“No, I promise you it has not!”
“Sounds to me like a smoke,” he said, by no means convinced. “Because if it hasn’t anything to do with you—”
“Only that I am going to help him!”
Mr. Standen thought this over, and came to the conclusion that there was only one way in which his unfortunate relative could be helped. “If you’re hatching a scheme to poison Aunt Augusta, I won’t have anything to do with it!” he said.
“How can you be so absurd? Of course I am not!”
“Good thing, if one could do it,” said Freddy handsomely. “Thing is, bound to be a scandal. If it ain’t that, what do you mean to do?”
“Let us go and find Dolph!” said Kitty. “Mind, Freddyl even though you may not approve of it, you won’t breathe a word to your Aunt Augusta!”
The suggestion that he could be thought capable either of enacting the role of informer, or of bandying unnecessary words with Lady Dolphinton, so much revolted Mr. Standen that he was moved to expostulate. Kitty begged pardon hastily, and dragged him into the adjoining room. Here Lord Dolphinton and Miss Plymstock were discovered, seated side by side upon a plush-covered settee in the middle of the room, his lordship plunged in gloom, and Miss Plymstock soothingly patting his hand. When they perceived Miss Charing and her escort, they both rose, Dolphinton looking frightened, and Miss Plymstock pugnacious.
“I think, Hannah, that you have already met Mr. Standen,” said Kitty. “I have told him nothing, but I think we ought to admit him into our confidence, and I have come to ask your permission to do so.”
“How d’ye do?” said Miss Plymstock, extending a hand sensibly gloved in York tan. “Miss Charing was so obliging as to say that you would not take exception to Foster’s being a good deal in her company, but I thought to myself that she was very likely mistaken. You’re Foster’s cousin Freddy, ain’t you?”
Considerably taken aback, Freddy admitted it. His hand was crushed in a hearty grip; Miss Plymstock said in her blunt fashion: “I daresay you won’t like it above half, but I mean to marry Foster, and you don’t look to me like one who would try to throw a rub in the way!”
“No, no!” uttered Fretty feebly, casting a wild glance in Miss Charing’s direction.
“Miss Charing is being so kind as to lend us her aid,” pursued Miss Plymstock. “For my brother don’t like the match any more than the Countess would, I can tell you, and how to meet Foster, with the spies we both have set about us, is more than either of us knew how to do. But Sam—that’s my brother—only knows I bear Miss Charing company on some of her expeditions; and the Countess is pleased enough to think Foster is fixing his interest with her; and if she knows I go along too, as I don’t doubt she does, she don’t think any more than that Miss Charing takes me for propriety, which is what anyone would expect; and if she saw me she wouldn’t spare me a second glance, I’ll lay my life, for I’m no beauty, and never was.”
Mr. Standen, reeling under the impact of this forthright speech, had scarcely recovered himself sufficiently to murmur a polite rejoinder, when he received (as he afterwards expressed it to Miss Charing) a floorer from Lord Dolphinton, who said: “Yes, you are. Very beautiful. Kind of face I like.”
Mr. Standen took another look at the homely countenance confronting him, realized that his unfortunate cousin was of unsounder mind than he had supposed, and said kindly: “Exactly so!”
“Well, that’s all a hum,” said Miss Plymstock bracingly. “What’s more, my brother’s in trade, and so was my father before him, and I’ve no fortune. I’m telling you so to your head, because no good ever came of hoaxing people. If you think I ain’t fit to match with an Earl, why, I know that as well as anyone, but I shall make Foster a better wife than any of the grand ladies he might offer for, and so I assure you!”
Much alarmed by the unmistakeably belligerent note in Miss Plymstock’s voice, Freddy hastened to say: “Nothing to do with me! Not my affair, y’know!”
“You would not try to intervene, would you, Freddy?” Kitty asked.
“No, no! Word of a gentleman! In fact, rather not have anything to do with it!” said Freddy, in a burst of candour.
But Miss Charing was not at all inclined to permit him to adopt this craven attitude. She obliged him to sit down between herself and Hannah upon the settee, while she poured into his unwilling ear the full tale of his cousin’s difficulties. Miss Plymstock punctuated the recital with corroborations and occasional emendations; and Lord Dolphinton stood before the group, watching Freddy with very much the look of an anxious spaniel doubtful whether he was to receive a pat or a kick. Freddy found his intent gaze unnerving, and several times begged him to sit down. Lord Dolphinton shook his head. “Mean to marry Hannah,” he said.
