“That’s easy. He wanted to see how things are going for you and Perry. Don’t tell anyone, but I think Christopher sometimes misses him, even if he claimed that his cousin didn’t let him enjoy life enough.”
Her lips curled up. “I think Perry misses Christopher, too.”
“They’re such an odd pair. Perry is serious while Christopher’s whimsical.”
“Perry is serious, but he doesn’t always seem to be that way.”
“Oh, he isn’t, and Christopher isn’t always whimsical.” With a chuckle, she added, “When we got out of the carriage, Perry told Christopher he was glad to see us and gave Christopher a hug. I almost burst out laughing but that would have only embarrassed Christopher so I managed to hold it in. That was the first time I’ve seen Perry put Christopher off guard. Usually, Christopher is the one who shocks Perry.”
“It sounds like Perry’s figured out a way to not let Christopher bother him.”
“I think you’re right.”
Her tension easing, Paula tasted the soup. Maybe tonight, she wouldn’t go to bed hungry. But she still had to face Perry. She had to do it before Stewart asked for the two-hundred pounds. Perry had to say no because if he didn’t, Stewart would only keep coming back, and she owed it to Perry to make sure that never happened. But first she’d eat. Then she’d figure out what to do next.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Christopher pulled Perry aside before they followed Stewart into the drawing room. “You are aware that he’s not your friend?” He nodded toward Stewart who poured some brandy into his glass.
“I’m well aware of that,” Perry whispered.
“I mean, he doesn’t have your best interest in mind.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Then why is he here?”
“Because I need to help Paula.”
“With what?”
“I don’t know yet. Now, come in before he gets suspicious.” Perry used his cane to move the door open a little further then stepped into the room. “Hopefully, the ladies will join us soon.”
Stewart sat in a chair and let out a contented sigh. “I’m not a lady, so I have no idea how long they take to do anything.”
Christopher sat in another chair. “But you have a sister. Certainly, you had to wait for her at some point.”
“Paula always did her thing and I did mine.”
“Didn’t you eat your meals together?”
“Most of the time, I didn’t eat at home.”
Perry sat on the settee and glanced at the doorway. If Paula chose to come down tonight, he’d like to sit beside her.
“Are you saying you weren’t interested enough in your sister to want to share some meals with her?” Christopher asked.
“Christopher,” Perry warned, still gripping his cane. “It’s not our business what Stewart did with his time.”
“Oh, I don’t mind the questions,” Stewart told Perry. “When my mother died, I made it my duty to find Paula a suitable husband. In doing so, I spent a lot of time talking to gentlemen to get an idea of who would make a good match.”
“And you chose that repugnant Duke of Leavenshire?” Christopher asked.
Noting the disgust in his cousin’s voice, Perry said, “That doesn’t matter at this point. I married her.”
“A fact which didn’t make Stewart happy at the time,” Christopher added.
“Only because I wasn’t sure she’d be provided for,” Stewart said. “I wanted to make sure that all of her needs were taken care of.”
“Somehow I don’t believe—”
“She married me and all of her needs are met,” Perry told Christopher. “End of discussion.”
Though Christopher gave a slight shake of his head, he remained silent, something Perry was thankful for. So Christopher could keep his mouth shut if he tried.
After an awkward silence, Perry asked his cousin, “How was your trip out here?”
“Horrible,” Christopher replied.
When he didn’t elaborate, he pressed, “Did your carriage get stuck?”
“No. That would have only been frustrating.”
“Is the carriage in poor condition? I don’t mind pitching in for a new one if Agatha had a rough ride.”
“No, it’s nothing like that. The carriage is fine. Actually, it’s not worth discussing. Can we talk about something else?”
“It’s nice to know that when I’m not around, you complain about me,” Agatha said from the doorway.
At once, Christopher jumped out of his chair and turned to her. “My dear Agatha, I didn’t hear you.”
“No, I venture not since our ride together was such a horrible experience.”
He let out an uneasy laugh and glanced at Perry and Stewart. “I didn’t say horrible.”
“Really? I distinctly recall hearing the word ‘horrible’ as I was coming down the hall.”
With a groan, Christopher took her hand and pressed it to his heart. “I wasn’t talking about you. You are the shining star in my life, my very reason for waking up in the morning.”
“As poetic as that sounds, Christopher,” Perry interjected when it occurred to him that his cousin was only going to dig himself further into a hole if he continued, “may I suggest that after a long day of traveling, you should get a good night’s sleep? You can go to your old bedchamber. I believe you know the way.”
“Wonderful idea, Perry.”
As Christopher hauled an arguing Agatha down the hall, it suddenly dawned on him why Christopher had claimed the carriage ride was horrible. He grimaced. Had he known it had to do with his cousin’s primal urges, he would never have asked the question.
“I suppose it’s just you and me again,” Stewart said. “I feel lucky tonight. I might be an actual challenge to you if we play chess.”
With another glance at the doorway, Perry realized Paula wasn’t going to come down. He had hoped with Christopher and Agatha here, she would feel comfortable enough to join them. But that was moot since he made the stupid suggestion they go to bed early. Had Christopher not been confronting Stewart so aggressively, he wouldn’t have thought of it.
