“You’re going to go wherever she goes, aren’t you? There’s no point in my protesting,” Grady decided.
“He’s not allowed on the furniture?” Francesca asked.
“He wasn’t allowed on the furniture until you came. I’ll just have to make sure he washes off in the pond a little more often.”
Laurie bumped Francesca’s good arm. “He’s kidding you. He gives Shadow a bath once a week. You should see him in the old washtub out in the barn.”
“That could be fun to watch.”
“No one watches when I give Shadow a bath. If anyone wants to be there, they have to help me and end up all wet just like I do.”
Francesca held up her cast. “I can’t get this wet. I’ll have to take a rain check.”
Laurie giggled and opened the first album on her lap, pushing it over so Francesca could see it, too.
Twenty minutes later Francesca had laughed herself silly at Laurie’s stories, as well as some of the pictures. Grady’s sister was full of anecdotes of how the boys had always gotten into trouble and how she’d wanted to join in, but they wouldn’t let her. As they went from photo to photo Francesca realized what each represented…a happy family with two loving parents and children who adored them. She saw pictures of holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, the Fourth of July, even Halloween. There were many in front of a local church that the whole family attended. There were also photos from school programs, recitals and graduations. No one in this family missed anything.
Francesca’s father had missed her whole life. Her mother had only started truly living a few years after they’d left him. But her living had been on a very small scale. She’d always been afraid to try something new, always afraid they wouldn’t have enough money, always afraid Francesca would blame her for not having a father. Francesca didn’t blame her mother for that. But she did blame her for not helping her feel safe. She blamed her for not acting more like an adult than a child. Francesca had always felt she had to be the adult. She was the one who had to make the decisions. She was the one who had to make sure they were okay. At the end of her mother’s life, Francesca had been the caretaker, just as she’d always been. She had been the advocate, the one to hold her mother’s hand and tell her it was okay to let go.
These family pictures were affecting Francesca in a way she hadn’t been affected in a long time. Doors to her heart began to creak open. She usually didn’t think about her past. She tried to dwell on what was rather than what used to be. That’s how she’d gotten through her childhood and med school and sitting by her mother’s bed when she was dying.
Laurie closed the last album. “We have a big gap in Grady’s pictures. He was away at college and then lived in Chicago.
“Chicago?”
“I worked there for a number of years before I came back to Sagebrush.”
Francesca’s gaze sought his. “What did you do?”
“I worked in an investment banking firm for a while.”
She felt as if she’d had the wind knocked out of her.
Laurie grinned. “He doesn’t seem like the type, does he?”
Francesca remembered the silk shirt. He must have lived differently in Chicago. Light-years from his life here. “Why did you leave it?”
“I’d had enough.”
If that didn’t cover a world of reasons, she didn’t know what did. He’d had enough of Chicago? Enough of banking? Enough of a woman, perhaps? That would be something to ask Laurie when she had her alone.
On the other hand, she could just ask Grady.
“Do you want me to leave the albums?” Laurie asked.
“No,” Grady grumbled while Francesca answered, “Yes.”
Laurie laughed. “Well, that’s a consensus. I’ll leave them until the family dinner on Sunday. You can bring them over then.” She turned to Francesca. “How long are you staying?”
“Sunday.”
Laurie looked down at her arm.
“I know everything I do is going to be limited,” Francesca admitted. “Especially at the hospital. But at least I can give instructions if I’m there. I can monitor the newborns with problems, keep an eye on their charts and vital signs. I can do more than just call and find out how they are.”
“Can you drive?”
“My car is being repaired. For the first week or so I’ll catch a ride with someone if I can.”
“Well…” Laurie looked from one of them to the other. “I think I’ve worn out my welcome for today. I’d better get home to the kids. Mark has some errands he wants to run and it will be easier without Mark Jr. and Seth tagging along.” She smiled at both of them. “I’m glad I stopped by today.”
Grady didn’t respond, but Francesca answered, “Me, too. It was good to meet you.”
Laurie actually looked as if she might want to give her a hug. But they really didn’t know each other. They weren’t family and they weren’t friends, although Francesca suspected they could be. On the other hand, maybe Laurie was just friendly because Francesca was carrying her brother’s baby. Maybe the family wanted to have no doubts that they would have time with the newest addition to the Fitzgerald family.
Crossing to her brother, Laurie stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you Sunday,” she reminded him.
He gave her a hug. “Tell Mom I might be later than usual. I want to spend some time with the new horse. She’s going to need a lot of gentling.”
“I’ll tell her,” Laurie said as she opened the door. Then with a wave she was gone.
Grady shook his head. “She comes on strong. I’m sorry about that.”
“She was great. Besides, how else would I have gotten to see you in a diaper when you were six months old?”
When he came toward her, she patted the seat on her right. Shadow was still settled in on her left.
Grady lowered himself beside her. “You know, our baby might have your brown hair and your green eyes.”
“That never entered my mind,” she responded.
“Because he’s a boy?” Grady asked.
