by Leela Ash
Janie worked quickly to make her meal, her anxiety mounting. It would be increasingly unsafe to stay in Stonybrook. Wolf shifters could sense these kinds of things. Everything had been so chaotic since it had happened that Dean was none the wiser. And it tore her apart not to be able to share with him what, to her, was completely joyous news. She had been falling deeply in love with Dean, and the idea of their being able to start a family together filled her with such joy.
But the sad truth of the matter was, it would only put everyone she loved, Dean, the baby, and even herself, in danger. She wanted to tell him. In fact, as soon as she finished cooking, she went to her phone and reached out to it, wishing for nothing more than to hear his voice again and tell him everything that was on her mind. But something stopped her. The ball and chain of responsibility. She would be responsible if something happened to him, or to his company, if anybody found out about her pregnancy. And she couldn’t stand by and just let that happen.
“I think I’m going to have to do it, little one,” Janie said, stroking her belly lovingly. “I’m going to have to pack everything up and go back to California. There’s no other choice.”
It tore her up to even think it, but what was worse, in her imagination and in reality, was the idea that she would be the one who was to blame if anything worse happened to Dean, or the child they had conceived together.
No matter how much she wanted a beautiful, happy family together with that man, it just wasn’t meant to be.
It was probably for the best, anyway. He had a huge reputation as being a player. Who knew when he would lose interest in her and drop her like he had so many other women over the years? Especially if she was pregnant. Everything happened for a reason, Janie decided, and she was just going to have to buck up and do what had to be done. Whether she liked it or not.
***
“Janie! Good to hear from you. I have been worried.”
The sound of Dean’s voice had a confusing effect on her body. She felt an immediate sense of longing, but also a twinge of nausea, a pang of anguish, and what was that other thing? Anger maybe?
But why would she be angry at him? It wasn’t his fault that they were stuck in this shitty situation together. They were just going to have to get through it one step at a time.
“I called to tell you that I quit. I can’t do this anymore.”
It had taken everything she had to force herself to say it out loud, especially to Dean. Knowing he was on the other side of the line made her want to break down and cry right there and then, but what would become of her if she did that? Being a big, blubbering mess was never the way to solve a difficult problem. In fact, it would only complicate matters. She was sure of it. If she cried, she would probably confess why in a moment of weakness. She couldn’t be weak. Not with Dean. Not ever.
“You’re quitting?” Dean said, obviously taken aback. Janie was so glad she didn’t have to see his face as he said the words out loud.
“Yes,” Janie said, sighing deeply. She squeezed her eyes closed and stroked the mound of her stomach. It had gotten even bigger over the course of the night. She knew that without the same distractions as the day before, she would quickly be found out.
“But why? I thought you were happy here!” Dean was quiet for a moment before he resumed speaking. “Actually, I’m not that surprised. You have been through a lot this week. I know my ex is kind of a psychopath. She shouldn’t have done those things to you. I shouldn’t have let her do those things…but that doesn’t mean you should quit. This is the career path you were destined for. Please, reconsider.”
But Janie had done all the considering she’d needed to do, and then some. In fact, she had hardly slept at wink the night before, getting up time and again during the night to phone friends and make plans, surfing the internet about ways to protect herself from malicious bear shifters and other things that might threaten herself and the baby she was carrying.
“Dean, please just trust me on this. If I was meant to be working with you in this company, don’t you think it would have been easier for me to do so? We didn’t even get to make it out to the city to meet the football team. I’m sure you can do this without me.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Dean said, bitter disappointment thick in his voice. “I guess I had pegged you a little differently. You didn’t seem like a quitter to me when I hired you.”
“That was before…”
“Look, I know the tabloid headline is embarrassing, but we can move past that! It’s not like they’re saying we slept together or anything. I mean, it’s implied, but that’s not any reason to be upset.”
Janie grimaced, her conversation with Kiera replaying in her head. If she didn’t leave, worse conversations were sure to come, and Dean’s reputation would be impossible to protect.
“I don’t want to be with the kind of man who will keep me center stage, Dean. I am not the kind of person cut out for that kind of media attention. I’m sorry, I really and truly am, but that just isn’t the life I imagined for myself.”
“It wasn’t in your plan?” Dean asked bitterly.
Janie inhaled sharply and glanced down at the swollen mound in her stomach. Her plan? If any of this had been about her plan, she would have been doing somersaults with joy. Getting randomly impregnated by her sexy, charming boss and falling head over heels for him was hardly part of the plan. Abandoning the post she had worked her entire college career to obtain was definitely not part of the plan. And running away from the house she had just barely settled into? No, that wasn’t part of the plan either. If he wanted to talk plans, she could talk plans.
But the sad, lonely sigh that came on the other end of the receiver brought an ache to Janie’s heart. She didn’t want to hurt Dean. She knew from his actions and some of the things he said that he hadn’t always had it very good.
