by Donna Alward
CHAPTER 13
This wasn’t a gentle kiss like before. There was no hesitancy, no caution, no testing the waters. It was full-on, lips and tongue, bodies pressed together and acknowledging a mutual need.
“Jess,” he murmured, sliding his lips down her jaw. “What are we doing, Jess?”
Neither of them really expected her to answer. Instead she just gloried in the liberating feeling of kissing him. Of being in his arms.
And the awesome realization that Rick—equally damaged and complicated Rick—was the one person who could finally make her feel this way. Charged. Excited. Yearning.
His left hand was against her lower back, holding her firmly against him while his right slid down over her ribs and over, just a little, so that his thumb caressed her nipple through her sweater. “Did you really ask me up here for dinner?” he whispered in her ear, making her shiver deliciously.
“Are you questioning my motives?” She might have sounded serious except the last word came out on a breathy sigh as his thumb flicked again.
“I’m absolutely questioning them,” he answered. “You say stop, I’ll stop. But Jess … God, I don’t want to.”
Brown eyes met blue. This was the moment, then. They could stop it right now and that would be the end of it. He was leaving it in her hands. She could walk away and not risk embarrassment or getting hurt or the million other things she was sure could go wrong. That was exactly what they’d agreed, wasn’t it?
Or she could put herself in the hands of the only person she’d come close to trusting. From the way his heart was beating against her palm and his zipper was pressed against her hip, she knew exactly where this was heading.
“I’m nervous,” she confessed. “There’s something different about what we have, you and me. I don’t want to mess that up…”
He lifted his left hand. “I don’t even know if I can brace myself up on this thing or not.” His lips thinned and he shook his head. “I’m nervous, too, you know.”
“You haven’t since…?”
“No,” he confirmed, “I haven’t.”
She let that thought settle. Dangerous, wild-card Rick Sullivan had been celibate for months. But he wanted to make love with her. To her. And she’d always wondered what it might have been like if they’d gone all the way on the beach that night. Now was her opportunity to find out. She meant it when she said the “what if” game was pointless. But how often did you get a second chance? What if she never got a third?
Jess slid her hand down the center of his chest, stood on her tiptoes just a little, and kissed him, a sweet, slow kiss that she hoped left him in no doubt of her answer. Then she took him by the hand and led him through to her bedroom, closing them in a cocoon of privacy where they could shut out the world.
Rick grabbed the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head, leaving her standing in the semidarkness wearing nothing but her lace bra. More kisses followed after that; hot ones that he trailed over her cheeks, down her neck, along the tender skin of her collarbone, his tongue dipping to trace the line of lace as her breath accelerated.
“Tell me if it’s too fast,” he said, his voice a husky rasp as he reached for the button of her jeans. “God, you are so beautiful, Jess. So beautiful.”
That he thought so sent a wave of pleasure over her. He pushed her jeans over her hips and she stepped out of them, stunningly aware that she was in front of Rick in her underwear. Maybe it was because she’d known him for years. Maybe it was the gentle heart she saw in his art that he kept hidden behind his tough-guy façade. Either way, Jess was beyond ready. It was time.
His fingers touched the scar on her belly and he pulled away, surprised.
“It’s a long story,” she whispered, chagrined that she’d forgotten about it. “Just ignore it, okay?” She reached out for the buttons on his shirt and undid them, one by one, hoping it was sufficient distraction.
“Jess,” he said quietly, putting his hand on her wrist before she could push the fabric off his shoulders. “There are scars.”
She kissed the side of his mouth. “We all have scars.”
But she wasn’t prepared for what she saw when she spread his shirt wide and slid it over his shoulders. It was far worse than the four-inch pink line on her abdomen. At least half a dozen jagged scars marked his torso from navel to shoulder, healed but uneven and seemingly random.
Her throat swelled. “What happened?”
“Shrapnel,” he answered briefly.
He’d told her once that he’d been in the hospital for more than his hand. Dear God, how much had he suffered?
She traced each mark with her finger, then leaned forward and kissed one gently. When she looked back up at him, his jaw was tense and his eyes were closed.
“You okay?”
His lashes fluttered. “I’m okay. Your fingers feel good.”
So she ran her fingertips over the skin of his chest, his shoulders, his strong back. It was so warm, so firm and their bodies brushed together, making all her nerve endings come alive. His lips grazed the curve of her neck and she gasped. She wasn’t just ready emotionally to take this step. Her body was speaking loud and clear.
She unbuttoned his jeans and within seconds they were both standing beside her bed dressed in nothing more than their underwear, breathing hard.
Jess reached behind her back and undid the clasp of her bra, letting it slip down her arms and to the floor. Rick’s eyes darkened to almost black, and she held his gaze, the connection between them so strong it seemed as though they must already be touching.
“I don’t have protection,” he said hoarsely.
She hesitated for a minute and counted days in her head. “It’s the wrong time in my cycle,” she said, her voice shaking. “We’ll be okay.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. I don’t want to wait.” She reached for his hand and placed it on her breast. “Don’t make me wait.”
