by Janet Dailey
Her nightdress lay on the floor beside the bed. Lainie reached down and picked it up, examining the torn armhole and the ripped seams. A misty veil clouded her as she heard again Rad's husky voice as he nuzzled her earlobes, demanding, "Love me." It was an unnecessary order, since she already loved him more than she had ever thought possible. The torn nightdress was pressed to her lips while tears trickled down her cheeks.
"I didn't mean to wake you."
Rad stood in the doorway, a blue towel wrapped around his waist. Lainie turned quickly away from him, her blurred vision blocking out the way his eyes glittered darkly over her tear stained cheeks.
"You didn't. Or at least, it was the shower. I'm not used to sleeping late in the morning anyway." The words rushed out to hide the disturbance of her heartbeat at the sight of his sparsely clad body. She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "If you're through, I think I'll take a shower."
Lainie attempted to scurry past him, but his hand shot out and grabbed the already bruised portion of her arm. A cry was unwillingly torn from her lips at the pain. Rad pulled the front of her robe open, pushing it over her shoulder to reveal the purpling mark. Lainie kept her lowered head turned away, knowing how hungrily her love starved eyes would devour his face if she looked at him. He let her go abruptly, taking the nightdress from her clutching fingers, glancing briefly at the ragged tears before wadding it up and tossing it onto the bed with suppressed violence.
"I didn't mean that to happen," he growled.
Lainie pulled the green robe tightly around her neck, feeling a terrible coldness settling over her.
"Don't. Don't say any more," she begged softly. She loved him so desperately.
His fingers curled around her neck and his thumbs pushed her chin up so he could see her face. Her lashes were meshed together in tear wet spikes that remained lowered over her hazel eyes.
"You said yesterday that I couldn't protect you from myself, but I will." His fingers tightened momentarily around her neck and just as quickly let her go. He turned briskly away from her. "There will not be a repetition of what happened last night."
"Rad, please-" The cry for him to reconsider was torn from her heart. Lainie didn't want to be denied those rapturous moments in his arms, the only times that she was the center of his world. It didn't matter what his reasons were for having her there.
"I'm not letting you go!" Rad exploded, misunderstanding the beginning of her cry. "The rest of our bargain stands."
"Why?" Lainie moaned helplessly.
"Because it amuses me," he laughed bitterly.
The hateful sound echoed in her cars as she fled to the adjoining bathroom and let the hot tears of shame and despair wash down her cheeks.
Chapter Fourteen
"DARLING, I'VE BEEN expecting you." Her mother's lips brushed Lainie's cheek in greeting. "You just missed Lawrence. He was here a minute ago."
"No, I didn't. I ran into Doctor Henderson in the hall." Lainie smiled. "You're certainly looking better."
"I've slept the night through without an ounce of pain," Mrs. Simmons beamed cheerfully. "A good night's rest does wonders."
"You're certainly looking better," Lainie repeated unconsciously, a terrible awkwardness taking hold of her.
"You already said that, Lainie." Her mother's laughter was like the clear, tinkling sound of a bell that was pleasing to the ear.
"I imagine it's because I'm so pleased that you do," Lainie recovered quickly.
"You really caused quite a stir around the hospital yesterday morning, didn't you?" her mother teased. A questioningly apprehensive look clouded Lainie's face. "I overheard the nurses talking about this incredibly handsome, fair-haired man who was running himself ragged trying to find you."
"That was Lee, I imagine. He was here yesterday." Her mother's clear blue eyes still had the ability to make her feel like a child, only telling half the story.
"You had the nurses green with envy, especially when Lee left alone and you left with a dark-haired man. I believe he was described as being devastatingly attractive by one nurse and elegant by another."
Lainie breathed in deeply, preparing to blurt out the entire story.
"I notice you're wearing your wedding ring again," her mother commented, watching as Lainie lightly touched the gold Florentine band as if it were a talisman. "Which would mean that man was Rad."
"Yes, it was." Her hair was flung back over her shoulder with a quick toss of her head as Lainie braced herself to meet her mother's eyes squarely.
