by Donna Alward
He squeezed her arm and they climbed the steps to the landing. He thought about his words, knowing he’d unconsciously added “even me” to the end of that last sentence. Jess was wonderful, and he’d started to understand that he trusted her but he still didn’t quite trust himself. He’d made progress, he knew that. But the rough times weren’t necessarily over and not everything was coming up daisies.
They knocked, using the big brass door knocker and stood back. Jess smiled over at him. “Do you know the first time I was inside this house after Tom renovated it, I was here for a sleepover?”
He grinned. “Really? At your age?”
“It was after the picnic at Sarah’s. We brought out pizza and wine and ended up crashing here. I walked through the halls gawking at everything.”
The door opened and Abby stood there, smiling at them. “Hello you two! Gosh, it’s good to see you. Come on in.”
She led them through to the parlor, a pretty room done in warm yellow with antique furniture and draperies the color of rich merlot. A fire burned cheerily in the fireplace. Unlike the modern additions to the library, this room was like stepping back in time.
“Do you ever feel like you’re living in a time warp?” Jess asked, perching on the edge of a silk settee.
Abby laughed. “Yes. I don’t know what’s going to happen when Tom and I have kids. The rug in here is original. Can you imagine spilling grape juice on it?”
Rick looked at the light in her eyes and knew the idea didn’t really faze her a bit. “You’re not … already, are you?”
Her eyes twinkled at them. “Not yet. Not that we know of,” she amended.
His buddy Tom a dad? The image seemed to fit for some reason. Tom was ready, Rick realized, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready for kids.
The front door slammed and Tom’s voice rang out. “Hello! Anyone home?”
Rick watched as Abby’s whole face lit up at the sound of her husband’s voice. The two of them were so in love it was sickening.
Tom stuck his head inside the room. “Hey, sweetheart.” His first smile was for his wife. Then he looked at Rick and Jess, sitting side by side on the settee. “And hey to you, too,” he added, shrugging out of his heavy jacket. “Glad you could make it.”
“Now that we’re all here, Jess, why don’t you give me a hand in the kitchen and Tom can show off his new shop to Rick.”
The women disappeared in a flurry of conversation and Rick found himself out in the old carriage building, admiring Tom’s woodworking shop, while Jess and Abby talked about God knows what. Their first dinner date as a real couple. The idea should have scared him more than it did.
He was falling in love with Jess Collins and had no idea what to do about it or where to go from here. All he knew was that he didn’t want it to end. Problem was, he was very aware that good things never lasted forever. Especially for him.
CHAPTER 19
Jess paused at the door, wondering if she should ask Rick in. She wanted to. The evening had been wonderful, the two of them visiting with Abby and Tom, and she couldn’t remember when she’d laughed so much. It had felt like a normal relationship. At least, it had once she’d had a moment to speak to Abby. There was no news on the necklace yet, so she’d relaxed and let herself enjoy the visit.
And now Rick had walked her to the door. Her stomach flipped from nerves, but the good kind. They were embarking on something here, something important. And both of them were so afraid to talk about it and jinx anything.
She turned and found him standing remarkably close to her, close enough she had to tilt her chin up to look into his dark eyes. “Are you coming in, Rick?”
She heard the breathless tone of her voice and her nerves jacked up another level. “Yeah, I’d like to come in,” he answered, voice low and husky.
The back door opened into the workroom, and Jess left the lights off while Rick locked the door behind him. In the inky darkness Jess took his hand and led him to the loft steps leading to her living space. Once inside, she reached for the lamp but he stopped her with three little words that made her heart thump with anticipation.
“Leave it off.”
She dropped her purse and turned around to face him. It only took a step for him to be inches away. Jess half expected him to gather her up in his arms and whisk her away with a steamy kiss, but instead he lifted his hand and framed her cheek with a tenderness that stole her breath.
She leaned in to the cup of his hand, her eyes sliding closed. She had never imagined he could be so tender. It was a revelation that made him doubly dangerous and drew her in like a moth to a flame.
Only then did he kiss her, taking her lips with an assurance that set her pulse skipping. He took his time, letting the kiss draw out until she felt herself melting against him, her arms sliding up over his shoulders as their bodies pressed together.
She reached for the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one and sliding her hands over the warm expanse of his chest before pushing the cotton over his shoulders. All she wanted right now was to feel the heat of his skin against hers. But when she gripped the hem of her sweater, Rick stepped back. “Wait,” he said, his voice husky in the darkness.
He went to the window and she realized with a little embarrassment that the blinds were open and the wide windows facing the street would reveal them to anyone who bothered to look up. Rick tensed, staring outside for a few moments before gripping the cord on the roman blinds and releasing the folds, enclosing them in privacy.
“Are you all right?” His jaw was set at a hard, tense angle and his eyes seemed extra intense in the shadowy light.
He didn’t answer, but came straight to her, pulled her body flush against his, and kissed her with an intensity that was at once frightening and thrilling. She let out a little squeak as he swept her up into his arms and carried her to her bedroom.
