“You look troubled,” Grady’s mother noticed.
They were ten feet away from the fray, children gathered around Grady, parents keeping them corralled, excitement and laughter and Christmas spirit tumbling out of everyone. Francesca didn’t have older women in her life to confide in, wise women who knew from experience about heartaches and difficult times. She wondered if Maureen did.
“I’m thinking about my own mother.”
“You said she passed on a few years ago?”
“You remembered.”
“You and Grady are having a child together, Francesca. I want to get to know you.” She glanced at her husband, who was steadying the big red bag so Grady could pull out the treats. “I believe Grady will make a good father because Patrick was a good role model.”
“That’s my worry,” Francesca confessed. “My mother was fearful of many things, my dad the main one. We left him when I was a child. She never learned to be her own person. She never learned to make forward-looking decisions or to take control of her own life.”
“You have control of your life.”
“I’m not so sure about that. My hours are erratic, so in a way I don’t have control there, especially when emergencies crop up. And they often do with newborns in peril. Then there’s the pregnancy, which I thought I had control over, but the diabetes put a wrench in that.”
The older woman’s eyes were kind. “You don’t need control to make the right decisions. Maybe the best time of life is when fate is tumbling us around and we still manage to get up again.”
“I can see why your children are so successful at whatever they do.”
“And I can see why you’re successful. It’s the spirit within us that makes us who we are…and what we believe. You’re a strong woman, Francesca. I was a little worried when I heard about your career. How would you shuffle responsibilities to deal with pregnancy and the time-demanding schedule of a newborn? But I think you’ll figure it out.”
“Grady told me about Susan.”
Maureen looked surprised. “He did? Well, then, I guess you know it’s hard for him to trust. She betrayed him on many levels and I don’t know if he’ll ever get over that.”
That’s exactly what Francesca had thought. “This baby is more important than my career.”
“Have you told Grady that?”
“I haven’t really had the chance. He thinks my career is all I can see ahead of me. It is important. It will give this baby a future. That’s why I have to figure out a way to juggle it. So I don’t lose it.”
Maureen patted Francesca’s arm. “I think you’ll do fine.”
Francesca realized the woman’s support meant a lot. Because she was a calm wise voice or because she was Grady’s mother?
The children were happily playing with their puzzles when Santa gathered up his empty bag, tossed them a few more ho, ho, hoes and left the house. Francesca knew Grady would be changing back into his regular clothes in the barn. She slipped out a few minutes after he left and ran to the small side entrance. He’d dressed in the tack room.
When she opened the door and went inside, she saw he was still dressed. “Don’t you want to stop being Santa yet?”
He turned to face her. “Actually, I was just imagining playing Santa with our son. Next year at this time, he’ll probably be grabbing at my beard and yanking on my belt. The toys won’t mean much, but the fantasy will start for him.”
“I was thinking of next year, too. I guess…I guess we’ll be sharing custody.”
“Will we?” he asked soberly.
“Is that what you want?”
“I want what’s best for all of us. I don’t want you to feel cheated and I don’t want to feel as if I’m missing out.”
“How do we prevent either?”
“I’m not sure yet.” Suddenly his mood changed from serious to jovial. He plopped into a wooden chair, grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap.
Laughing, she asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m playing Santa Claus.” What do you want for Christmas? And don’t tell me a baby in perfect health. That’s a given. I’m talking about your Christmas list. What’s on it?”
A baby in perfect health. She hadn’t told Grady their son could be premature or have other problems. But why alarm him? Why not just hope for the best outcome?
She could tell underneath Grady’s laughter he was serious and she thought about his question for a few moments. “What I need most is a desk for my computer. I’ll be working at home more after the baby’s born and it would be nice to set up a little corner for myself. I can stay in touch with the hospital, receive updates on my patients and know exactly what’s going on.”
“You want a computer desk? Not a diamond necklace? Or a gold bracelet? Or a new designer purse?”
Leaning against Grady, she gazed into his eyes. Maybe he was unrecognizable in the Santa outfit, but she’d know those eyes anywhere. “Nope, just the desk.”
“So you think you’ll be working at home more?”
“I’ve been considering it…doing consultations more than hands-on practice. I don’t know what I can arrange and how I’ll handle it financially. I need to keep my foot in the water, professionally speaking, and yet I want to spend as much time as I can with my baby…our baby.”
His arms around her held her a little tighter and she found she didn’t feel trapped. She felt ready for Grady to kiss her again…with or without the fake beard.
Instead of kissing her, though, he said, “I have a solution to your problem.”
“What?” she asked warily.
“Move in with me. If you’re living with me, we’ll both have access to our child and I could provide some of the child care you need, though we might want to have someone come in and help. You also wouldn’t have to worry about a roof over your head.”
“I’d have to pay my fair share.”
“We could work it out.”
Could they work it out? Was it what she wanted? Living with the father of her child? Did she dream of more?
No. She couldn’t believe in dreams. Not when their child’s welfare was at stake. She liked her independence. She liked living in the Victorian. She had been planning to share the big house with Gina.