“I guess.” She ran her hand over one of the albums on the coffee table. “Your family looks so happy.”
“You sound amazed. Families always take pictures when they’re happy. That’s why you only see smiling pictures in the album.”
She leaned back a little. “You mean you weren’t happy?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying the squabbles aren’t in there. The arguments aren’t in there. The I-hate-yous and the I-never-want-to-see-you-agains aren’t in there.”
“But none of that matters if you come together again. If you make up, if you see each other’s differences and if you’re still friends after all that—besides being brothers and sisters—that’s because of how your parents raised you.”
He must have heard the weight of the sadness in her voice. “Are you going to tell me about your childhood?”
“It wasn’t like yours. I don’t talk about it. There’s no point.”
“Frannie—” He lifted her chin with his thumb. “There is a point to sharing. When you’re ready.”
She knew he wouldn’t understand. He’d think she was partially at fault. He’d think they should have stayed together as a family and somehow worked it out. He’d think so many things. And that would get all muddled up with the idea of them having a baby.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked.
Bothering her? She didn’t let the past bother her. That’s why she worked so hard. “Nothing’s bothering me. I’m glad your sister came over. But now do you know what I’d like to do?”
“Do I want to guess?”
“I’d like to see the mustang.”
He studied her for several long seconds. “All right, but bundle up. It’s cold out.”
When she rose to her feet, he rested his hand on her shoulder. “I realize you changed the subject. Someday I hope we’ll have a talk about your past…someday when it will mean somethin
g to both of us.”
If she told him about her past, she’d be giving him a part of herself. She definitely wasn’t ready for that. Maybe she never would be.
Francesca took her down jacket from Grady’s closet, but then realized she couldn’t zipper it one-handed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, ever observant.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m ready.”
He was wearing a ribbed red thermal shirt with a navy insulated vest on top. His Stetson and boots added appeal she’d never felt for a man before. As he approached her, her breath hitched.
He took the bottom two ends of her jacket, threaded the zipper into its track and zippered it up to her neck. His fingers were so very close to her chin. “You don’t have a hood. Do you have a hat? We’re going to be outside to see the mustang and the wind has some bite today.”
His voice was husky and she wondered if his breath hitched when he was close to her, too.
Digging into her pocket with her good hand, she produced a green knit cap. But then again, putting it on one-handed could be a problem. As she tried, it slipped to the side and almost fell.
Grady caught it. “Just ask, Francesca.” His eyes twinkled with amusement as he set it on her head and pulled the sides down over her hair. His fingers seemed to linger a bit and slide to a few other strands. If she leaned forward, her lips would be mere inches from his.
She remembered the happy family pictures she’d examined earlier. Everything about Grady was so magnetically appealing—from his very blue eyes to the dream of the family she’d never had. But the sheer seduction of all of it made her even more afraid to get involved with him.
Leaning away, she took a deep breath. “Let’s go see your mustang.”
After they left the house, Shadow running ahead of them, they strolled down the walk, crossed the gravel lane and headed into longer grass near the barn.
“Watch you don’t turn an ankle. We have jackrabbit holes.”
Francesca was indeed careful as she walked. She didn’t want to have to grab on to Grady. She certainly didn’t want him to carry her back to the house. Her dependence on him was going to come to an end sooner rather than later.
“Look at her,” Francesca marveled as she spotted the pinto pony running across the field.
“Since Vince brought her over, she runs and runs. But she doesn’t try to get out. I think maybe something’s telling her there’s safety here, as well as captivity. She nuzzled one of the other horses through the fence yesterday. That’s a good sign.”
Francesca could see that the mustang’s pasture was fenced off from the one beside it.
“She came within three feet of me this morning,” Grady confided. “I’m hoping later today, or maybe even tomorrow, she’ll come a little closer. Once she trusts me, I think we’ll be great friends.”
The wind whipped Francesca’s hair around her face and she knew Grady wasn’t just talking about the horse. “Trust is precious, but it’s such a fragile thread. Once it’s torn, it’s hard to weave it back together again.” She felt Shadow against her leg, quietly watching the horse, too.
“Can I ask you something?” Out here in the wide-open spaces with the wind tossing anything it could, Francesca felt a freedom she didn’t feel when she was enclosed in a room with Grady.
“You can ask. Depending on what it is, I might decide not to answer,” he replied.
She felt her cheeks start to heat a little, in spite of the cold beginning to numb the rest of her. “When I told you I was pregnant, you said the condom you used had been in your wallet for a long while.”
“Yes, I did,” he agreed warily.
“Did that mean you hadn’t been with a woman for a while?”
Grady kept his gaze on the mustang, one hand on the fence. “That’s what it meant.”
“So…that means one-night stands aren’t a habit?”
Now his gaze left the mustang and settled on her. “No, they’re not a habit. Are they for you?”
“No! I told you, I hadn’t been with a man for a year.” She wished she knew why Grady didn’t take her at her word.
