Pick Your Poison

by Jeanette Lynn

  He would have ignored me if he could, but I gave his chest a hard shove, the look on my face anything but sex friendly at the moment.

  Growling under his breath, Divit pulled back. “You’re killing me. If this is another one of those stupid jokes of yours to mess with me, human...”

  “Human? Ugh!” Wiggling up and off my partial impalement, I slipped from his grip, turning to the cupboard by me to open a door. “Mister,” I warned, “you better shush up now or I might change my mind, you filthy mouthed blood sucker.” Sex pulsing, ramped up beyond reason, I wasn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.

  A large hand slamming over the door to smack it shut stopped me in my condom quest. “You’re being ridiculous. Now get back here and let’s finish this. That won’t be necessary.”

  Lips pursed, a snort tickled my nose. “Says the vampire who says he has a hard time getting a stiffy.”

  Divit’s eyes traveled down my frame slowly, the heat lingering in them making me shiver. His fingers skimmed over mine, tracing along the veins in my knuckles as his lips tugged up at the corners. God, he’s sexy when he smiles.

  “If I didn’t know better, my sweet, I’d think you were trying to stall.”

  Stall? He smiles at me like that and my brain just stops. Who’s stalling? I don’t even remember what day it is. What were we talking about? Sex. Lots of sex. No, condoms... It was definitely condoms, I think, so we can have sex. Yes, condoms, then sex.

  Still smiling but not quite, he leaned forward. It gave me a warm, gooey feeling in my belly as his lips drew up handsomely.

  A deep, panty melting chuckle left his throat. “Still stalling, baby.”

  Ohhh. He’s good.

  Maybe I was though, now that I’d had a chance to pause and let my brain kick in and do the thinking for a moment. Just a smidgeon.

  Divit’s hands moved then, smoothing up and over my shoulders coaxingly as he urged me back to him. He went to dive back in, as if he thought to ignore me completely in favor of the love bite he’d been working on enhancing at my neck. But-but condoms!

  Damn you, brain, the horny part of me grumbled.

  With a palm to his very lovely olive-toned forehead, and a dirty look hard enough to singe those thick but well-shaped brows right off his face, he grunted but stopped.

  “I’ve been dead for years,” he explained, though he looked well beyond pissed he even had to, “even if I did cum, my sperm is dead-dead. Vampires, even with magickal, bitch witch intervention, cannot reproduce. Callendra might be able to produce a boner out of me, but she cannot produce a baby. Love potions don’t work that way, and there’s always an out. A child is not an out.”

  “A love potion?” Choking on my own spit at the realization, because that’s exactly what this shit is—some kind of sick love potion—I croaked out the words.

  “What did you think she did?” Amusement lit Divit’s stern features. “How else do you think the two of us could ever find ourselves as we are now? What other way was there to orchestrate it? You’ve said so yourself, you don’t even fancy me, and I you, and yet...” His free hand encompassed the room. “Here we are.”

  It shouldn’t have stung, the implication that the only way he’d ever want me was some stupid witch mojo cooked up in Callie’s kitchen, but it did, and I winced visibly.

  If Divit caught on, he didn’t care enough to comment.

  Trying for nonchalance, opting to take a page from the decrepit wretch, I put on a happy face.

  Divit, studying me carefully when my expression blanked out and I slipped into a coma-like silence for who knew how long, blinked at the sudden change. “You’re...”

  Acting like the over sensitive creature I am, and probably looking like I need to take a dump? Oh goody.

  Quick, say something else, I prompted myself.

  “I bet Stefan could bring them back to life, your little swimmers. Just think, zombified vampire sperm. You could sell it online for millions. Night of the living semen,” I mused, making the vamp snort as I grinned, rambling on.

  As far as diversions went, I gave myself a little pat on the back.

  “I’d like to see him try,” the taciturn male grumbled. If his words were any drier, they’d be dust.

  “Whaddaya know, me too,” I quipped cheekily.

  The strangest look crossed Divit’s face just then, but he cleared it, shaking his head as he shoved my hand away.

  He made to pull me close, but kept stopping, staring at the smile pulling at my lips until I felt like my cheeks might twitch or split.

