“Hugh!” gasped Kitty. “I had thought you poor Dolph’s friend!”
“I am his friend, as I hope he knows.”
“You cannot be, for you would not stand there talking in that heartless way if you were! Dolph and Miss Plymstock love one another!”
Miss Plymstock, who had been stolidly staring at the Rector, interposed, to say bluntly: “Seems to me it ain’t in your power to refuse to marry us, sir, for all this fine talking. Foster’s of age, and so am I. You’re thinking, I daresay, that I ain’t good enough for your cousin. Well, I don’t pretend to be any better born than what I am, but what I do say is that I shall make Foster a better wife than many a one that has a title.”
“Yes, you are good enough for me!” said Dolphinton. “I won’t let you say you ain’t. Won’t let anyone say it!”
“That’s right, Dolph!” said Kitty approvingly.
Emboldened by this encouragement, his lordship went further. “I won’t let Freddy say it, and I like Freddy. Like him better than Hugh. If Hugh says it, I’ll draw his cork. Do you think I should do that, Kitty?”
“Well, I don’t precisely understand what it means, Dolph, but I daresay it would be an excellent thing to do.”
“Lord, my dear, it don’t matter to me what anyone says of me!” said Miss Plymstock. “Let ’em say what they choose, for it won’t vex us. Don’t you start picking a quarrel with the Reverend! He’s bound to think you’re marrying beneath you, for I can see he’s a proud kind of a man; but maybe, if he likes to come and visit us in Ireland, he’ll own he was mistaken.”
Dolphinton’s face brightened. “I should like Hugh to visit us. Like Kitty to visit us. Like Freddy to visit us too. I shall show them my horses.”
Kitty took advantage of this interlude to pull the Rector over to the window, and to say to him in an urgent under’ voice: “Hugh, upon my word I promise you that you cannot do Dolph a greater service than to marry him to Hannah! She is the kindest, most practical creature! She means to take him to Ireland, and let him breed horses, so that he may be perfectly happy and busy. You must own it would be the very thing for him!”
“Certainly, I have always been an advocate for his living quietly in the country. It is noticeable that whenever he has been staying here with me he is perfectly rational. I do not say that his intellect is strong, but he is by no means an imbecile.”
“Indeed, he is not! But are you aware, Hugh, that his Mama threatens to have him locked up?”
He cast a quick glance over his shoulder, but Dolphinton was engaged in enumerating to Miss Plymstock the various attractions of his Irish house. “You must be mistaken! She could not do such a thing. It is quite unnecessary.”
“I don’t know what she is wicked enough to do, but I do know that that is what terrifies poor Dolph so. As for that doctor of hers, Dolph is thrown into a quake whenever he thinks about him. Why, she even sets his servants to spy on him! He told me so himself, and how they tell her all he does, and where he goes!”
“You shock me very much!” he said. “I had not believed it to have been possible. But to be eloping in this fashion, and to expect me to abet him in conduct which is quite improper—”
“I see what it is!” she interrupted, a sparkle in her eye. “You are afraid to do it! You are afraid of your aunt, and of what people may say! I think it very poor-spirited of you, Hugh, but I am very sure it is not in your power to refuse to marry two persons, when there is no—no impediment!”
He said, flushing a little: “There is no occasion for you to speak with such unbecoming heat. I am certainly not afraid to do what I conceive to be my duty. But in this instance there are considerations of family involved, which—”
“If Freddy does not regard such considerations, I am sure you need not!” she interrupted.
He looked rather taken aback. “Does Freddy, then, know of this affair?”
“Yes, indeed he does!”
“I can only say that I am surprised. However, I cannot allow Freddy to be a guide to my conduct.”
She was stung by his tone of superiority into retorting: “I do not know why you should not, for he is a Standen, after all!”
At this moment, Miss Plymstock touched Kitty’s arm. “Beg pardon, but I’ll be glad to know what you have decided,” she said. Sinking her voice, she added: “It won’t do to be keeping Foster in suspense, for he’s had a very exciting day, which ain’t good for him.” She glanced from Hugh’s rigid countenance to Kitty’s angry one. “I collect you don’t mean to oblige us, sir,” she said. “Well, if you won’t you won’t, but I’ll tell you to your head I’ll not let Foster go back to be driven crazy by his mother. If I’m driven to it—though I own it ain’t what I like, partly because I was reared to be respectable, and partly because it don’t put me in a strong position when it comes to dealing with her ladyship—I’ll take Foster away, and live with him as his mistress until I can find a parson that will marry us.”
