by Shea Malloy
But the truth still leaves me.
“I saved his life.”
I watch as she adds everything up in her head. The attack on Theron’s life that Ronan mentioned at Shihong’s execution. The one her father was wrongfully condemned for. I see the way she looks at me. I see the word in her eyes before it’s formed on her lips.
“Traitor,” she spits. “You’ve not only helped the enemy against your own people, you’re sleeping with him too.” She vibrates with rage. “I’m going to kill Ronan and Aphat for taking my father’s life. I’m especially going to make sure your lover is dead too.”
“Xia, doing something like that—”
“Is everything all right here?” comes Eyin’s concerned voice. She frowns at Xia. Did she hear her threats?
Xia doesn’t answer. She shoves me out of her way and storms out of the infirmary.
Standing beside the bed of the patient Xia treated, I stare at the cloth she abandoned on the floor. I feel as limp and wrung out as that cloth.
I’m going to be one of the most hated individuals in the Andrak once Xia has told the other humans what I’ve done. Maybe even more hated than Aphat, Ronan and Theron combined.
“I can’t stay here.” I didn’t mean to speak the words out loud. Caught up in my self-pity, I forget that Eyin is still close enough to hear me.
“Where will you go if you were to leave?” she asks softly.
“Far away,” I say, looking up at her. “Far, far away from here.”
She gives a short nod as if my answer is sufficient. She moves closer and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“I will come for you tonight. Be ready.” Then she pulls away from me with a smile while my open lips are still parted from shock. “Now let’s get to work healing our patients.”
What I lack significantly in medical experience, Eyin makes up for it with patience as she guides me. It is evident how much she loves her work. I find myself as envious of her passion as I am amazed by the things she can do.
After the abysmal encounters I had with Theron and Xia, I didn’t expect to find any joy in this day, but there is something deeply satisfying and rewarding helping the patients in the infirmary.
All my life, all I knew was baking. I didn’t have a talent for it like Ikkon did. I became good at it through years of practice. I never envisioned any grand career for myself because humans aren’t afforded that luxury.
I was content with the knowledge that I would spend the rest of my years at the bakery. It never even entered my mind that someday Ikkon wouldn’t be around to be my guardian. That the bakery wouldn’t always be my home.
But working with Eyin opens my eyes to possibilities, to dangerous hope that I’ve finally found something that connects with me. Especially when Eyin praises the tiniest things I do and proclaims me a ‘natural’.
“With training, you can become an excellent medic,” she says, genuine excitement in her eyes. Her compliment is like the sun and water combined, and I am the dying plant finding new life as it’s showered on me. I wilt again when she adds in a quieter voice: “But I can’t train if you won’t be here. Any second thoughts?”
My resolution waivers, but I shake my head.
“No.”
When curfew rolls around, she tells me to stay in one of the beds in the infirmary.
The time seems to crawl as I lay awake waiting for her. Whenever I close my eyes all I can see is Theron’s face twisted with fury when he realizes I’m gone.
He won’t care. He’s already cast me aside. He didn’t even threaten me about running away when I left this morning. As far as he’s concerned, I no longer exist to him.
This thought hurts me more than it should so I do my best to forget about him.
Eventually, Eyin comes for me.
“Here,” she says, handing me a bag similar to the one I owned before I came here. “Some food stuff that should last you awhile.”
The Andrak is deadly silent as she hurries me along. My heart thuds in my chest, certain we will be discovered. A part of me harbours distrust in Eyin, but I focus on keeping up with her swift pace.
At the end of one gloomy corridor, Eyin presses her hand against what I assume is solid wall. But it slides away revealing a cavern of absolute darkness.
“This tunnel leads past the Andrak walls to an alley in the city. There’s a holomap in the bag so you don’t get lost.”
She closes her eyes and holds out her hand. A bloom of golden light in the shape of a ball forms in her palms. It’s a safur. Bits of her energy transformed into light and mild heat.
Ikkon would make them for me when I was a child to entertain me. I didn’t know Unshifted Andrasari could create them too.
The golden light of the safur shines on her face as she indicates I take it.
“You should go now before that dies,” she says, pointing at the safur. “It’s very dark in the tunnels.”
I look into the yawning blackness. It’s frightening, but it’s also my escape. Then I meet Eyin’s gaze again.
“Why are you helping me?”
She points at her cheek where her scar is hidden by her hair.
“It was Aphat who gave this to me. I called him cruel for killing and enslaving humans when it all began and he slapped me with Shifted fingers. Theron tried to kill him and he almost succeeded despite being so young.” She smiled as if it’s a fond memory when in fact it is depressing. “But I begged him not to because Aphat was our only family after our parents died. Aphat continued on to massacre and enslave even more humans. So, you see, humans’ misery all rests on my shoulders. Had I left Theron to finish the job, Aphat would be dead and Theron would be the Konai today.”
“It still wouldn’t have changed the fate of humans. Theron hates all of us.”
“Except one.” She smiles. “Sometimes, that’s all you need. Just one to change the fate of the many.”
18
Theron
—
Past midnight while I doze in my office, the tracker embedded in Seela’s collar fires off an alarm to my implant.
