by Donna Alward
“I can’t help it. I love you, Jess.”
God, he didn’t just say that. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked quickly, trying to clear them away. “Don’t,” she whispered, her voice wobbling. “You’ll only make it worse.”
He put the package down on the counter and took a step toward her. “It can’t get any worse,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “I’m lost without you. Nothing is right anymore. There’s so much going on inside me and all I want is to hold you in my arms at night and whisper my secrets in the dark. And you’re not there and I’m dying a little inside. I need you, Jess. I love you.”
Oh, how she wanted to believe him. He took another step closer and it would be so easy to launch herself into his arms, feel them tighten around her.
Another step forward and she could see the pain in his eyes.
“I was so wrong, Jess. I shut you out instead of letting you in. I should never have sent you away. I might have protected you that night, if not for my own stupid pride. Instead I was selfish, so selfish. I need to change that. I started seeing someone, Jess. A doctor in Augusta who’s going to help me deal with everything. So I can be a better man.” He was only a few feet away now. “A better man like you deserve.”
He was saying all the right things and she was touched. More than that, he’d ignited a hope in her that had been extinguished for a long time. But there was too much to talk about, too much he didn’t know for this to be a fresh start. Besides, she wasn’t entirely blameless here either.
“You’re not the only one who has issues to work through,” she murmured, tucking her hands into the soft pockets of her sweater. “And there are things I need to tell you…”
“There are things I need to tell you, too. But first I need to know you’re okay. That there hasn’t been any more trouble with Mike.”
“He’ll go to court early next year,” she confirmed. “And I have a restraining order now. He’s an afraid little man, Rick. I don’t think he expected I’d fight back this time.”
“If you need me to testify about Thanksgiving, say the word.”
“I will.” She looked up at him and felt herself soften. He looked so sincere, so open. More open than she’d ever seen him before.
“Can we go somewhere more comfortable to talk?” he asked.
Her loft would be a bit too intimate yet and the only furniture was the bed, which thankfully had remained mostly untouched—only the bedding had been sliced. “I haven’t bought furniture yet,” she replied. “We could sit in the workshop.”
“Wait here a minute,” he said, and he went behind the counter and retrieved the two folding chairs there, gripping one in his right hand and looping his left arm through the hole between the seat and back of the second chair. He put them down and opened them up before the wide windows. An inch or two of snow had fallen and the town looked mystical as darkness began to creep over the harbor and Christmas lights began to come on.
She sat down and he sat across from her, close enough their knees nearly touched. He reached out and took her hands in his. She no longer minded the feel of his prosthetic. It was part of who he was, and that person was usually pretty great.
“You’re really doing better? Getting counseling?”
“Yes,” he answered honestly. “Jess, the reason I was so upset that night was because I felt so betrayed, like no one trusted me with my own life. Add into that my grief about my mom, my feelings of guilt about Kyle … it suddenly was too much for me to handle. It was like the people closest to me had gone behind my back because they were too afraid I couldn’t deal with the truth. The truth is, it’s going to take some time before I really sort out how it all fits together.” He looked into her eyes, utterly honest. “But I’m going to do it. I need you to trust that I’ll do it.”
Jess left her fingers in his. This was the Rick she’d fallen for. Honest and open with her, showing his heart. Maybe there was hope for them after all.
“I also have a new job for a few weeks.” He smiled at her. “I’m painting a mural for Bryce and Mary. She cornered me a few days ago and practically demanded. Stupid thing is I’m kind of excited about it. Painting a kid’s room, for God’s sake. After that, I’m thinking of spending the winter in my studio. Yeah, I was afraid at first of what people would say. And I was—and am—more afraid that if I make this my job, it won’t be fun anymore. Fun probably isn’t the right word. When I can’t sleep at night or when the stress gets to me, it calms me. It’s my therapy. If I make it my livelihood, will that part go away?”
She got that. She’d felt the same way before she’d opened Treasures. And yeah, there were times she missed the days when she could do things because she wanted to and not because bills had to be paid or commitments had been made or she was low on stock.
“It will be what you need it to be, I think,” she answered, amazed by the calm strength she sensed in him now.
“I hope so,” he replied, and he smiled at her, making her heart melt a little. “Anyway, Mary barged into my house with all these ideas and I found myself getting excited about it.”
“That’s great, Rick. Really great.”
And it was wonderful to see him so happy, so animated, without the lines of stress that had marked his face in previous weeks. Still, it was his next words that really set her pulse galloping, simply because it hit so very close to what she needed to tell him.
“Guess what else?” he asked her.”She let me touch her belly when the baby was moving. It was pretty incredible. It’s like a wave rolling underneath your hand. Coolest thing ever.”
She bit down on her lip. Just because things were coming together for him didn’t mean this could work … but it was a good sign, wasn’t it? Dare she hope? “You like babies?”
“I never gave them much thought before. I mean, I was in the sandbox for so long, and then when I came back I was trying to get back a life that didn’t exist anymore, dealing with the thing with Kyle and adjusting to my arm and stuff. But yeah, I think I like babies. Or will, sometime in the future.” He tugged on her fingers. “What about you, Jess? Do you like babies?”