The Rector looked down from his impressive height into her homely but resolute countenance, and said stiffly, and after a moment’s pause: “In that event, ma’am, I am left with no alternative. I cannot perform the ceremony at this hour, but if you will have the goodness to show me the licence, I will marry you to my cousin tomorrow morning.”
A stricken silence greeted these words. Both ladies stood staring up at him. “L-licence?” Kitty faltered at last.
“The special licence to enable persons to be joined in wedlock without the calling of banns,” explained the Rector. “Surely, my dear Kitty, you were aware that this is necessary for what you propose I should do?”
“I have heard of special licences,” she said. “I didn’t know—I thought—Oh, what have I done? Hannah, I am so very sorry! I ought to have asked Freddy! He would have known! I have ruined everything!”
“It’s my blame,” said Miss Plymstock gruffly. “The thing is we’ve never had anything but banns in my family, and it slipped my mind.”
Kitty turned, laying a hand on the Rector’s arm. “Hugh, it can’t signify! You would not stick at such a trifle as that!”
“If you have not obtained the necessary licence, it is quite out of my power to perform the ceremony,” he said.
Lord Dolphinton, who had been trying to follow this, now joined the group by the window, plucking at Miss Plymstock’s sleeve, and demanding: “What’s this? Does he say I cannot be married? Is that what he says?”
“I am sorry, Foster, but unless you have with you a special licence it is impossible for me to marry you.”
His lordship uttered a moan of despair. Miss Plymstock drew his hand through her arm. “Don’t you fly into a pucker, my dear!” she said calmly. “We shall find a way to brush through it, don’t fear! We—”
She broke off, for the door had opened, and a beam of lamplight shone into the darkening room. Mrs. Armathwaite came in, carrying a lamp, which she set down upon the table, saying: “I’ve brought the lamp, sir, and there’s no need for you to worrit yourself about dinner, for it happens that we have a nice shoulder of mutton, which I’ve had popped into the oven, and a couple of spring chickens, which will be on the spit in another ten minutes. Good gracious, what ails his lordship?”
Dolphinton, in the act of disappearing into the cupboard beside the fireplace, paused to say in anguished tones: “Not here! Not seen me!”
Kitty, who had also heard the sound of a vehicle drawing up, peered out into the dusk. “Dolph, don’t be afraid! It is not your Mama! It is only some gentleman—why—why, I do believe—It is Jack! Good God, what can have brought him here? Oh, I am persuaded he will be able to help us! What a fortunate circumstance! Come out, Dolph! it is only Jack!”
Chapter XX
In a very few moments, Mr. Westruther, admitted to the house by Mrs. Armathwaite, strode into the Rector’s parlour, and stood for a minute on the threshold while his keen, yet oddly lazy eyes took in the assembled company. They encountered first Miss Charing, who had started forward into t
he middle of the room. An eyebrow went up. They swept past the Rector, and alighted on Miss Plymstock. Both eyebrows went up. Lastly, they discovered Lord Dolphinton, emerging from the cupboard. “Oh, my God!” said Mr. Westruther, shutting the door with a careless, backward thrust of one hand.
The Rector’s parlour was of comfortable but not handsome proportions, and with the entrance of Mr. Westruther it seemed to shrink. The Rector was himself a large man, but he neither caused his room to dwindle in size, nor seemed out of place in it. But he did not wear a driving coat with sixteen capes, which preposterous garment added considerably to Mr. Westruther’s overpowering presence; he did not flaunt a spotted Belcher neckcloth, or a striped waistcoat; and if the fancy took him to wear a buttonhole, this took the form of a single flower, and not a nosegay large enough for a lady to have carried to a ball. He had a shapely leg, and took care to sheathe it, when he rode to hounds, in a well-fitting boot; but he despised the white tops of fashion, and his servant was not required to polish the leather until he could see his own reflection in it.