  Divit, trying his damndest to ignore it so he could get his and get this over with, went to lean in again but paused, his lips hovering over mine. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Smile dropping a little, I shrugged. “Like what?” Alright, yeah, I knew exactly what.

  “Like...” Shaking his head, he made as if to brush it off but frowned. Scowling, he grunted and shook his head again. “Forget it.” Reaching out, he tugged me towards him, hooking my knees over his thighs.

  Tapping my ass not ten seconds later, he motioned for me to get up.

  “Well, good grief! Make up your mind!” Hopping off, I stood up. “Up, down, here, there. Do you want it in a box? Do you want it with my sock? No, I want it with a cock!”

  “Sorry, afraid I don’t like cock. Like your box just fine, though.” Knee up and bent, he rested his elbow there, show casing the raging erection bobbing thickly between his well-muscled thighs. Head canting to the side, he studied me lazily.

  A lazy air, I should say, his eyes low lidded and slumberous, like a lion’s, but it was all for show. Tense, wound up tighter than a top, he was ready to pop, a predatory undertone one couldn’t deny imbedded in the man. The thrill of the hunt, as I slowly backed up, perhaps?

  White knuckling the door knob in an almost crippling grip as I backed into it, about to give it a turn just for the hell of it, Divit jerked his chin. “Just wanted your underwear all the way off. No need to run, love. They’re in the bloody way.”

  Heart racing madly, a short puff of air huffed past my lips. Shit. Why am I nervous now?

  Watching my every move like the prey I am to him, a slow, heart stopping smile spread across Divit’s face as he motioned towards the pesky impediment.

  “Take them off.” It was an order, not a suggestion.

  Call me silly and argumentative, maybe I really was as stupid as Mary assumed—that or I secretly had a death wish—but I balked. “Make me.”

  Divit blinked a few times and grunted, taken aback. The man simply couldn’t believe his ears. “Never had a meal argue with me before.”

  “I’d say eat me, but that seems a little redundant, no?” My sex clenched at the thought.

  He may mean one thing, but my dirty mind was on a whole other planet.

  “Never argued with a long lived dead guy before.” Shoulders lifting, I shrugged. “So I guess that makes us even.”

  “I’m not actually dead-”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “I’m just...”

  “You have no heartbeat, working organs...” Ticking the list off on my fingers, we both glanced down at his throbbing manicotti at the same time, and I pointed. “That freak of nature doesn’t count.”

  He grinned, his words sort of mocking as he rolled to his feet. “Flattering words from such frigid lips.” Spandex pants resting just under his ass, his goods out on full display, his cock led the way as he advanced on me.

  It was a dangerous game I was playing, and I knew it, goading a vampire, but this strange sort of dance was both terrifying and exhilarating, and he seemed to know all the steps.

  For the first time in a long time, standing here bantering with my half-dead, undead, kinda-whatever-not-so-dead partner, I felt alive.

  Standing over me, forearms resting above my head as he leaned in, his lower hips pressing until his giant erection was digging into my belly, I didn’t dare move.

  “Is it wrong that
the smell of sex, fear, and blood makes me hot? Yours, in particular?” Nuzzling my temple, he inhaled deeply, arms dropping, fingers grasping the hem of my skirt to slowly lift.

  “Kinda messed up, but that’s your candy wagon, you know? Just don’t expect me to hop on the messed up express any time soon and we’re all good to go.”

  Large hands coasted over my thighs to the tops of my hips. Tracing along the hem of my panties, he rid me of them with two sharp tugs and a horrible ripping sound.

  “I liked those ones,” I muttered, gasping as his fingers slipped between my thighs to play at my slit.

  “They were ugly.” Circling my clit with his thumb as my eyes slid shut, working his way down, his teeth nipped the lobe of my ear.

  Maybe so, but they were comfortable. Fighting a shiver, I cracked a lid open to glare at him. “You’re kind of an asshole, you know that?”

  He didn’t even bother glancing up or answering, too busy biting at my neck as he lifted my leg, hooking it over his hip to line us up, to care.

  The head of his cock butting my sex, he circled my entrance, running the tip through my juices. We both groaned as he pressed in slowly, rocking his way in and out until it started to burn.

