by T A Williams
“You just ran.”
“This war is bigger than you and me.” Reaper pushed his forearm into Ben’s neck. “This is bigger than any single individual. We all die then there isn’t anyone here to take the fight to those fuckers. If a single one of us is alive then they haven’t won. You jeopardize this mission to try and save people who are already dead then you are just as bad as the enemy.”
“Reap,” Crimson said, coming up from behind, “be easy, he just lost his friend.”
The pressure from Reaper’s forearm let up just a little. “That it? You coming at me because you lost a friend?”
Ben didn’t say anything. It was more than that.
“I could give two shits about your friend. I just lost three men in that building. Nearly half of my fucking force and all of my supplies.” Reaper stepped away and Ben slid down the wall and onto his butt. “We ain’t got shit left.”
Ben looked around and saw Dex standing in the corner looking down at the ground. Crimson stood in the middle of the room watching them and Ghost sat over Ty trying to help. There were only six of them left. Reaper walked out of the room. Crimson took a few steps toward him.
“You hurt?” she asked.
Ben shook his head no and she walked away.
They were all hurt. They only had the guns on their backs, no food, were injured and were being hunted. Ben closed his eyes.
Alec
The first weeks of winter were the hardest.
One day it was dreary and cold and the next it was freezing and snow covered everything. The snow soaked through clothing while the freezing winds cut straight to the bone, and all the while their daily routines remained the same. The first of them fell in those weeks. The skinniest in Yankee camp, the same one that had given Alec the wallop on the chin, died first. He simply fell over in the middle of the woods, never to stand again. The second fell asleep in the night and never woke back up. After that the soldiers gave them extra clothes, most of them incredibly worn and full of holes, and also began to put two or more of them in each cell.
Right before the first snow fell a new shipment of prisoners arrived, most of which went to the mines, but the rest were split among Yankee and Rambo camps. Yankee got an additional three while Rambo got the last two. One of the men, Morgan, was put in the same cell as Alec. He was an older black man, around forty or fifty, with a head full of gray hair. When he first arrived his face was swollen and covered in bruises and for the first couple of days he didn’t say a word. When he did finally talk his sentences weren’t longer than four or five words. Usually he asked for food or water or said he was tired. Alec tried once to ask him how he got there but the man’s eyes just teared up and he said one word, “Family.” Alec didn’t ask again.
It was with Morgan that he caught his first mouse. Cats made it seem so easy but it was anything but. Luring the creature into their cell wasn’t difficult, as the entire place was filled with mice looking for food and trying to stay out of the cold, but actually managing to wrap his frozen fingers around one was nearly impossible. Each night he sat in the corner bundled up in his thin blanket with the kernel of corn just a few feet away, each night he placed the kernel closer and closer. It wasn’t until the second week that he finally managed to grab the thing and it surprised him so much he dropped it and it scurried away. The next night he didn’t make the same mistake but then he was forced to actually go through with eating the mouse.
He killed it by slamming it onto the hard concrete ground, scraping up his hand in the process. Then, just as Walt had told him, he peeled away the skin, dry heaving the entire time, and from there it was easy to open the little creature up and remove the innards. He didn’t have salt and even if he had, Alec didn’t believe it would have made much of a difference. Chewy and warm was the only way he would have been able to describe it if someone had asked. The hunger pains helped him to ignore what he was doing and before he knew it, it was over. The hunger pains lessened but didn’t go away. The first few times he offered to share with Morgan and the man looked at him like he was crazy. Soon enough the hunger convinced him to accept. Before the first month was over Alec had mastered catching mice with corn and while a mouse didn’t come into their cell every night, when it did they usually managed to catch it.
Even with this new source of food Alec’s clothes began to hang off him. His ribs were easy to see and his face had begun to sink in; he looked just like all the rest. Each day was a struggle. His legs would burn as he fought through the snow to get to his job and by the end of the day his entire body would hurt and he would have to fight his way back. He fell in the snow once on the way back and couldn’t get back up, he tried but his body refused to move. He remembered someone grabbing him by the shoulder and helping him up, at first he thought it was a soldier, which would have been amazing because they never helped out, but when he looked up it was Morgan’s face that he saw. The man gave him a smile and helped him stumble back to camp.
If Morgan struggled Alec was there for him, and the man returned the favor. If Morgan seemed to be losing too much weight Alec would give him some of his porridge or the majority of the mice he caught. At night they laid close together, using their body heat to keep each other warm. While the horrors that Morgan faced prior to getting to the camp stopped them from having any kind of meaningful conversation, Alec felt like the man was the closest thing to a friend he’d had in awhile.
Morgan died the night of the last snowfall.
He had been sick, all of them had been sick, but Morgan’s age made it harder on him than the others. One morning the man woke up and couldn’t find the strength to get out of his cell. Alec went to breakfast, got his portion of food and took it back to Morgan to eat. The soldiers were aware that Morgan was in his cell and didn’t come out when it was time to work but they didn’t try and get him. At first Alec thought it was because they were giving the man time to get better but in reality they must have seen the writing on the wall. When Alec returned from work he tried to give Morgan his portion of food again but the man wouldn’t take it. Alec snuggled up next to the man that night and when he awoke the next morning Morgan was gone; only his shell remained.
