by Alec Waugh
“Oh, I don’t know; it was not so very much.” In his heart of hearts Gordon was pretty certain he would get his cap; but it would never do to show what he thought.
“Oh, rot, my good man,” burst out Lovelace. “You didn’t give a chance after the first over. And, by Jove, that was a bit of luck then.”
“Yes, you know, I have a good deal of luck one way and another. I haven’t got in a single row yet; and I am always being missed.”
“And some fellows have no luck at all. Now Foster was batting beautifully before he was run out; never saw such a scandalous mix-up. All the other man’s fault. He bowled well, too. I shouldn’t be a bit surprised if he didn’t get his Colts’ cap. I know ‘the Bull’ likes him.”
“Do you think so?” said Gordon. He did not know why, but he rather hoped Foster would not get his cap. He himself would be captain of A-K Junior next year. It would be better if he was obviously senior to Foster. He was going to be the match-winning factor; and, so far as seniority goes, there is not much to choose between men who get their colours on the same day.
“Of course he won’t if you don’t,” Mansell said, “but I think he’s worth it. I say, let’s have a feed tonight. There’s just time before hall to order some stuff. Lovelace, rush off to the tuck-shop, and put it down to my account.”
Gordon found it impossible to work during hall; he fidgeted nervously. He felt as he had felt on the last day of his first term before prize-giving. He knew if he was going to get his Colts’ cap he would get it early that night. Stewart always gave colours during first hall. He sat and waited nervously; work became quite impossible. He looked through The Daily Telegraph and flung it aside; then picked up The London Mail; that was rather more in his line.
There was a sound of talking down the passage. He heard Clarke’s voice saying:
“Yes, down there, third study down, No. 16.”
A second later there was a knock on the door. He managed to gulp out: “Come in.”
“Gratters on your Colts’ cap, Caruthers. Well played!”
Stewart shook hands with him. The next minute Gordon heard him walking to the school notice-board in the cloister. He was pinning up the notice.
Gordon sat quite still; his happiness was too great. . .
No one is allowed to walk about in the studies before eight dining-hall. For a quarter of an hour there was silence in the passage.
Eight struck; there was an opening of doors.
A few minutes later Hunter dashed in.
“Well done, Caruthers. Hooray!”
“Well done, Caruthers!” “Good old A-K!” “I am so glad!”
Everyone seemed pleased.
Just before prayers, as he sat at the top of the day-room table, FitzMorris came over to him. “Jolly good, Caruthers. Well done.” His cup was full.
Foster did not get his cap . . .
The next day as Gordon was walking across the courts in break “the Bull” came up to him.
“Gratters, Caruthers; wasn’t your fault you lost. I like a man who can fight uphill. You have got the grit—well done, lad.”
“And yet,” said Gordon to Mansell, as they passed under the school gate, “you say that man cares only for his house. Why, he only loves his house because it’s a part of Fernhurst; and Fernhurst is the passion of his life!”
Chapter VII
When One is in Rome . . .
Generalisations are always apt to be misleading, but there was surely no truer one ever spoken than the old proverb: “When one is in Rome, one does as Rome does!” Parsons and godmothers will, of course, protest that, if you found yourselves among a crowd of robbers and drunkards, you would not copy them! And yet it is precisely what the average individual would do. When a boy leaves his preparatory school he has a conscience; he would not tell lies; he would be scrupulously honest in form; he would not borrow things he never meant to return; he would say nothing he would be ashamed of his mother or sister overhearing.
But before this same innocent has been at school two terms he has learnt that everything except money is public property. The name in a book or on a hockey stick means nothing. Someone once said to Collins:
“I say, I want to write here, are those your books?”
“No, they are the books I use,” was the laconic answer.
The code of a Public School boy’s honour is very elastic. Masters are regarded as common enemies; and it is never necessary to tell them the truth. Expediency is the golden rule in all relations with the common room. And after a very few weeks even Congreve would have had to own that the timid new boy could spin quite as broad a yarn as he. The parents do not realise this. It is just as well. It is a stage in the development of youth. Everyone must pass through it. Yet sometimes it leads to quite a lot of misunderstanding.