"You've seen him several times in the last few months, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"I thought something was bothering you, but I was too concerned with myself to care." There was a faint smile on her mother's lips. "But then I've spent most of my life with selfish thoughts."
"Do you mean that you don't object that I've gone back to Rad?" Lainie had expected a storm of protests and recriminations from her mother at her actions. This calm acceptance was something of a surprise.
"No," her mother sighed, for the first time breaking her gaze away from Lainie's face. "I think I'm glad."
"But I thought you never liked him?"
"I don't think I did. He isn't the type to stand for an interfering mother-in-law." Her mother leaned back against the pillow, gazing upward to the ceiling. "When you were first married, you were so happy and so radiant. Rad was the center of your world. Suddenly I didn't seem to matter anymore and I hated him for that. I remember your father used to take my hand and recite that nice old verse: 'My son's my son till he takes him a wife, but my daughter's my daughter the rest of her life.' He would assure me that Rad would soon have our house filled with grandchildren." Her eyes turned apologetically toward Lainie. "But I knew, the few times that your father brought up the subject in front of you and I watched you glance apprehensively at Rad, that I'd poisoned your mind in that direction."
Lainie lowered her head, not wanting to admit to her mother how much damage her advice had done.
"When you finally left him, I was glad. I thought I would have my baby girl back, but you ran off to Colorado Springs instead. Was I the reason? Did the things I said to you before you were married-were they the reason you left him?"
"They contributed, mother. They made me lose my trust in him. They weren't the cause, though, because they were things that could have been overcome. It was something entirely different," Lainie answered truthfully, knowing the discovery that Rad didn't love her was the real reason she had fled from him. She blinked at the tears gathering in her eyes. "I wish we could have talked like this before."
"So do I. But I was never a very good mother. I'm not a very good one now, because ... Lainie, you didn't go back to him because of all the money we owe? You do still love him?"
"Yes, I love him very much." Her voice was choked by the terrible pain in her heart that knew how futile her love was. Lainie didn't resist as her mother drew her to her breast where she could cry away some of the ache.
Chapter Fifteen
HER HIGH-TOPPED, fur-trimmed boots picked their way through the slush near the edge of the pavement. White petal flakes of snow swirled lazily down onto the concrete pavement, while the leaden gray sky promised more than just a flurry. Lainie clutched the white-hooded parka around her neck as the dancing cold wind bit into her cheeks. Already shop windows were filled with Christmas decorations.
For Lainie, there was such irony in the gratitude she felt in this holiday celebration. Her mother's improvement had astonished the doctors, leading them to suggest that the treatments might have temporarily arrested the disease. Yet much of her mother's happiness was based on the belief that her daughter had at last found happiness. Her mother had confided that she had believed she had been the cause of their first breakup; and that their reconciliation was the greatest gift Lainie could have given her. With that knowledge, there was no way that Lainie could allow her mother to discover that her relationship with Rad was anything but perfect.
Rad had kept his w
ord. He had left Lainie strictly alone. Mrs. Dudley had been instructed to remove his clothes to the guest bedroom, which did little to improve the strained relationship between Lainie and the housekeeper. Rad and Lainie still had their evening meals together, and there were no more late-night visits from Sondra, but a remoteness settled over their conversations that precluded even the opportunity for barbed exchanges.
There were many cocktail parties and business dinners, as Rad had told her, most of them taking place on the weekends. Like everything else, these parties were a mixed blessing. They took up time and allowed Lainie to be near Rad, but never alone with him.
Tonight was the occasion for another party, and Lainie had purchased a dress she had intended to wear that evening. There were some alterations to be done and it was to be ready this afternoon, which was the reason she had come into town.
A familiar voice pierced through the din of bustling traffic. Lainie glanced around and saw Lee Walters taking his leave of another man. She hesitated, debating whether to hurry by as if she hadn't seen him, but that opportunity was taken from her as Lee sighted her.
