Her child in her arms, she walked out of the hospital into the warmth of the April day.
Everyone in Poundmaker's village welcomed the changing season. Spring had come to the prairies early this year, and the people rejoiced because the winter had been filled with sickness and hardship. Now crocuses bloomed and the patches of snow that lay scattered on the brown earth like dirty laundry were shrinking, melting away in the welcome warmth of the sun. Women brought sleeping robes out of tipis to air, and small brown children shed their heavy winter clothing and ran half naked, wild in the warmth of the sun.
As she'd done at dawn and dusk for many days now, Tahnancoa summoned the women once again this afternoon to join her in the ceremony that she hoped would bring Paige back through the corridors of time.
Far from the village, in the sacred area, she traced the charmed circle on the earth and scattered the magic potions in the particular way Lame Owl had taught her. She chanted the rhythms and tried to clear her mind of all but the ceremony, but deep in her heart Tahnancoa was afraid.
The more times she tried this and failed, the less confidence she had in herself and her ability. She was afraid she didn't have the power Lame Owl had possessed.
She did everything her grandmother had said to do, but still she couldn't seem to locate the dream pathway between the worlds that would open the gateway and capture the spirits and bodies of Paige and her child and transport them from then to now.
She imagined she could hear her grandmother's petulant old voice, instructing her. "Open your mind and allow the four winds to blow through you. Call on the earth mother to open the door, and then trust in her power."
Tahnancoa had tried all those things, but there was still a part of her that doubted her own ability, and that part grew more powerful each time she tried and failed.
Myles had been in the Indian village for many days, waiting. Each night when she walked back into the village the awful disappointment and pain in his eyes when he saw she was alone called out to her, made her ashamed of her inadequacy.
Her heart ached for the tall doctor in the policeman's scarlet tunic, but knowing he was there put pressure on her, and that pressure made it even more difficult to concentrate.
Myles watched from a hilltop as Tahnancoa and the small group of women straggled back toward the village in the early dusk. He knew Paige wasn't with them, but in spite of himself he studied each figure over and over again, just in case he'd somehow missed her.
Of course she wasn't there, and it felt as if more shreds of his soul dried up and blew away in the cool evening air. He'd told himself all winter that his wife and child were lost to him forever, that he was a fool to think otherwise, but hope died hard.
He walked down to the women. When he saw the dejection on Tahny's face, the compassion in her eyes, he knew there was no point in hoping any longer.
"Tahny, I'm riding back to the fort tonight." He reached out and took her hand in his own. "Thank you for all your efforts, my dear. It wasn't meant to be, so don't fret over it."
Her dark eyes were agonized and ashamed. "I'm sorry, Myles Baldwin."
He squeezed her hand. One of the young boys brought his horse and his medical bag, and he thanked the boy and then swung into the saddle. He lifted his wide brimmed hat to Tahnancoa and turned away from the village.
Raw anguish filled him, and he urged his horse to a gallop even though he knew it was dangerous to race across the rough ground in the fading light.
He'd welcome death. It was living with this aching loneliness he couldn't bear.
There was no longer any hope, he knew that now. He'd write to the superintendent in the morning, requesting a transfer that would take him far away from Battleford.
The field Paige had Leo drive to was wet and soggy, the first green sprigs of grass just beginning to tinge the prairie soil. The crop circle was like an old, half-healed scar on the surface of the dark earth. In distant fields, a tractor plowed the earth for spring planting, but here it was still too wet, and the earth was undisturbed, the stubble of last fall's crop still lying on the ground. Paige was wearing her worn old Nikes, and the mud rose almost to their tops.
For the past three days, Leo had brought Paige and Alex here well before dawn and again in the hour before sunset. In the center of the circle, Paige stood and waited, Alex, wrapped in thick blankets, clutched close in her arms. At her feet was a bulging carryall of medical supplies and over her shoulder was Alex's diaper bag. Around her neck was the pouch with the gold coins and her locket. In her heart was a desperate hope.