Even before the power went out Alec had learned what loss was. Cancer had taken the spark from his mother and he had watched her wither up and die right in front of him. After the power went out he saw the lifeless body of his youngest brother in their front yard and watched as his father took his last breaths. Death had become Alec’s constant companion. He wasn’t sure why but despite all the people he had lost previously he never cried as hard as when he woke up next to Morgan’s lifeless body. Yet just as he had all the previous mornings he woke up, got breakfast and went back to work.
Ally
The streets were packed with people. The sound of casual conversations and people selling their wares bounced off the buildings and attacked her ears, causing her to place her hand on Tiger for support. She was used to the quiet, the sounds of birds chirping and the wind blowing; this was almost too much. Adam’s hand fell on her shoulder and he squeezed it gently. She looked up at him and she saw the same discomfort in his eyes. For some reason she felt more relaxed.
The safe zone was just over a mile wide, most of which was blocked off by hastily erected fences or car barricades. The peacekeepers manned the open spots and patrolled the area but of the ones Ally had noticed, only a few of them actually had a weapon. She didn’t understand how they kept the peace without having a big stick to knock people back in their place. Despite that, as she walked around the safe zone streets she was more often than not met with indifference and at times even with smiles. She still clutched her bag tightly and kept her right hand free so her bow could find its rightful place there if need be.
They made their way down the various streets then cut through an alleyway behind an old car dealership. A small house sat behind the dealership with worn out siding and a roof that probably needed to be replaced prior to the world going bl
ack. Ally and Adam ignored the front door, knowing well they had barricaded it from the inside, and instead went to the back and knocked twice. As they stood there waiting for Dena to unlock the door Ally’s eyes fell on the wooden boards covering up the windows. The house was located just on the outskirts of the safe zone and they had done everything they could to block it off from the outside world; still, she knew if someone really wanted to, it wouldn’t take them long to break inside.
Dena opened the door, allowing them inside, where Ally and Adam unloaded their bags. They had traded away most of the items they had found on their long trip here for a few useful items. Medicine, lighters, clothing and a few other useful items. Ally pulled out an old chew toy and threw it to Tiger, who snatched it out of the air and ran over to the corner of the living room to enjoy it.
“Any news?” Dena asked as she sat down on an old raggedy couch. Adam shook his head no. “We don’t have a choice then.”
“They said everyone left that area long ago.”
“I still have to see,” Dena said.
Adam looked to Ally, and she said nothing. They had already talked on the way over and they knew that Dena wouldn’t take no for an answer. Despite all evidence to the contrary Dena continued to believe that somewhere in the depths of the USC ruins her daughter was sitting there waiting for them.
“It’ll be dangerous,” Adam started. “We shouldn’t take Coby there.”
“I have to see it,” Dena said.
Adam’s forehead creased and his jaw clenched. “You want to take your son into a war zone?”
“I’m not staying here. I have to see it. Ally can stay here with Coby.”
Now it was Ally’s turn to get mad. She was more capable of defending herself than Adam and Dena combined and they wanted to leave her behind to babysit? Ally opened her mouth to say something when Adam caught her eye and shook his head no. Ally bit back her anger and got up and stormed out of the room. She made her way to her bedroom in the back and flopped down on the bed. They had washed the sheets and hung them out to dry but they still had a musty scent to them. Still, they were better than nothing. After a few moments Tiger came sauntering in with his chew toy firmly in his mouth. The dog jumped on the bed, dropped the toy and nuzzled into her side. Ally smiled and lay back on the bed, where she fell asleep.
When she woke night had taken over and there were a few streams of moonlight that were able to find their way through the cracks of the boarded up windows reminding her of where she was. Her stomach let out a low rumble, reminding her of what she had forgotten to do. Tiger tilted his head at the sound. Ally got out of bed and carefully made her way out of the room, and when she got to the hallway she could make out the dancing light from a candle coming from the living room. Adam and Coby lay on a mattress on the living room floor while Dena sat at the table staring at the candle’s open flame. She noticed Ally and straightened up.
“Hey Ally, there is some raccoon meat and leftover beans in the kitchen.”
“Raccoon meat?” Ally asked.
“Yeah, from one of the traps you and Adam traded for.”
Ally was used to hunting outside for hours just for the chance to kill enough meat to fill her stomach for a few hours. Waking up and having a plate full of meat just waiting for her was a strange, but great, feeling.
“Want me to heat it up for you?” Dena asked.
“No, I’m okay.”
Ally grabbed the plate from the kitchen and sat down at the table next to Dena. She gave Tiger a piece then took a large bite of her own. The meat only lasted a few minutes between her and Tiger but by the time it was gone her stomach was full and sleep called to her again. Ally started to push herself away from the table when she noticed Dena hadn’t moved an inch. She just continued to sit and stare at the flame. “You okay?” Ally asked.
Dena looked over to her as if she hadn’t been at the table the entire time. “Yes hon, I’m ok.”
Ally didn’t move.
Dena turned her attention away from the girl and stared back at the dancing flame. “I should have known.”