She’s gone beyond the boundaries of the Andrak.
I’m awake and on my feet in seconds, ready to hunt her down and drag her back to my quarters.
It’s only after I’ve stormed out of my office do I remember that I shouldn’t give chase.
I shouldn’t care.
This is what I wanted. I sent her away from me because as much as I despise Ronan for saying it, he is right.
Seela poisoned my thoughts, chipped away at the beliefs I’ve held on to for years. As the human rebellions are at their strongest and getting out of hand, I question my actions. Instead of killing those I’ve found guilty of disobedience, I have them imprisoned.
Of course, Ronan undermines me by executing them. Aphat has grant him more power than I possess and it has changed him into an unrecognizable being.
Since he was attacked by the human, Ronan’s viciousness and hatred has magnified. He conjures up various gruesome ways to destroy the humans—his latest invention a collar that explodes and kills the human who wears it.
It’s a step too far and I know that even some Andrasari who were die-hard supporters of the enslavement of humans think this too. As Ronan continues to kill his own kind in a misguided quest for compliance, more Andrasari join the rebellion.
The fight grows stronger, the human’s voices are louder, and they’re finally being heard.
I stand in front of my door for a long time, my dragon restless and angry that my fire’s half has ran away. It demands I go after her and properly claim her with the bite, sealing her as my mate. This way, she will never want to leave me again.
No, I have to let her go. While it isn’t safe for her beyond the walls of the Andrak, bringing her here might jeopardize her further. The slaves within the Andrak have been spared because they serve the Andrasari who serve the Konai, but in time, Ronan will kill them next.
So I return to my office, my bo
dy tense with anger. I am furious with myself that as a being with so much power, I am still powerless.
Is it truly powerlessness or cowardice?
Ronan and Aphat needs to be stopped and yet I do nothing. Seela needs to be reclaimed and protected, yet I hide away in my office. I am set before a crossroad and reluctant to make a choice because I fear the consequences.
I don’t get any sleep for the rest of the night. The following day, my mood is as black as my scales in my dragon form.
It isn’t improved when the Overseer of Tarro region sends me a curt missive that Tarro wished to end trade ties with Andrasar should the persecution of humans and Rur beings persist.
Meeting with Aphat to discuss this new development and to urge him to leash Ronan is of no use. He does not answer my calls. He’s absent from the Andrak and has not been seen for some time. No doubt he’s off to spend his time in one of the pleasure houses he favours while his empire descends into chaos.
By evening, I am nothing but simmering rage. Andrasar is in an upheaval and Seela travels further away from me.
She cannot remove her collar without my touch so I know her exact location. But the collar’s range is limited and, inevitably, she will be lost to me forever.
How did she manage escape?
I check the location logs on her collar starting from when she left my quarters. Apparently she spent most of her day, even past curfew, in the infirmary.
I scowl at this. Did Eyin help her? Even though Eyin has never made it a secret that she does not support the enslavement of humans, she knows Seela is my fire’s half. She wouldn’t assist in her departure knowing Seela’s importance to me.
So I make my way down to the infirmary to find out the truth.
“Of course I helped her escape,” says Eyin without hesitation.
I’ve never been this furious with my sister in my life. It doesn’t help that her tone is unconcerned as she confesses her treachery.
“Why would you do that? You could be imprisoned, Eyin.”
“Are you going to tell Ronan and have me killed?” When I don’t respond, she shrugs. “She wanted to leave so I helped.”
“I can’t believe you would do something like this. Especially when you know she’s my—when you know what she is to me.”
“I can’t believe you would treat your fire’s half so horrendously.” She purses her lips. “You should have seen her. She looked so lost and alone and hurt. A strong spirit that’s been broken. I don’t know what you did, Theron, but regardless that you’re my rah and I love you, you don’t deserve her.”
I run my hands through my hair sharply in frustration. Guilt and shame eating at me.
“You think I don’t know that?” I say harshly. “Every single day she was here, every time I looked at her I was reminded of that fact.”
“Then I did you both a service,” she says. “She’s out of sight and out of mind so you can go back to your old self. Not the one that toha and kaha tried to raise with decency and respect for others, but the one filled with hatred that Aphat and Ronan nurtured.” Her tone is bitter, her features darkened with disappointment. “She can’t be here, anyway. Shihong’s daughter, Xia, knows Seela saved your life and has told the other humans in the Andrak. She’s now considered a traitor to her own kind.”
When Eyin finishes speaking, I feel as battered and defeated as if she’d acquired the ability to shift and has beaten me to the ground.
“What do you want from me?” I rasp out. “What would you have me do?”
“Don’t ask me that, Theron. You know exactly what you should do.” She turns away from me. “I should get back to work.”
She marches away from me to attend to a stirring patient.
I leave the infirmary, and for a while, I stand on one of the balconies and stare at the sprawl of Andrasar City.
In the distance, a plume of smoke curls toward the darkening sky. Those are common sights lately. A sign that yet another building is being destroyed by furious humans bent on fighting to the death for their freedom.
