“I should have known that.” She laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me, even a little bit. We just thought—”
“That I had come in there and cheated on Jason?” I replied, smiling. “No, he was watching the whole time.”
She stopped giggling and looked over at him, her cheeks rosy red. Oddly enough, it wasn’t like it was anything that Jason hadn’t seen before, but I could tell that Matt didn’t know that. I needed her to admit to her past for me to have any hopes at securing the future of this trip and the amount of fun that I knew we could all have together.
“Jason and I trust each other,” I said with a shrug. “And above all, we are always one hundred percent honest with each other, no matter what. We don’t have secrets from each other, and that alone makes our relationship so much stronger than most of the people we know back home.”
I looked over at Matt and realized that he was listening with extreme interest. I could tell that he knew absolutely nothing about what had happened between us all in college, not even Amber and Jason’s sexual relationship. We were roommates, and as far as Matt knew, that was as far as it went. I couldn’t imagine going my whole relationship and not being honest with Jason about something like that. I knew that our sexual encounters had changed the way that Amber looked at her own sexuality, which obviously affected her relationship with Matt. It was in that moment that I decided to see if I could get Amber to open up about her past, for her own good and for the good of the group. If I could get Amber and Matt on board, this weekend would go a lot differently than it had started. I knew that if I could convince them to be part of this amazing sexual attraction that was going on, it would only be a matter of time before Jessica and Austin folded along with them, if Austin could knock the shock out of his brain for two seconds.
When planning this ski weekend, I had decided that I was going to convince the entire group to open up and start swinging with Jason and myself. Jason thought I was insane, believing that too much time had passed for me to get them to come into the lifestyle, but I knew differently. As soon as I saw the lust in Amber’s eyes at the hotel, I knew that this wasn’t going to be as hard as I thought it was going to be. I had already been with Jessica and Amber, and I knew that they were very passionate women who were turned on by situations like that. I had seen both of them in situations where they were sharing themselves with me and Jason, even before Jason and I were a serious couple. I trusted them both, and so did Jason, which was really important in that situation.
Men, well, men were all the same, and I didn’t have any doubt in my mind that I could convince them to get on board with this. Men were sexual creatures by nature, and the thought of watching their woman be pleased was in their blood. All they had to get through was the jealousy part, and they would be just fine. Jealousy was just a learned trait, a feeling of ownership, but in reality, no one could own these two women. They were too strong in themselves for that. The biggest problem with it came down to dishonesty. When you are dishonest with your spouse, it brings up all kinds of bad feelings and jealousies, especially when it came to opening up sexually with other people. My entire plan hinged on Amber and Jessica being honest about what happened between the four of us in college. They needed to be honest with Matt and Austin that we had all enjoyed each other in many different ways.
“What do you think, Amber?” I leaned in and nuzzled my nose into Amber’s neck, smelling the sweet smell of her perfume. “Do you think I’m right about absolute honesty being crucial to a relationship? I mean, you are married, and you two seem to be incredibly happy. You must have thoughts on how important these things are in order to keep a relationship together and successful. Well, at least, I am assuming that you do. Maybe you two just got incredibly lucky.”
Amber shifted in her seat uncomfortably, glancing over at Matt and then straight ahead into the fire again. I reached up and pushed the hair from her face, seeing her cheeks start to heat. She chewed on her bottom lip nervously, and I could tell she was thinking about what I was saying. It was really starting to get to her that she hadn’t told Matt the truth. Amber had always been the innocent, Midwesterner of our group, while at the same time, throwing herself enthusiastically into whatever situation that she found herself in. It just took letting her open herself up and push through whatever hesitation that she had. Most of the time, they were rooted in fear, and that was easy to overcome when you felt safe with the people around you.
I didn’t have time to sit around and wait for her to inch her way through the hesitation, though, especially with the storm blowing over and me knowing that if we left here without her breaking through, I wouldn’t have the chance to do what I wanted to do. Jason cleared his throat, trying to tell me to move on, but once I made up mind, I was going to be in it until I saw my plan through. I was determined to make this the best weekend ever and help my friends break free of these restraints that were holding them back.
“Hey, weren’t you a Forest Friend when you were a kid?” I whispered into Amber’s ear. “Isn’t their motto, ‘Honesty, Integrity, Respect?’ I remember you telling me about that one night when we were laying there, watching television. I thought it was incredibly touching.”
I knew that I was laying it on thick, pulling out things from her childhood, but I knew it was going to take something big to really pull her out of her hesitation. I knew that it was hard to admit when you had held something back, but I also knew how good Amber would feel once she had just let it all go and freed herself from the lie.
“Okay,” Amber cried out, pulling her arm away in irritation. “Matt, I have to tell you something that I had never told you before.”
“All right,” he said, leaning forward and reaching for her hand. “You can tell me anything, baby.”
