by Ava Claire
I came and I had to let go, my eyes fluttering, my lips clamped together as my orgasm tore through me. The sounds I made were far from sexy, a panting, mewling that I tried to stifle against the crook of his neck.
My lips trembled into a smile, my body still shaking as I opened my eyes, just in time to see our waitress skipping back to our table.
I yanked my skirt down.
“A little late for modesty, don't you think?” he chuckled.
I elbowed him, hurling him a dirty look. He shrugged his shoulders innocently, sipping his drink. I never knew it was possible to want to strangle, screw, and cuddle someone simultaneously.
“So!” our waitress chirped brightly. “What can I get you guys to eat?”
Xander and I exchanged a look and I nearly came again when he brought the finger that had been inside me to his bottom lip. He stroked it across his skin, then followed the path of his finger with his tongue. When he was done teasing me, he ordered the salmon and I sputtered out one of the salads.
He didn't even wait until she was done jotting down my order before he pulled me closer and gave me a deep kiss that rocketed me back to cloud nine. I could taste myself on his lips.
“I already know what I want for dessert,” he said softly, his eyes darkening with passion.
After our waitress shuffled away, her cheeks as red as mine, I dropped my hand to his crotch, gripping his solid erection. I was on this ride with him and I wouldn't think about the end. I wouldn't think about all the ways it could go wrong. I was going to throw my hands up and scream for dear life until I didn't have any air left in my lungs.
“Me too.”
Chapter Two: Xander
“Mr. Wade?”
I blinked, sitting back in my chair like I was listening. “Yes?”
Rachel Maddox, the head of accounts at Wade Enterprises, glanced to my right. Sight unseen, I knew Caitlyn was glaring at me. Rachel knew Caitlyn was the only one on staff that held any real sway with me. She could give me lip and get away with it.
I was a million miles away, and they all knew it. I was somewhere hot and tropical. Penny was stretched out on the sand beside me, her cute little nose buried in a book while my hungry eyes unabashedly savored the way her body filled out an itsy bitsy-
Rachel cleared her throat in a grating way that yanked my attention back to the task at hand. I was stuck in a meeting that I was longing to end so I didn’t have to discreetly text Penny.
I gave Rachel my full attention and ire. Suddenly, she was speechless. “Yes?”
Rachel was one of the strongest closers on my team. To be honest, when I met her, I roped her in with many of the young, attractive, women that cycled through my company’s doors, falsely believing all it took to succeed was an Ivy League education and a pretty face. Towering over male and female staff at 6’2, with pale blonde hair and a rail thin frame accentuated by pastels that she often paired with black slacks, I would have bet on Wade Enterprises chewing her up and spitting her out.
I would have been wrong.
Rachel backed up her charm with a ferocious ability to relate to everyone from a mom and pop operation to a deluded CEO used to being told he was right when he was often incorrect. She worked her way from junior executive to the head of her department with a legion of junior executives at her beck and call.
But distracted or no, there was one person at the head of the table. I didn’t have to utter a syllable nor pull my lips into a scowl before she shrunk in her stilettos and her words stumbled from her mouth.
“I’m sorry Mr. Wade, it’s just that Carson Mechanics is a big score for us and the CEO seems onboard with our vision, but he’s done everything but come right out and say that he wants a face to face with you.” She dropped her electric blue eyes to safe territory, wiping her sweaty palms on the front of her pants. “He claims he’s a big fan of your story-”
“If I held every client’s hand, I would never get anything done,” I said coolly. I knew the type. The CEO at Carson Mechanics was squirrelly and non-comital. It was her job to take away every option but Wade Enterprises, and not because I agreed to some lunch where I stroked his ego. She needed to show him that he was lucky that we were sparing our time and resources. To be frank, he was lucky we were considering taking them on as a client at all. He needed us a hell of a lot more than we needed him. “If you can’t close-”
“I never said that,” she cut in quickly. She raised her chin, the defiant set of her jaw reminding me of the woman I took a chance on years ago. She was the youngest executive on staff, but I had seen a fire in her. It roared back to life as she gathered her paperwork with precise, crisp movements that told me she’d take no prisoners. “I’ll take care of it, Mr. Wade.”
She marched from the room like a woman on a mission and I smiled to myself, a smile that froze in place when I glanced over at Caitlyn.
I knew my assistant had an extensive catalogue of frowns, from the, ‘Today I’m Already up to Here, so no BS’ to ‘You Drive Me Crazy, Xander-but I Wouldn’t Have it Any Other Way’. Today, she’d had it.
“You were not only rude to Rachel by day dreaming your way through her presentation, but you had the nerve to talk about how busy you are-”
“I am busy.” I adjusted my tie and slid back from the table like I had places to go and people to see. It was my way of closing the subject, but I knew it would take more than those three words and a chair screech to make Caitlyn back down.