He walked toward her slowly, each of them murmuring a quiet greeting as he took her hands and drew her toward the sheltered opening of a shop front. His blue eyes studied her face hungrily.
"I've missed you," he said simply. "A thousand times I've picked up the telephone to call you before I remembered I had no right."
"You probably wouldn't have reached me. Between visiting my mother and attending various functions with Rad, I haven't been home much." Under the warmth of his charming smile and with snowflakes leaving white stars on his fair hair, Lainie realized how easy it was to be drawn into the undemanding affection of Lee-a situation she must avoid.
"Are you happy with Rad?"
"Life doesn't allow you to be happy all of the time. But most of the time I'm content, yes," Lainie answered truthfully. She was with Rad, his wife, and that was all she asked right now. "And you? How are things going with you?"
"My old man is slowly admitting that I do know something about business." There was no bitterness in his voice, only amused acceptance of what he couldn't change.
"You never have objected to working your way up, have you?"
"Occasionally after all, I am human," Lee replied, smiling. "But I appreciate the lessons I've learned, too. Where are you going now? Could I buy you a drink, or a cup of coffee or something?"
Lainie pushed back her coat sleeve and glanced at the dainty watch on her wrist. "I'm afraid I don't have time. I have a dress to pick up that's being altered, then I have to dash home and get ready for another party at the Fredricksons' tonight."
"The Fredricksons?" Lee's face broke into a beaming smile. "I've been invited, too. That means I'll be seeing you again tonight."
"Yes, we'll be there." Lainie's deliberately placed emphasis on the "we" didn't cause the adoration in Lee's eyes to flicker.
He leaned down and brushed her cheek with a kiss, a boyish expression of shy delight lighting his face. Lainie lifted her hand in a goodbye wave as he walked away, then turned to retrace her steps to the department store. But as she turned she looked into a pair of green eyes glittering with smug triumph. Sondra was standing only a few feet away and had witnessed and heard Lainie's meeting with Lee. The girl stepped forward, her mouth opening to speak, as Lainie hurried past her.
Chapter Sixteen
LAINIE CAREFULLY SLIPPED the boldly colored apricot dress over her head. The dress was an excellent choice, its simply cut lines accenting her slim figure while the bright color enriched the highlights in her thick hair. As she smoothed the skirt over her thighs, she took pleasure in her own reflection. The superbly cut V neckline in the front made the dress appear modestly prim, but the plunging V neckline at the back made it appear daring. She put her hands behind her to zip up the back, only to feel the material catch in the zipper.
With a brief exclamation of disgust, she attempted to free it. The material was firmly caught and no amount of contortion could free it. Sighing heavily, she stepped out of the bedroom, calling for the housekeeper to come to her aid.
"She's busy just now. What was it you wanted?" Rad's sharp voice hatted her footsteps.
"I didn't know you were home. You're early." He had caught her off guard and her surprise was evident in her expression.
"What did you want with Mrs. Dudley?"
"My dress-the zipper is stuck."
"I believe husbands can take care of minor details like that." The mockery in his voice was accompanied by a quirk of his eyebrow.
There was no way Lainie could deny his help. Her heart pounded in her ears and the blood rushed with surging warmth to her face. The fiery touch of his fingers against her bare back as he expertly worked the material free of the zipper turned her legs into quivering jelly. She yearned for him to put his arms around her waist and draw her back against the muscular hardness of his body. But as soon as the zipper was free, he zipped it to the top and secured the clasp. Then Rad moved away from her to the fireplace mantel where his drink awaited him.
"That dress is very attractive on you. Is it new?" he asked.
"Yes," Lainie murmured, secretly pleased that he had spared her a rare compliment.
"Is that what you planned to wear to the Fredricksons' tonight?"
Lainie's head lifted sharply at his extra emphasis on the word planned.
"Yes."
"Did you buy it specially for this party?"
Was she under attack? Lainie couldn't quite tell. His voice was almost too indifferent. "I bought it because my wardrobe is still limited. Isn't it suitable for tonight?"