Tonight would be all-out, no-holds-barred, baring-of-souls lovemaking. Jess trembled, standing on the precipice of taking this gigantic leap. It wasn’t about being the first time since Mike or a new step … She touched Rick’s face, met his gaze, and knew, deep down, that she’d tumbled down the slippery slope of falling in love with him.
She loved Rick Sullivan. She probably always had.
They left the lights off but the glow of the streetlamps cast enough shadows that Jess was able to see all of Rick’s features as they undressed in the dark. The glow in his eyes, the outline of his lips, the hard line of his jaw, the broad dips and curls of his shoulders and arms. The moment he slid inside her she cried out. Nothing she’d ever experienced had ever felt as right as this moment, and they held there, letting the impact settle over them.
Each movement, each pulse and beat was a tattoo on her heart. When things got too intense they slowed it down, determined to make it last as long as they could stand it. Sweat slicked their skin and Jess straddled his hips, her hair cascading down her back as she rocked against him and his hands gripped the flesh just below her waist. It wasn’t until he reached down to the spot where they were joined that she lost control, trembling and shuddering around him, calling out his name in the darkness.
The tremors were subsiding only a little when he swore, his fingers digging into her hips as he thrust upward, her still-sensitive skin throbbing as he reached his own orgasm.
Then there was only the sound of harsh breathing in her bedroom as they recovered.
Something had changed tonight. Something important and big and amazing. Rather than ruin the moment by speaking, Jess curled up against his side, still naked, and rested her head on his chest.
I love you, she thought to herself, wondering if it was too soon to say the words. But they had already been spoken in her heart. If Rick wasn’t there yet it was okay. The way they’d come together tonight had not been one-sided. Rick would say the words when he was ready. The lack of them didn’t take anything away from the connection they shared. It went deeper than anything she’d ever experienced.
I love you, she thought again, as her eyes drifted closed.
* * *
Rick made sure she was completely asleep before sliding out from beneath her embrace and reaching for his jeans.
He left his shirt off and walked quietly out to the living room, lifting the blind and staring out into the darkness.
The car was gone. The face was gone. But Rick knew. When they’d first returned, when Rick had moved to shut the blinds, Mike had been standing across the street looking in.
Rick took his cell from his pocket and dialed Josh.
“It’s after midnight. What do you want?”
“Hello to you, too,” Rick said quietly.
“If this is a call to come pick you up somewhere…” Josh sounded supremely irritated. “I have early appointments tomorrow.”
“Shut up for a minute and listen.”
“I can’t hear you very well. Speak up, will ya?”
Rick pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose, deliberating. “I can’t. Jess is asleep.”
Silence hummed along the line, but Rick heard the quiet condemnation anyway. So much for discreet. Every time he turned around, his relationship with Jess was a little bit more public.
“I’m at her place,” Rick finally said. “And when we got home, Mike was waiting across the street. I wanted you to know.”
“Shit.” Josh left off the you’re sleeping with my sister attitude momentarily and let out a big breath. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. I don’t like her left alone. I’ll be hanging around a lot. I don’t trust that guy as far as I can throw him.”
“Me neither.”
There was a long silence. “You tell Bryce yet?” Josh asked.
“Not yet. You dealt with Mike before, and you’re her brother.”
“And you’re sleeping with her.”
Rick swallowed. He’d known this would eventually come up. “I think I love her, Josh. I think I have for a long time. I just don’t want to rush things and screw it up.”
“And having sex isn’t rushing?”
He glanced toward the bedroom—no sign of movement yet. “Give me a break here. We’re figuring things out. We’ve both got bigger issues than sex to get over.”
“She’s my sister,” Josh said hoarsely, as if that said it all. Because it did.
“And I’d die before I let Mike Greer lay a finger on her again. You can trust me on that.”
“I believe you. I might not be entirely happy about how things are, but I believe you.”
“And you’ll talk to Bryce and Tom?”
“You can count on it.” There was a pause. “Look after her, Rick. She’s had enough to contend with. Don’t you hurt her, too.”
With his past history, Rick knew he shouldn’t be offended, but he was just the same. He forced back the defensive words that sprang to his brain and said instead, “Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Another beat of silence and Josh asked quietly, “So you love her, huh?”
Rick swallowed thickly. “Yeah.”
“Well, goddamn.” There was a low chuckle. “Keep me posted, okay?”
“Will do.”
Rick clicked off the phone and moved to the window, staring out at the inky shape of the cove and the docks jutting into the water of the harbor. There was something else he had to do, too. He’d been putting it off long enough.
But not tonight. Not now. He’d pick a better time. Right now he just wanted to crawl back into bed with Jess and pull her warmth against him.
When he did that, he felt like everything would be okay.
* * *
Rick made a habit of staying as close to Jess as possible during the days that followed, insisting that she needn’t look for extra help when he could lend a hand. He spent most of his nights there, holding her close in his arms, and when he ran out of reasons to see her during the day, he brought his paints over and worked on some candle and ornament projects—she was selling out of them at a surprising rate and the holiday festival was fast approaching. The light in her living quarters was great, and Jess set up an area for him with a worktable and stool. Quite often he’d go out and pick up lunch for the two of them and bring it back, and on the nights she taught her classes he cooked something simple and had it ready for when she was done.