“That’s just the thing, Xander, you’re not busy.” Her fierce gaze locked me in my seat. Rushing off to my next meeting or to the safety of my office was not an option. “You’ve been postponing appointments and meetings, canceling entire days-”
“I’m fully aware of what I’m doing,” I assured her. I knew it was a lie. We knew it was a lie. Even now, I was only half listening to her. The rest of my mind was already trying to figure out when I’d get to see Penny again.
It hadn’t even been a week since she’d roared into existence, and now I could barely remember what it was like before Penny. Had there been a life without her warm eyes filled with skepticism, suspicion, and hope? A life without her touch; something precious that wasn’t freely given, whether it was a kiss, a smile, or our knees brushing? A life without the consuming need to possess her body?
I remembered the way she bit her lip when I sank my fingers inside her, the way she shuddered when she came. The memory of it was enough to make my cock pulse. I was completely enraptured by her. The way she fought the me she thought I was-that I thought I was-was the most confounding and exhilarating things I’d ever experienced. She wasn’t the first woman to try and get past the playboy exterior, but she was the first that made me want to be more. One night with her, one month with her, wouldn’t scratch this itch.
I turned my attention back to Caitlyn, ignoring the angry lines that were focused on me. I wanted to bite off a warning, but the desire to snap at Caitlyn was fleeting. I knew that this wasn’t just business to her.
“It’s okay if you’re worried about me, you know,” I winked, knowing she’d deny it.
“You’re a grown man and more than capable of making your own decisions.” She dusted her hands with a sour look that told me she was attempting to wash her hands of the situation, but her voice wasn’t quite as steady as it would have been if she could care less. “I...I just know how important your career is to you, Xander.” She ejected from her seat and buttoned her blazer. She strode toward the door, holding it open expectantly. “I know what my job description isn't, but I also know that you didn't hire me because I look cute in a pencil skirt and would blow smoke up your ass.” She gave me the same hard-as-nails look that she gave my father when he thought she was going to bend to his will, because that's what everyone did. “I know this has to do with the young woman that came to the office a few days ago.” I opened my mouth to defend Penny, but Caitlyn wasn't taking any objections. “I wasn't always an old lady, you know. I remember what young love feel
s like.”
The L word was the equivalent of nails raking across a chalkboard. It stabbed a hole through my fantasy; the beach we walked on hand and hand blurred, replaced with sand that felt like hot coals. It set fire to any joy or happiness that filled me when I thought of Penny. I remembered all too well how powerful that word was. How it made me weak. How it left me powerless.
I locked my jaw, struggling to find the authority that usually came to me easily. “Love? I barely know this woman.”
Caitlyn wasn't buying what I was selling. “Uh huh.” She gathered the documents, her fingers flying as she organized each piece, barely looking at the folder tabs. She moved with the effortless confidence of someone that knew exactly what she was doing. “I don't know this woman either, but I do know you. Women come and women go, and you carry on. Something tells me that if this women fell into the latter category and you never saw her again, you wouldn't just go about business as usual.”
I gripped my pen tight, holding onto the last shreds of denial. “If you knew me, you'd know I wouldn't let anyone have that much power over me.” The twitch beneath my right eye gave me away. My father had the exact same tell, and he negated that statement. Even from his deathbed, he held sway over me.
Memories of my childhood stacked one on top of the other. I heard his rumbling voice bark that if a public school education was good enough for him, it was good enough for me. When my mother went to him, recounting stories I'd told her about bullies that taunted me for living in the 'Addams Family' house, he’d just laughed. My family's wealth and my scrawny frame slapped a target on my forehead. He told her that it would toughen me up.
When I'd had enough and finally fought back, breaking a nose and nearly busting a kneecap, he sent me to military school. I only saw my family on holidays and one weekend a month. I kept my nose clean, brought home all A's, and soared athletically. Any sort of pride or love was like a hunt for hidden treasure. It started off exciting because each accomplishment was a chance to finally get it right. Finally make him proud. Each time I ended up with fool's gold. You scored the winning touchdown? That's nice...but MVP is what you should be gunning for. 4.0 GPA? Not bad...but you were beat out for valedictorian. You gotta work harder.
By the time I realized I was fighting a losing battle and I'd never live up to his expectations, I was finishing up my MBA. My father learned he had cancer and was gearing up to sell the firm when I stepped in and transformed Wade Enterprises into a powerhouse.
For me. Not for him. And he still found a way to ignore all I'd done.
Anger snatched me from my memories, but it wasn't the only emotion raging inside me. I felt grateful. If he wasn’t such an asshole, I wouldn't have never met Penny.
I glanced down at the pad in front of me, my notes practically nonsensical. I swore the curves of the mismatched words I jotted down mimicked the curve of her lips.
“Even now, you're trying to hide the fact that you can't help but smile when you think about her.”
I faced off with Caitlyn: me stubborn as hell, her just as tenacious.
“This thing you've got going is new and fresh...and dangerous.” She gave me a sad look over the top of her glasses. “Just be careful.”
There was an opportunity before me. The handful of friends I had would laugh me right out of the building when I told them this story; chalk it up to some sort of grieving or temporary insanity. Even though I knew all to well how bad things could get if this went south, I didn’t want to talk my way out of Penny. I didn’t want to rationalize it so I could put it in a nice box like the rest of my life.