Twice each day, Leo would patiently carry her bags to the spot Paige indicated and then go back and stand by the rented car, his shoulders bent against the chill prairie wind, as immobile as Paige for the hour it took the sun to rise or set. One of the days had been overcast, and they'd had to guess at the right moment.
Time after time Paige ignored the icy wind and waited. She prayed and tried to visualize Battleford. She searched for Myles's face in her memory, she tried with her mind to reach Lame Owl and let her know they were waiting here, but fear and the knowledge that the listless child in her arms was growing weaker each day made her impotent.
When dawn was over, when sunset was only a streak of crimson in the western sky, Leo would come and silently take Alex from her aching arms.
"We'll try again in the morning," he'd say reassuringly.
Alex had been blessedly free of fever during those first days, but on the fourth night, the fever came back with raging intensity.
All night, in her sparse room in the little motel in the middle of nowhere, Paige worked over the baby, sponging, giving antibiotics, making bargains with God, sickeningly aware that her son's small body couldn't withstand such ravages much longer.
Leo had seen the light on in her room and tapped at the door just after midnight.
"Can I help?" He wrung out cool towels, made coffee, held Alex so Paige could gulp down a cupful. He talked about everyday things, a man he'd met in the coffee shop, the evening weather report, a movie he'd once seen on television, and once in a while, Paige was able to respond.
When dawn came, Alex was still far too feverish to risk the trip to the distant field. Leo was holding him, and Paige stood at the window, her arms wrapped around her body, watching the inky darkness change to gray, and then to palest blue. Urgency was an illness inside of her.
"Leo, what if this was our chance, and I've missed it?" Her voice quavered, and she fought the tears that threatened. If she once started to cry, she was afraid she'd never have the strength to stop again.
Leo was silent, walking back and forth and back again across the stained green carpet, humming to Alex. At last, in a voice as gentle as the dawn, he said, "My dear, don't you think that perhaps soon we should give up and go home? This can't be the best thing for the baby, or for you."
He was right. Her brain knew he was right, but her heart resisted.
"I want to try again," she insisted. "Just once more."
He looked at her, and she saw the love and desire in his eyes, despite the fact that she was still in the mud-stained jeans she'd worn the day before, and she hadn't washed her face or brushed her hair in far too long.
"You're a good man, Leo. You deserve better than this."
He smiled at her. "Let me be the judge of what I deserve."
Alex had fallen asleep, and Leo tenderly laid him in the small crib the motel had provided. "Go have a shower now. I'll sit here and watch him. Then I'll bring us some breakfast from the coffee shop, and after that, you lie down and sleep. I'll stay here in the armchair and if there's any problem I'll wake you immediately."
She agreed, knowing it was selfish. Leo hadn't slept any more than she. She was simply too exhausted to protest.
The baby moved restlessly, kicking off his blanket, and Leo leaned into the crib and carefully tucked it back around the little boy. He tiptoed back to the armchair and picked up the paperback mystery he'd been staring at for seve
ral hours. It was late afternoon, and he'd have to wake Paige soon if they were going to have time to drive out to that godforsaken field in time for sunset.
Once more, he told himself. If she tried once more and failed, maybe there'd be a chance. He glanced over at Paige, her too slender body wrapped in a peach colored blanket, her breath making tiny sighing sounds as she breathed.
He'd fallen in love with her the first day they'd met. It had been as though he'd spent his life in some dispassionate gray dream, and then all of a sudden he'd awakened to color and life and feeling. He hadn't realized what was missing in his life until he'd seen the play of expression across her face, or watched the way she ran her fingers distractedly through her mass of black hair. He hadn't realized he'd longed for the warm, fragrant weight of a baby in his arms until he'd held Alex.
Alex. He rose again and laid his palm across the baby's forehead. He was still too warm, but not burning up the way he'd been before.
Was Alex going to die?