“That’s right, old fellow,” responded Freddy. “No need to stand there staring at me, even if you do.”
“Keep an eye on you,” said his lordship. “See what you’re thinking. Hannah says you won’t like it. I don’t think you won’t like it. Been watching you. Don’t look to be in a miff. You ain’t in a miff, are you, Freddy?” Reassured on this head, he regarded his cousin with fond gratitude, and said: “You know what, Freddy? I like you. Always did. I like you better than Hugh. Like you better than Jack. Better than Biddenden. Don’t like. him at all. Don’t like Claud much either.”
“Yes, well, much obliged to you, Dolph!” said Freddy patiently. “But it ain’t a bit of use thinking I can help you in this fix, because I dashed well can’t!”
“Kitty’s going to help us,” said Dolphinton, with simple faith.
“That’s as may be,” interposed Miss Plymstock. “There is no need for you to tease yourself, Foster, for we shall contrive in some way or another; but it seems to me it’s for Mr. Standen to say whether Miss Charing may stand our friend or not. And if you don’t choose she should, sir, there’s no one could blame you, for I don’t doubt that Foster’s Mama will kick up a rare dust, and behave mighty unpleasantly to her.”
“It don’t signify what my Aunt Augusta does,” replied Freddy, for the second time in his career astonishing Kitty by a display of courage which seemed to her to verge on foolhardiness. “Can’t do Kit a mischief: shouldn’t let her. Daresay she’ll set up a screech. Thing is, Kit don’t live with her, and nor do I. Shan’t have to listen to anything she says.”
Miss Plymstock, listening to this eminently practical speech with warm approval, was moved to grasp Mr. Standen’s hand again. “You’re a sensible man!” she said gruffly. “Now, you listen to what your cousin says, Foster, and think if it ain’t what I’ve been drumming into your head this age past! Once the knot’s tied between us, and I have you safe, there’s nothing your Mama can do to hurt you, and so I promise you! You tell him that’s true, Mr. Standen!”
“Yes, I daresay it is,” agreed Freddy, recovering his hand, and hoping very much that she would not feel herself impelled to wring it a third time. “The thing is, the knot ain’t tied, and I’m dashed if I see how it is to be, if Dolph’s being spied on all the time.”
“We shall think of a way,” said Kitty.
Her betrothed regarded her with misgiving. “Yes, but it won’t do if you think of sending ‘em off to Gretna Green, or anything like that, Kit. Not one to throw a rub in your way, but that’s coming it too strong!”
“Yes, indeed! In any event, Miss Plymstock thinks it would not answer, so you may be easy!”
Mr. Standen, however, was not at all easy; and he took the earliest opportunity of telling Kitty so. “Shatterbrained, that’s what you are, my dear girl!” he informed her, with some severity. “First it’s one thing, and then it’s another!
Told me you wanted to come to town to establish yourself, but all you do is to mix yourself up in affairs that don’t concern you. Shouldn’t wonder if you were to find yourself at a standstill.”
“But, Freddy, you would not have me refuse to help poor Dolph?”
“Well, I would,” he said. “Mind, it d
on’t matter to me if he chooses to marry that shocking fright, because he ain’t a Standen, for one thing; and for another he’s so badly touched in his upper works there’s no saying but what he might not do something a dashed sight worse than marry a tradesman’s daughter. Thing is, bound to be a rare kick-up if the thing comes off, and I’d as lief have nothing to do with it.” He met Miss Charing’s slightly reproachful eyes manfully, and added: “Tell you what, Kit! Got too kind a heart!”
A smile swept across her face. “Oh, Freddy, how absurd you are! When you have a much kinder one than I have!”
“No, really, Kit!” protested Freddy, revolted. “Haven’t got anything of the sort! Been on the town for years!”
“Yes, you have,” averred Kitty, lifting his hand to her cheek for a brief moment. “And when I consider how dreadfully I have imposed upon you—Oh, well! At least, I promise I won’t embroil you in this business! You won’t object to it if I help them? For it is the most shocking thing, Freddy!—I could not speak of it with Dolph standing by, but Lady Dolphinton holds him in subjection by threatening to have him shut up as a lunatic! And that he is not!”
“You don’t mean it?” exclaimed Freddy, much struck. “Of course he ain’t a lunatic! Got no brains, that’s all. Well, I ain’t got any either, but you wouldn’t say I was a lunatic, would you?”
“No, and you have got brains, Freddy!” said Kitty indignantly.