Mr. Westruther moved forward, the big mother-of-pearl buttons on his driving-coat winking in the lamplight. He put out his hand, and with one long finger tilted Kitty’s chin up. “What a charming gown, my dear!” he remarked. “You should always wear pink: did the estimable Freddy tell you so? He has his uses! May I kiss you?”
“No, you may not!” said Kittv, pushing his hand away.
He laughed. “Ah, just so! Far too many persons present, are there not? Am I correct in supposing that you are here on precisely my own errand? Did you bring Dolphinton? A mistake, I feel—but I cannot believe that he had the wit to come of his own volition.”
He spoke lightly, but she had the impression that under his air of mockery he was angry. This puzzled her, and had the effect of diverting her own annoyance. She said slowly: “No, I am not here on any errand of yours, Jack. To be sure, I have no notion of what your errand may be!”
“Have you not? Then I will tell you, my love!” He rounded suddenly upon the Rector. “I am so happy to have found you at home, coz! Do, pray, inform me!—Are you aware of what has been going on under your saintly nose, at Arnside, or has it escaped your notice?”
The Rector’s eyes flashed. “I will rather inform you, Jack, that I find your manners offensive!”
“Do you? I am glad to hear it—quite enchanted, in fact! You become almost human. In general, you know, I find you as dead a bore as any waxwork.”
The Rector’s hands clenched involuntarily, and his austere mouth tightened. Mr. Westruther, observing these unclerical signs of wrath, laughed. “Do you mean to have a turn-up with me? I should not advise it. You were a first-rate boxer once, but you have let yourself get sadly out of condition, I fancy.”
“Don’t try my patience too far!” said the Rector, his breathing a little quickened.
“Oh, to the devil with you!” Mr. Westruther said impatiently. “Give me a plain answer! Do you know what has been going forward at Arnside, or are you sand-blind?”
Lord Dolphinton, whose eyes had been going from one to the other of his cousins, now saw fit to explain the situation, in so far as he was able, to his betrothed. “That’s my cousin Jack,” he informed her. “Told you about him. He’s vexed with Hugh. Hugh’s vexed with him. I don’t know why, but I wish he hadn’t come. I don’t like him. Never did.”
“Let it console you, sapskull, to know that your sentiments are reciprocated to the full!” said Mr. Westruther, with a snap.
“I’ll thank you, sir, to keep a civil tongue in your head!” said Miss Plymstock, entering the lists in steely-eyed defence of his lordship. “If there’s anything you are wishful to say in Foster’s disparagement, say it to me—if you dare! I’ve heard a deal about you, and not a word that wasn’t true, by what I can see!”
This unexpected attack successfully arrested Mr. Westruther’s attention. Up flew his mobile brows; genuine amusement set his eyes laughing again; he lifted his quizzing-glass, and through it inspected Miss Plymstock from head to foot. “A formidable opponent!” he remarked. “Diminutive, but pluck to the backbone! May I have the honour of knowing who you are?”
“Oh, Jack, pray will you stop behaving in this odious way?” begged Kitty. “It is Miss Plymstock, who is going to marry Dolph, and we are in such a dreadful fix! Only I do think that perhaps you could help us out of it!”
“I feel sure you are mistaken.”
“No, no, I know you could do it, if you would! What in the world has made you so cross? What is it that has been happening at Arnside?”
“So you don’t know! Then let me inform you, my love, that while you have been cutting capers in town, your dear Fish has entrapped my great-uncle into offering to bestow upon her his hand, and his not inconsiderable fortune!”
“What?” almost shrieked Kitty. “Uncle Matthew marry Fish? You must be mad!”
“Whoever else is mad, it is certainly not I!” he replied. He looked at the Rector with narrowing eyes. “I observe, coz, that these tidings do not come as a surprise to you!”
“No. They do not,” said the Rector coldly. “I have been aware for some weeks of my uncle’s intentions. I may add that I have also been admitted into Miss Fishguard’s confidence.”
“Have you indeed? It did not occur to you, I must assume, to warn either Kitty or me of what was looming before us?”
A slight, contemptuous smile curled the Rector’s lips. “You are correct in your assumption,” he said. “It does not appear to me that my uncle’s schemes are any concern of yours, my dear cousin!”