Forcing a polite smile, Perry rose to his feet. “Are you sure you aren’t bored of the game yet?”
Shaking his head, he stood up and sipped some brandy. “No. I could play the game all day and never get bored.”
Perry doubted that. And though he never thought it possible, he was beginning to tire of the game himself. But since he suspected this was the evening Stewart would be asking him for money after hinting at it for a week, he figured a relaxing game of chess was in order. “Follow me and we’ll see if you get closer to winning tonight.”
***
Maybe eating dinner was a bad idea. Even if Paula only ate soup and some bread, her stomach was heavy. It was the impending conversation she needed to have with Perry that was responsible for it, not the food itself. Knowing this did little to quell the wave of nausea that came over her as she opened her bedchamber door. She swallowed and stepped into the hallway.
She could do this.
She had to do this.
With a soft click, she shut the bedroom door and faced the stairs. She closed her eyes and steeled her resolve. She would find Perry and ask to speak with him alone. She’d be discrete. Whatever the outcome, she would not do anything to embarrass him. She opened her eyes and wiped a tear from her cheek. Maybe she could talk him into having the conversation in the dark. The last thing she wanted was to see disappointment in his eyes when he realized she wasn’t the virgin he thought he married.
Forcing her feet forward, she thought over all the ways she might tell him. She struggled to find the best angle to go with, but no matter how she worded it, nothing sounded right. She was just going to have to tell it as simply as possible and be done with it. Her mother was right. It was best to take the medicine fast and get it over with.
When she made it to the bottom of the steps, she almost turned around and ran back up but reminded herself she
needed to do this. She proceeded down the hall, her slippers soft on the floor. From the den, she heard familiar voices. One was her brother’s. The other voice was Perry’s. Her steps slowed. She swore the sudden beating in her heart was going to make her faint.
Clasping her hands in front of her, she entered the room. Neither gentleman noticed her. Their attention was on the chessboard in front of them. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.
As she opened her mouth, Perry told Stewart, “I can give you two-hundred pounds.”
“I know, it’s a lot to ask,” her brother replied, looking relieved, “and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t absolutely necessary—”
“It’s not necessary,” she blurted out before she had time to think. This wasn’t how she planned her talk with Perry. But when both gentlemen turned their gazes in her direction, she couldn’t undo her bold action. With far more bravado than she felt, she stepped forward so they could get a better look at her in the candlelight. “I can’t let you do it, Stewart. It’s not right.” Ignoring the dark scowl on her brother’s face, she made eye contact with her husband. “I’m sorry.”
“What is this about?” Perry asked as he retrieved his cane and stood up.
“Paula,” her brother said, a slight warning underlying the pleasant tone in his voice.
“No,” she told her brother. “I’m going to tell him.” She paused. “Everything.”
“Don’t be a fool.”
Perry approached her. “Let her speak.”
She glanced at her brother who narrowed his eyes.
“Do you need to speak with me in private?” Perry asked in that all-too-familiar gentle way of his.
She couldn’t look directly at him. “No. Stewart knows everything already.”
“And you wish him to be here?”
No, not really. But she needed to expose him for the person he really was, and it was easier to do that if he was in the room. She nodded.
“Wait for just a moment.” Perry went to the door and shut it before he returned to her. “What is it, Paula?”
She had to do this. There was no backing out. “I…um…I’m not the person you think I am.”
“What do you mean?”
“She means she was Lord Holloway’s mistress before she met you,” Stewart snapped.
Her cheeks warmed. “I was never his mistress.”
“But you slept with him without being his wife, and he gave you money.”
“It wasn’t like that. Exactly.” Unable to look at Perry, she focused on her hands. “When I first met him, he came to the cottage my mother and I lived in because his carriage broke down and he and his coachman needed a place to rest. As a way to thank us for our hospitality, he gave us some money.”
“And he kept coming back to enjoy your bed,” Stewart growled.
“Let her tell this,” Perry ordered. In a softer tone, he said, “Go on.”
“He found out about Stewart when he returned to London. Stewart’s always had money. Father was well-to-do. Stewart was supposed to provide for Mother and me, but we barely had enough to live on. Lord Holloway felt sorry for us. He came out to give us extra money. And,” she forced out, “in time, things of a more personal nature developed between us. It happened so fast. None of it was planned.”
“So what happened?”
“I didn’t have any money I could bring into a marriage so he married someone else.” She swallowed and blinked back her tears. “I’m not proud of my past. I wish I had come to you untouched by another gentleman. You deserved that.”
He set his cane by a nearby chair and closed the gap between them. “Now it makes sense. All those times you asked me if I loved you…”
Cupping her face in his hands, he tilted her head up so she had to look at him. Instead of the condemnation she expected to see in his eyes, she saw tenderness. And it was that tenderness that made her break down and cry. He pulled her into his arms and let her lean on his strength.
Perry looked at her brother. “I gather you threatened to tell me about Lord Holloway if she didn’t give you my inkwell and twenty pounds?”