The wind ruffled leaves on the live oaks. Tall grasses bent to it. After a few prolonged silent moments, Grady asked, “This is the guy who asked you to move to Lubbock?”
“Yes. I was living in Oklahoma when I met Darren Whitcomb at a medical conference. We dated long-distance for a few months and had lots of phone calls. Eventually I moved here and in with him.”
“Why didn’t it work out?”
“That’s water under the bridge,” she decided, turning to watch the mustang again. The horse had stopped running and was aware of the two of them standing at the fence. Her ears were perked up and she was listening.
Grady’s hand cupped Francesca’s elbow. “Why don’t you want to tell me?”
Facing him again, she asked, “Are you going to tell me every detail of your last relationship?” Her instincts were good and she knew he wouldn’t.
He blew out a breath. “No, I guess not. But on the other hand, you have seen pictures of me in a diaper.”
Grady had a way of using humor to get past her defenses.
The mustang suddenly ran toward them, stopped abruptly and threw up her tail. Grady stood perfectly still and so did Francesca.
“What’s she doing?” Francesca asked.
“Trying to make up her mind about us.”
Francesca stood fascinated as the horse trotted closer, spun away, ran in a circle and then faced them again. Her dance of sorts continued until she was about seven feet from the fence. Francesca was almost as intrigued by Grady as she was with the mustang. He was perfectly still, not moving a muscle.
Then she heard him say gently, “Come on, girl. I won’t hurt you.” He slipped something from his pocket and held it out in the palm of his hand.
The horse eyed Francesca.
“What should I do?” she asked quietly.
“Nothing. Just stay still. She’s probably afraid if she comes close to me, you’re going to toss a rope around her neck.”
Holding her breath, Francesca watched as the horse came within two feet of Grady, eyeing the piece of carrot in his palm. Then with a toss of her head and a whinny, she spun away and ran across the field once more.
Francesca was disappointed for the horse. Instinct told her Grady would take good care of her.
Grady stuffed the carrot back into his pocket. “That was closer than before. I’m making progress.”
“Will she come inside if the weather turns nasty?” She could see the mustang’s corral narrowed, led under the barn’s overhang and into a stall.
“She’ll come in eventually. She’ll let me near her eventually. It’s just going to take some patience.” After he watched the mustang streak across the pasture, he asked, “Do you want to see the others?”
“Sure.”
He studied her face to see if she meant it, then nodded and took her arm to guide her through the tall grass and stones that led to one of the barn doors. It opened with a loud creak.
Francesca was so aware of his arm in hers, aware of his height, aware of his broad shoulders, aware of everything about him. She made conversation to distract herself. “Do you take care of all of this?”
He chuckled. “No. The son of a friend works here after school. Liam helps with any repairs that need to be done. Since John lives in Lubbock he doesn’t get out here much, but if I need him, he comes. Laurie rides, so when she can, she exercises the horses with me. Dad used to drive out here more, but I think being here makes him sad because he can’t run the ranch himself now.”
When they stepped into the barn, Francesca watched Shadow trot down the walkway. She inhaled musky, damp smells of horses, years-old wood and hay. Grady led her to the walkway between the stalls where Shadow sat waiting.
Grady stepped up to the stalls and introduced three horses to her.
Francesca reached out and let the pewter-gray horse smell her fingers as Vince had taug
ht her, then rubbed the side of her neck.
“She’s getting her winter coat. I need to let them out for a run and then groom them.”
Although Grady hadn’t given a hint of it, Francesca knew she was taking up a lot of his time when he should be working or doing chores.
“I can go back to the house on my own.” She turned to go.
He caught her good arm. “You don’t have to leave yet.”
“If I weren’t here, what would you be doing?”
“I’d probably be in at the shop. This break is kind of nice. I’m getting things done around here I’ve let go. I’ve got a pile of wood that needs to be split. I’m going to tackle that this afternoon.”
She could imagine him splitting wood, his face to the sun and his muscles moving under his shirtsleeves.
“I have another question for you,” she said softly.
He turned toward her, all of his attention focused on her. “What?”
“Is your sister naturally that friendly?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m carrying your baby. Would your family be interested in me, or even stop by, if I weren’t?”
After a few moments of thoughtful consideration, he answered, “You are here because you’re carrying my baby. But if you’re asking if my family would want to meet anyone I was involved with, the answer is yes. Laurie wasn’t pretending interest. She’s not like that. Neither is Mom.” He paused for a moment. “I’d like to know why the idea of family caring is so foreign to you.”
She could deny his conclusion. She could tell him why. But ever since the accident, ever since he’d picked her up at the hospital, ever since she’d felt almost comfortable in his home, she’d wondered if she’d fallen down a rabbit hole. She’d wondered if she was trying to make fantasies become reality. She had to go home, get her life back and look at all of it realistically.
So to Grady she said, “Not today.” If he was really patient he wouldn’t push her. If he cared, he’d try to develop a bond of trust between them.
Did she really want that? Did she want to get closer to Grady?
He had a question of his own. “Is this a test?”
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