by April Lust
Blade glares at me. It’s the most intense look he’s ever given me, and for just a moment, a shiver of fear crawls down my spine.
“It’s not my place to say,” he finally says in a gruff tone.
Just then, I hear the roar of Landon’s bike outside the house. Before Robin and Blade can stop me, I run outside and throw my arms around Landon.
He looks shocked to see me.
“What the hell happened?” I demand. “Blade just got a call from—“
“Vivian, I have to go,” Landon says. His face is covered in sweat. His mouth twists into an anguished grimace.
“Why?” I demand. Tears spring to my eyes and I rub my fists against my face furiously. “Why, Landon? What happened?”
“Your father knows about us,” Landon says. He shakes his head and droplets of sweat fly from his blonde hair across my face. “He knows. He told me to leave. I can’t be around you anymore, Vivian. I can’t risk something bad happening to you.”
My heart lurches and I collapse against Landon. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him close and kiss him deeply. It doesn’t even feel as satisfying as it normally does. It feels numb, like we’re saying goodbye.
Desperately, I slip my tongue between Landon’s lips and kiss him passionately. Landon’s body responds to mine and he grabs me around the waist more tightly than he’s ever held me.
“Vivian,” Landon says in a low voice. “I have to go. I’ll come for you when I can.”
At his last words, my heart leaps. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll come for you when this is all over,” Landon says heavily. He swallows. “I have to find a way back in, Viv. I don’t know how to do it, but I’m gonna work as hard as I can, okay?”
I shake my head. “No, no,” I say quickly. “No, you can’t leave. Landon, who’s going to stay here with me? Who’s going to watch me?”
“I don’t know, babe,” Landon says. “But I promise you’ll be safe. I’ll be out there, looking for whoever wanted to hurt you. And as soon as I take care of them, I’ll come for you, okay?”
I stare into his deep blue eyes, suddenly terrified that I’m never going to see him again. It feels like my whole world is crashing down around me.
“You can’t go,” I say. My voice is quaking and I can’t stop shaking my head. “You have to stay! It’s not fair, Landon.”
Landon grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me close, kissing me deeply.
“I know it’s not fair, babe,” Landon says when he breaks the kiss. “But I have to go. Your dad’s gonna kill me if I stay.”
I close my eyes, knowing that Landon isn’t exaggerating. While I’ve lived my whole twenty-five years without seeing the rougher side of my father, I know that if Landon doesn’t leave, that will all change. I don’t want to believe it, but it’s true.
“Please,” I whisper. “Landon, please tell me how long you’ll be gone.” I’m dying to ask more questions. I’m dying to know how Landon really feels about me. As much as I want to believe his gestures and sorry words, I won’t be truly comforted until I know that he loves me as much as I love him.
“Babe,” Landon whispers. “Please, I’ve gotta go. I’ll come back whenever I can, okay?” He slides his fingers under my chin and tilts my head up so that I’m looking deep into his beautiful eyes. The intensity of his gaze makes me feel weak once again, and I collapse against his muscular chest. I inhale so deeply that my lungs hurt, but I don’t care. I never want to forget what Landon Lockhart smells like.
“When you come back,” I whisper into Landon’s soft t-shirt. “When you come back, we have to talk about us, okay?”
“I swear,” Landon grunts in a low voice. “I swear to God, Vivian, when I get back, we’ll talk about our relationship.”
I feel numb as Landon leads me into the house. He has a terse, brief exchange with Blade before grabbing his things from the bedroom and stuffing them in the saddlebags on his bike.
This can’t be real, I think as I watch him. This can’t really be happening. Soon, Dad’s going to pop out from behind a corner and tell me that this whole thing is a joke. I just know he will.
But it’s not a joke. Dad doesn’t appear, and Landon climbs on his bike. Before he puts his helmet on, he looks at me and winks. A lump of sadness swells in my throat, and I can barely lift my fingers to wave goodbye as Landon drives away.
***
Almost immediately, things are different. Blade and Robin try to make small talk with me as we wait for my dad to arrive. I keep trying to talk about Landon but eventually, Robin holds up a hand and draws a line across her throat.
It makes me sick to think that my dad knows about what I’ve done with Landon, but it makes me sicker to think that he’s punishing Landon for falling in love with me. I thought the anger I’d felt towards Landon was intense, but it’s nothing compared to the rage I feel towards my dad.
When Dad arrives, Blade and Robin scuttle out of the hideout immediately. I try to make them stay, but Robin gives me a sharp look.
“You can’t go,” I hiss under my breath. “Who’s going to protect me?”
Robin pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back like she’s my mom. “Your dad will, Viv,” she says. “Don’t worry. You’re safe. Trust me, no one’s gonna try to hurt you with the president of Blacktop Chaos watching over you.”
I shake my head. “No, not from…them,” I say quickly, glancing over Robin’s shoulder at my dad. “I mean from him. My dad. He’s so angry with me!”