“When I was in college, Jason, Jessica, and Kristin were my roommates,” she said with a big sigh. “That you knew. What you don’t know is that while we lived together, up to the point at which I met you, we were all sleeping together on a regular basis. I’m sorry that I never told you. I didn’t want to make a big thing out it and possibly ruin our relationship. We all used to have sex together, and I was afraid of what you would think of me if you found that out.”
Matt sat there quietly, but I could feel a weight lift right off Amber’s shoulders. I reached down, grasped her hand tightly, and laid my head on her shoulder. She leaned into me, showing me she was glad that someone had finally pushed her to get that off her chest.
Chapter 12
Matt
I didn’t know how I felt about my wife’s sudden admission about her past. It was something that I hadn’t seen coming in any way, not even in my wildest dreams or darkest thoughts. My wife had always been this sweet and kind girl, with a wild streak just for me in the bedroom. This entire day had thrown me for a loop, and my head was starting to spin.
First, Kristin had walked in on us having sex and put her hands on Amber, pushing her over the edge in ecstasy. That alone made me feel like a madman. Then, I find out that Amber, Kristin, Jessica, and Jason used to sleep together. Saying it out loud didn’t make it feel any more real, and I just kept thinking about how I had no idea that information like this was coming at me. I had known that my wife had been close with her roommates. She had talked about them the entire time that I knew her, but never in the way that she had just revealed. I was picturing something like an episode of Friends, not a scene from some crazy porno. I had never suspected, not even for a second, that Amber had slept with any of them, even Jason, who always looked at her a certain way that would have made any other guy feel uncomfortable. For some reason, though, I never really thought about it, figuring he was like a brother to Amber, not an ex-lover.
“So, wait,” I said, putting up my hands. “I want to just get this all straight in my head.”
“Okay,” she said carefully.
“When you were in college, living in that apartment, you were having sex with Kristin?”
I looked over at her
, and she paused for a moment before nodding. A strange sensation went through me, and I wasn’t sure whether I should be impressed, angry, or turned on. Part of me was feeling all of those feelings, all at once, and that was already driving me crazy.
“Okay, so you were sleeping with Kristin when you lived there,” I repeated. “And you were sleeping with Jessica when she moved in?”
“Yes,” she said, nodding. “Matt, I—”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not chastising you. I am just trying to get all of this straight in my mind, Amber. You have to understand that this is quite a lot for me to take in.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I know it is, Matt. I’m sorry.”
“Please, stop apologizing,” I replied. “It was done before you met me. It’s just is a lot to realize all at once.”
“Right,” she said.
“So, during this time, you were sleeping with Kristin and Jessica. Were you sleeping with Jason?”
“Yes,” she said. “We all slept together at once most of the time. Of course, we had our alone time, too, but it was for fun. None of us were in relationships at the time, and we were young and interested. I don’t know how to explain it to you, other than to just tell you that it happened, and I should have told you about it from the beginning. When you meet someone that you know you want for the rest of your life, you get scared that things about you will scare them away.”
I had known from the beginning that Amber wasn’t a virgin. I married her knowing she had been with other people, just like me. In that day and age, it was really rare that you met someone saving themselves for marriage. On top of that, our sexual chemistry was one of the things that helped us grow stronger and stronger during the beginning of our relationship. So, yeah, I knew she wasn’t innocent, but I never imagined that she had been in a foursome. My mind was racing a million miles a minute, and I leaned back into the couch, rubbing my hands over my face. Wow, my wife had spent a good amount of years sleeping with three other people at one time, something that normally would immediately turn any man on, but my thoughts on it were all scrambled up in my head. Kristin reached over and put her arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her.
“Hey, big guy,” she said softly. “Your wife doesn’t love you any less. She’s just a bigger freak than you knew about. That’s a good thing.”
Kristin laughed quietly, and I smiled, glad that she had loosened up the conversation a bit. Things were starting to get heavier than I knew how to handle. I pulled my hands away from Amber and reached out, taking the glass of Scotch from Jason. I nodded to him, feeling kind of strange that he had actually had his dick in my wife before I had ever met her. The thought that she would sleep with someone like Jason kind of blew my mind, although I could see the appeal of being young and adventurous with a man that obviously knew his way around a woman, but still, I had been friends with Jason and never knew about their past. I took in a deep breath and tipped back my glass, letting the liquor burn my throat and move down into my chest. The heat from it instantly warmed me up, and I let out that breath, feeling the stress from my shoulders begin to move away. Amber was still looking down, snuggling close to Kristin for support. I felt bad having her think that it changed my opinion about who she was, because it didn’t in any way.
“I know all of this is overwhelming,” Jason said, leaning forward. “I know that just the idea of sleeping with other people might seem a little bit strange. I have to admit, if I step back into my old shoes, of thinking one woman is what love means, I could see how the idea of an open relationship was more than wrong feeling. But when I let that go and realized that love is way more than some feeling of possession, it opened us both up to an entirely new part of our relationship. I love my wife more than almost anything else in life. I have loved Kristin for a very long time, even longer than I really knew that I did. And she knows that I love her, not just because I tell her on a regular basis, but because I show her that she can trust me in every way possible, even when it comes to something like sex.”
