by Anna Schmidt
If only there were some way…
But he had made a promise and Jake had had enough heartache in his young life without Nathan breaking his word to him. The letter Jake had sent had been filled with dreams for the two of them to start over in a new place together. And wasn’t that exactly what Nathan had hinted at in the letters he’d sent home before Jake left?
He hadn’t counted on meeting Julianne. He hadn’t counted on loving her and her children. He hadn’t counted on finding a home in a place he’d barely heard of. After the war and the discovery of his sweetheart’s betrayal, Nathan had focused on making life better for Jake, but God had had other plans, and now Nathan had no idea which path to follow, for either way he went seemed destined to lead to heartbreak for someone he loved.
Chapter Twelve
Nathan’s sermon was so moving that it brought tears to Julianne’s eyes. For the first time since Luke’s death, she allowed herself to face squarely the truth of his final days. Luke’s toes and fingers had been badly frostbitten by the time they found him that terrible night, and he had cried out in anguish with the pain that followed. Glory and Sam had taken the twins to their place so they wouldn’t hear their father’s suffering, but even after the initial agony had passed, there had been little hope that Luke would ever again be able to farm the land or walk without considerable help. The idea that he would teach young Luke to hunt and fish was out of the question.
And on Christmas Day, sitting next to Glory on the rough-hewn bench that she and Luke had shared with the Fosters, Julianne finally opened her heart to the truth. In taking Luke, God had shown not vengeance but mercy. For Luke had always been such an active man, so filled with energy, that to live for years dependent on the help of others would have surely been a slow and torturous death.
She saw that in sending Nathan to her door under similar circumstances to how Luke had left her, she had been given a new opportunity—to live, to love and to fulfill the very legacy Luke had been so intent on leaving for his children. Nathan had given her all of that, and she realized now that God’s hand had been at the helm of all that had happened since Nathan had arrived.
To wish that he could stay—that they could be together—was simply selfish, and yet…
There had to be a way. Please, God, she prayed when Nathan called for a moment of silent prayer, show us that path.
She fingered the small carved heart as she prayed, her eyes tightly shut, her lips moving. Only when Glory placed her hand on Julianne’s knee did she realize that her tears were flowing freely and that she felt such a release of all the pain and bitterness she had held inside for over a year.
“Amen,” Nathan intoned, ending the silent prayer. “And now, as we leave this place for the hearths of home and family that sustain us all, join me in singing ‘Silent Night’, and may the carol’s words echo across these high plains throughout this blessed day.”
Slowly, people filed out of the schoolhouse-turned-chapel. They exchanged greetings and farewells with a nod of their heads or the raising of their hands. No words were spoken because everyone was either singing or humming the carol, and as Nathan had suggested, the sounds of their voices mingled with the sound of bells laced onto the harnesses of horses and oxen and drifted over the rises of the fields as they all went their separate ways.
Just outside the schoolhouse, Nathan fell into step with Julianne and the twins, his strong baritone blending with their higher voices as he helped them into the wagon.
On Christmas Day, the Fosters had established a tradition of opening their home to anyone who did not have extended family with whom to share the day. So it was hardly surprising to see several wagons pulled into the yard by the time Nathan and Julianne arrived. The twins ran off to join the children of a young couple who had recently settled in the area, while Nathan helped Julianne carry in the baskets of cookies and puddings she had made to contribute to the feast.
Inside the cabin, everyone seemed to be talking at once as Sam served up mugs of newly pressed apple cider and Glory made room on the table for what seemed an unending stream of side dishes brought by her guests.
“We’ll be eating until the New Year arrives,” she exclaimed happily as each new dish was unveiled.
The children settled on the floor near the hearth to play a game of pickup sticks with a pile of wood splinters that Sam had gathered for them. Julianne busied herself helping Glory and tried without much success to avoid stealing looks at Nathan.
“You two need to figure this thing out, and sooner rather than later,” Glory muttered when the two women went outside to collect more kindling for the fire. “He must have worked on that necklace most of the night, once he got started on it. Had to begin again at least three times I know of, because the work was so fine he kept breaking it. Wouldn’t have done to give you a broken heart, now would it? Although it seems to me you both might be headed toward having your hearts broken if you don’t find some way to get together.”
“He’s given me this token of his devotion, Glory, and God willing, someday we will find a way to be together.”
“These are hard times, child, and the one thing life should have taught you so far is that you cannot count on having forever. You and Nathan need to work this business out now.” She glanced toward the cabin as Nathan stepped outside. “And I’ll leave you to it.”
Glory muttered something to Nathan on her way back inside that made him smile. “I think Glory is growing impatient with us,” he said, as he removed his coat and wrapped it around Julianne’s shoulders.