Living with Grady. Should she even consider it?
“You can’t keep this baby to yourself,” he reminded her.
“No, I can’t, but I do have to live my own life, Grady. I don’t know if I can do that if I’m staying with you.”
He didn’t look as if he accepted that reasoning. The easy humor between them evaporated, and as gracefully as she could, she scrambled off his lap. “We’ve got to get back to the house or everyone will wonder where we’ve gone.”
“I wonder that myself sometimes.” His tone was acerbic and Francesca suspected he usually got his own way.
Not this time.
Chapter Nine
“Aren’t you going in?” Tessa asked, a twinkle in her blue eyes.
With Christmas fast approaching in nine days, Tessa, Emily and Francesca had decided to go Christmas shopping Wednesday evening. Emily had met Francesca and Tessa at the Yellow Rose Diner for supper and then they’d proceeded to wander in and out of the specialty shops. Francesca had already found Grady a Christmas present online that she hoped would please him.
Now the three of them were standing in front of his saddle shop.
“He asked you to live with him,” Emily reminded her. “The least you could do is stop in and say hello.” Her voice wasn’t as much scolding as it was teasing.
Francesca had told her friends what Grady had suggested. They’d both remained neutral on the subject. “What are you two going to do if I do stop in?”
Tessa pointed to a bookstore. “I need books for the kids and a biography Vince is interested in.”
“If you finish first, come find us,” Emily suggested. “If we finish, we’ll come find you.”
Francesca hadn’t spoken to Grady si
nce his family gathering on Sunday. The atmosphere between them had been strained as he’d driven her home. She knew why. He wanted access to his child and inviting her to live with him was the best way to get it.
“I won’t be long,” she assured them.
“I can spend hours in a bookstore,” Tessa said. “So don’t hurry on my account.”
“Same here,” Emily agreed.
After encouraging looks, they headed off across the street.
Francesca composed herself, attempting to appear placid, and opened the door to Grady’s shop. Maybe he wouldn’t be working tonight. If that was the case, seeing him was a moot point. Yet she realized she wanted to see him and that fact bothered her, too.
The bell over the door jangled as she stepped inside. She hadn’t been in the front of the shop before. It was quaintly attractive with saddles on pedestals. Shelves displayed leather goods—from bridles to key chains braided with horsehair to a display of Navajo blankets. No one stood at the counter and cash register to the rear of the display area, but Francesca heard voices not far away—a man’s and a woman’s. She realized there was a small room off the front area of the shop and didn’t know whether to venture into it or not.
Instead, she called, “Hello.”
Grady emerged from the small room with what looked like a sample catalog in his hand. “Francesca! What are you doing here?”
A pretty, young woman with strawberry-blond hair, freckles on her nose and a Stetson with a chin tie followed him. She was holding a bridle.
Francesca didn’t have a chance to answer his question before he added, “I’ll be with you in a minute. I have to add a few things to Cassidy’s order.”
When Cassidy peered at Francesca inquiringly, Grady introduced them. “Francesca Talbot, Cassidy Dugas. Cassidy, Francesca.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Cassidy said, then turned back to Grady. “You’ll have everything ready by the end of January?”
“At the latest,” he assured her. “You want the saddle for your brother’s birthday.”
There was a note of familiarity in Grady’s voice that told Francesca Cassidy Dugas was more than a customer. When Cassidy replied, she was sure of it.
“I want to surprise Jesse, so if he comes in, don’t give anything away.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
Cassidy took some bills from her purse. “How much do you need for the down payment?”
“I usually require half.”
The pretty woman’s face fell. “I only have a third. I can give you the rest next week when I get paid.”
“That’s fine.” He winked at her. “I know where you live. I can always confiscate that wagon I like so much.”
She laughed, and in that laugh Francesca knew they’d been close at one time. She felt deep disappointment in her chest. Maybe it wasn’t disappointment. Maybe it was something else she didn’t even want to think about.
“I told you, if Jesse ever wants to sell that wagon I’ll let you know.” Cassidy gave him a smile that was feminine and teasing.
After Grady took her money, he rang up her down payment.
Cassidy waited for the receipt, glanced at Francesca, gave her a nod and then left the shop.
Off-balance at the interplay between Grady and Cassidy Dugas, Francesca stepped up to the counter. She said, “I could have come back later.”
Grady didn’t comment, but came around the counter. “Have you been doing some Christmas shopping?”
“With Tessa and Emily. They’re over at the bookstore.”
“And you stopped in to—”
“I stopped in to be…friendly, that’s all. But I didn’t know I was going to interrupt something.”
“You didn’t interrupt anything.”
She knew what she’d seen hadn’t simply been a shop owner and customer relationship. “Did you date her?”
“If I had, would you be jealous?” His eyes twinkled and he tried to keep from smiling.
When she didn’t respond, just stood there, purse in hand, he shrugged. “I dated Cassidy a few years ago. Her brother and I were in school together. We went to the movies a few times and then to Lubbock for dinner. But it didn’t go anywhere. She’s a wonderful woman, but I couldn’t forget about Susan. And Cassidy wasn’t…she doesn’t sleep around.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I answered your question, now you answer mine.”