He’d had it rough, and it was hard for him to connect with other people, particularly women. She shouldn’t throw that kind of thing in his face. It could do a lot of lasting damage that she didn’t want to do. She did love him, after all. But she didn’t think he was even capable of returning the feeling. Not with his history. He would move on just fine without her, with his company, and she would be happy to say that she had a small hand in that by knowing when to bow out of the race once and for all.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with my feelings for you,” Janie said, swallowing hard. How would she ever be able to explain this to him? The harder she tried, the more impossible it got. She felt like she was betraying him worse than she had ever betrayed anybody in her life. She wasn’t just quitting her job. She was quitting him too.
“Well, I’m starting to wonder if women even have feelings,” Dean said with a small growl.
“Cut it out,” Janie scolded. “You know I do. I love you, Dean. And I don’t think that will ever change. But I just can’t do this, not right now. Please try to understand.”
Dean was silent for a moment before he finally said, “All right.”
She opened her mouth to speak again, but before she had the chance, he had already hung up the phone.
It was the most desolate Janie had ever felt in her life. But when she looked back down at her abdomen, which seemed to be growing larger by the second, she knew that she had done the right thing. He was going to be fine. She had to assure it to herself again and again, but it was true. Men like Dean didn’t just go down without a fight. He would do whatever it took to make sure he was the last man standing. Even if it meant he was standing alone.
17.
Dean stared numbly at the phone he had just hung up, unable to believe his ears. The wolf, understandably, was in torment. How could a woman he had claimed, claimed!, be so matter of fact about rejecting him? It just seemed unethical.
Not only that, but he had really begun to grow into his feelings for Janie. He was starting to look forward to seeing her every day, to speaking to her. The way she spoke and laughed and wore her hair had all b
egun to drive him crazy in the funniest, simplest way. It was nothing like the feelings he’d developed for other women over the years. In fact, they couldn’t do any more to drive him up the wall if they had tried. No, Janie was different. And the idea of having to spend his life without those little moments that had begun to drive him was actually terrifying.
“Mr. Resner, it’s your ex on the phone. She says she has something important to tell you.”
Dean growled deeply. From one woman rejecting him to another.
“What?” he snarled into the receiver.
“Nice to speak with you too,” Kiera said. He could almost see the sneer on her face and felt half-tempted to strangle her. But he had never laid a hand on a woman, at least, not a hand that harmed rather than pleasured her, and he didn’t plan to start now.
“Seriously, what do you want? It’s kind of a bad time.”
“Isn’t it always a bad time with men like you?” Kiera asked pointedly.
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, so could you just get to the point before I hang this fucking thing up and unplug it?”
His temper seemed to delight Kiera and he regretted showing his claws to her immediately. It would only fuel her sadistic fire and motivate her even more to strike out at him.
“I recently heard through the grapevine that you and that little woman friend of yours were going to be working with a team of at-risk youth, and I thought you should know that-”
“That’s not going to be happening anymore,” Dean snarled. “Any other plans you’re hoping to trample today or are we done here?”
He could almost taste Kiera’s bitter disappointment and wished he was in a better mood so that he could relish it. Unfortunately, as it stood, he was miserable and she simply recovered by saying, “Well, that’s a shame. It’s always nice to do a good deed. You know. Repay your debt to society.”
“I don’t have any debt,” Dean said. “Unlike you.”
Kiera laughed brightly. “Always a pleasure,” she said, and hung up the phone quickly.
Well, whatever she had called to piss on him about had backfired. At least that was something. He pushed Kiera out of his mind quickly and bent over the reports for the month. Things had been taking a downturn since his divorce had begun to hit the tabloids. For some reason, housewives and fathers who wanted their sons to be like Dean Resner seemed to think twice about using his gear when they thought that he didn’t have a stable romantic life. It didn’t make sense, but numbers didn’t lie.
“What have you gotten yourself into, old boy?” Dean sighed at the wolf. It whined pathetically and Dean felt a sharp jab of pain. He couldn’t let himself waste his time by pining away for Janie. The pressure had been too much on her and she had bailed. It was just like all the other women. He didn’t know why he had allowed himself to think that, somehow, this time might be different. It was obvious that he simply was not the kind of man made for love. He would just have to try his best to keep his sights set on the business. Unlike other people, the fruits of his own labor never let him down. And so that was what he was going to rely on from then on.
***
The next few weeks without Janie at the office left Dean swamped with paperwork and phone calls. Everybody was scandalized by the tabloid reports of his tryst with Janie, and her disappearance from the scene made it look even more suspicious. What the hell had she been thinking, leaving him in hot water like this?
To make matters worse, the coach and the kids from the football team had showed up at the office that morning, and he somehow had to find a way to deal with them without coming across as the surly asshole he was feeling like.
“Nice to meet you all,” Dean said politely to the team. He had been frazzled when he heard the news and had scrambled to set them all up in the biggest empty meeting room he had at the building. Now, about thirteen fidgety middle-schoolers were sitting in swivel chairs, swirling themselves around and looking at Dean with wide, awe-struck expressions on their faces. The coach rose and shook Dean’s hand.