Robin shakes her head sadly. “Babe, you’ll be fine,” she says. “Steel just loves you. He wants to make sure that you don’t get hurt.”
I glare at her. Part of me wants to kick and scream and cry about how egregiously unfair everything is. It’s not my fault that Landon and I fell in love. But I know that would be pointless, as pointless as asking my Dad if Landon can come back.
When Robin and Blade leave, I ball my hands into fists, all set to approach my dad and ask him why he’s being so unreasonable.
“Vivian, don’t even think about it,” Dad says. He’s sitting on one of the couches, watching TV.
I stare at him. I’m too angry to play dumb. “Dad, why did you—“
“Vivian,” Dad says in a warning tone. “I told you. Leave it. Go to bed. Or go do your homework,” he adds disdainfully. “I have reason to believe you’ve been neglecting it.”
The way he’s trying to dismiss me makes me even angrier. I didn’t even know it was possible to be this mad at a member of my own family, but my blood is boiling and I do not feel like taking shit from my dad.
“Dad,” I say loudly. “Come the fuck on.”
My dad mutes the TV and turns to me with a serious, no-bullshit expression on his face. Normally, that alone has been enough to make me back down in the past. But I’m so fucking mad that I don’t want to hear anything he has to say…especially if it’s about my grades.
“Excuse me?” Dad raises an eyebrow. “Did I just hear you curse?”
That does it.
“Fuck!” I scream. “Shit! Piss! Cocksucker!”
My dad’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“I’m a fucking adult!” I scream loudly. “I’m twenty-five fucking years old, and you’re trying to keep me from having a boyfriend!”
Dad shakes his head and holds a hand up in the air like a warning signal. “Vivian Grayson,” he growls. “I want you to think very carefully about the way you’re talking to me right now.”
“You can’t punish me anymore!” I scream. “I’m not a little kid. You can’t ground me.”
Dad’s face turns red, then purple with anger. For a moment, I think about backing down. But then I remember that I’m right. I’m a legal adult, and he has no reason to treat me like a child.
“Vivian,” Dad says slowly. “Sit down. If you’re an adult, talk to me like an adult. Don’t scream at me like you’re still a teenager.”
I glare at him. I hate you, I think as I stare
at his serious face. I hate you so much. But as much as I want to say the words out loud, a small part of me knows better.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down as much as I can. “Dad, you can’t keep me and Landon apart,” I say. “I’m not in high school anymore. I’m not a little kid. I’m a woman, and I love Landon.”
Dad rolls his eyes in a way that makes my hot anger come rushing back. “Vivian, you don’t fucking know what you’re talking about,” he says in disgust. “You don’t know the first thing about Landon, do you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “I love him. He loves me. We want to be together. Dad, why the hell does it matter?”
“It matters because I’m in charge!” Dad roars. For a moment, I feel a tiny bit of satisfaction from knowing that I got him to crack so easily. “It matters because he has to do what I say, and he broke the goddamned rules when he fucked my daughter!”
I blink. As tough as I know my dad is, I’ve never heard him use that kind of language around me. He’s always been careful not to curse and to treat me like a little princess.
“Dad, I—“
“No, Vivian!” Dad thunders angrily. “You don’t get to speak right now. You don’t know anything, okay? You don’t know this man! You don’t know what he’s capable of!”
“Like falling in love with me?” I shoot back angrily. “Of course I don’t know! You don’t let me!”
“Vivian, Landon’s not the right man for you,” Dad says angrily. “He’s a bad man. He’s not the kind of man I want my daughter to settle down with.”
By now, I’m so angry with my father that I’m seeing red. “He’s not good enough for me, but he’s good enough to take over for you?” I shout back, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring defiantly. “Explain that, Dad!”
“Landon was my protégé, until he disrespected me,” Dad says heavily. “He’s not good for you, Vivian. And I know that you’re an adult, but given the current situation, you have to stay here. With me. Until everything is resolved.”
The tears come rushing back to my eyes and I stare at the ceiling, blinking furiously. I really, really don’t want to cry in front of my father.
“Dad,” I growl. “Come on.”
“No, Vivian,” Dad says. “You don’t get to question me like this. You may be an adult, but you’re still my daughter. And until very recently, Landon was a part of my MC family.”
A lump forms in my throat. “You…you kicked him out?” I glare at my father. “The MC was everything to Landon. That was his life!”
Dad sighs. “Then he should have thought about that before he decided to act inappropriately,” he says heavily. “I didn’t want to kick him out. But he didn’t give me any choice.”
I sigh loudly. “You make it seem like you had to do this,” I say angrily. “But I think you wanted to, Dad. I think you wanted to make me miserable and sad.”
“I want you to be safe!” Dad yells, his voice rising again. “I want you to be safe, goddamnit! You’re my only child. You’re my little girl. And I’ll protect you even if it means giving my life up for you. But I won’t see you throw your life away to be with some murderous biker because you think you’re in love!”