He didn’t. They slid onto the bed and Rick wasted no time slipping her panties over her hips. The duvet was soft beneath her and she closed her eyes, luxuriating in the feel of his lips on her skin, touching her in sensitive spots until she thought she could barely stand it. She was on fire by the time he slipped off his underwear and settled himself above her.
“Open your eyes,” he commanded, and she did, to find his face close to hers. A shadow of stubble roughened his jaw and she thrilled all over again to see how his pupils widened as she gave her hips an experimental grind against him. He braced himself on his right hand and left elbow, and she reached down between them and guided him home.
“Mmmmm,” she hummed. Rick began moving slowly inside her before he groaned quietly into her neck, his control snapping as he began to push harder, faster. Oh God, she’d missed this. Missed the rush, missed the intimacy, missed the connection with another human being. This was better than she ever remembered—pure, uncomplicated. She closed her eyes and let herself feel, get swept away by the sensations washing over her. The feel of his body against hers, the sound of his breathing, the taste of salt on her tongue when she kissed his shoulder.
“Jess,” he murmured. “We need to reverse positions.”
Rick’s arm came around her and he rolled them over until she was sitting astride him, feeling rather exposed and slightly self-conscious about having to take the lead. But he put his hands on her hips and urged her just a little, and that was all the prompting she needed. Rocking against him felt so good that she quickly forgot any inhibitions and let her body take over until she was trembling all over.
When the orgasm hit she was unprepared for the force of it and she cried out, collapsing against his chest while her hips thrust against his, taking him over the edge with her until his head was thrown back against the pillows and he found the same fulfillment.
Their breathing slowed. The sweat began to dry, leaving Jess chilled. Reluctantly she slid off his body and disappeared to the bathroom.
She saw herself
in the mirror and wide eyes stared back. Her skin was flushed and her hair a tangle of curls, tiny damp ones spiraling from her temples. Her lips were slightly swollen and she was naked as the day she was born. She’d been well and truly loved. So much so that she felt like crying, but she wouldn’t, not in front of Rick. He’d think she was upset when she wasn’t—she was simply overwhelmed with emotion.
It had been utterly fantastic. Freeing and beautiful. More than she’d ever imagined.
She’d been staring long enough, so she went back to the bedroom.
He was still on the bed, also still naked, and she felt a blush crawl up her face.
He grinned, a hint of a dimple forming on his cheek. “Getting all modest on me now, Saint Jess?”
She smiled back, feeling ridiculously shy. “Considering we’re both naked, I don’t think the saint thing applies,” she answered. She nudged back the covers, crawled underneath, and rested on her elbow. “I’m a bit cold.”
He got beneath the blankets with her. “Doesn’t feel that way to me,” he said, putting his hands behind his head and looking particularly satisfied. He gave her a sideways glance. “You look good naked, Saint Jess. Better than I thought you would, and that was a pretty damn good fantasy.”
Her lips dropped open. “You thought about that?”
“Of course I did.”
They cuddled under the blankets for a few minutes, simply enjoying looking at each other, when Rick spoke again. “Next time I’ll be prepared.”
Her heart leapt. “You expect there’ll be a next time?”
“I don’t think we’ll be able to avoid it. Once isn’t going to be enough for me, Jess.”
So what were they starting here? A relationship? She doubted that was what Rick wanted. Friends with benefits? She wasn’t sure she was comfortable with that sort of arrangement either. And yet she wasn’t in any hurry to get out of the bed and she was already thinking about when the next time might be.
“Me either,” she said, her stomach fluttering nervously.
“There’s one more thing you should know,” he said, holding her gaze. “We probably should have talked about it before. I haven’t been with anyone since leaving the hospital, and nothing was flagged on my medical. I’m clean.”
Oh God, he was honorable. And honest and tender …
“Mike was my last.”
“Holy shit!” His eyes widened and his head lifted off his hand. “Really? But that was…”
“A very long time ago, yes.”
“Big dry spell for you.”
She nodded. It definitely had been. “I thought about it a couple of times, but it never got this far. Things always ended before we could get … intimate.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
She waggled her eyebrows a little. “I might have been thinking about you a little bit, too.”
He chuckled. “Well.”
“Yes, well.” She smiled softly.
They settled their heads on the pillows again. Rick’s expression changed, his eyebrows pulling together a little. “Jess, do you think we could keep this between us for now? I’m not sure I’m ready for Josh to know I’m sleeping with his little sister.”
Disappointment made her heart heavy. “You want this to be our little secret?” There was an edge to her voice. She wasn’t quite angry, but wasn’t exactly pleased either. “You ashamed of being seen with me?”
“No! Of course not.” He looked shocked that she’d suggest such a thing. “I just … this is all new territory for me. And Jewell Cove is tiny. Whatever this is, or whatever it’s not, we don’t need an audience speculating about our every move.”
She sat up, clutching the blanket to her chest. “So for now, you want us to sneak around.”
“I want us to be private,” he corrected. “That’s why it’s called a private life.”
She’d been feeling so awesome, so amazing since being with him. Like she’d turned a corner. Hopeful. And now Rick was making her feel like they’d done something wrong. She looked away. Despite his problems, she wouldn’t have hidden them away like a dirty secret. The fact that he wanted to stung.
