by Nina Monroe
The sun was shining brightly and streamed down on the men through the broken branches on the tall trees. Will felt the sheen of sweat across his brow as he looked behind him at the men and the carts. No one smiled or spoke a word.
It had become harder to sleep and Will knew the bags under his eyes were showing more than before. He hadn't seen, but every night he imagined what Tamzin had seen, what their burned flesh smelt like, and what the screams of children had sounded like. Will may not have lit the huts on fire himself, but he was just as much to blame. It didn't help that Tamzin had woken up screaming every time she shut her eyes and had resorted to sleeping during the day because the light kept her from going into too deep of a sleep.
"Your Grace," a voice said behind Will. He turned to see a fellow soldier behind him, who gripped a skin of wine in his hand. "The men are hungry. May we stop?"
Will nodded and let his eyes drift first to Garrett, and then to the wagon where he knew Tamzin was. It was covered with a high arch and it was packed mostly with fabric and some of the items in the men's tents. Will personally set up a small makeshift bed for Tamzin, which was made of sheets, furs, and pillows. It was poorly made, but it was better than having her sit on the uncomfortable wooden floor. She only murmured a 'thank you' and gave him a soft kiss before he helped her into the wagon. She hadn't slept the night before and it showed.
The men stopped where they were and began to unpack what they carried. They had mostly smoked meats and cheese for lunch, as they wanted to carry very little to make the journey to Roth quicker. The men sat on stumps or the ground and paid Will no mind as he pushed through them to make it to the wagon. As he came to the front of the wagon, next to where the horse stood, Will saw her.
Tamzin was curled up underneath the furs, with her head resting on a nearly flat pillow. She laid on her side with her arm wrapped around her belly and her eyes were shut, but didn't flutter like it did when she dreamt in their bed back in Thurston. A part of Will ached because he knew Tamzin would never be completely the same; he could see it already. She had lost a small part of her girlhood and it wasn't because of their child growing in her belly.
He stepped on a twig and the crack beneath his boot jolted her awake. Tamzin screamed and threw back the furs over her chest. Her brown eyes were bleary and red before the tears came.
"Stop, stop, stop!" Tamzin cried out before she looked down at her body and immediately grabbed her thighs.
"It's just a dream," Will soothed as he reached out and touched her hair. Tamzin flinched initially, still stuck in her dream world, before she looked at him and then the sky. "We're about a day away from your home. We've stopped for lunch. Are you hungry?"
"Yes, I suppose," Tamzin said as she wiped her cheeks. She didn't say anything as Will picked her up like a child and placed her on her feet, with the furs pooled on the ground. She attempted to lean down and grab the fur, but her belly got in the way, something that made Will smile.
"I'm happy to see you still need me, after what you've done," Will said as he collected the furs off the ground.
"You're not funny," Tamzin glared at him, without a hint of happiness in her voice. "Don't make me talk about it."
"I won't," Will responded as he reached for her hand. "I know you well enough to know that when you are ready, you will."
"We haven't been married for a year. We don't know each other that well," Tamzin said solemnly as he led her towards the food. "I haven't slept well. I'm sorry."
"I know that," Will said as he stood in front of the mock food station, where he gathered pieces of meat and cheese in both hands. His men forgot they traveled with a lady, so plates and utensils were not packed. Tamzin began to nibble on the cheese Will handed her before she sat down on a tree stump. "Tell me about your home," he asked.
"My home is gone," Tamzin said as she stared down at the dead leaves. "We will make it back to Roth in time for my brother's thirteenth birthday. I guess I'm excited about that," Tamzin responded as she finished her cheese. "I want some meat."
"I will let that one go without a comment," Will laughed as he handed her some more meat and cheese. Tamzin smiled lightly at his comment as she continued to eat. "Roth Territory isn't your home anymore?"
"I was the Thurston Prince's wife. They cared about my father, sure, but they were obsessed with hurting you by hurting me. I don't feel like anyone," Tamzin said as she looked up into his eyes. "I am whoever I am married to, so my home is gone because your home is gone."
"You are someone, Tam. You're the most important person to me," Will said as he grasped her hand in his. "You will never not be anyone."
"I couldn't defend myself. They wanted to hurt me because I'm your wife, because I carry your child, and I couldn't defend myself. I live when you protect me and I die when you don't. My life is defined by you," Tamzin said with anger in her voice and eyes. This was resentment building and it was building quickly. "Leave me alone. I can make my own lunch and my own bed in a cart. Believe it or not, I existed before you."
"You're angry..." Will began.
"Gee, what gave you that idea?" Tamzin asked with irritation. "Nine moons married and you can tell when I'm angry."
"Are you looking for an intense reaction? I apologize, sweetness, but you won't get it from me," Will responded with a raised eyebrow. "You've loved me when I've been awful. Now it is time for me to return the favor."