“She doesn’t understand, but I do, Nathan. You made a promise to Jake and you need to honor that promise. Once you’ve done that—”
“I’ve been thinking,” Nathan interrupted her, running his finger along her cheek. “I made a promise to find Jake and let him know he still had family. Jake and I know where the other one is and there’s no possibility we can be together for months to come. I’ll be staying here until at least April, and frankly, Julianne, I may be a man of the cloth, but I’m not sure I can be here for that length of time and not be with you.”
“You see me and the children practically every day,” she protested, but she would not look at him.
He gently lifted her face to his. “You know what I’m saying, what I’m asking, Julianne. Will you marry me?”
“I also have a promise to keep,” she reminded him.
“To your late husband.”
“To my children. The land Luke and I have homesteaded is their future, their legacy, their connection to their father. I cannot just abandon that and start over in California.”
“I understand. So I was thinking that perhaps we could marry, and then, once the weather turns, we could go together to California—a wedding trip.”
“But Jake’s letter spoke of you working together, earning the money you need to start your own business in California.”
Nathan shrugged. “That’s his dream. Mine is right here. I love you and I’ve come to care deeply for the twins. Will you marry me, Julianne?”
Her heart screamed Yes!, but she had to consider the children. Although it was obvious that they liked Nathan and looked forward to his visits, that was a very different matter than having him become part of their family. “I…”
“The children, right?”
She nodded. “They’re so young, and they’ve had so much to deal with this last year.”
“If they were in favor, would you say yes?”
It was as if the nodding of her head was completely out of her control.
Nathan grinned. “Then I’ll ask the children to marry me as well.” Just as he leaned in to kiss her, the laughter and sounds of celebration from the house spilled out into the yard, as the children broke free of the stuffy interior to play outside.
Luke threw the first snowball, missing his target and hitting Nathan squarely in the back instead.
Nathan smiled, kissed Julianne on the nose and bent to scoop up a handful of snow. “
Better head for cover,” he told Julianne. “There are seven of them, and this could take a while.”
Julianne held his coat out to him. “If you insist on playing little-boy games, at least put this on,” she ordered.
“See? You’re talking like a wife already.”
Julianne reached up and shook the canvas that Sam had hung to protect his woodpile from the elements, sending a shower of snow down on top of Nathan.
“Hey,” he shouted in protest as she ran for the house.
The dinner was a feast worthy of kings by any measure. By the time Laura carried the wishing cake to the table and set it in front of Julianne for slicing, there was a chorus of protests.
“I really couldn’t eat another bite.”
“Perhaps later.”
But seeing the disappointment that shadowed the faces of the children, the adults gave in. “Maybe just the smallest slice.”
As Julianne sliced the cake, the pieces were passed to her right and around the table, all the way to the guest on her left. More than half the table had been served before she heard the telltale clink of the coin on the plate.
The room went still.
“It appears that the captain will get his Christmas wish,” Sam said with a sly grin, as he handed Nathan the plate. “Care to share the wish?”
“Nope. I understand it won’t come true if I tell.” He winked at Luke and Laura. “Maybe tomorrow,” he added, as his gaze met Julianne’s. “I mean, if it comes true, then what’s the harm in telling?” He glanced at the twins and then back to her.
“No harm at all,” Sam replied, nudging Glory as he took a bite of cake.
Nathan saw Julianne and the children home. He wanted to talk to the twins, but had found no opportunity to do so at the Fosters’. Once they reached Julianne’s cabin, she told the children to get into their nightclothes and she would make them all some hot milk with vanilla.
She was nervous. “Maybe it would be better to talk to them later,” Julianne whispered, as she stirred vanilla into the milk. “They’ve had such an exciting day already, and well, what if…”
“We won’t know if we don’t talk to them,” Nathan replied. “Would you rather talk to them yourself? I can leave.” Of course, he knew he wouldn’t get a wink of sleep if she said that would be the best plan.
“No. We should talk to them together.”
“Why are you whispering?” Luke asked, then he grinned. “I know. There’s another Christmas secret, isn’t there?”
“Not a secret exactly,” Nathan said, glancing over the boy’s head to seek Julianne’s help.
“Children, Captain Cook and I have something we want to discuss with you.” Julianne set their cups of warm milk on the table.
“It’s a bad thing, isn’t it?” Laura said, her eyes tearing up. “Like when Papa was—”
“No,” Nathan assured her. “It’s nothing like that.” He pulled her stool closer to his. “Come and drink your milk and we’ll tell you.”
The children looked warily from one adult to the other, but did as they were told.
Julianne handed Nathan his cup of milk, then turned back to the stove to fill her cup.
“I’ve been spending a lot of my time here these last weeks and I’ve come to care about you and your mother a great deal,” Nathan said.
“As we have come to care for the captain,” Julianne added, taking her seat at the table.
“You’re our friend,” Luke said with a shrug, “you know, like Mr. and Mrs. Foster are our friends and…”
Laura patted Nathan’s hand. “We like you,” she assured him.
This was not going to be as easy as Nathan had hoped. “Well, sometimes when grown-ups get to be friends, they realize that they would like to be even closer—more than just friends or neighbors.”