Leo could hardly stand to pose the question even to himself. He loved Alex, in a different way than he loved Paige, but just as much. The child was gravely ill, he knew that. He'd called Sam and asked him about Alex, asked him to be honest about Alex's chances of recovery.
"The prognosis isn't good," Sam had told him in that maddening jargon that doctors used on laypeople. "But Paige is an excellent doctor; she can do as much for him as any hospital could."
"Is there anywhere else in the world where the doctors could do something more?" Leo was prepared to hire a private jet, take the baby anywhere, if it meant help for him.
But Sam said no. The specialists at Children's Hospital had consulted by telephone and computer with experts all over the world, and no one had any answers to Alex's illness.
Sam had paused and then added, "Take her where she wants to go, Leo. You know as well as I do that the chances of this crazy time travel thing working again are well below zero. But if she doesn't try, she's always going to blame herself. Take her, let her put this thing to rest once and for all, and then you can make a new start with her."
"And the baby? What'll happen if she loses him, Sam? He's her whole life."
"She'll need you then. She'll need you badly."
Whatever happened, Leo vowed he'd be there for her. He reached over and touched Paige's shoulder, alarmed at how thin she'd grown. It was time to drive out to the field. At least this was the last time, he reminded himself.
Lame Owl came to Tahnancoa in a dream, her thin mouth set in lines of displeasure, her voice angry. "What's the matter with you, daughter of my daughter? Did I not tell you that the path between the worlds is one of no resistance? You try, and with such trying, naturally you fail. Why are you being so stupid? Be one with the earth spirits and forget the rest. It will come of its own will." The old woman went over every detail of the ceremony, making Tahnancoa repeat the ritual after her.
As the last of Lame Owl's words faded, Tahnancoa woke up, her heart hammering. Little Dennis slept cuddled against her, and she was careful to leave him asleep as she slid out of the warm robes and drew on her clothing.
It was already dawn. She'd missed the gateway of the morning. She'd go in the afternoon instead, make her way to the sacred hollow and perform the ceremony once again, using Lame Owl's instructions.
Filled with new resolve, Tahnancoa set about her daily chores, waiting for the hour of sunset. She didn't eat all day, and in the afternoon, she went to the sweat lodge to purify herself as Lame Owl had instructed. When the time came, she left Dennis with her cousin, took the shaman's pouch Lame Owl had left her, and set off alone toward the hollow.
Paige knew it was hopeless. For the first time, she left her medical bag and Alex's diaper bag in the car. She wandered alone out to the center of the field, carrying Alex. The worst of the fever had passed, and he was drowsy and irritable, rubbing his eyes and struggling against the blanket.
Tonight the sky was clear, the sun dropping steadily toward the horizon. With the orange light glimmering behind her closed eyelids, Paige stood facing the west.
She could see Myles clearly this time, his beloved face smiling at her. She could feel the ring he'd put on her finger biting into her flesh.
She thought of Madeleine, of Gabriel and Riel and Tahnancoa and Lame Owl. She thought of Clara and Ellie and all the friends she'd made in Battleford.
She'd never see them again, she knew that now. She was saying goodbye.
A pervasive peace seeped through her as she thought of them, and for an instant she remembered exactly how it felt to be held tight in Myles's arms.
A plane soared high overhead.
Lost in her daydream, Paige wasn't aware of it.
Alex fussed a little and quieted again.
Leo heard the baby and started toward Paige, but she was so intensely still he paused, turned, and went back to the car. His heart was torn by her hopeless, lonely vigil, but it was something she had to do alone.
He glanced up for a moment and watched the jet make its way across the wide sky and into the hot colors the sun created as it dipped toward the horizon.
And when he looked toward Paige again, a hoarse cry rose in his throat, and he raced across the field to where she had been an instant before, but she and Alex were gone.
Now and Then: Chapter Twenty-Six
For the first time, Tahnancoa knew beyond doubt she was one with the earth spirits.