“It was fifty, but I sold my necklace to make up for thirty of it,” she spoke up, knowing full well her brother would never disclose the details.
“I don’t need to stick around for this,” Stewart muttered as he jumped up.
“No, you certainly don’t,” Perry replied, his voice uncharacteristically sharp. He released her and limped over to him. “I’ll have the butler see you and your coachman off within the hour. And in case you think of using someone else in the same way you used Paula, I’m going to make sure all of London knows exactly what kind of gentleman you are.”
“You don’t have that kind of influence.”
“No, I don’t. But I know someone who does. Life is going to get awfully uncomfortable for you when you return home.” After Stewart stormed out of the room, he pulled the cord to call the butler. “You don’t need to worry about him,” he told her. “He won’t be causing problems for you anymore.”
“You…you’re not disappointed in me?” she hesitantly asked.
“No, I’m not disappointed. Paula, I keep telling you that there’s nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.”
He collected her into his arms. Relieved, she collapsed against him. It was over. Now she didn’t have her past overshadowing her life with him. Finally, she was free. Truly and completely free.
Chapter Twenty-Six
After Stewart left the manor, Perry was exhausted. The day had been a long and trying one, but it was over and Stewart would no longer be a problem. He had expected Stewart to reveal something, but it had been Paula who broke under the strain of the past week and told him the truth. And in so doing, he saw just how much her past tormented her. The last thing she needed was more condemnation. What she needed most was to put the past behind her and proceed into the future with a fresh start.
“I’m sorry I put you through this past week,” he whispered as he led her to her bedchamber.
“You didn’t put me through anything. I did it to myself by letting my brother control me.”
“You were scared. No one can blame you for what you did.”
They stepped into her bedchamber, and she turned to face him. “Perry, I tried to get the inkwell back but he wouldn’t let me and then I paid someone to make another one just like it—”
He closed the gap between them and pressed his fingers to her lips. “The past is the past. You can’t change it. And to be honest, I’m not interested in your past. I’m interested in your future.”
She clasped her hand around his and kissed his fingers. “You have my future, Perry. There’ll never be anyone but you.”
“I know. And I won’t have anyone but you either.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. After they undressed, he thought he’d do something playful and picked her up in his arms. As he hoped, she giggled in delight. The mood lightened considerably, something that was a great relief after the strain of the past week. Grinning, he carried her to the bed, hardly noticing his limp as he did so. It was funny how he used to be so self-conscious about it, but when he was with her, it was like he didn’t have one. She accepted him—all of him. He didn’t have to be someone else when he was with her. He could be who he was, flaws and all. And better yet, now she was free to be herself as well.
When he settled beside her on the bed, he took a moment to inspect her in the candlelight. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, venturing to trace her soft skin with his fingertips, starting at the base of her neck then settling over one of her breasts.
Her gaze met his and she rubbed his back in gentle circular motions. “Make love to me, Perry,” she whispered.
He leaned forward and kissed her. She responded to him, parting her lips to accept him into her mouth. His fingers resumed their exploration of her breasts, first spending time on one then going to the other. She seemed to especially like it when he traced the area ar
ound her nipples until they grew hard. On impulse, he lightly squeezed her nipple which made her moan.
“You like that?” he asked, his voice soft in the quiet room.
“I like everything you do,” she replied.
“But I might not be good at what I’m doing.” He hadn’t meant to voice that thought aloud, but it slipped out and immediately, he wished he could take it back. There was nothing that said inadequate like a gentleman who said such a statement.
She shifted so that she could face him. “There’s a difference between making love to a lady and having a meaningless dalliance with her in bed. You make love to me.”
Considering her experience with Lord Holloway, he had no doubt she was right.
She cupped the back of his neck and pulled him to her so that his mouth met hers. Relaxing, he decided he wouldn’t stress the book so much. Sure, it had given him some ideas of what he could do, but in the end, what mattered most was that she knew that this act meant everything to him. He wasn’t going to run off and leave her. He was going to remain with her. She was the only lady he’d take to bed, and that was really what she longed for.
When their kiss ended, he brought his mouth to her nipple and traced it with his tongue. He was rewarded with a contented sigh. He continued to caress her breasts, taking his time to fully enjoy her.
At one point, she guided his hand to the dark curls between her legs. “I need you to touch me here,” she whispered, slightly out of breath.
She slid two of his fingers into her and moved his thumb so that it was over a small nub. She proceeded to demonstrate how he could best increase her pleasure by rubbing her nub in circular motions. Then she rocked her hips in a gentle rhythm. It didn’t occur to him right away that the book had suggested this very thing. As much as it pained him, he supposed he should have read the thing sooner…though he’d never let Christopher know that.
Recalling something else the book suggested, he moved lower down her body and repositioned himself so that his mouth was over her sensitive nub. The book had claimed that either his hand or his tongue was sufficient for maximizing a lady’s pleasure, but he was now curious about the difference and was rewarded with a sharp gasp when his tongue touched that part of her. As he continued his ministrations, her moaning grew louder and her fingers dug into his shoulders.
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