"I'm not your 'sweetness,'" Tamzin said as she crossed her arms over her belly. "Why aren't you yelling at me? I killed your people; I destroyed your home. Your people have no place and you're no longer the heir to anything."
"Before, I was all about you taking responsibility for what you've done wrong, but I can actually say that this isn't your fault. You're with child, you're exhausted, and what you've been through would have killed anyone else. You can say whatever you want and I will let it go." Will continued to hold her hand before he brought her knuckles up to his lips. She tried to hide her smile when she felt his beard tickle her fingers. "Do you need me to ask Jacque to administer something to help you sleep?"
"I just need something to smell of lavender and I will be fine," Tamzin replied but didn't meet his eyes. "I'm full; I'm going to go back to bed." She wrapped an arm under her belly as she stood up with a bit of difficulty. Will watched as she waddled back to her wagon, with her other arm behind her back for support. He should have helped her, but Tamzin was angry enough.
He knew that she was right. She did exist long before he came into her life, but couldn't she see that he just wanted to help? It wasn't like he ever had a pregnant wife before (or a pregnant anyone, for that matter).
Will finished his lunch before he stood and went in search of Angus, when he came across Garrett again. The two men regarded each other but said nothing as they walked past each other. The tenseness of their past conversation still weighed heavily in the air between the two.
Will found Angus being petted by Jacque. Will hadn't had many conversations with Jacque since he was returned with the others from Thurston. Jacque's face was blackened and he had a bandaged arm from a burn sustained from the fire at the territory. Jacque seemed to be in a daze as he touched Angus' mane gently. Angus didn't seem to mind before Will approached them.
"How have you been faring, Jacque?" Will asked as he took Angus' reins in his hand. Angus regarded him with a nay before Will touched his muzzle.
"I have seen worst and I will probably still see worst before all this is over," Jacque said with a weak smile. "I will be feeling a bit sad for a little while, but I am happy to be returning to Roth."
"Tamzin doesn't act like it, but I know she is as well," Will remarked before Jacque looked up at him.
"I think she is just unsure about her father," Jacque said as he dropped his hand from Angus and placed them on the pockets in his cloak. "King Turner will hang you out to dry."
"Let him. It's no skin off my back. I know my mistakes," Will said as he tightened his grip on the reins. "I don't
live to impress King Turner. I need to be able to look myself in the mirror."
"You put up a good front, Prince William. Have you been practicing in the same mirror?" Jacque asked before he turned to look Will square in the face. “I find it peculiar that Thurston is the most military-oriented territory in the Realm, yet not a soldier could be found during the invasion.”
Will bit his tongue.
“The invaders were let in by your father’s main council, and it seemed obvious that they were interested in Tamzin. Tell me, William, who hates the Roths above all else?” Jacque asked.
“Many territories hate the Roths, but Jacque, you do not need to fear…” Will began before Jacque interrupted him.
“Your father hates the Roths more than anyone. Turner Roth is the only person who never feared your father or your name. As I said before, I find it peculiar that a Princess would be so unguarded after everything that had happened. Why, Princess Tamzin dies and it’s all out war again…”
“She is safe with me,” Will growled, annoyed by the old man’s tone. “I would never, ever hurt her.”
“Aye, I see the way you look at the girl. But I see the way your father looks at her, too, and I hear his phony remarks and how he speaks to you…” Jacque continued before Will put his hand up to silence the healer.
“Do not speak ill of my father with your conspiracy theories. You have a very uninterested audience in your presence,” Will defended, but all Jacque did was raise an eyebrow.
“Very peculiar,” Jacque responded before he bowed and left Will in peace.
Undeterred, Will put his foot in the stirrup and pulled himself onto Angus' back. He watched as his men finished their meals and packed up quickly before they began to travel again.
They all continued to travel in mostly silence as Will slowed Angus down to keep pace with the wagon carrying Tamzin. He could see her in the pile of pillows with the furs pulled around her shoulders. She did sleep much better during the day, Will noted. Her breath came out in small spurts and she didn't fidget as much. The air was still cool, though they continued to approach the South.
Roth Territory was the furthest territory south for the North and after Roth, it turned into the Deep South. It became truly unfriendly roads after Roth and though Will remembered the warning from Isabelle, the roads stayed mostly clear.
Will found himself counting the trees that passed, to avoid replaying the conversation with Jacque, when he felt his attention be drawn elsewhere. He turned to see Tamzin with her head out of the side of the wagon. She stared up at the sky and watched the sky change different colors as the sun began to set.
"My father used to say every answer to every question is in the stars," she said as she reached her hand up and drew a design into the sky. "He says every person in the world is like a star in the sky."
"Not you," Will said as he watched the stars become illuminated as the sky grew darker. "You're the moon."