Caitlyn got tired of waiting for me to make the next move, so she told me to have a good day and started out the door.
“You know how I’m always telling you that I’ll let you know if I need advice?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I think I may need some advice.
Caitlyn pivoted back to me, her movements cautious and deliberate. She scanned my face, and I scanned her right back. The lines that creased her skin told a story of a woman that had to fight for everything she got, but despite her hard exterior, had the gentlest heart.
She gave me a sharp nod as she marched back toward me. She lowered herself back into the seat beside me with a sigh. When she rested a hand on my shoulder, I knew that no matter how large my empire or net worth grew, I’d never be able to repay her friendship.
Still, asking for help was far from my forte and I was suddenly at a loss for words.
“You've already done the hardest part, Xander,” she nudged.
“Admitting that I have a problem?” I joked.
She waited.
My tie suddenly felt like a noose, Penny's eyes locked on me. There was this hesitation that clouded her caramel eyes at lunch and I knew that our arrangement had a lot do with it. How could I tell her that this was real, then write her a check like she was performing some service?
“I don't think I should pay her.” I grimaced, picking up on how awful that sentence sounded. I was used to having my shit together, every word coming out just right, but when it came to Penny Robertson I was reduced to some bumbling fool. “I didn't mean it like that.”
Caitlyn patted my hand supportively. “Of course you didn't. Love makes people do and say incredibly foolish things.”
“I'm not-”
“If you want my advice, stop fighting that word,” she said sternly. In her olive colored suit and steely glare, she reminded me of a drill sergeant barking orders, coming down hardest on the wise ass kid with potential.
A knot formed in my throat. A wise ass that wasn't used to not being in control. But falling in love was the epitome of losing control. Penny’s face was the first thing I saw when I woke up. My days used to be filled with work, and my weekends filled with finding my next conquest. Now, I checked my phone like some pining teenager and would literally drop everything, do anything, just to see her smile. But it was more than the smiles and all the beautiful curves of her face. I wanted to know everything about her. Every triumph, every sadness, every scar, every open wound—because I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to show her that the world was a better place with her in it.
I couldn't catch my breath. My lungs were empty, grabbing at something stable. Something sane. I just kept falling, one heartbeat away from clutching at my throat, even though my tie was completely loose.
I stole a look at Caitlyn and she was geared up to call for medical assistance, her eyes wide with worry.
“Xander, breathe.”
It was easy for her to say. The words I'd kept inside rushed from my lips, each one like teeth being ripped from my mouth. “I remember this feeling. I felt it once before. I put all of my trust, all of me into something and I found out later that it was all a lie.”
I wasn't the type to dwell on the past. It was one of the few admirable traits I inherited from my father, but I opened the door as soon as I started thinking about love. Jenna Wells. I pretended I wasn't bombarded by a sea of her, the blonde hair that she kept in a messy bun but always made sure the rest of her was perfect. The life we used to dream about after we graduated. A life she told me she didn't want anymore.
The tightness in my chest lifted when I raked a hand through my hair and remembered that Jenna walking away ended up being a blessing in disguise. I threw myself into my studies and internships. I took all of my frustration and hurt and channeled it into something positive. But I couldn't think about Jenna and not think about the pain. It took months for me to open up to her and I'd opened up to Penny in a matter of hours.
“You were right,” I said softly. “Love is dangerous.”
“And that's why it's so beautiful. It's a risk, giving your heart to someone else and safeguarding theirs,” Caitlyn said softly. “Sometimes it happens in an instant, and sometimes it takes a while. But it's worth it, Xander. And you deserve to be happy.” She looked at me over the rim of her glasses. “The money works without love. If you're serious about this woman, you know what you've got
ta do.”
I steepled my fingers beneath my chin. She was right. I knew what my next move had to be. I didn't want an arrangement. I wanted to do more than say that my feelings were real. I wanted to show her.
Chapter Three: Penny
I only agreed to meet my mother for lunch because she loosened her grip on the reins and let me pick the restaurant. She probably assumed I'd pick some place with 'attire: dressy' on Yelp, a place where we could pretend that we had a hundred dollars to blow on lunch. She was definitely dressed for the occasion. She wore a crisp white blouse with the collar upturned, a cardigan tied around her shoulders, black and gold sateen pants, and red bottom stilettos. Pearls glittered around her ears, neck, and wrists and she was surrounded by a cloud of Chanel no 5. I'd pulled on a plain white tee and my favorite patchwork skirt. It was a gift from one of my students and I loved the way it swished around my ankles, reminding me of lazy days at the beach and road trips. I'd look like some charity case beside her if we strolled up to one of the fancy restaurants she loved to frequent.
I had a different kind of lunch in mind.
We walked through Union Square, my mother chatting brightly, like we hadn't argued the last time we were together. That was how things worked with my mother. We skated right past the uncomfortable stuff to pretending nothing uncomfortable happened at all.