by Hua Bai
longer and longer, and her longing for him more and more desperate. An inexpressible feeling of emptiness seized her.
During Longbu’s absences, Sunamei weeded the fields wearing the beads, bracelets, and earrings he had given her. The sun dancing on the shining ornaments gave her a sense of pride before people. However, she preferred relishing, in her moments of solitude, the sweet feelings Longbu had left
her in those intimate nights. During the day, she refused to join the youngsters’ dances by the lake or the antiphonal singing in the woods; instead she retreated early to her own huagu to sink into the smells of tobacco and wine and the senses of Longbu’s body. At night, she would awake at the slightest clattering of hooves. Although she fully understood that Longbu could not be back yet, her heart still trembled in excitement, hoping for a miracle – Longbu’s
early return. But the miracle never occurred. In the fields, on the way home, along the stream, Sunamei’s sneer turned away the men’s passes and metaphorical insinuations. She could not forget Longbu for even one second. This capable but staid, middle-aged man unknowingly had aroused her
strongest passions. Like an inundated piece of land, each time she enjoyed the pleasure of being penetrated to the point of satiety, yet she longed for the rush of another surg-1 8 6
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ing flood. She believed there was no man who could erase the impression Longbu had left on her senses.
This time Longbu’s post was too far away. He did not re-
turn for two months. On the east side of the lake there lived a lad of eighteen named Yingzhi, who walked thirty li to the Youjiwa Village every evening, hoping to see Sunamei.
He believed that, if Sunamei saw him, she would have to listen to him. And if she listened to just one word from him, she would continue listening, as she did to the song of the river from which she could hardly tear herself. Yingzhi ran to her village ten nights in a row, but failed to see Sunamei.
Many people dissuaded him from such a foolish pursuit:
Sunamei was unwilling to see him. Even if he met her, she would not listen to his babbling. He ignored them.
Yingzhi had begged Sunamei’s childhood friend Geru-
oma to put in a word to Sunamei for him. For this purpose, he brought Geruoma a silver ring set with a pine-green
stone. Geruoma did not accept the present, and just gig-
gled. Yingzhi was confused and his wrist ached because of holding the ring in his palm too long. Instead of taking the ring, Geruoma covered her laughing mouth and wiped the
tears from her eyes. She laughed and laughed through three pipes of tobacco. Perhaps her stomach ached from laughing too much. Finally, she said, “I don’t have the luck to wear this precious ring. How could Sunamei ever listen to me?
You’d better ask somebody else to help you. Yingzhi, why don’t you drink to your heart’s content at the stream by your feet, instead of seeking the dew on high cliffs? You may stay at my home tonight. My huagu is pretty warm.”
“Thank you, Geruoma. If there were no Sunamei born in
the Youjiwa Village, I would rest at your home.” Turning her back, Geruoma ran away giggling.
Yingzhi had also asked Sunamei’s ami Cai’er for help, bringing her ten lumps of tea. Cai’er received him warmly and invited him to drink wine. But when he expressed his desire to see Sunamei, Cai’er said to him earnestly, “Yingzhi, 1 8 7
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you are a handsome man. In all of Xienami, one cannot find another man so handsome as you. But you know, a man’s
beauty is not on his face. I don’t know where it is – only his axiao knows. And even his axiao, although she knows it, cannot say it. My daughter Sunamei already has an axiao.
Her heart is placed in Longbu’s tobacco pipe, and no one can touch it, unless Longbu throws it out. Moreover, Longbu is a good-hearted man. Each time he comes back from his
journey, he brings a large sack of food, clothes, and other things to show his respect for me. Besides, Sunamei’s ami is not Sunamei and cannot be her master. Although her eyes, nose, mouth, full breasts, and soft waist, plus the particular thing a man loves, were given by me, they were separated from my body at birth. I have no right to make any decision for her.”
“Does Sunamei know I want to see her?”
“The whole village knows.”