Mr. Standen, already shaken by having his hand rubbed worshipfully against a lady’s cheek, goggled at her. “You think I’ve got brains?” he said, awed. “Not confusing me with Charlie?”
“Charlie!” uttered Miss Charing contemptuously. ill daresay he has book-learning, but you have—you have address, Freddy!”
“Well, by Jove!” said Mr. Standen, dazzled by this new vision of himself.
Chapter XIV
Meanwhile, that noted Corinthian, Mr. Jack Westruther, was rapidly passing from a state of amused tolerance to one of slightly puzzled exasperation. That Kitty should cajole Mr. Standen into a counterfeit betrothal with the object of arousing jealousy in the breast of the man she really loved was something Mr. Westruther could understand, and even appreciate. That she should decline his invitations for no better alternative than a few hours spent in Dolphinton’s company was something he was very far from appreciating. She could not, he was persuaded, hope to awaken one spark of jealousy in him by such absurd tactics. He did not think so poorly of her as to suppose that she might seriously be encouraging his lordship’s advances, for he held Dolphinton in utter contempt; but a chance meeting with his cousin Biddenden, in Boodle’s Club, certainly sowed a seed of doubt in his mind.
“So Kitty Charing has a fancy to become a Countess!” said Biddenden, with a short laugh. “Well! I am not at all astonished! I’m sure I hope you are satisfied, Jack! A rare bungle you have made of it, you and Hugh between you!”
“Don’t you mean a Viscountess, George?” suggested Mr. Westruther amiably.
“No, I don’t. She’ll be Countess of Dolphinton before the year’s out, mark me! Much good may it do her!”
“Would you care to hazard a bet on the chance?”
“You’d lose!” said his lordship brutally. “You thought the girl was head over ears in love with you, didn’t you? Well, I thought it too, and nicely bubbled we have been! It’s my belief she’s a deep ‘un, and had her eye on Dolphinton from the outset.”
“I do hope, my dear George, that you mean to explain to me why, if this is so, she did not take him when she had the chance offered to her? I seem to be remarkably dull-witted today, for the reason is hid from me,” said Mr. Westruther, with unabated amiability.
“You’d know fast enough had you been at Arnside,” replied Biddenden. “The girl was in such a pet she was ready to throw a fortune to the wind, and took Freddy merely to spite the rest of us.”
“No: only to spite me!” said Mr. Westruther, laughing.
“Much you know! If Dolphinton had gone about the business like a man of sense, instead of as good as telling her he hoped she’d refuse his offer, she’d have accepted him! Good God, Jack, you never heard anything to equal it! The fellow’s as mad as Bedlam, and ought to be shut up!”
“Undoubtedly. May I know whence you culled this farradiddle? If you came to town only two days ago you have certainly been busy!”
“Oh, I had it from my Aunt Augusta!” Biddenden replied. “She is in high croak, I can tell you! And well she may be! When I think of Dolphinton’s inheriting Uncle Matthew’s fortune—Upon my soul, Jack, I had a great deal rather it was you!”
“Handsome of you!” Mr. Westruther, grinning at him.
“Ay, well, it won’t be you!” said Biddenden crossly. “You can lay your life to that! Kitty has shown her hand plainly enough. Either she meant to have Dolphinton all along, and took Freddy merely because she could scarcely accept such an offer as that idiot made her—with Hugh and me standing by, too!—or she fancied a Viscount to be as good as an Earl, until she came to town, and learned her mistake!”
“What a foolish fellow you are, George!” said Mr. Westruther gently. “Whatever else Kitty may have learnt in town, she has not learnt to think that beggarly Earldom superior to the title Freddy will inherit.”
“Very true! An Irish title, too! I would not give a groat for it myself. But an Earl is always an Earl, you know, and ten to one my aunt has stuffed the girl’s head full of nonsense about the great position she would occupy if she were to marry that dolt.” He pursed up his mouth, and sat twirling his quizzing-glass on the end of its riband. “I fancy Kitty is not the innocent we took her for,” he said, after a pause. “It occurs to me that she may very likely have come to the realization that marriage with Dolphinton would carry with it certain compensations. A complaisant husband, my dear jack, is not altogether to be despised!”
Mr. Westruther got up out of his chair. “No? But you are, George! Believe me, you are!”
Lord Biddenden flushed, and half started to his feet. Mr. Westruther, observing him with a good deal of mockery in his eyes, said: “I shouldn’t, George: really, I shouldn’t! Your credit would never survive a vulgar brawl in Boodle’s; and although I daresay you would like to plant me a facer you must know very well that it is quite beyond your power to do it.”
