,” he snapped. “Isn’t it enough that I am on this suicide mission with you? What more do you want from me?”
“I want honesty. Trust. We’re partners. You can be open with me. I won’t judge you.”
“You want to know why I’m on the fast train to Hell with you?” he challenged. “I don’t think you’ll like the answer.”
“I want to hear it anyway.”
He took a deep breath. “Because you and I are the same. I don’t have anything left to live for, either.”
I stiffened. “I don’t know what you mean.”
His pale blue gaze pinned me in place. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t think you have nothing left to lose. No close relationships, no one who will miss you. All you have is the bitter taste of failure in your mouth and you think the only thing that can wash it out is killing Dimitri. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re wrong. Killing him won’t change what happened. The memory of his dead body won’t keep you warm at night. You’ll still be alone.”
He might as well have punched me in the gut. It was as though he had knocked all the wind from me.
“What the hell happened to you?” I finally managed to ask.
“I allowed a man to take the woman I love. He would have done to her what Dimitri wants to do with you. Until the day that happened, I would have trusted that man with my life. I was so fucking blind, and I almost lost her.”
Understanding dawned. “You’re talking about Katherine Byrd and The Mentor,” I surmised. Everyone in law enforcement knew about how the notorious serial rapist had been taken down only a few months ago. His biggest mistake was trying to take an FBI agent in Dex’s unit – Agent Byrd. Her boyfriend put a stop to it. “Reed Miller killed him,” I continued. “He saved Katie.”
“Yes. He saved her. Not me.” His tone was sharp with bitterness. “For years, I waited for Katie to realize we were closer than just friends. But I was scared she would run when I revealed my desire for a D/s relationship. Then Miller came swooping in and started fucking her in a matter of days. She’s his now. There’s nothing left for me in Chicago. That’s why I need the New York reassignment. That’s why I’m stuck here with you on this doomed op. But you know what? I don’t fucking care that I’ll probably die here. And you don’t either.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, at a loss for anything else to say.
“So am I.”
I took the forgotten fish and chips tray from his hand and set it on the coffee table. Then I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, willing him to accept the comfort I offered. He was stiff in my hold, but after a moment his brawny arms squeezed me in return. There was nothing sexual about the way we held each other, just mutual grief and understanding. Gratitude for his presence at my side overwhelmed me, and tears stung the corners of my eyes for the second time that night.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You too,” he said gruffly.
He truly was my partner. If I could trust anyone to have my back, it was Dex.
“This is all a bit tourist-y, isn’t it?” I asked when Hugh ambled up to me outside the Tower of London. “I thought you were going to show me around like a local.”
“It’s great to see you again, too,” he said pointedly, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. I blushed. “You look lovely. Even if you are wearing a few too many layers.” He smirked at my thicker-than-usual frame; I was wrapped up in two sweaters and my red woolen trench coat.
“It’s cold. How are you not wearing a coat?”
“I’m a Yorkshireman, lass. We’re built of tougher stuff than these soft Londoners.”
“You have a very high opinion of your masculinity,” I drawled.
“It’s not an opinion of it’s true.”
One corner of my lips twitched up despite my efforts to hide my amusement.
“See?” he said. “You like it when I’m cocky.”
“It’s the accent. Somehow it makes everything you say charming, even if it should be infuriating.”
“Another advantage of hailing from Yorkshire. It’s the best county of the lot.”
“If you say so. And I’m sure you do.”
“You’ll have to go there while you’re in the UK. York is the most beautiful city in the world.”
“I really like how humble you are. It’s your most attractive feature.”
“Surely you haven’t seen my most attractive feature yet, flower.” He winked.
“Yet? You’re quite sure of yourself.”
“Aye, that I am. I’ll warn you now: I plan to seduce you.”
“I thought you didn’t have sex with strangers.”
“Why do you think I asked you out?”
I frowned. “You asked me out just to get in my pants?”
“That, and other more gentlemanly reasons.” He didn’t sound remotely contrite. “I’d like to spend more time with you. I do actually like you.”
“Gee, thanks. You do know how to flatter a girl.”
“You’re welcome.” He gave me a roguish grin and took my hand in his. “Now, I’d like to take you around the Tower, if you can deign to rub shoulders with the tourists. There’s something in particular I’d like to show you.”
“If it’s the Crown Jewels, I’m game.” I fell into step beside him.
“That’s not what I had in mind, but we can see them first.”
“I’m intrigued. What is it you want to show me?”