“As long as she knows, the trips I made are not in vain.
Ami Cai’er, please tell her Yingzhi has been here again.”
“Alright, I’ll tell her.”
One day, Yingzhi met Sunamei’s Amiji Zhima on the
way. Carrying a large bundle of dried grass, her body was steaming with sweat. Grabbing her bundle, he said to her,
“Zhima, let me carry it for you. You look tired.”
“You are Yingzhi, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Zhima. How beautiful you are.”
“Many men praise my beauty with the intention of get-
ting into my huagu. You alone do it for some other purpose.”
“But it is true, Zhima, your beauty is born, not brought about by my praise.”
Biting her lower lip with her pearly teeth, she looked at Yingzhi with a naughty smile. “Is Sunamei more beautiful than I?”
“One cannot compare one person’s beauty with that of
another. A lantana has a lantana’s beauty; a camellia has a camellia’s beauty.”
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“What you say is true. Yingzhi, do you want to see Su-
namei?”
“Zhima, are you teasing me?”
“No. I am the person who can let you see her.”
“How can I thank you, then?”
Zhima shook her head, and said with a smile, “Come at
midnight. I will keep the gate and my huagu open for you.
Do you know which room is her huagu? ”
“Yes, the one by the staircase.”
“Have you ever knocked at it?”
“No. I know it’s no use, for many men have tried.”
“Please come tonight. Between my huagu and hers is one board. You come to my huagu first. I won’t keep you.”
“I will come. Let me carry the bundle home for you.”
“No, thanks. I am not tired.” She beheld Yingzhi in ad-
miration. “You really are a man of perseverance.”
To Yingzhi, the time from evening to midnight was no
shorter than three years. By the time midnight finally
arrived, he had kicked almost all the pebbles on the roads and paths around the Youjiwa Village, counted all the
households and trees dwelling in the village as well as the stars in the sky, called the names of Sunamei and Zhima ten thousand times. He pushed open the gate that led to Sunamei’s huagu. As expected, it was unbolted. He threw in several pieces of pork through a narrow opening to bribe the black dog. The dog did not even snort, wagging its tail as a gesture of welcome. The young man climbed the stairs to
the huagu. He paused at Sunamei’s door, resting his hands on the door and leaning his face against it in order to listen intensely – Sunamei was sleeping soundly. Then he pushed open the door to Zhima’s huagu in the darkness. Zhima jumped off her bed. She held Yingzhi’s shoulder and took him to Sunamei’s door, whispering: “I can only give you a chance to see her. I heard you say, if only you can see her.…”
“Sunamei!” Zhima knocked gently at Sunamei’s door.
“Eh?” Sunamei was alert. “Amiji Zhima?”
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“It’s me. Open the door, Sunamei.”
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Yes.”
Sunamei opened the door, and Yingzhi strode in. Strik-
ing a match, he lit the little l
amp. “Yingzhi wants to have a look at you.…” With these words, Zhima went back to her
own huagu.
Sunamei, her clothes draped over her shoulder, was
annoyed. “Get out!”
“Sunamei, people say you are a woman of feelings and
sober thought. I doubt it. In the past I saw you only at a distance, but today I find only your beauty and not your tenderness. That kind of beauty does not appeal to me.… All right, I’m leaving. Sorry for disturbing you. Please accept my apologies.” Although Yingzhi stepped out, he kept his hand on the doorknob.
For a while Sunamei could not speak; her self-esteem had been injured. She knew Zhima had heard everything.
Tomorrow the conversation would be known to the whole
village; the day after tomorrow to the whole world. People would gossip: the single-minded Yingzhi was dying to see Sunamei; one word from her drove him away in disappointment. Sunamei said in a challenging tone, “So you’re leaving. Then why don’t you move?”