“Hey,” he said quietly, and spread out his arm. “Can’t we just have a little time to figure out if there’s an us before we spring it on the whole town?”
She slid down beside him, resting her head in the warm curve of his shoulder. “I guess,” she murmured, and as the quiet moment drew out, her eyes grew heavy. The heady combo of sex and emotion was leaving her feeling quite drained and he was so cozy to curl up to. “You’re probably right, you know. Everyone will have an opinion.”
“Because they care about you.”
“They care about you, too,” she replied, stifling a yawn. She curved her arm around his ribs.
It felt very right, being held in his arms. She should get up, but if she got up this would be over. And she wasn’t ready for that yet …
He tightened his embrace and kissed her hair, and she gave in to sleep.
* * *
Rick heard Jess’s breathing level out as she drifted off to sleep in his arms. He was still trying to wrap his mind around what had happened this afternoon. Sure, they’d been doing this love/hate dance since early fall and lately it had been much more on the love side. And there’d been the kiss that had knocked him a bit sideways.
Yeah, he’d wanted to see her today. He’d wanted to see her face when she saw what he’d done with her ornaments but mostly he’d just wanted to see her.
But not in a million years had he thought they’d end up making love.
Jess was too guarded, too cautious.
And so was he. Right? Except maybe they weren’t, because they’d actually done quite well as far as he was concerned. Jess was different and always had been. She wasn’t the kind of woman a man could love and walk away from. Even if he knew he should. She deserved better and he knew it. Hell, the whole town and her family knew it, too. Which was exactly why he wanted to keep things on the down-low for now. The moment the world found out about them? Shit would hit the fan. Josh and Tom were his friends, but he knew they’d have plenty to say about it.
The gray afternoon shifted to evening dark and the streetlights on Lilac Lane came on, illuminating the tiny gap between the window blinds and the frame. He closed his eyes and took slow breaths, imprinting the memory of these moments on his brain. Her scent, like summer lilies; how warm and soft she was; her skin delicate and pale against the tumbling waterfall of her hair. She’d been so sweet—sweet and sexy and stunning. All that he could have asked for in a lover.
Jess was a giver. She could talk all she wanted about Rick hiding his light under a bushel but she’d been doing the same thing. Not with her talents, but with her heart. She’d guarded it so carefully.
And the first time she opened up it was with him. He was honored and more than a bit humbled, but it was also scary as hell. It felt like she was asking more of him than he could give. He didn’t want to disappoint her, and yet he suspected he probably would. Didn’t he always?
Being with her was easy and frustrating and fun, and when they were together, he could relax and let the past go. Hopefully that was enough for now. “I won’t let you down,” he whispered quietly in the darkness. He would do the right thing. He’d make it work—if it killed him.
CHAPTER 14
“Jess.”
She stirred, sliding further into the warmth surrounding her.
“Jess,” came the voice again.
She opened one eye and realized she was cradled in Rick’s arms.
“I fell asleep.”
“You sure did.” He smiled down at her. “Feel better?”
She stretched a little, pointing her toes toward the bottom of the bed. “I do.”
“It’s after six. I wasn’t sure if you had a class tonight or not, so I thought I’d better wake you up just in case.”
She chuckled. “That would be awkward.”
“A bit.”
/> “It’s my night off.”
“So you don’t actually have to get out of bed.”
The suggestion in his voice heated her all over. “Technically, no.”
There was a growling sound from under the covers and they both started laughing.
“I think we might need to eat, though.” She shoved her hair away from her face. “I did ask you to dinner.”
“You’ve been a terrible host,” he confirmed, reaching out and tucking a stray chunk of hair behind her ear. The touch was so affectionate she nearly swooned right then and there.
But they had to take things slowly, be sure this was what they both wanted, needed. There was a friendship at stake, so it would be better to feel their way through it and not rush.
Which was pretty funny considering they’d already skipped to the sleeping together part.
“As cozy as this is, I’m starving. How do you feel about pasta and chicken?”
“If I don’t have to make it, it sounds great.”
“Oh, you’re helping. No slackers allowed here.” She slid out from beneath the blanket and shivered. “I suppose our fire went out a long time ago.”
“I’ll build a new one.” He got up and reached for his underwear and she was treated to a lovely view of his backside as he pulled them on. When he turned around she really got a good look at the scars on his chest and shoulders. He hadn’t had an easy time.
Once she was back in her underwear, she went to her closet and chose comfy yoga pants and an oversized hoodie, her favorite relaxing wardrobe. She pulled her hair back and anchored it in a loose bun with an elastic. When she looked up, Rick was watching her with a smile on his face. “You look adorable.”
“I look comfortable,” she corrected. She hadn’t felt the need to dress up and impress him. They’d known each other too long. He’d seen her in far worse. With a start she realized that she could really be herself with Rick. How cool was that?
“Let’s go. I’m starving.”
Once Rick had a fire going, they worked side by side in the kitchen. Jess put water on for the pasta and then put Rick to work chopping vegetables while she stirred chicken in a skillet and built a simple sauce with cream, butter, and Parmesan. It seemed to take no time at all to finish creating the meal, and Rick set the table as she scooped up servings.