It was all very domestic and homey and Rick knew he should be running in the other direction as fast as his feet would carry him. And yet he didn’t, because being with Jess felt disturbingly right.
But Mike was still out there, and until that whole problem was resolved, Rick would keep his real feelings to himself. They had time. Besides, he told himself, it wasn’t like Jess was in an all-fired rush to make any huge declarations either.
One night after they’d made love, Rick traced his finger over the line of Jess’s scar, running diagonally across her stomach. “You ever going to tell me the story behind this?” he asked. He leaned over and kissed the pink, slightly puckered skin. “And not the edited version you gave your folks?”
Jess put her hand on his hair and sighed. “The night I left Mike … he cut me. Not badly, and Josh stitched me up. But it was scary. I knew then that I could never be tied to Mike in any way ever again.”
“Jess,” he whispered, awed.
“Don’t look at me like that. I was so blind. So foolish and … God, I made so many mistakes.”
He studied her face, seeing the hesitation there and something more. Fear? “It can’t be that bad, Saint Jess.” He tried an encouraging smile.
“That name.” She frowned. “I’m so far from being a saint, it isn’t funny. I’ve done things…”
He waited. Let her explain on her own terms and in her own time. She’d done the same for him and he owed her the same courtesy.
All he did was reach out and take her hand again, feeling the smaller palm against his own. The last few weeks he’d almost completely forgotten about his own disability. Life had felt … normal. He had Jess to thank for that. Whatever she was about to confess wouldn’t change that one iota.
Her voice was small as she began. “You never think it’ll happen to you. You say you would never stand for that kind of treatment and you’d get out if you found yourself in that situation…” She looked down. “I wasn’t strong enough. I wish I’d done so many things differently. And I know I can’t go back and change things and I know it wasn’t my fault. Still. I should have been smarter. Stronger.”
Rick had been staring at their joined hands but at those words his gaze snapped to hers. Her blue eyes were shimmering with tears. God, she was hurting so much. If he hadn’t hated Mike Greer before, he definitely did now.
“Oh, Jess,” he said softly, and scooted up the mattress so he was beside her. He opened his arm and she snuggled into him. He couldn’t offer her much. He didn’t have a lot of money, he was as damaged as she was, and his employment prospects were limited. But he could offer her comfort.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
What a question. “No, of course not! You could never disappoint me.”
She lifted her chin so she could look up at him. “Are you sure? Because I disappointed myself. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
“But look at you now,” he insisted. “You overcame it. You went back to school and built this great business for yourself. You did beat him, Jess.” He put his finger under her chin and lifted until she met his gaze. “Take it from me. Sometimes you can’t do it by yourself. I thank God that Josh was there that night. And I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
She was crying now, broken sobs against his shoulder as he held her close and felt his eyes sting in response to her pain. He let her go on, knowing she needed this the same way he’d needed to talk about Kyle. “Shh,” he soothed, rubbing her arm and kissing her hair. “It’s okay to let it out.”
After a few minutes her crying lessened and she pushed away, turning her tearstained face his way. “I go for ages where it doesn’t bother me,
but lately … I think being with you, and then seeing him … it brought back a lot of stuff I haven’t had to think about in a while.” She gave a self-deprecating smile. “All the time and therapy in the world doesn’t erase the fact that people, if they knew, would ask how I could be so stupid.”
He gave a short laugh. “I hope you don’t include me in that group. I’m the last person who should ever pass judgment on anyone. Ever.”
He got up and slid beneath the covers with her, cradling her close.
Her shoulders relaxed and she turned into his arms once more. They lay that way for a long time, just holding onto each other. They talked a while longer in the dark, and then got up to actually get ready for bed. Jess brushed her teeth while Rick recharged his battery for his arm. It was nothing for her to see him without it now. He had a toothbrush in her toothbrush holder on the sink. His shampoo was in her shower. His clothes were on her floor.
Hell, he’d practically moved in.
It should have bothered him more as they crawled into bed and pulled the covers up, cuddling together.
It should have. And it didn’t. Because he trusted her. Because he loved her. And if things kept going the way they were …
He couldn’t think that way. Not yet. One day at a time.
* * *
The hall in the basement of the church was teeming with people. It was Advent, and there were always more people who turned out this time of year for weekly services. Lighting the Advent candles was always a special event, followed by carols, and today the junior choir had sung a sweet rendition of “Away in a Manger.” Jess had enjoyed it but missed seeing Rick at the service. He wasn’t much of a churchgoer, so she’d given him some space and come to church alone.
Brian Greer sat at a table across the hall, with Pamela at his side. Jess breathed a sigh of relief. She knew Karen wasn’t doing well at all, but Mike must have gone back to his life—wherever that was.
“Hey, sis!” Sarah came up to her and linked their elbows. “Matt and Susan want you to come sit with us. Suzie made the cinnamon cake and she saved you a piece to have with some coffee.”