There were one or two incidents during this summer term that stood out very clearly in Gordon’s memory as proofs of the way masters may fail to realise the boy’s point of view.
One morning just after breakfast Gordon discovered that he had done the wrong maths for Jenks. He rushed in search of Fletcher.
“I say, Archie, look here, be a sport. I have done the wrong stuff for that ass Jenks. Let’s have a look at yours.”
In ten minutes four tremendous howlers in as many sums had been reproduced on Gordon’s paper. The work was collected that morning, and nothing more was heard of it till the next day. Gordon thought himself quite safe and had ceased to take any interest in the matter. The form was working out some riders more or less quietly. Suddenly Jenks’s tired voice murmured:
“Caruthers, did you copy your algebra off Fletcher?”
“No, sir.”
Jenks was rather fond of asking such leading questions.
Caruthers had got tired of it. The man was a fool; he must know by this time that he was bound to get the same answer.
“Fletcher, did you copy off Caruthers?”
“No, sir.”
“Caruthers, did you see Fletcher’s paper?”
“No, sir.”
How insistent the ass was getting.
“Fletcher, did you see Caruther’s paper?”
“No, sir.”
“Oh, you silly fellows. Then I shall have to put both your papers before the Headmaster. I’m afraid you will both be expelled.”
Jenks had a strange notion of the offences that merited expulsion. Every time he reported a boy he expected to see him marching sadly to the station to catch the afternoon train. Once Collins had stuck a pin into a wonderful mercury apparatus and entirely ruined it.
“Oh, Collins, you stupid boy. I shall have to report you to the Headmaster, and you know what that means. We sha’n’t see you here any more.”
Gordon had, of course, not the slightest fear of getting “bunked.” But still it was a nuisance. He would have to be more careful next time.
“Now look here, you two,” Jenks went on, after a bit. “If either of you cares to own up, I won’t report you at all. I will deal with you myself.”
Slowly Gordon rose. It was obviously an occasion where it paid to own up.
“I did, sir.”
“Oh I thought as much. You see yours was in pencil, and if possible a little worse than Fletcher’s. Sit down.”
Betteridge afterwards said that to watch Jenks rushing across the courts to see the Chief during the minute interval between the exit of one class and the arrival of the next was better than any pantomime. He was very small; he had a large white moustache; his gown was too long; it blew out like sails in the wind. Besides, it was the first time Jenks had ever been seen to run.
In due time Caruthers and Fletcher appeared before the Chief. The result was only a long “jaw” and a bad report. The Chief could not perhaps be expected to see that a lie was any the less a lie because it was told to a master. But in the delinquents any feeling of penitence there might have been was entirely obscured by an utter scorn of Jenks.
“After all, the man did say he wouldn’t r
eport us,” said Fletcher.
“Oh, it’s all you can expect from these ‘stinks men.’ They have no sense of honour.”
It did not occur to Gordon that in this instance his own sense of honour had not been tremendously in evidence. The Public School system had set its mark on him.
The other incident was the great clothes row. All rows spring from the most futile sources. This one began with the sickness of one Evans-Smith, who was suddenly taken ill in form. It was a hot day, and he fainted. Now Evans-Smith was an absolute nonentity. It was only his second term, but he had already learnt that anything that was in the changing-room was common property; and so when the matron took off his shoes before putting him to bed she saw Rudd’s name inside. The matter was reported to the Chief. The Chief made a tour of the changing-room during afternoon school, and his eyes were opened. For instance, it was quite obvious that Turner had changed. His school suit was hung on his peg, his blazer was presumably on him, and yet his cricket trousers were lying on the floor, with Fischer’s house scarf sticking out of the pocket. There were many other like discoveries.