He gave my hand a little warning squeeze. “Don’t ruin the surprise.” Something about the way he casually issued the command made my body awaken for him. Just a simple tightening of his fingers and that impossibly deep voice were enough to turn my insides to jelly.
“So what’
s the deal with Finlay?” I asked while we waited in line to purchase our tickets. “He didn’t seem very happy last night. Is he a friend of yours, or a play partner?”
“He’s a pain in my arse,” he said with fondness. “We’ve been mates since sixth form – you would call it high school.”
“But you’re from Yorkshire. He’s Scottish, right?”
“His mum moved him to York when we were teenagers. We met then. We went to different universities, but we’re both in London now.”
“You’re here for your jobs?” I asked as casually as I could manage.
“Yes. We work together. Local government jobs. All very boring, but doing our duty for Queen and country and all that.”
A lie. It bothered me more than it should.
“And you’re both into kink?” It was fairly obvious to me that they were both experienced Doms, but I needed to know for sure.
“I took Finlay to his first club when he turned eighteen. I’m six months older, so I got to go first. We’ve been in the lifestyle ever since.”
We paused our conversation while Hugh bought tickets and we entered the Tower. Although it was filled with milling tourists, the historic site still held an ominous aura. The gorgeous Crown Jewels might be kept here, but this was originally a place of imprisonment and death. It was as fascinating as it was unnerving.
“So how did you get into the lifestyle?” Hugh asked, calling my attention back to him.
My stomach twisted. “My ex,” I answered simply. “Where are the Crown Jewels?” I changed the subject, unwilling to revisit my painful past. The reminder of how I had been abused by the last man I gifted with my submission made me uneasy about how I was feeling around Hugh.
His lips pressed together in a disapproving slash, but he didn’t push for more. “This way,” he said instead, steering me toward the area where the Crown Jewels were housed.
He allowed me to stare at the glittering jewels in silence. They were truly mesmerizing works of art, and it wasn’t difficult to become absorbed in studying them rather than facing more uncomfortable questions.
“How cool is it that you have a queen and princes?” I asked after a while, genuinely fascinated. “You have such a rich heritage. We just have reality TV stars.”
“I don’t actually care much for the monarchy,” Hugh replied. “It’s an antiquated waste of tax dollars.”
“Are you serious? I thought all Brits loved the Queen.”
“Hardly. I’m from a working class family, love. Not all of us are fond of the idea of a grossly unjust distribution of wealth to a class of people who don’t do much other than smile and nod.”
“But you said you work for Queen and country.”
“Technically, I do. I’m more interested in the country part.”
“Oh. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“Well, I’m happy to educate you,” he said with a sly smile. “Speaking of lessons, how’s your arse?”
“Hugh!” I lowered my voice, hoping he would do the same. “We’re in public.”
“I believe certain threats were made about an interesting use for a cannon,” he continued. “And I seem to recall someone challenging me to try it.”
“Nope. Not happening.”
“Not an exhibitionist, eh?”
“If you don’t stop talking dirty, I’ll give the nice tourists a different kind of show,” I hissed.
“I think we’ve already established that I can easily take you in hand.”
My cheeks burned. “Do you not know how to whisper?”
“I do. I’m having more fun this way, though. And so are you.”
“Am I?” The question dripped with sarcasm.
He leaned in close, mercifully lowering his tone. “Tell me you’re not wet right now. If you do, I’ll know you’re lying. And then you’ll have to pay, love.”
I pursed my lips and looked away. I didn’t dare lie. Not when my ass still throbbed from my punishment the night before. And my pussy was undeniably hot for him.
“That’s what I thought,” he said with quiet satisfaction.
“What did you want to show me?” I asked, diverting him.
He chuckled and tugged me along through to another part of the Tower. “You’ll see.”
The space opened up to a dimly lit dungeon. Hugh pulled me in front of him and wrapped his arms around me, pressing my back against his hard chest.
“What do you think, pet?” he rumbled in my ear. “Wouldn’t this make a great play space?”
All I could see were chains and ropes. I could feel the residual agony of the people who had been tormented in this place. My wrists burned with the memory of Dimitri’s cuffs. The rattle of chains as I struggled against them echoed in my ears. I could hear Charlotte screaming…
Suddenly, cool evening air hit my face. I blinked to find myself back outside. I looked down at my wrists, checking for the leather bands that had rendered me helpless.
Nothing there. I’m fine. I’m okay. I heaved in a shuddering breath.
Large hands cupped my cheeks. I flinched at the sensation of being trapped.
