by RC Boldt
She couldn’t afford Prada or Gucci or whatever designer his mother and others had been wearing at the party. And she sure as hell knew those diamonds dripping from his mother’s ears and fingers—seriously, how many diamond rings did a woman really need to wear?—were the real deal. The only way Laney was ever going to get anything with real diamonds were if someone gave her an engagement ring. And that sure as shit wasn’t going to happen because, well, she wasn’t going down that road. Ever.
Staring out the window as Zach drove back to Fernandina Beach, she was grateful for the silence. She had to break this off—whatever this actually was—because they just didn’t … fit. The fact of the matter was, he deserved someone like Katherine, the tall, willowy brunette who looked picture perfect. Hell, you put the current version of Zach sitting beside her and pair him with Katherine, the two could be models for a spread in Town and Country magazine. She certainly wasn’t the type to buy her clothing at a consignment shop. Or Target. God forbid. She probably knew which flatware was supposed to be used and certainly didn’t have to Google it beforehand.
She also couldn’t deny the parallels this had to what had happened back in high school with Rob McManus. An athletic, extremely good looking guy whose family had more money than God. He had chosen the cheerleader whose family had a similarly obscene amount of wealth. Laney hadn’t been enough for Rob back then. It was only a matter of time before Zach realized his mother was right. That he belonged with Katherine. That he belonged with his ‘people’.
Zach pulled the Chevelle into her driveway, parking, and turned off the ignition. They both unbuckled and got out quietly, walking up to her door in continued silence. When she unlocked and opened it, he followed her inside. She slid off her heels and watched as he toed off his loafers. Laney walked through the small house and went out onto the deck to slide into one of the chairs. Zach took the one beside her, both of them gazing out at the ocean.
He was the first to break the silence. “So. That’s the woman who birthed me. Pretty freaking awesome, right?” His attempt at humor fell flat and she turned to see a faraway look in his eyes as he watched the ocean.
“We can’t do this, Zach.” Her tone was hushed.
His head whipped around to stare at her. “What are you talking about?” There was noticeable caution in his tone.
She waved her hand between them. “This. You and me. It’s never going to work.”
He stood up from his chair quickly, tossing his hands in the air. “What the hell does that even mean, Laney?”
Inhaling deeply, she spoke, proud of the way her voice sounded detached. “It means that you and I come from different worlds. That became exceedingly apparent today. I’m just doing us a favor and recognizing it early. This way you can go and find someone else.” She hoped he wouldn’t notice how her voice cracked. “Someone like Katherine.” She forced her gaze to meet his and felt like someone had sucker punched her, the sight of unmistakable pain in his eyes.
“So that’s it? That’s all it takes, huh?” Zach choked out a mirthless laugh, his tone bitter. “One time for you to see how my mother lives and the world I grew up in? The world I want nothing to do with? You get bombarded by my mother and her archaic beliefs that I should be with someone she chooses and that’s it?” Eyes alit with intense anger, he yelled, “I don’t want Katherine, Laney! I want you!”
She stood from her chair, doing her best to maintain a calm quality to her voice. “Look, I’m sorry, but it’s just not going to work. I mean, you and I both know I don’t do relationships. I have fun and that’s it. We’ve had our fun and it’s over.” She shrugged casually. “It’s over,” she repeated quietly.
* * *
He couldn’t believe this was happening. He searched Laney’s features and found nothing, her expression flat, bored even. God, he was a fucking idiot for ever thinking he could manage to get Laney to feel anything for him, let alone love him. He forced out a laugh that sounded strangled, hands sliding into his pockets.
“Right. So that’s it, then?” His jaw was set, eyes flat, emotionless.
“It’s better this way.” She gave a nod as if to affirm it.
He shook his head at her with a weary smile. “You know, I was actually about to tell you I loved you.” A humorless laugh trickled out at the sound of her gasp. “What a fucking mistake that would have been, right?” It was impossible to overlook his caustic tone.
He stepped closer, his gaze canvassing the length of her, as if to memorize the view before him. “I never knew it could hurt so much to lose someone I never had.” His voice was low, heavy with regret. He bent to press a kiss to her forehead. “Good-bye, Laney.”
He had just gotten to the door when he heard her say, “We can go back to being friends.”
Whirling around on her, clearly startling her as he watched her take a step back, his voice was hard. “Really? Because back before we started anything, we were such good friends, right?” His mouth twisted with his sarcastic words. “No, Laney. I can’t go back.”
He stepped toward her, causing her to retreat, her back against the deck railing. “You’re afraid, Laney. Of what, I’m not sure. Maybe you’re afraid of love. But if you’re afraid of love because you’re scared the other person won’t love you in return, you just made a serious error.
“Life is all about risks and sometimes it requires you to jump. I don’t ever want to be the person who looks back and wonders what could have been.” He exhaled slowly before quietly adding, “I jumped, Laney. And now I have my answer.”
Zach walked back to the door to the house, opening it and stepping over the threshold. He couldn’t contain his wince at the sound of the door closing behind him. The sound of finality. The sound of his heart officially breaking. And, with it, the undeniable indication that he needed to move on. Because he was finished fighting for something that was clearly unattainable.