I resist at first, but I let myself entertain the thought of ceding to the humans’ demands. I don’t know my toha’s exact thoughts when he gave them refuge in Andrasar, but he must have believed it was the right choice to make.
He gave the humans lands within Andrasar to live and thrive on. He faced immediate disapproval from his people, yet he did not bend to their anger.
He and kaha were assassinated shortly after. Murdered as they slept.
Then Aphat rose to power, taking away my birthright as the Konai. Despite my suspicions that he took his brother’s life, he convinced me that it was the humans who were responsible.
In the absence of the identity of my parents’ murderer, it was easy to latch onto that explanation. It was easy to hate the humans because they were not like the Rur. It was easy to participate in their suffering in my misguided attempt at revenge.
In an old recording, my toha addressed Andrasar expressing his sadness that we as such strong beings could be reduced to the weakness of close-mindedness.
Seela said something similar to me when we first met.
Holding on to so much hate for beings you consider inferior only makes you weaker than them.
Hatred has robbed me of happiness and peace.
Hatred has made me weak.
Perhaps, it is time that I find strength.
19
Theron
—
Touching my implant, I search for Seela’s location.
Miraculously, she has managed to make it out of the city and to the forest. She seems to have found the correct path that would lead her to Tarro.
Shifting into my dragon form, I fly toward the night sky. The cool air caresses my scales, the scent of the smoke wafting toward me. Whereas it might have taken Seela most of the day to get to the forest, it only takes me one sen at most.
Landing in the general area where the map last marked her, I continue the rest of the journey on foot. She would not have moved from where I last saw her. There’s no moonlight to soften the pitch blackness, so to travel in the dark forest is asking for a quick death.
I pause when I pick up her scent. She is close, but she is hiding from me.
“Seela.” I create a safur so she can see it’s me and she shouldn’t fear. Although, as far as she knows, I am still her enemy bent on keeping her captive. “Seela, I can find you if I wish but I would prefer if you revealed yourself willingly.”
Silence.
Then the rustle of bushes as she steps into view.
Seeing her again is like seeing the sun expose itself after several long days of thunderstorms. I hadn’t realized the weight I carried until the sight of her suddenly makes me light.
“I would prefer if you left me alone and flew back where you came from,” she says.
“Not without you.”
Distrust emanates from her, anger and hurt in her eyes. Her gaze dips briefly to survey my naked body before she bites her lip and glares at me.
“If you think I’ll let you kidnap me again, you’re sadly mistaken.”
The words have barely left her mouth before she spins and bolts into the darkness. I cast the safur away and chase after her.
For a being whose vision is poor in absolute darkness, she’s remarkably adept at evading the thick cluster of trees surrounding us.
Nevertheless, I catch up to her, snaring her by the waist. She’s a wild animal in my arms, snarling, kicking, slapping, and squirming in an effort to get away from me. So I drag her to the floor and lean my weight down on top of her.
She continues to squirm in an attempt to get free. She can’t see me but I have perfect vision in the darkness.
Her lips slacken as she breathes through her mouth. Her chest heaves against mine. This reminds me of that first night when I trapped her against a tree and felt my first temptation to kiss her.
That temptation surges within me again. I’ve had more than her kisses. I’
ve had her body beneath mine just like this, my name on her lips, her heat and delicious scent driving me insane with need for her. Only her.
“I won’t take you back to the Andrak if you don’t want to return, Seela,” I say. Then I add in a quieter voice. “I will even take you to Tarro if that is what you want. But there is something I need to tell you.”
She stills. “What?”
“First, I will stand and help you to your feet,” I say. “You will not try to run away from me. I want to take you somewhere.”
“Why should I trust you?” she asks. “You’re not above saying one thing and doing the next.”
“Seela, in the time we’ve spent together, I’m sure you’ve learnt my ways. If I wanted to take you back to the Andrak, we would have been in the skies by now. You wouldn’t be able to stop me.”
“Boasting about how you can kidnap me if you wanted to isn’t winning you any favours.”
“I apologize.”
Her eyebrows lift at that as if surprised I am capable of saying the words.
“Fine, then,” she finally says. “I will go.” I help her to stand and she grips my arms to balance herself in the darkness. “But as soon as we’re finished with whatever you have to say, you’re going to keep your word and take me to Tarro.”
Even though her words irk me, I nod silently. Leading her back to where the first safur still eradicates the darkness, I warn her out of the way before I shift.
She looks at me in awe. My dragon is pleased that my fire’s half appreciates its form and does not cower from it.
I lower my body and wait for her.
“You want me to ride you?” she asks in shock. “Isn’t that forbidden in your culture?”
Would she prefer if I dangled her over the treetops like I did the last time I carried her? I cannot form words when in my dragon form, so I continue to wait for her as excitement chases away her distrust.
She approaches me. Meeting my gaze, she caresses my scales hesitantly. I am reminded of that first moment when we encountered each other. How she touched me this way before she saved my life.
By accepting that she is my fire’s half, her touch arouses me now. I’m ready to shift into my primary form and take her when she lifts herself up onto my back. She inches her way up until she can wrap her hands around my neck, her heat pressing against me.