  “I want to fuck you so hard.” Pulling back until just the tip remained, his next thrust was just shy of painful. There was an edge to it, a pleasure I couldn’t deny as my sex pulsed. It was rough and demanding, and yet somehow tender—I couldn’t describe it. I wanted more.

  Crying out, I clawed at his back, my overlarge breasts pressing into him as my back arched. “Again.” The soft plea left my lips on a gasp.

  “Fuck yes.” Grabbing handfuls of my ass, my vampire lover snarled, hoisting me up to pound into me. He kept a brutal pace, pummeling my sex as I bumped the door, but I was more than willing.

  Five or six thrusts in and Divit cried out, hips jerking erratically as his eyes widened. “God yes, god yes, god yes.” He kept chanting the words over and over like a prayer, a full body shudder wracking his tall frame.

  “Thought you were soulless?” I teased, as he humped me into the dip and crease of one of the door’s panels. Thumping louder and louder, I was certain we’d either break the damned thing or my spine at some point, whichever gave first.

  Without breaking pace, he snorted, moving fast to dip his head and rush in and nip my chin, laughing when I shrieked and jumped.

  “There are times when even the soulless need faith,” he fired back, smirking at my dirty look.

  And still, he didn’t once lose focus, taking me roughly with a thorough yet practiced ease that had me squealing and squeaking like a ninny—in between a few well-placed moans and groans, of course. The man deserved a medal.

  As these things usually do, it all ended as abruptly as it had started, an explosive orgasm rocketing through me as he forced his hand between us, rubbing his thumb on my clit expertly until I cried out.

  “Norma Gene.” Divit groaned my name against my skin, his shaft pulsing, pressing and rubbing the tight bud of my sex with each roll of his hips.

  Coming harder than the last as he hit just the right spot, I threw back my head, smacking it hard on the door with a brain rattling thump, shouting the roof down.

  Divit groaned into my shoulder, his blunt teeth digging in as his hips pumped steadily.

  “Fuck.” Growling under his breath, he groaned into my neck, shuddering against me.

  A small but pleasant silence fell between us as I gasped and panted for breath, my breathing ragged as my chest heaved.

  “You must do yoga,” I babbled absently, gasping the words out between breathless pants. “Otherwise I have no clue how you pretzel yourself in half, bending to screw and chew like that.”

  Sated, limp, and just this side of lifeless, I winced as Divit unhooked my ankles to set me on my feet. Oh so slowly, he slipped free of my depths, a small shiver wracking my frame at the loss. His cock brushed my thigh as it plopped free, leaving a wet trail in its wake before he swiftly stepped back.

  Snagging a washcloth off the towel rack and turning to wet it in the sink, his movements careful and precise, Divit yanked up those stupid stretchy pants over his cute but delectable ass, effectively giving me his back, and proceeded to clean himself off.

  “Don’t freak out,” he called over his shoulder. “Like I said, it’s not,” he paused, “alive.”

  Blinking, I glanced down at myself, eyeing the glistening, slightly pinkish-orange tinted cum sliming my inner thigh.

  “Right. Right... Dead,” I muttered, snagging up a cloth of my own to wet and wash off. Don’t freak out, he says. They’re dead, he swears, and I’m over here, completely freaking out, trying my hardest not to.

  Maybe I was being silly, waiting for him to say something, anything, I don’t know... acknowledge the crazy, dirty bathroom sex we’d just shared? Something! But he didn’t.

  For the longest time the oddly mannered vamp stalled, busying himself, as if there was still some bit of dirt or smudge of something somewhere on his person he just couldn’t seem to wash off, long after I’d cleaned up and tried to put my clothes back in place.

  Damn, or was that how he felt? Am I dirty to him?

  Fiddling with the ruffle of my skirt, I eyed his back uncertainly. “Divit?”

  That one word, uttered in such a way, my voice small and questioning, and I felt like I was begging.

  Divit tensed but didn’t turn. Head tilting to eye me through the corner of one dark brown eye, he raised a brow. “Yes?”

  And with that one word, he made me feel less than soap scum.

  All that thick skin I’d built up over the years came in handy right about now as I shook my head and went to toss my cloth in the sink, staring down at it for a long moment before my eyes strayed back to him.