In hall that night the Chief asked Turner whose trousers he was wearing that afternoon. The wretched youth had not the slightest idea; all he knew was that they were not his own. He thought they might be Bradford’s.
After prayers the Chief addressed the House on the subject. He pointed out how carelessness in little things led to carelessness in greater, and how dangerous it was to get into a habit of taking other people’s things without thinking. He also said that it was most unhealthy to wear someone else’s clothes. He was, of course, quite right; but the House could not see it, for the simple reason that it did not want to see it. It would be an awful nuisance to have to look after one’s own things. Besides, probably the man next to you had a much newer sweater. The House intended to go on as before. And indeed it did.
One day Ferguson thought he wanted some exercise. It was a half-holiday, and Clarke was quite ready for a game of tennis. Ferguson went down to the changing-room. The first thing he saw was that his tennis shoes were gone. He thought it quite impossible that anyone should dare to bag his things. Fuming with wrath, he banged into the matron’s room.
“I say, Matron, look here; my tennis shoes are gone.”
And then, suddenly, he saw the Chief standing at the other end of the room, glancing down the dormitory list.
“Oh, really, Ferguson, I must see about this. Matron, do you know anything about Ferguson’s shoes?”
“No, sir! Never touch the boys’ shoes. George is the only person who looks after them; and he only cleans black boots and shoes.”
“Oh, well, then, Ferguson, you’d better come with me, and we will make a search for them.”
Ferguson cursed inwardly. This would mean at least half-an-hour wasted; and he could so easily have found another pair. The School House changing-room is a noble affair. It is about seventy feet long and sixty wide. All round it run small partitioned-off benches; in the middle are stands for corps clothes. At one end there is what was once a piano. Laboriously the Chief and Ferguson hunted round the room. In the far corner there was an airing cupboard. It was a great sight to see Ferguson climb up on the top of this. He was not a gymnast, and he took some time doing it. Hunter sat changing at one end of the room, thoroughly enjoying himself.
Down the passage a loud, tuneless voice began to sing Who were You with Last Night? and Mansell rolled in. He saw the Chief, and stopped suddenly, going over to Hunter.
“What does the old idiot want?”
“He’s hunting for Ferguson’s tennis shoes.”
“Good Lord! and I’ve got them on.”
“Well, get them off, then, quick.”
In a second, while the Chief was looking the other way, Mansell stole across to the middle of the room and laid them on the top of the hot-water pipes.
About two minutes later Ferguson burst out:
“Look, sir, here they are!”
“But, my dear Ferguson, I’m sure we must have looked there.”
“Yes, sir. I thought we had.”
“Er, ’t any rate there are your shoes, Ferguson, and I hope you’ll have a good game!” The Chief went out, rather annoyed at having wasted so much time. At tea that evening there was mirth at the V. B table.
On this occasion trouble was avoided. But one day Willing, a new boy, lost his corps hat. He was certain it had been there before lunch. The Corps Parade was already falling in. Seeing no other hat to fit him, he very idiotically went on without a hat at all. It would have been far better to have cut parade altogether. Clarke asked him where his hat was, but his ideas on the subject were very nebulous. The whole corps was kept waiting while School House hats were examined. Ten people had got hats other than their own.
They each got a Georgic . . .
The pent-up fury of the House now broke loose. Everyone swore he would murder Clarke on the last day, bag his clothes, and hold him in a cold bath for half-an-hour. If half of the things that were going to be done on the last day ever happened, how very few heads of houses would live to tell the tale! It is so easy to talk, so very hard to do anything; a head of the House is absolutely supreme. If he is at all sensitive, it is possible to make his life utterly wretched by a silent demonstration of hatred, but if he is at all a man, threats can never mature, and Clarke was a man. During his last days at Fernhurst he was supremely miserable. The House was split up into factions: he himself had no one to talk to except Ferguson and Sandham. But he carried on the grim joke to its completion. In the last week he beat four boys for being low in form, and gave a whole dormitory a hundred lines daily till the end of the term for talking after lights out. The Chief was sorry to lose him; Ferguson would make a very weak head. The future was not too bright.