“Thank you for taking the time to see us,” he said. “I know it’s not a great time.”
Dean smiled tightly. He could say that again.
“It’s no trouble at all,” he said instead. “I’m happy to lend a hand.”
But, of course, the hand he had been planning this all out with, the hand of the photographer that was supposed to portray him in a great light, was nowhere to be seen.
Dean spent the rest of the afternoon answering questions and signing autographs for the kids, and all of it left him feeling drained and irritable. He swore he would bite the head off of the next person who spoke to him, but was surprised when that person was a young wolf shifter who looked at him closely, as if he were able to see right into Dean’s soul.
“How did you know that things were going to get better?” the boy asked, his sad eyes locked on Dean.
This was the question that Dean had been terrified to answer for himself. He had been dreading something like this the entire time Janie had been telling him about the engagement. But now that it was out in the open, hanging, frail and vulnerable in the air like the child himself, Dean was glad to hear it spoken out loud.
“I didn’t know that it was going to get better,” Dean said, smiling at the boy. “I didn’t know what was going to happen. All I really knew was that I was in control of whatever happened to me, and if I worked really hard, I would achieve my goals and everything I tried to build would get built, one way or another, as long as I kept trying to build it.”
The boy’s tired eyes lit up and he nodded, as if all of that seemed to make sense to him. It was a rewarding feeling, being able to speak to the kids so candidly, and once that boy’s question had been answered, Dean realized that he was actually glad to be able to face his past and see just how true it could be to rely on your own merit and work hard for the best results.
He left the meeting with a slight boost, but his chest constricted painfully as he ventured down the hall and past the room where Janie had originally been assigned. She wasn’t there anymore. Nobody was there to know that he had done the thing he had most feared doing. He was just as alone now as he was then, and sank into a dark depression.
The depression didn’t lift until he checked his email and grinned at the unexpected surprise waiting for him there. His friend Larry had always had a bad habit of hacking and sticking his nose in where it didn’t belong. But now, for the first time, that annoying little habit seemed to have the answer to all of Dean’s prayers.
Maybe things were finally looking up, after all.
18.
“Leah, it’s so good to see you!”
After three days on the road (it probably would have been fewer if she had been able to avoid taking so many bathroom breaks), Janie finally arrived at her best friend’s house.
Leah and Tom had been living together for the past year and a half, and the place was a decent size for that area of California.
“I missed you so much! I’ll show you to your room.”
Leah led Janie upstairs and into the guest bedroom, then quickly closed the door behind herself.
“Show me the belly.”
Kiera blushed and pulled her shirt up. Several more tendrils of purple had begun to snake out from her navel, and the mound where the pups were growing–she was convinced it was a litter of at least three–had grown twice the size it had been originally.
“How did you know?” Janie asked, looking down at the floor.
“Oh please! I’ve known you my whole life. When you told me you quit, and I saw the tabloid pictures, maybe I put two and two together… How many do you think you’re having?”
“Two or three,” Janie said. “Maybe more, but that’s uncommon in human mothers.”
“Listen to you!” Leah exclaimed, laughing. “You’re the expert now, are you? How does daddy feel about the little bundles of joy?”
Janie swallowed hard and looked away. “He doesn’t kn
ow about them.”
“What?!” Leah exclaimed. “How can he not know?! Can’t shifters sense that kind of thing or something?”
“Maybe he could have if I would have stuck around a little bit longer.”
“You have to tell him, Janie! This isn’t right!”
“I can’t,” Janie said, hot tears burning her eyes. It was the first time she had allowed herself to actually cry about this. “It would put them in danger. And Dean…the bear shifters have been really on the offense lately. I just couldn’t bring myself to put them in harm’s way…”
“Okay, okay,” Leah said, hugging her friend and fishing a tissue off the end table. “I understand. You can stay here as long as you need. But I’ve got to warn you. I don’t know anything about giving birth to wolf pups. This is all new turf for me.”
“You and me both,” Janie said, finally smiling again. Her emotions had been out of control lately. She went from wanting nothing more than to speak to Dean to hating him for ever putting her in this position to begin with. Nothing seemed to be good enough.
“Well, settle in and then do your best to make it down for dinner if you’re up to it. We start at 7pm usually. All right?”
Janie nodded and Leah smiled kindly at her before leaving.
It was nice knowing she had a friend that she could depend on through thick and thin. No matter what happened, there would always be that.
***
“Are you all right, Janie?”
Janie’s face was tense with pain, and she swallowed hard. She had been with Leah for the past eight months, too independent to stay at her mom’s house, but too scared to venture out on her own during her first pregnancy. Her best friend didn’t care at all, and they’d been enjoying the experience as they had back in college.
“I don’t think so,” Janie gasped, a contraction jolting her forward. She cried out in agony and soon, she could hear the urgent footsteps of Leah and Tom heading toward her.