“You told me only to get out, not to go away. I do what
you say. If you say go away, I will go away.” Sunamei did not say go away, or anything else. The one inside and the one outside the door, locked in a stalemate, listened together to their quickened breathing. “If you do not say go away, you should say come in. ” Sunamei did not say come in. “If you do not say come in, I will invite myself in. If you don’t say don’t come in, I will come in.” Sunamei did not say don’t come in.
Yingzhi entered the huagu and shut the door. Before Sunamei knew it, Yingzhi was embracing her tightly. He
tore away the clothes draped over her shoulder. Yingzhi surprised her like a summer storm, and Sunamei resisted and 1 9 0
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then accepted him. The rain that had held its power for so long poured down without forming visible threads. Apart
from the lightning, there were low, heavy, dark clouds
smelling of fish. The hot rain poured ceaselessly, the universe was submerged in water, forests swayed in the water and streams overflowed. Sunamei suffered the violent rain joyfully, her tears and the rain flowing together. Twice she wanted to jump up with a scream; yet she was motionless
under the weight of hot rain and clouds. The rain gradually let up and the thunder vanished. Yet the clouds remained.
When the dark clouds drifted and thinned out, Sunamei,
like a willow sapling that had exhausted its madness,
dripped beads of glistening water in the sun. She opened her eyes, seeing the lamplight small like a bean. The naked, white Yingzhi was lying by her side, tender words flowing from his wet lips into her ear.
“Sunamei, have you ever seen a shooting star at daybreak?
When all other stars turn gray, the shooting star slants down with its flashing tail. I have been watching it every evening outside your window. But you cannot see it, for you are dreaming. Sunamei, do you know how little weeds grow during the night? They shoot up with dew on their heads, singing a gentle bubbling song and flipping their tiny
leaves. I can see them while I squat at the foot of your wall.
You cannot see them because you are lying right above my head.”
Sunamei laughed happily. She was amused by Yingzhi’s
words. Naturally she was comparing him with Longbu.
After making love, Longbu always sank into a sound sleep, but Yingzhi was different. He made Sunamei feel like the water on the ground after the storm; having found its river-bed, it flows softly on. She knew Yingzhi must also be tired.
She blew out the lamp and embraced him. To save his
breath, she covered his mouth with her hand. Body and
soul, Sunamei accepted Yingzhi. Soon they fell sound asleep, the stars outside the window were shooting down, and the 1 9 1
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weeds at the end of the wall shooting up.… They could no longer hear or see.
When you are expecting a miracle, the miracle never
comes. It comes only when you forget or even fear its
appearance and the miracle turns to its opposite. Longbu returned ahead of schedule. When Yingzhi and Sunamei
were sound asleep, he knocked at the door.
“Who is it?” Sunamei woke in surprise. From the knock-
ing sound, she could tell: Longbu had come back.
“Who else could it be?”
Sunamei nudged Yingzhi awake.
“Is someone in there with you?” Longbu had guessed
it. Sunamei did not reply; she did not know how. “I hur-
ried back at night without going home first. I am terribly thirsty. Can you give me some tea?” He waited patiently.
Sunamei opened the door. Yingzhi sat by the fireplace, rearranging the firewood, and the white cat was washing its face with its paws. Longbu laid a heavy sack on the floor. “Oh, it’s you, Yingzhi.”
“Do you know me?” Yingzhi looked at him, a little tense.
“How could I fail to recognize you? I attended your
pants-wearing ceremony.” The white cat jumped into Long-
bu’s lap.
“Oh…” Yingzhi shaped his hands like a chimney and
blew on the fire through them.
“Give me a hand, Sunamei.” Longbu untied his sack and
Sunamei took from it wine bottles, granulated milk, dried beef, cookies, and lumps of tea. Longbu poured out three bowls of wine, divided the milk grains that had been fried in butter into three shares, and cut three beef chunks of equal size. “Drink, Yingzhi.” Longbu took up a bowl. Yingzhi drank his, but Sunamei only sipped at hers. After a long silence, Longbu again poured wine into the three bowls.