  “Right.” My fingers fisted the balled up bit of material, squishing between my fingers wetly as I gritted my teeth, lips pursed, but I just couldn’t hold onto it. “No.” Shaking my head slowly, I let it fall with a splat. “You know what? That’s fine, ‘cause you know why? I don’t even care. You want to play it like that? Fine. I’m good with it. Don’t know what the hell I was thinking, anyway.” Turning, I marched for the door, gripping the knob and yanking the door open.

  Divit pivoted as the door creaked on its hinges, banging into the wall with a heavy thud.

  “And it’s not like it counts,” I ranted, tossing my arms up in the air to wave them around wildly, “because it was a one-time deal, right?”

  “Norma-” Divit started quietly, his brows dipping low over his eyes to form a deep frown, but I spoke louder.

  “You only wanted to pork me to get outta the bathroom in the first place. Well, there ya go!” My voice rose with my ire, and maybe I was being irrational, acting like a crazy woman, but I didn’t care. I felt like freakin’ crying and hitting something at the same time; and while I knew exactly why, the rational part of me had left the building. “So what, so you shagged the stupid human, and she’s not so special at all. So she’s normal, so what?! Why is that so damned horrible?!”

  “Norma...”

  “What? Am I repulsive to you now? Did it wear off? Did Callie’s boner potion remove your beer goggle’s, billy-vamp? Am I hideous again?”

  “Norma...” Voice low and hard, something off about it I couldn’t quite put my finger on, a bit of a growl in it, I didn’t dare meet his eyes.

  If I saw pity swimming in those impossibly dark depths, the same ones once that once burned as they’d stared into mine so passionately—stupid game spell or not—desire filling them, desire for me, it would kill me.

  “No. No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to have a say.” Sniffling, I made a cutting motion, my left hand slicing through the open, dead space between us, and I shook my head. “You had your say before, remember? This is my turn.”

  Divit made as if to move, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly as I stared in the vicinity of his knees.

  “My fangs are back,
” was all he said, and I laughed. Long and low, I laughed.

  “That’s fucking great. Just great, right? Lucky you.” My voice cracked at the end and I swiped at my cheeks, cursing myself for being so stupid, letting myself feel like this, and for what? He’s not worth it. Ripping that stupid, obnoxious veil off my head as I let off an incredulous snort, I chucked it towards the shower stall.

  “You should go,” he said into the silence that followed, and I watched as his hands clenched at his sides.

  Finally looking up, hate filled my gaze as I glared at him. Teeth gritted, jaw ticking, expression emotionless, the bloodsucker couldn’t have given two shits about me.

  “Fine. Whatever. Fuck you too, asshole.” Chest heaving, fighting back stupid tears I didn’t really want there in the first place, embarrassed and humiliated I was making a complete and utter ass out of myself, pissed at him and this whole thing, I ran from the room.

  “Norma! No, Norma, wait!” Divit started shouting after me instantly, but I was already barreling through the door. And straight into the middle of Callie’s living room, where everyone was gaping openly at me as I came stumbling through.

  Face flushing three shades of red, maybe a tad purple, I ignored everyone to dive for my purse on the couch.

  Everyone spoke at once as I scooped up my things and hauled ass for Callie’s huge oak double doors.

  “Oh... my... Genie...” Callie blurted. “What happened?”

  “You were gone for, like, seven minutes, pizza girl... Seriously, what gives? You look like you were forced into a trashy bridal convention, drawn on by five year olds, and shoved through a car wash. Ick.” Good old Mary, chiming in, like always. “I dunno, Callie, this game kind of...”

  “What kind of games are you playing at, witchling? Torture? Mockery? Harmless fun, you said? My friend did not look harmed less when she dissolved, or Divit, when he poofed out of thin air, for that matter.” Spira hissed. “I would wish to know, now!”

  “Byron does not know about this. Will Byron be forced into such... hideousness with another female? Norman is upset and angry. The little one is hurting. Why does Norman hurt, then, if it is all in good fun, as you say?” An angry noise rumbled the wolf’s throat. “Byron’s nose knows. Not good game, Byron thinks.”