"I know I've become quite large, but it is cruel to mock me so," Tamzin frowned, though her cheeks flushed red with laughter.
"You're the center of everything," Will said simply and refused to acknowledge her comment. "You hold the world together."
"It's a big job," Tamzin remarked as she turned her body to look at him. "And what are you?"
"I don't know," Will frowned as he turned his gaze to the men following him.
"You're the sky. The sky is needed to hold the moon up. When they are together, the sky and the moon can rule the world," Tamzin said as she lazily reached out for his hand. Will leaned slightly on Angus and touched their fingers together.
"Do you want to rule the world?" Will asked.
"I just want to be happy. I want you to be happy. It's a small request, but it's the hardest to achieve," Tamzin said as she leaned her head against her arm. "But everyone is happy, even if it is only for a short period of time."
"Do you know what will make you happy?" Will asked as he brought Angus to a stop. It was time to rest for the night.
"To bring an end to my enemies. I will smoke them out," Tamzin said as she looked up to the sky, her face illuminated by the stars. "I want Douglas Johansson's head."
"Do you wish me to bring it to you?"
"I want us to take it together," she said as her eyes darted to meet Will's face.
"What you want is revenge, then?" Will asked as he stepped down from Angus' back. "I know enough to tell you that it will bring you nothing in return."
"I fear I will never be happy again," Tamzin said as she watched Will approach the wagon. "What if nothing can save me?"
"You will be happy again," Will said as he placed his hands on her cheeks. "If I knew what to say, I would say every word that I knew to make you happy again. When you return home, you will feel happy again."
"Do you promise?" Tamzin asked as she pressed her lips to the edge of his jaw.
"I swear my life upon it," Will responded as he nuzzled his nose against her throat. He felt her belly against his stomach as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her pulse point. He turned to his left to see a small stream. "Come join me, love. Two days of travel has left me in great need of a bath."
Tamzin turned to her left to see the stream Will pointed to. She said nothing but nodded and felt him take her hand to lead her away. The men were silent as they packed some of the tents out of the wagons, while others started fires and food preparations.
Tamzin's hand was warm in his as Will lead her to the outer banks of the stream, hidden by trees. As they stood on the banks, Will watched as Tamzin wordlessly pulled her dress down to her feet. Cautiously, she dipped her toe into the water before she began to wade into the water.
"It's warm," she said with a soft smile as she stood in the water, deep enough to cover her breasts. "Aren't you coming in?"
Will pulled his tunic over his head and pulled his breeches down and shrugged out of his boots. He watched Tamzin's eyes darken as she inspected his naked body from head to toe. Thankfully, he didn't earn any new scars on his body and had minor bruising from the battles.
"You still give me butterflies," Tamzin said as he went waist deep into the water and held out his hand to her. "I've shared your bed countless times, you put a child in my belly, and still little butterflies."
His arm wrapped around her waist and Will brought Tamzin's body to his, where she leaned back and let her hair sink into the water. She rested the entire weight of her body on his arm and thought nothing of it.
"He rarely let me bathe," Tamzin began as she watched the stars. They entranced her and it felt like she was telling them her secrets. "He practically kept me naked for the first few months."
"Duke wanted to humiliate you," Will offered up as he laid back on his back to float alongside her, their fingers entwined. "If you can, I want you to tell me everything. I know it sounds hard to believe, but it will help."
"Who do you tell your secrets to?" Tamzin asked as she relaxed in the water. It felt nice to feel her hair splay out in the water and she shut her eyes as the feeling of weightlessness settled over her.
"I never did, which is why I can't sleep. I wish I talked to someone, but my father was not interested in my pain," Will said with a frown as he drifted closer to her. "I promise if you talk about what has happened, you will be able to sleep. You will be able to be happy again."
"I don't think it's that simple," Tamzin responded as she turned her head slightly to look at Will.
"Actually, it is," Will said before he sat up in the water. "If you can't tell me, then tell someone. Perhaps your mother?"
"I don't ever want her to know what has happened to me, nor do I want you to know," Tamzin said as she reached down to comb her fingers through her hair in the water.
"It won't be any worse than what my mind tries to make me believe happened," Will said as he began to swim towards the banks. "Come here," he said as he held out his hand.
Tamzin didn't feel nervous about her nakedness as she followed him to shore. The soil w
as wet and hard beneath her skin as she laid out on the bank next to him. She watched as he reached for his breeches and pulled out his sharp dagger.
"Do you need me to shave you?" Tamzin asked as she began to sit up, but Will stopped her with a gentle hand to her shoulder.
"I thought I could shave you?" Will asked as his hand ran up her slightly prickly leg. "I'm not making a comment, but I thought it would make you feel good."
Tamzin laughed softly.
"You and I have no boundaries anymore," she teased as she felt him stretch her leg across his naked lap. "We will really have no secrets anymore."