My mouth goes dry. “What? What did you just say?”
Dad glares at me. “You heard me, Vivian,” he says quietly. “Now go to your room, and do your work. I’m too fucking tired to talk to you anymore.”
Chapter 17
Vivian
In the bedroom, I sit on the bed staring down at my copy of Edith Wharton’s Ethan Frome. I’m supposed to use it in an essay–comparing it to Cather’s My Ántonia–but it’s nearly impossible to focus. All I can think about is Landon, and the last thing my dad said to me before sending me to my room.
He called him murderous, I think, staring down at the page until the text forms a jumbled, illegible mass. Does that mean he actually killed someone? Or is it just a weird thing Dad said to make sure that I stay away from Landon?
A chill runs through my body and I wrap my arms around myself, hugging myself tightly. It’s funny…I don’t remember being cold before. Maybe it was because Landon was around, and because I couldn’t stop blushing when I looked at him.
Or maybe it’s because I’m starting to realize just how wrong things are.
For a couple of days, it’s bad. Dad barely lets me out of my bedroom. He comes in a few times, grumbling about my schoolwork, and gives me plates of poorly-cooked food. I’m not allowed to leave under any circumstances, and Dad watches the phone like a hawk.
I’m not even allowed to watch TV. He says it’s because he doesn’t want me seeing anything “disturbing” on the news. I don’t exactly know what he’s talking about, but I can’t shake the feeling that it has to do with Landon.
It makes my skin crawl to think of the man I’ve fallen in love with as a murder, but I’m not sure what else to make of Dad’s comment. Part of me wants to believe that Dad was just trying to scare me. The other part of me remembers how furious he was. It’s hard for me to think that my father would tell me lies to deliberately frighten me away, but this is all such new territory for me that I have no idea.
I’ve never really rebelled against my dad the same way that a lot of kids do. Sure, he ran an MC. But at home, we never talked about that. He was just my dad, and I listened to whatever he said. He wasn’t exceedingly strict, but I never really had any interest in “bad stuff”…at least, not until I first laid eyes on Landon Lockhart.
When the door to my room opens, I glance up, expecting to see Dad with a tray of food and a glass of water. But instead, Lindsay walks in. Her blonde hair is up in a messy bun and she’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt with leggings. Even though I can tell she put literally zero effort into her appearance, she’s still beautiful.
“Oh my god, Lindsay!” I leap up from my bed and wrap my arms around my roommate like it’s been years since I saw her last. Truthfully, it feels like years have passed.
“Hey, babe!” Lindsay air-kisses my cheek, then perches on the end of the bed. She hands me a backpack. “I brought you some stuff.”
I wrinkle my nose. “More work?”
Lindsay laughs. “That, too,” she says grudgingly. “Your dad called me a little while ago…he asked if I wouldn’t mind coming to visit you and catch up.”
I lick my lips. A twinge of guilt sears my heart, and part of me wants to thank my dad for making sure I wouldn’t be too bored. But then I remember how he treated Landon, and my heart hardens once more.
“It’s been a long week,” I say dryly as I peer into the backpack. Along with two new books and some photocopied assignments, I see that Lindsay’s brought me a ton of DVDs.
“So,” Lindsay says. She raises her eyebrows. “What’s going on?” Lowering her voice, she leans closer. “And what happened to that hot guy, what was his name? Connell?”
“Landon,” I say flatly. “He’s gone, Linds.”
“What?” She blinks at me. “Why? I…I thought he really liked you, Vivian. I could really tell. I don’t think I was wrong!”
I shake my head, trying to remember the last time I talked to my roommate. Oh, yeah, a voice says from the back of my mind. It was when you planned that striptease for Landon.
I blush hotly. “We slept together,” I explained. “More than once,” I add, before Lindsay can butt in with any nosy questions. “It wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t exactly stop myself. I mean, you’ve seen Landon,” I say, raising my eyebrows. “You know what he looks like.”
Lindsay nods understandably. “And then what?” She narrows her eyes. “Did he just take off? What a jerk!”
I shake my head sadly. “My dad found out,” I whisper, not wanting Dad to overhear. “And he made Landon leave.”
Lindsay narrows her eyes. “There has to be something else that he’s not telling you,” she says slowly. “I mean, that doesn’t really make any sense, girl. Why the hell does he care so much
?”
I shrug. “Because he says Landon isn’t good for me.”
Lindsay puffs out her lips and blows. “Well, too fucking bad,” she says. “You’re not, like, sixteen anymore. You’re an adult. You’re in college. He doesn’t get to make those decisions for you.”
I sigh. “He does right now,” I say slowly. “Because of what’s going on.”
“Because you’re in trouble?”
I nod slowly. “When it’s over, I’m sure things will be okay. At least, I hope they will.” A dark cloud of doubt fills my mind and the word ‘murderer’ flashes to the front of my brain.
“If he’s smart, he’ll come back,” Lindsay says confidently. “And I think he’s a smart guy.”