“Of course I’m not jealous,” she blurted out. “Why would I be?”
He took the purse from her arm and set it on the counter. Then he laid his hand on her belly, which was getting rounder by the day. “Because I’m the father of your baby. Because, whether you’ll admit it or not, you like me just a little.”
She finally had to admit to herself she liked Grady a whole lot. If she liked him any more…
She’d be falling in love with him.
No. She would not let that happen. She was not opening herself to getting hurt. Dreams like that were as wispy as the morning fog.
Coming closer to her, he clasped her shoulders. “Sometimes, Frannie, you can’t hide everything you’re feeling.”
When he bent his head, she thought about pulling away. She knew she should. Every time he kissed her, their physical attraction blossomed. But the thought of being held in Grady’s arms was too tempting to resist. Sometimes she hated being alone. Sometimes she longed for a bond that would last a lifetime. Was that a dream? She hoped not…because she didn’t believe dreams came true.
His lips were warm on hers, mobile, coaxing. Everything about Grady was…coaxing. His “Aw, shucks, I’m just a cowboy, I didn’t mean to tempt you” attitude was disarming. Somehow his smile, his gentleness and his innate sexiness curled around her defenses until she wondered what had happened to them! Even now, as she was aware of what occurred every time she was near him, that awareness didn’t seem to matter. All that mattered was the grip of his large hand on her shoulders, the scent of him—cologne and man mixed with leather—the sensual provocativeness of his lips on hers. Thoughts galloped into that neverland of pleasure.
Pleasure increased when his tongue slipped inside her mouth. That pleasure was a tinderbox of desire. Her hands slid to his waist, tunneled under his leather vest to his flannel shirt. He was hard under that shirt, his muscles honed from ranch work and riding. She ached to really touch him again, to find out if the second union of their bodies could be as good as the first. Yet most men didn’t find pregnant women attractive. Many men found pregnancy off-putting.
Pregnancy. Having Grady’s baby. Figuring out what was best for their son.
She stilled and Grady slowly ended the kiss. Then he leaned back and studied her. “Now tell me if you weren’t just a little bit jealous.”
She couldn’t hide the truth now. “Maybe I was. Just a little.”
He laughed. “Well, I’m glad we got that settled. And actually I’m glad you stopped in. I was going to call you when I got home.”
“What about?”
“My family always gets together on Christmas Eve. We go to evening Mass and then back to my parents’ to exchange gifts. I’d like you to join us.”
“I’m going to be on-call Christmas Eve. The hospital’s always short-staffed over the holidays.”
“If you get called in, so be it. But if not, I think you’d enjoy yourself. We sing Christmas carols and everything.”
He added the last so tongue-in-cheek, she had to smile. “Tessa and Emily both asked me to join their families, but I don’t think they’d mind if I spent Christmas Eve with you.”
He studied her for a few long moments and then asked, “Do you really want to spend Christmas Eve with my family? Because I don’t want you to do this out of some misguided duty to our unborn child. Sometimes I can’t read you, Frannie, so be straight with me.”
If she labeled this “duty” she’d be deluding herself. But she hated feeling vulnerable with anyone, and that included Grady. “Did you invite me out of duty?”
He s
hook his head with a wry smile. “You’re good. Just when I think I’m making progress—”
“Progress goes two ways.”
“I guess it does,” he admitted. “No, I’m not asking you out of duty. I’d like you to be there. Laurie and my mother would like you to be there. The more the merrier.”
“I want to come, Grady. Yes, I’d like to begin a tradition for our baby, but…” She hesitated, then plunged in. “But I like being with you.”
“And that scares you, doesn’t it?”
She nodded.
“We could just be parents with benefits,” he joked. “Maybe you should think about that.”
She had a lot to think about—Grady’s sense of duty and responsibility to his child, their attraction to each other. But she had the feeling Grady didn’t let his mind go beyond that, and she shouldn’t, either.
Parents with benefits? Sex should be the last thing on her mind right now. Yet when she looked into Grady’s eyes her body quickened in response. He threw everything in her life into confusion.
“I’d better go,” she murmured, knowing she was running away.
He knew it, too. But he thought she was only running from the chemistry. He was wrong. She lifted her purse from the counter.
“I’ll pick you up at six-thirty.”
“Six-thirty will be fine.”
As she turned to leave, he called, “Frannie.”
She glanced back at him.
“Don’t think so much.”
She couldn’t respond, just pulled open the door and left his shop. Thinking was much safer than feeling, she reminded herself as she headed toward the bookstore and her friends.
On Christmas Eve, Francesca sat beside Grady on the sofa at his parents’ condo after church services. It was as if they were a couple—yet weren’t. Grady didn’t touch her in front of his parents. She didn’t know how she felt about that. Their relationship wasn’t clear, that was true. But she also felt Grady was holding back. They weren’t so very different after all.
As the children and adults finished their light buffet supper, Grady leaned closer to her. “I have your present at the ranch. I didn’t bring it along. Do you want to stop there on the way home?”
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