“Upon my word!” Biddenden said explosively. “You’re very squeamish all at once! A new come-out for you to be taking exception to a complaisant husband!”
“You mistake, George: no man sets a greater value on these gentry than I. My contempt is roused by the blubberheadedness that leads you into such gross error. Kitty had never such an idea in her mind. What a clodpole you are, dear coz! You have rusticated for too long—indeed, you have!”
He left Biddenden fuming and speechless; but although he was smiling, the seed of doubt had been sown. The suggestion that Kitty wished for a complaisant husband he was able to dismiss with as much contempt as he had shown George; a suspicion that she might succumb to the lure of a high title lingered uncomfortably. He met her at Almack’s Assembly Rooms on the following evening, claimed her hand for the boulanger, and chose to sit out the dance with her. The involuntary giggle which escaped her when he complimented her on her new conquest informed him that his suspicion had been unworthy. He said curiously: “I
wish you will tell me, my pretty one, what is this deep game you are playing?”
She turned her wide, disconcerting gaze upon him enquiringly.
“Well?” he said, holding the gaze, a challenge and a laugh in his eyes. “Such an eligible suitor as you have acquired, my dear! They tell me you are for ever in his company. I wonder that Freddy will permit it!”
She sipped her lemonade. “Freddy knows all the games I play,” she replied tranquilly.
“Does he? Poor Freddy! He has my most profound sympathy.” He took her fan from her, and spread it open. “Very pretty. Did he give it to you? I did not!”
“Oh, no! The one you gave me would not do with this d
ress. Though it is very pretty too, and I frequently carry it,” said Kitty, in a kind voice.
“I am honoured,” he bowed, giving it back to her. He spoke smoothly, but there was a spark of anger in his eye. The little girl who adored him was learning too many towntricks, and needed a lesson. If she imagined that he could be brought to heel by such tactics as these, it would be well for her to discover her mistake. For a cynical moment, he found himself thinking that it would really have been better for him to have swallowed his annoyance at Mr. Penicuik’s arbitrary conduct; to have gone to Arnside; and to have become formally betrothed to the heiress. He knew well that Mr. Penicuik, concerned first and last with his own comfort, would not have pressed for a speedy marriage, but would have been glad to have kept Kitty with him, safely engaged, but free to wait upon him while he had need of her services. Mr. Westruther, who never tried to deceive himself, was forced to acknowledge that Kitty’s riposte had taken him by surprise. He had been amused at first; but the more sophisticated she became the less was he pleased. Nor was her visit to London well-timed. Mr. Westruther, pursuing another quarry, found her presence at first tiresome; and, when she became acquainted with the lovely Miss Broughty, disastrous. He had done what he could to bring that friendship to an end; but although he had been easily able to inspire Meg to protest against it, he could not feel that Kitty was very likely to pay much heed to her featherbrained hostess. It was plain that such a friendship must lead to undesirable complications. Olivia seemed not to have admitted Kitty into her confidence; she would certainly do so if the acquaintance were allowed to ripen; and although Mr. Westruther had conferred no right on Kitty to censure his morals or his conduct, and was by no means averse from allowing her to see that she was not the only woman in his life, this was not the moment he would have chosen for such a disclosure as Olivia might make. “When he had found Olivia in Berkeley Square, he had been conscious of a feeling of unaccustomed annoyance. He was a man of even remper, regarding his world with an amused and a cynical eye, able nearly always to shrug away irritations with a laugh; but the discovery that Kitty had made a friend of the pretty creature on whom he was prepared to bestow everything but his name aroused real anger in his breast. He thought savagely that it was just like her; and remembered with unaffectionate clarity the many occasions when she had seemed to him to be an extremely tiresome little girl. He could almost have believed that she had done it to vex him. But that would have involved Freddy in the affair, who must have told her the truth; and although, in momentary exasperation, he had accused Freddy of this treachery, he knew that he had done his amiable cousin an injustice. He might mock at Freddy, but he was carelessly fond of him, and he knew him to be wholly incapable of making so unhandsome a gesture. The acquaintanceship had indeed sprung from a chance meeting; and for one of its unfortunate repercussions he had no one but himself to blame. It had been he who had introduced her fascinating French cousin to Kitty. Nothing, he ruefully acknowledged, could have been more natural than Kitty’s subsequent presentation of the Chevalier to her new friend.
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