Jason smiled over at Kristin, and for the first time since we had met up with them, I saw a true look of love between the two of them. They were always the loud couple, the ones that were the life of the party, making everyone feel at home. However, during that, they never really showed that level of intimacy that they were talking about.
“Having sex with other people doesn’t diminish that love,” he continued. “It just allows us to express it in ways that a lot of couples don’t. They either don’t because they are afraid to, or they don’t think they could handle something that deep. In some ways, not all couples can handle something like that, but you and Amber have already shown that the two of you are capable of handling something like that. We both enjoy sex with each other and with other people, but at the end of the day, we are always coming home to each other, and our bond grows stronger and stronger every time we step back through those doors. When we share ourselves with other people that we care about, that trust level goes up, and we get to watch each other enjoy the pleasures of life that we may not be able to provide in that moment. It’s really an awesome feeling, but only once you let go and decide that you are able to handle it.”
I shook my head, listening to what he had to say. It was definitely interesting, coming from the male perspective, especially when it wasn’t just about cheating the system and getting a different pussy than his wife’s. He really did love her in a way that I couldn’t really even begin to understand. They had this sensual and emotional bond that went beyond just the actions of the flesh and meant something to the two of them. I really had no choice but to take what he said into consideration and really think about the meaning behind them.
What Jason and Kristin had sounded absolutely ideal. They were madly in love, living their lives together on a daily basis, while at the same time, enjoying the freedom and trust to carry out their deepest desires and fantasies with whoever they wanted to. It was such a foreign concept in my mind, but it was incredibly tempting to think about. Amber looked over at me and smiled sweetly, showing in her eyes that she was desperate for me to be okay with her past. Her past wasn’t even what was really on my mind. It was the lifestyle that Kristin and Jason wanted us to be part of.
It was seriously like having your cake and eating it, too. But as far as I always knew, that was supposed to be impossible. However, watching the way that Jason looked at Kristin, I suddenly realized it was completely different than the way that he looked at my wife. There was an incredible amount of emotion behind Jason’s look to his wife, while lust was all that I could see when he looked at Amber. Immediately, I began to feel better about the fact that he had slept with her a long time ago. I knew that he wasn’t a threat to our relationship.
Kristin patted me on the knee and lifted herself up off the couch, walking over in front of Jason and putting her hands out. He smiled and took them in his, standing up in front of her and pulling her in close. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips, pulling back and running his lips over her nose and her cheeks. She smiled up at him adoringly and turned toward Amber and me, pulling his arm over her shoulder. She smiled at us and wrinkled her nose.
“We are going to go poke around in the kitchen and try to find something to make for lunch,” Kristin said, smiling at Amber and winking at me. “We’ll call for you guys when it is ready, and we can all sit down and have some food.”
“Thanks,” I said, nodding my head.
Jason reached down and shook my hand, and I nodded at him, letting him know that everything was okay between the two of us. I really felt like everything was fine in all aspects of the situation, but I knew that Amber was struggling with it. I watched as Kristin and Jason smiled at each other and walked away, leaving Amber and me to talk in private. I sat forward and clutched my hands together, looking at the floor. One thing I knew about my wife was that she needed to come to terms with her own conscience before anything I said would hold any weight with her. I cou
ld have sat there all day, telling her that I wasn’t mad, but until she reconciled what happened, she wouldn’t be able to let it go. Personally, my mind was on the fact that there was actually a way to be even closer to Amber than I already was, and get to have some really fantastic sex.
Chapter 13
Amber
The silence in the room was almost deafening, and I knew Matt was giving me a chance to work everything out in my mind before he put his thoughts into the mix. I was a lucky girl because my husband knew me so well that he even knew when talking wasn’t going to solve anything, and when it would solve everything. In that situation, I needed to be okay with the choice I had made not to tell him about the sex with my roommates. Until then, I would never be able to hear anything he had to say, good or bad. I took in a deep breath, feeling the butterflies in my stomach move into my lungs. I needed to say something, to break the ice in a way that would create a line of communication, not just open it up to an argument. The last thing I wanted to do was argue with him.
“I’m sorry for not telling you earlier,” I said. “I just thought that period of my life was behind me.”
Matt smiled and looked up at me, sitting back and turning to face me. I could see in his eyes that he was open to talking to me, and immediately, I started to feel better. Matt was not just my husband, he was my best friend, my confidant, and the person I went to with anything.
“I love you so much,” I said. “I have been afraid that you wouldn’t understand what me and my roommates had together. I can see how, if I were on the outside of things, I would have a really hard time understanding what it was all about.”
My heart was beating so fast, waiting for Matt to say something, anything that would make me know that he was still right there with me like he always had been. This was exactly the reason why I hadn’t told him about the four of us. I was too afraid that all the things that he loved about me would just dissolve. I was afraid that he wouldn’t like the crew anymore, too, leaving me with a husband that didn’t respect me and a bunch of people I loved cast out of my life.
Broken: A Mountain Man's Romance Page 95