* * * * *
“I say, you know, I think I had better get a ‘budge’ this term.” Gordon announced this fact as the Lower Fifth were pretending to prepare for the exam. Mansell protested:
“Now don’t be a damned ass, my good man; you don’t know when you are well off. You stop with old Methuselah a bit longer. He is a most damnable ass, but his form is a glorious slack.”
“Oh, well, I don’t know. I think the Sixth is slacker still. I am going to specialise in something when I get there. I am not quite sure what. But it’s going to mean a lot of study hours.”
At Fernhurst there was a great scheme by which specialists always worked in their studies. To specialise was the dream of every School House boy. It is so charming to watch, from the warm repose of your own study, black figures rushing across the rainswept courts on the way to their class-rooms (it always rained at Fernhurst), and Gordon was essentially a hedonist.
“Yes, I suppose the higher you go up the less work you do,” said Mansell. “When I was with old ‘Bogus’ I used to prepare my lessons sometimes, and, what’s more, with a dictionary.”
“Oh, Quantum mutatus ab illo,” sighed Gordon.
“Yes, you know,” said Betteridge, “the higher you get up the school the less you need worry about what you do. The prefect is supposed to be the model of what a Public School boy should be. And yet he is about the fastest fellow in the school. If I got caught in Davenham’s study by the Chief, even if I said I was only borrowing a pencil, I should get in the deuce of a row. But Meredith can sit there all hall and say he’s making inquiries about a boxing competition. He’s trusted. The lower forms aren’t allowed to prepare in their studies. They might use a crib, so they have to work in the day-room or big school. The Fifth is trusted to work, so it can spend school hours in its studies. Of course the Third works the whole time, while the Fifth just writes the translation between the lines and then plays barge cricket. It’s no use trusting a Public School boy. Put faith in him and he’ll take advantage of it; and yet there are still some who say the Public School system is satisfactory!”
“And I am one of them,” said Mansell. “I’ve had a damned good term so far, and next term, whe
n I get that big study, I shall have a still finer time. School may be bad as a moral training, but I live to enjoy myself. Here’s to the Public School system. Long may it live!”
Betteridge smiled rather sadly; he was not an athlete.
* * * * *
The summer exams turned out a lamentably dull affair. Claremont superintended the Shell and the Lower Fifth. Anyone who wished to crib could have done so easily. But hardly anyone took the trouble. Mansell swore he would stay where he was. Ruddock, Johnstone and the other old stagers were all of the same opinion. Gordon had determined to get high enough for a promotion, but no higher; tenth would do; and it was easy to get up there. The small boys in the front bench were all Balliol scholars in embryo; it would not pay them to crib. The great law of expediency overhung all proceedings. The result was that they were as lifeless and dull as most other virtuous things.
There were, however, a few bright incidents, the foremost of which was the Divinity exam. Claremont, we know, was a parson and a lover of poetry, and that term the form had been reading Judges and Samuel and Kings. As the Divinity exam, came first, it would be wise to put the old man in a good temper. Ruddock introduced Mr ffoakes Jackson’s work on the Old Testament disguised as a writing-pad.
There is nothing easier than to write down correct answers to one-word questions, if you have the answer-book in front of you. Ruddock’s writing-pad passed slowly round the back and centre benches. Next day the result was announced.
“Well,” said Claremont, “I must own that I was agreeably surprised by the results of the Divinity papers. The lowest mark was seventy-nine out of a hundred, and that was Kennedy.” (Kennedy was invariably top in the week’s order.) “Ruddock did a really remarkable paper, and scored a hundred out of a hundred. Johnstone and Caruthers both got ninety-nine, and several others were in the nineties. In fact, the only ones in the eighties were those who usually excel. I have taken the form now for over thirty years, and this is quite unparalleled. I shall ask the Headmaster if a special prize cannot be given to Johnstone. He certainly deserves one.”