He was finished fighting to win the heart of Laney Kavanaugh.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
JUST OVER TWO WEEKS AFTER that fateful Sunday with Laney, Zach knew what he had to do. That Monday at school entailed making a phone call and cashing in on a favor owed to him. Zach had a tightness in his chest at the weight of the decision he was going to make, but knew that it had to be done. Maybe it was juvenile to some, but it was the only way he was going to be able to even remotely move on.
Move on. That was laughable. There was no fucking way that was happening anytime soon. More like sometime in the next century. Maybe.
It was his lunch break and he had lowered the blind to cover the small window of his classroom door, even going so far as to lock the door itself. He didn’t need anyone to come barging in on his call and spilling the details.
Shortly after he had dialed, he heard the familiar, boisterous voice on the other end. “Zachariah Mayson! To what do I owe the pleasure of this call, my boy? You still enjoying teaching?”
“Hello, Mr. Ainsworth. Yes, sir, I’m definitely enjoying teaching.” He paused, unsure of how to continue. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something … to ask for a possible favor, actually.” He winced at his own awkwardness.
There was silence on the other end. “You must not be enjoying it that much if you’re calling me for a favor,” came the leading statement. Mr. Ainsworth had been a friend of his father’s and had always been a straight shooter. The man had made it no secret that he hadn’t cared for Zach’s mother but had always made time to visit with Zach over the years.
Drawing in a fortifying breath, he forced out the words. “I realize that it’s past the deadline to put in a transfer request, but I wanted to see if it were possible to push one through. To push mine through.”
This time, the silence on the other end lasted far more than a beat before Mr. Ainsworth cautiously asked, “Is there a problem with Pratt?”
Zach needed to immediately shut that idea down. There was definitely not a problem with his principal. “No, sir. Mr. Pratt has been amazing to w
ork for. It has absolutely nothing to do with him. This is purely for personal reasons.”
More silence. Then, “I’ve gotta say this, boy. When you call in to collect on a favor, you make it worthwhile, quite a challenge. Luckily, I’ve got some connections down at a few of the schools near Ponte Vedra Beach and Neptune Beach. Submit your paperwork and write attention Ainsworth on it. I’ll take care of it.”
Letting out a relieved sigh, Zach thanked the man profusely. The older man merely responded with, “No need to thank me. I always told your father I’d look out for you.” He lowered his voice. “He was a good man and I believe you’re very much like him, Zachariah.”
“Thank you, sir. For everything. I appreciate it.”
“Now, remember. If it turns out that you decide this isn’t what you want, I have to know by August first, at the latest.”
“I won’t change my mind, sir.” Zach’s tone was firm.
“All right, then. I’ll be waiting for your paperwork to come across my desk. It was good talking to you. Don’t be a stranger, now, you hear? It’s been too long since we’ve last seen you. My Abigail would love to have you for dinner one night.”
A small smile came across Zach’s face. “Yes, sir. I’d love that.”
“We’ll be in touch.” They ended the call and Zach laid down the phone with a long sigh.
He’d done it. Everything else was just procedure. Mr. Ainsworth was one of the former superintendents and still held a position on the Board of Education. He was one of the few Board members who had teachers’ and students’ interests at heart. Still had his finger on the pulse.
Now, all Zach had to do was fill out the necessary paperwork and submit it through the downtown office. He was going to transfer schools. That was step one in moving on. Next was letting his landlord know he wouldn’t be renewing his lease. Then, once he got word of which school he would be transferred to, he had to find another place to live.
He was getting ready to leave this part of his life behind. Yes, it was going to suck not having all his friends nearby, but he’d make new ones. After some time passed, he’d be able to come up on Saturdays to join them for karaoke. Right now, though, he had to think of himself. He couldn’t take being across the hall from the one woman who had his heart and didn’t want anything to do with it, didn’t want anything to do with him.
He had to move on. And if that meant literally moving to a different house and school, so be it.
* * *
Laney was curious to know what was going on in Zach’s classroom. He never lowered the blind over the small window of his classroom door. Ever. She was past the point of being a creeper as she had been organizing file folders on the part of the counter that just so happened to be near her own door. She watched as Lawson walked up to Zach’s door, turned the door handle, watched as her friend looked at the door oddly when it failed to open. Ah. So Zach had locked it, too. Interesting.
Lawson turned around and Laney wasn’t quick enough to mask her spying. He ambled over to her room, opening the door to slide inside. After he had let the door close behind him, he tossed a thumb in the direction of Zach’s door. “What super secret stuff does your stud muffin have going on?”
She focused on her file folders and mumbled, “He’s not my stud muffin.”
“Ahhhh.”
She cast him a sharp glance. He raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I didn’t say anything. I’m just wondering what he’s got going on that he needs to lock the door and cover the window.”
“I was wondering the same thing,” she muttered.
“Oh, there we go.” Lawson watched through the window as Zach opened his classroom door, propping it with the door stop.
“Gotta run, heartbreaker,” he tossed over his shoulder as he laid a hand on the door handle to leave.