“Look at me.”
I responded to the command, and I found myself staring up into his navy eyes.
“You’re all right,” he soothed me. “What happened in there?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “I’m fine.”
His jaw clenched. “You know I don’t tolerate lies.”
I jerked back out of his gentle hold. “We’re not in the club right now,” I snapped. “I don’t care what you don’t tolerate.”
“You should,” he warned.
“What are you going to do? Whip me again? Tie me up so I can’t fight back? Gag me so I can’t say no?”
His features softened with something suspiciously like pity. “Who hurt you? Your ex?”
Ice solidified in my gut. “We’re done here. This date is over.”
He turned stern again. “You shouldn’t bottle it up. You can talk to me.”
“I don’t even know you,” I flung at him. “If I see you at the club again, don’t bother talking to me.”
I had gotten dangerously close to him. If I let him in, he would discover my secrets. The best thing I could do now was push him away. Otherwise, who knew what I might reveal in a moment of weakness?
“If I see you at the club again, we definitely will have a serious conversation about your lack of manners,” he threatened.
“No. We won’t. Goodbye, Hugh.”
My hands were still shaking as I stalked away from him.
Chapter 7
The fine hairs stood up on the back of my neck, and I pulled my coat tighter around me. My flat wasn’t in the best part of town, and the street was only dimly lit and sparsely trafficked. It made me edgy. Was I being followed, or was I just freezing in the perpetual London drizzle? The weather was messing with my instincts.
I bet Hugh’s instincts don’t get fucked up by the cold. He had seemed impervious to the chill winter wind.
I gave an angry jerk of my head, trying to shake him from my mind. Hugh was my mark, not a romantic interest. I had gotten close to him and gotten what I needed. I was fairly confident that he no longer suspected me of any involvement in the drug trafficking going on at the local BDSM clubs. He saw me as an innocent sub he wanted to fuck.
Well, I had made it clear that wasn’t happening. I should be able to frequent the clubs without Hugh’s interference from now on.
A ghost of the fear I had felt in the dungeon at the Tower fluttered over me, and I shuddered. It had been a mistake to allow Hugh to get so close. If I hadn’t come out of my panic when I did, who knew what I might have revealed about that night in the warehouse? About Dimitri?
Being submissive made me weak. Hugh made me weak. I had no choice but to put distance between us, or my op would be ruined. MI5 would put a stop to my mission if they got wind of it. And big bad Dom Hugh wouldn’t allow a little sub anywhere near such a dangerous investigati
on.
My fists clenched inside my coat pockets. Why did submitting to him feel so damn good? I knew the dangers, and yet he made me forget myself entirely when he used that dark stare and deep voice against me.
And he lied to me about his job. For someone who was so prickly about liars, he certainly was a smooth one. He didn’t trust me any more than I did him. A D/s dynamic was impossible without trust. Playing with him was dangerous. I couldn’t put myself at his mercy.
No matter how badly my body wanted him, I had to remember that.
Dark, masculine laughter cut through my tumultuous thoughts. It echoed through the alley just ahead of me. I had taken down enough scumbags to recognize malicious intent in the sound.
“Don’t be shy, darlin’,” a man’s voice slurred with drunkenness. “Give us a kiss.”
“Leave me alone, you fucking scally,” a shaking feminine voice answered.
I rushed to the mouth of the alley. A petite brunette in a tight, ultra-short red dress was pressed up against the brick wall at her back. Two men in cheap tracksuits with matching buzz cuts blocked her path to the street.
“You think you’re better than us, love?” the second man asked angrily. “You wouldn’t be dressed like this if you didn’t fancy a shag. You’re beggin’ for it, like.”
“Hey, fucktards,” I called out. “Walk away.”
The men – well, they were barely more than hard-faced teenagers, really – glanced back at me. They looked at one another and laughed again.
“You want to join the party?” The taller one crushed his empty can of lager and tossed it aside before advancing toward me.
I flexed my muscles, bracing for a fight. “If by the party you mean me kicking your skinny asses, then yes. That sounds like fun.”
“You like it rough, then. That does sound fun.”
I closed the short distance between us and landed a solid blow on his nose. He reeled back, clutching his face with a curse.
“That rough enough for you?” I asked coolly.
“She broke me fookin’ nose!” he cried to his friend, incredulous.
The uninjured man scowled and rushed me. I sidestepped him easily and brought up my knee between his legs. I smiled in satisfaction at the sound of his pained grunt as he dropped to his knees.