The pause stretched on. “Should have known what?” Ally asked.
“I should have known what he was doing. He was always disappearing and then showing back up with food. I…I suspected it, but I never knew he was hurting people.”
Spence. She was talking about Spence.
“He was a bad person.”
“He wasn’t always,” Dena fought back tears but her resolve gave way and they began to flood down her cheeks. “He was always headstrong but he never would have hurt anyone.”
“He did hurt someone. I saw him do it.”
Dena wiped the tears from her eyes. “It’s my fault. He did it so we could survive.”
“I survived without hurting anyone,” Ally said coldly. “He chose to hurt people to survive. He didn’t have to and you didn’t make him.” Dena nodded her head and went quiet. For a while they sat there watching the candle burn down. Ally’s thoughts turned to what Dena wanted to do. “You know your daughter isn’t at the college anymore.”
Dena’s body stiffened. “We don’t know that.”
“Everyone we talked to said that there is no college. It’s nothing more than a crater.”
“I still have to see it.”
“You’ll risk your life to see a bunch of destroyed buildings?”
Dena slammed her fist down on the table, causing Tiger to jump. “I just need to see it! It’s where I saw her last. You wouldn’t understand.”
“My family is dead.” A cold anger ran through Ally. “Every single person I have ever cared for has been killed and left me all alone.”
A look of shock and realization appeared on Dena’s face but before she could say anything Ally continued.
“I know what it’s like to lose people, but it doesn’t give you the right to put other people in danger.”
Dena put her head in her hands and Ally watched as she wept. Some of the anger slowly melted away but a large portion of it remained. Everyone still alive in the world had lost something or someone. To continue to survive you had to continue to stand even when things got rough, and all Dena wanted to do was lie down.
Dena stopped crying and wiped the tears away. “I know she’s out there.”
“Then Adam and I will keep looking, but there is no point in going to a bunch of destroyed buildings.”
Dena got up from her chair and was on Ally in seconds. The woman squeezed her in a tight hug. “Thank you, Ally. I love you so much.”
Ally squeezed her back as the last of her anger melted away. She wanted to be mad at Dena because the woman wasn’t strong. Ally had learned to be strong and the fact that this woman refused to do the same filled her with rage, but Ally couldn’t hate her. She was just a woman looking for her child.
Ben
The winter was hard.
Ty had broken a few ribs and hadn’t woken up for days, and when he did wake up he wasn’t the same for a while. It took several weeks for him to get his sense of humor back. He and Crimson had been behind the apartment complex when the missile hit. Ty had found some cigarettes and was trying to use them to butter up Crimson. It was the only reason the two were still alive.
While Ty was healing Ghost and Dex were the hunters. Originally the hope was that they would be able to bag a few deer to keep everyone hunger free. After a few days of nothing they had to switch tactics. There was still a huge rat population in New York, rats which were fond of the hard granola provisions that they still had. A few crumbs left out in a handmade trap and they had soup for everyone. Catch a couple in the trap and you have a legit meal for everyone. Ben never thought his mouth would water at the sight of a dead rat. It was amazing how things changed.
Once Ty and Reaper were fully healed they moved around again. They managed to find another supply depot to fill up on rations and extra ammo but the plans to use it never materialized. Reaper still studied his map and had Crimson and Ben scout for local pat
rols but no order was ever given. It soon became clear to Ben that they weren’t fighting back, they were hiding. No one said it but everyone was aware and a feeling of hopelessness underlined everything. Reaper didn’t say much to him, let alone acknowledge their confrontation. Ben didn’t care. He didn’t need the man’s approval; he knew what he had done was right.
The weather warmed up and as the snow melted so did the feeling of hopelessness. Reaper began to finalize plans of attack and fall back points that lined up with more supply depots. Ty had fully returned to his sense of humor and was still desperately trying to get Crimson’s attention and Crimson did everything in her power to make it seem like she was unaware, but she wasn’t.
Ben found himself sitting back in an old storefront staring across the street at a graffiti-covered wall, waiting to see if they were merely going to watch the patrol go by or actually take steps to hit it.
“Yo, B… you put in a good word for me yet?” Ty asked as he leaned back in a nearby chair with his feet up on a table.
“Yep,” Ben said.
Ty sat up quickly, almost falling over. “You serious?”
“Nope.”
Ty threw an old cup at him. It missed wide. “You’re supposed to be my boy, B.” Ben just laughed. “Uh, look, I’m not trying to make things weird or nothing but, uh, I never did thank you for saving my life.”
Ben looked over at Ty and the man was looking off at the far wall, refusing to make eye contact. “Don’t worry about it. You just owe me one, fair enough?”
Ty smiled and glanced toward him several times in quick succession before finally settling back outside. “Yeah, fair enough.” They sat there in silence for a few more minutes. “Sucks about Ohio.”
Nothing was said about Ohio; nothing was said about any of the people that were killed. Reaper wouldn’t allow it. Ben felt bad that his feeling of loss was greater for Ohio than it had been for any of the other soldiers they had lost, but it was true. Ohio had been a part of the world where Ben was still with Mason, a world before they were constantly on the run.