“What makes you think I’m the heartbreaker?” she demanded.
Letting out a sigh, Lawson turned to face her, crossing his arms. “Laney, I love you like a sister. But we all know you have issues with commitment.” He paused, studying her before he continued in a gentler tone. “We all knew you’d break him, Laney. He was all in and you … well, you barely tested the water with your toes.” He shrugged, tossing a glance through the window in the direction of Zach’s room before returning his gaze to her. “I’ve got a feeling something big is happening and, ultimately, it’s because of you. Because you wouldn’t take the leap.”
“But that’s not me!” she cried out, throwing her hands in the air. “Everyone knows that.”
With a pitying look, he said, “Yeah, we all know that. But that guy over there,” he gestured in Zach’s direction, “that guy wanted to believe differently. He gambled and lost.”
Without another word, Lawson turned and exited her classroom, leaving her with his words in the wake. Words that confused her, made her feel conflicted, made her wonder.
Words that left her feeling more unsettled, more troubled than ever before.
CHAPTER FORTY
IT HAD BEEN OVER THREE weeks since that fateful Sunday she had ended things with Zach. Her life had felt overcast since then, like she had been merely going through the motions. Finally, the others in her yoga class had stopped asking when Zach would be in attendance, again. She certainly hadn’t approached him to try and talk to him. He’d made it clear from what he had said that Sunday and with how he acted at work.
He was done.
He didn’t make any attempts to annoy her, to pick at her, instigate an argument like he had always done in the past. That, in itself, drove the message home. She wasn’t even worth his time to harass anymore. Never would she have thought she’d be upset about Zach not getting on her nerves by saying something obnoxious.
Sure, he was civil to her, spoke to her when absolutely necessary. But it was clear that he took advantage of opportunities when he didn’t actually have to talk to her. He emailed her lesson plans, communicated through that method. There definitely weren’t any random lunches together.
Laney finally had to admit a few things. She missed his former obnoxiousness. She missed him using bogus excuses to have lunch with her at school, saying that the place had “accidentally” made a veggie sandwich. Missed going to yoga class with him and catching him checking out her ass during her ‘downward dog’ pose. She missed surf lessons, especially when he pulled her in for a kiss as a reward for catching a wave or having good form.
Plain and simple, she just missed him.
“Laney Natalia Kavanaugh! I need you in here, please,” her mother called from in the kitchen.
She let out a tiny groan at hearing her full name being called. That only meant one thing.
She was in trouble.
Dragging her heels like a little kid called to the principal’s office, she entered the kitchen to see her mother standing over a large sauce pot, stirring it.
“Yes, ma’am?” she asked with dread.
Her mother set the wooden spoon on the holder before turning to face her, wiping her hands on her apron. Tilting her head to look at her, she raised a brow.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean, what happened?” she asked her mother slowly, not understanding the question. “I was setting the table for Sunday dinner. Like usual.”
Her mother made a tsking noise. “You know what I mean. What happened with you and Zachariah?”
Letting out a long sigh and looking away, Laney’s voice was subdued. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Her mother pointed a finger at her, accusingly. “I didn’t ask if you wanted to talk about it. I asked what happened.” Hands on her hips, she persisted. “What did you do?”
Laney threw her hands in the air, exasperated. “Why does it have to be what I did? Why couldn’t you believe that maybe it was him?”
“Because anyone with eyes could tell that boy is in love with you! Has been for quite some time,” her mother shot back without missing a beat.
When she stared in
shock, her mother gave her a pitying look. “Oh, Laney.” She reached her hands out, taking her daughter’s hands in her own.
“Honey, listen to me. Your father made a choice to leave us. It was his choice; nothing that we did caused it. He didn’t want to be tied down with a family, thought he was better than that.” Taking a deep breath before continuing, her mother’s eyes held immense sadness when they gazed up at her. “In no way does that reflect upon you or your brother. If that’s what’s been holding you back from love …” Her mother’s voice trailed off, as she appeared to be at a loss for words.
“Ma, I’m just … I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to set myself up for him leaving. For the day when he’s just over it—over me—so I ended it before that could happen.” Laney’s voice sounded frail even to her own ears. “We come from different worlds and he needs someone more. Someone better …”
Frowning, her mother shook her head. “Oh, Laney. Worrying doesn’t stop bad things from happening in your life. All that does is prevent you from enjoying the good things. If you don’t ever put yourself out there, ever take that leap, you’ll never be able to experience the joy of love.” Her lips rolled in as she chose her words carefully. “I loved your father very much. I don’t regret loving him even with the way things turned out. I experienced a great love, even if it was brief, and I got you and your brother.” Her eyes lit up and her lips curved into a smile. “As far as I’m concerned, it was well worth it.”
With a fierceness only a mother can have, she continued, “Laney Natalia, you’d better not ever speak about not being enough for Zachariah—or anyone—ever again. You’re grasping at straws. Letting fear lead you.
“I know deep down that you’re going to regret going through life always playing it safe. If you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never experience the joy that’s possible when you have love in your life.” Her mother pulled her close to hold her, running a hand over her back in a soothing manner. “You have to take the leap,” she whispered.