Sunamei’s eyes darted back and forth, from Longbu to Yingzhi. Longbu seemed scarcely to notice. “Yingzhi, have you ever been out with the caravan?”
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“No.”
“You won’t see much of the world without that sort of
experience. You know, every road is a book. Young man, you should go with me on one of the journeys, visiting the dam at Lijiang, the city of Dali, the boulevard in Xiaguan. It’s really an exciting world, where you meet all sorts of men, hear all sorts of languages, and see all sorts of bizarre clothes. Oh, and those spectacular plays! They show movies every day, even during the daytime, in a closed dark room.
The women of the Bai nationality are really beautiful, as clean as clouds after a rain. They wear white dresses decorated with red flowers from collar to cuffs. But you cannot touch them. One touch would invite a stare or a curse. This journey of mine has been a bit tiring. I’m exhausted – ”
Speaking as he drank, he gradually shut his eyes. Leaning against the wall opposite the warm fire, he seemed to fall asleep.
Yingzhi whispered to Sunamei, “I have to go.”
Sunamei shook her head, waving her hand slightly to
indicate her unwillingness for him to leave. She thought Longbu would not see this. But somehow Longbu was able
to catch her message with his eyes shut. Pushing the white cat aside, he jumped up. “I have to go now.” Before Sunamei was on her feet, he was already down the stairs. Sunamei stayed motionless, staring at the fire for a long time; Yingzhi gazed at her face. The big white cat stroked their faces with its fluffy tail.
The following night, when Longbu again came for a visit, he found his bedroll and sack lying in front of Sunamei’s huagu. After carefully hanging a gilded necklace on its doorknob, Longbu shouldered his belongings and walked slowly downstairs and out the gate.
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I gaze at her window. In the past, it was pasted
over with black paper; now a cloth curtain with tiny blue flowers hangs there.
Again the time had come for me to take my
medical report to the farm. As I shut my eyes and remi-
nisced on the bus, the scenes and images flashing through my memory were all associated with Gui Renzhong. Nothing else could intrude, no matter how interesting or sensational: Old Gui following a herd of cows, each with eyes of grief and loyalty just like his. Old Gui looking up at the lofty statue of Mao with boundless faith. Old Gui prostrating himself on the ground out of sheer joy and excitement at his five-day leave. Old Gui raising a shriveled hand to get a chance to ask questions at the meeting. Old Gui massaging my back with his gentle hand while holding his broken
leg. Old Gui wearing a brand-new suit and moving slowly
toward me like a paper doll. Old Gui being forced to put his fingerprint on the marriage certificate like Yang Bailao.
Carrying Jane’s ashes, he follows me out of the villa, a play-house designed for foreigners, his face showing no trace of misery or humiliation, only the relaxation of a shy actor who finally gets off the stage. The moment I thought of him, my heart was wrenched with pain as if a vulture were tearing out my entrails with its talons. His life would be an endless tragedy caused by his personality, or rather by his ignorance.
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But could one possibly call an internationally renowned
scholar ignorant? Still, I found it hard to explain the series of tragedies caused by his ignorance. He was a man of freedom in the realm of chemistry, an expert on chemical combinations, not a high school student who merely knew that H2O=water. Why, then, did he remain such a childish sim-pleton? I believe a child being stolen at infancy and raised by a pack of wolves could grow into a wolf child and feed on carrion. But could an adult – and a sophisticated, top intellectual to boot – also become a wolf man? I was puzzled by this strange phenomenon. Although the Chinese, almost
without exception, were being wolfified and pigisized to various degrees, until today there were few men like old Gui who had deteriorated so much and still continued to bump their heads against walls without realizing they needed to turn around. I felt he needed someone to enlighten him, like a bodhisattva, someone to drop purified water on his brow from a willow twig to wake him up at the edge of the cliff, someone to make him understand that “if a man cannot