“But, good God, how has this come about?” cried Kitty. “Uncle Matthew and my poor Fish! Why, she goes in terror of him, while as for him, whenever his gout troubles him it is fatal for her to enter his room! Surely you are mistaken!”
“Oh, no, I am not mistaken!” he replied grimly. “My uncle did me the honour to write to me, informing me of his purpose. I am but just come from Arnside. My only mistake has been in thinking that my saintly cousin might, for once in his life, allow his common-sense a little rein!”
His cousin was goaded into making a very unsaintly retort. “Not quite your only mistake, I fancy!”
For an instant Mr. Westruther looked quite murderous; then he uttered a short laugh, and said: “As you say!”
Kitty, who had been staring at him in blank astonishment, suddenly exclaimed: “Can that have been why Fish begged me to return? And yet—Jack, how is this possible!”
“You, my dear Kitty, made it possible when you so unwisely left Arnside. So far as I am privileged to understand the matter, the Fish has been busy! She has learnt to play chess so that he may beat her every night; she has prevailed upon him to believe that the pangs of his gout have been alleviated by some antiquated remedy of her finding rather than by the clemency of the weather; and finally she has instilled into his mind the famous notion that since it will not suit his comfort to dispense with her services it will cost him less to marry her than to continue to pay her a wage!”
Kitty turned her eyes towards Hugh, in a mute question. He said gravely: “I cannot deny that I believe my uncle to be influenced by motives of economy.”
“But Fish—! Can it be that she will consent? When I recall her dismay, upon learning that I was going on a visit to London, I cannot believe it!”
“Very true, but you must recollect, my dear Kitty, that Miss Fishguard’s future, were she to leave Arnside, cannot be other than precarious. Moreover, since you went away, and she has been obliged to fill your place in the household, she has discovered, in some measure, how to make herself agreeable to him. Indeed, I have seldom known him to be in more amiable spirits!”
“Very adroitly has she discovered how to make herself agreeable!” struck in Mr. Westruther. “We have underrated her, my dear Hugh—let us own as much! Has she bamboozled you with her tears, and her vapours, and her protestations? What a bleater you must be!”
“Then that must have been what s
he meant by treachery!” exclaimed Kitty, unheeding. “How foolish of her! As though I could think such a thing of her! If she does indeed wish to marry Uncle Matthew, it is an excellent scheme!”
“I hope you may think as much when you find yourself cut out of my uncle’s Will by a brat in her image!” said Mr. Westruther viciously.
“An unlikely contingency!” said the Rector.
“On the contrary, nothing could be more likely! My uncle is not in his dotage, as well we know; and if the Fish is much above forty, I have been strangely misinformed!”
Kitty could not repress a giggle. “Oh, dear, how ridiculous it would be! I must go to Arnside as soon as I may.”
“Let that be immediately!” said Mr. Westruther.
“It cannot be immediately, Jack! I told you that we were all in an uproar here! I have been so stupid, and if poor Dolph’s plans are overset through it I shall never, never forgive myself!”
“That ain’t so,” interrupted Miss Plymstock, who had been engaged in quietly explaining to Lord Dolphinton the meaning of a dialogue that was rather too swift for him to follow. “It’s my blame, Miss Charing, and don’t you think I shall be trying to lay it at your door, for that I shall never do!”
“Oh, Jack!” said Kitty distressfully. “Never mind about Uncle Matthew for a moment! I brought Dolph and Miss Plymstock here, so that Hugh might marry them, and I was such a goose that I forgot—at least, I never knew, and that is stupider than anything! Hugh says they must have a special licence, and they have not got one!”
“In that case,” said Mr. Westruther, “you have wasted your time. May I suggest that you waste no more time, but that you turn your mind instead to—”
“Jack, if they must have a licence, could not you get it for them? Are such things to be procured in London? Do they, perhaps, cost a great deal of money?”
“Yes,” said Mr. Westruther, “they do, my dear Kitty! And if you are indulging your imagination with the notion that I mean to drive to London and back for no better purpose than to provide Dolphinton, in whose affairs I take not the smallest interest, with a marriage-licence, you very much mistake your man!”
Cotillion Page 33