In this last moment between day and evening, she sensed from the depths of her trance that she was no longer alone.
Paige's image shimmered before her closed eyelids, trying to find form and shape and substance, struggling to escape from the space between the worlds and enter the door that Tahnancoa's passive will held open for her.
Tahnancoa resisted the urge to reach out and try to help her friend, mindful of Lame Owl's lecture. Instead, she allowed the gateway in her mind to open even wider, and as Paige's image gradually became stronger, Tahnancoa realized that Paige wasn't alone.
She had a baby clutched to her breast, a small boy child.
Tahnancoa knew he was terribly sick, and even in the midst of her joy, she was afraid for her friend. The little boy's spirit was already beginning to slip away. When she was certain it was safe, she opened her eyes, and her arms reached out to encircle Paige and the child.
Paige, her face ravaged with tears of gratitude, placed her baby in Tahnancoa's arms.
"His name is Alex. Please, Tahny, can you help him?"
Tahnancoa touched the beautiful boy's face with her fingers.
"It is for the gods to decide, but I will try," she said.
In Poundmaker's village, Paige waited as the dusk faded and night fell. A messenger had been sent to the fort, and she heard Myles's horse approaching before she saw her husband.
"Paige? Oh, my beloved…..”
He threw himself down before the animal had fully stopped, and then his arms were around her, holding her against him in an embrace so tight she was certain her ribs were cracking.
"My darling, my darling, my dearest love."
He kissed her, and she felt the warmth of his tears mingle with her own, and neither of them could speak for long moments.
"Our baby?" His voice was a fearful whisper, and she gestured toward the sweat lodge where Tahnancoa had taken Alex hours before.
"He's sick. Oh, Myles, our son is so sick." In broken sentences, she told him all about their child's illness, and for the first time there was comfort, because the awful pain and responsibility were shared between them.
Alex was theirs, flesh of their flesh. Whatever happened to him affected them equally. As the bright stars filled the prairie sky and a full moon waxed and waned again, she told Myles about their son, healing words that filled the spaces time had stretched between them. It was almost dawn when Tahnancoa brought Alex to them.
"The fever is gone for now," she said. "As for tomorrow, I can promise nothing. The illness he has is powerful. We will have to wai
t and see." She handed the baby to Myles.
Paige saw the wonder on her husband's face as he held his son for the first time. Seeing them together, the likeness between their two faces was uncanny.
Alex was wide-awake, more cheerful than she'd seen him for a long time. He studied Myles's face, his huge gray eyes searching the strange features, assessing them. He reached a tentative hand up and tried to put his fingers into his father's mouth.
Myles pretended to nibble them.
At that, Alex smiled his goofy, crooked grin and reached up, tugging at his father's hair as though he'd known him always.
There was a brightness, an alertness in the baby that had been missing since he became ill, and the fear that had been all consuming in Paige began to ease.
Alex looked from Myles to Paige, and seemed to remember all of a sudden that it had been hours since he'd eaten, and that she was his major food source. He squirmed and held his arms out to his mother, and his mouth pouted and then formed the outraged square shape it always assumed when he was hungry.
His whimper became a cry, and then a full-fledged tantrum. His hungry screams ringing in her ears, she and Myles ducked into Tahny's tipi and Paige sat down to open her shirt and nurse him.
Frantic, he gobbled and choked and sputtered and fought with all the wonderful spirit she'd missed so much the past few weeks.
Myles watched his fierce, small son in disbelief. When the usual choking fits and flailing of arms and thrashing of feet finally settled down and Alex stopped swallowing long enough to look up and give Paige his apologetic grin, Myles laughed with delight.
"He's just like you, my darling. Stubborn and determined and single-minded, until he gets what he wants."
She opened her mouth to object, and then realized that Myles was right about Alex. He had Myles's looks and her nature. He was part of each of them, and so much more.
Now and Forever: Time Travel Romance Superbundle Page 38