“Oh, you mean like when you kissed Mama? Like mushy stuff?” Luke said, his eyes wide with understanding but at the same time some puzzlement.
Laura clapped her hands together excitedly. “You’re getting married? Is that the secret? Was that your wish today when you got the wishing coin?” She looked at her mother expectantly.
“Would you children be all right with that?” Julianne asked.
“Of course,” Laura said. “Just think—Christmas and now a wedding? It’s wonderful!”
Luke remained quiet and seemed to have taken a great interest suddenly in studying the sparks of the fire.
“Luke?” Nathan said quietly. “What do you think?”
“You’d be our Papa?”
“Only if you chose to call me that someday,” Nathan said. “I would be married to your mother and we would all live here together. We would take care of the farm your papa started, and one day the land would officially be your mother’s, and after that it would come to you. Just as your father intended.”
“I thought you had to go find your brother and live in California,” Luke continued, still not looking directly at Nathan.
“I had an early Christmas surprise a week or so ago. I had a letter from my brother. He’s working on building the railroad that might one day run right through Homestead.”
“If the captain and I were to marry—if we were to become a family—then perhaps in the spring we could all go out to California and meet Mr. Jake.”
“He’d be our uncle, right?” Laura said, her eyes ablaze with excitement.
“In a manner of speaking,” Nathan said. “Luke?”
The boy looked at his mother. “We’d be a family again?”
She nodded.
“And I could learn to do all the stuff that Papa promised he’d teach me one day?”
Another nod. “And with the captain living here, I expect I wouldn’t need quite so much help from the two of you,” Julianne added. “Although you would still have chores,” she hastened to add.
Nathan reached out and touched each child. “So, what I’m asking the two of you to think about—and you don’t have to answer right away—is if it would be all right if your mother and I married and I came here to live.”
“Are you still going to preach at the church?” Luke asked.
“If they still want me.”
“Luke,” Laura said, sidling closer to her brother, “let’s say yes. Mama loves the captain and he likes us a whole lot, I think.”
“Miz Putnam is always talking about how I’m the man of the family since Papa died,” Luke said, looking directly at Nathan for the first time. “Would you be willing to take that on? Because I’ve got to tell you, there’s a lot of worrying and stuff to go with that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Nathan said, trying hard not to smile.
The children sipped their milk and eyed each other over the rims of their cups. Julianne appeared to be holding her breath. Nathan sent up a silent prayer that they were doing the right thing in asking the twins, even if they said no.
Laura made a gesture with her fingers. Luke responded with a nod. “It’ll be all right,” he said. “I reckon we’ll make a good family.”
Julianne’s breath came out on the wings of her smile.
Laura was also beaming. But Nathan solemnly offered Luke his hand. “You won’t regret this,” he said as he shook Luke’s hand and then Laura’s.
“We’re going to be married,” Laura said happily. “I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I,” Nathan admitted, his eyes resting on Julianne’s beautiful face. “How about New Year’s Day?”
“So soon?”
“No reason to wait that I can think of,” Nathan said.
“Luke? Any reason to wait?”
“No, sir.”
“But,” Julianne started to protest. “There’s so much to do, and—”
“Miz Foster and the other ladies will help, Mama,” Laura told her. “Let’s get married right away so we can be a real family again.”
“Will you attend me, Laura?” Julianne asked, and the girl started to tear up again, but this time they were tears of joy.
&n
bsp; “Come to think of it, I’m going to need somebody standing up for me,” Nathan added, as he placed his hand on Luke’s shoulder.
“Do I have to wear an itchy suit?”
“I sure hope not,” Nathan assured him. “I don’t have a suit, so my Sunday shirt and maybe a new pair of trousers is going to have to do.”
“I’ll wear my hat,” Luke decided. “You should get one, too.”
“I’ll look into it,” Nathan said as he raised his cup. “Shall we toast our decision?”
The four cups met over the center of the rough-hewn table, where Nathan hoped they would share meals and conversations and happy decisions like this one for years to come.
Chapter Thirteen
Julianne soon discovered that planning a wedding on the prairie in the middle of winter was a convoluted affair to say the least. In the first place, the citizens of Homestead had come from all manner of communities and cultures back east, and every woman had her own ideas about how the wedding should be handled.
“You’ll naturally need to reserve the school for that day, and there’s the matter of floral decorations,” Emma said, as she ticked off items on her fingers. “My sister Melanie is quite adept at arranging flowers. Will you need a bouquet for Laura as well as yourself, dear?”
Julianne opened her mouth to answer, but Emma wasn’t listening.
“Are you quite sure you wouldn’t prefer to have someone—well, more mature—attend you? It’s a responsibility as well as an honor after all. And what will you wear?”
“In our homeland of Germany,” Margot Hammerschmidt interrupted, “it is quite common for the guests to kidnap the bride before the wedding so that the groom must search for her.”