"Yes, it's very suitable. It's too bad Walters won't be able to see you wearing it." This time the fire in his eyes glittered through his mask of cool indifference.
"Do you mean we're not going to the party tonight?" The trembling weakness left her, chased away by the anger growing inside her at his groundless implications.
"Does that disappoint you?" Rad sneered. "It certainly interferes with your plans to meet Walters this evening."
"What lies has Sondra been telling you? I accidentally met Lee in town this afternoon-I was going to pick up this dress from the dressmaker. I mentioned to him that we were going to the party at the Fredricksons' and he said he would see me there. I have no control over what Sondra may have read into it. Besides, you told me yourself this morning that we were going."
"Our plans have been changed," Rad insisted.
"Well, it's certainly decent of you to let me know," Lainie retorted.
"I hardly had the opportunity, seeing that you've been gone all day." His voice was sharp, cutting off her indignant response. "I decided this morning that we would spend the weekend in Vail."
"Vail? Skiing?"
"Yes, I planned on getting some skiing in while we were there, but I have a construction project there that I want to check on, as well. We'll be leaving first thing in the morning."
Lainie hated it when he used that domineering tone on her.
"That doesn't explain why we aren't going to the party tonight."
The corner of Rad's mouth twitched involuntarily-Lainie couldn't tell whether it was in mockery or anger.
"I presumed you would need time to pack. And since you'll be away for a holiday, I thought you might want to contact your mother." Sarcasm convinced her that the twisted smile had been brought about by his irritation with her.
A hysterical bubble of laughter threatened to choke her throat. What had she thought? That Rad was jealous of Lee? To be jealous Rad would have to have some feeling toward her, but it was obvious that he didn't.
"If this is a business trip, then why are you taking me?" Childishly Lainie attempted to strike back.
"I thought it might be a diversion for you." Rad's smile held, cynical amusement. "You can go or stay, whichever you want. It really won't make any difference to me."
A defeated dullness clouded her eyes. Lainie knew she shouldn't hav
e expected any avowal from Rad that he wanted her with him.
"Where will we be staying?" she asked.
"Why?"
"I just wondered... I thought. . . Her eyes took on a pleading look. "Isn't the cabin somewhere near Vail?"
"What cabin?"
Some words effectively close the door on further conversation and snap the tiny threads of hope. Rad's question was one of them. Lainie shrugged uselessly and retreated to her bedroom.
Chapter Seventeen
WITH THE RISING of the sun, the snow had ended. All around was the evidence of its fall. Everything was covered with a fresh blanket, pure and white and glistening under the brilliant rays. Here and there puffs of wind danced teasingly over the powdery crystals, sending them swirling in the air only to drift back to their heavier companion flakes on the ground. Branches of the quaking aspen, barren of leaves, were dressed in a wintry glaze of hoary white while heavy white garlands adorned the evergreen branches of the conifers.
A sign poked its head out of a snowdrift made larger by the deposits of a snowplow. A cap of white snow dipped down, attempting to conceal the words Loveland Pass. Ahead was the flashing caution light of a snowplow patrolling the cleared road. The white Mercedes edged into the next lane, giving the yellow monster a wide berth as it passed. For a moment they were enshrouded by its steamy breath and the whirl and flurry of snow before bursting through. The concrete path of the four-lane divided highway stretched out in front of them, briefly revealing its route. As they began their descent, snow-covered outcroppings rose above them, snow clinging tenaciously to the boulders, falling away in places to reveal almost perpendicular rock faces. Ten miles or so farther on was the engineering feat called the Eisenhower Memorial Tunnel, its iron gray entrance leading to the other side of the mountain.
The chilling atmosphere in the car had nothing to do with the freezing temperature outside. Lainie wished that the serenity and peace of the wintry landscape before them would somehow transfer itself to her and Rad. When they had first left Denver, she had attempted conventional conversation, but his brisk replies had left her with the impression that Rad had regretted inviting her to accompany him. She couldn't keep her gaze from straying to his dark profile, its bleak coldness intensified by the winter scene outside the windows.