There were a lot of things that could upset her today, but she hadn’t expected that that particular question would be the one to set her off crying. But it did. The emotion came up on her so fast she couldn’t guard against it. One moment she was looking in his eyes and the next she was weeping, because she wanted things to work so badly and she was scared to hope in case she got crushed again.
Before she could get her emotions under control, his arms were around her. He pulled her into his embrace and then somehow switched positions so he was sitting on the chair and she was in his lap. “God, Jess, what is it?” He kissed her hair and held her tightly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She wanted to trust him so badly. He was doing all she might have asked of him and more. He’d even taken the step of getting professional help. Rick had dealt with one upheaval after another. She’d tested him time and time again and he’d passed with flying colors. And the one time things had gone wrong, he’d done everything possible to make amends. It was time to tell him the truth. She owed him that.
“Let me up for a minute,” she whispered. “I promise I’ll be right back.”
His arms loosened but didn’t let go completely. “You’re sure?”
She wiped her face with her palms, clearing away the tears that had streaked down her cheeks. “I’m sure. There’s something I need to show you.”
She went to the counter, reached underneath, and took out the carefully folded knitted blanket. The yarn was soft against her hands, and nerves—both the excited and fearful kind—raced through her as she returned to the duet of chairs by the window. Only the low display lights were on now, leaving the shop in soft, muted light. She sat across from Rick, the blanket placed neatly on top of her knees.
“You finally finished it,” he said softly. “It’s beautiful.”
“I did. And you remember how I said th
at when the time was right, I’d know who to give it to?”
“Yes. Is it for Mary?”
She shook her head, terrified to say the words. It would be real then. They’d be tied together forever no matter what happened. There would be no turning back. But there was no turning back for Jess anyway. It was unexpected, it was complicated, but she wanted this baby. He—or she—was already a part of her heart. The life inside her was a treasure to be cherished and nurtured—by both of them.
She picked up the blanket and put it on his lap. “It’s for us, Rick. It’s for our baby.” As his gaze locked on hers, she finally said the words. “I’m having your baby.”
“Ours…” His gaze snapped to her abdomen and back up. “Jess.” He let out a breath and his shoulders slumped a little.
“That first night when we didn’t use protection. I thought … the dates should have been fine … I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“A baby,” he repeated. His eyes met hers. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Josh and I did a test. The day we went to Abby’s.”
He put a hand to his mouth, swiped it over his chin. “You’ve known that long? And you didn’t tell me?”
This was what she was afraid of. She knew how he felt about secrets, about going behind his back, especially since that day at Abby and Tom’s. She silently prayed to find the right words. “I was going to, but you had so much on your plate. And then everything fell apart—you were upset, and Mike’s arrest…”
“The night you came over … you were going to tell me, weren’t you?”
She nodded, the tears back again, and two rolled slowly down her cheeks. “I was worried about you and I wanted to see you, to see if I could help. I thought if you’d had time to cool off, we could just talk about it. And then I could tell you and we could decide what to do.”
“And instead I sent you away. Oh, Jess. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
“You’re not angry with me?”
“For keeping this from me? Considering how you found me that night, how could I possibly be upset? I’ve got no one to blame but myself.”
She blinked and looked down, the yellow blanket on his knees blurry through her tears. “I know it’s unexpected, but I want to keep the baby, Rick. You don’t have to decide anything now and whatever role you want to take on is okay. I just know that I’m ready, and I’m not afraid of being a mom. Not now.”
“Whatever role?” Rick pulled his chair closer and put his hands on her knees. “Father,” he said plainly. “Look at me, Jess. Please.”
She looked up.
“I told you earlier that I loved you. Do you think that changes because you’re carrying my child?” He blew out a breath. “God, that’s a huge thing, isn’t it? Life altering.” And yet a smile started curving up the corners of his mouth. “You’re having my baby,” he said again, shaking his head. “It’s a damned miracle, that’s what it is.”
Her throat was so tight with emotion she couldn’t respond. Rick’s smile faded and he reached out, placing a knuckle beneath her chin and lifting. “I guess the big question is whether or not you love me back. If you can forgive me for what I did. If you can trust me to put you first. I’m not perfect, Jess, but I’ll do my best. I’ll do what it takes, and that’s a promise I can keep. Do you love me, Jess? Because I love the hell out of you, with or without a baby.”
She nodded. She couldn’t help it. This was the Rick she remembered, only better. Because he’d been through trials, walked through hell, and come through it a little worse for wear but stronger and with a greater appreciation of the good things in life. He’d lost everything he thought was true and still he was here pledging to be there for her and their child. He was, she realized, the miracle she’d often prayed for and never quite believed existed.
“I do love you, Rick. I think I always have, and I think that’s what’s always scared me so much.”
“Don’t be scared,” he whispered, lifting his hand and cupping her jaw in his palm. “I have a theory. Want to know what it is?”
She waited, on the edge of something so huge she half-believed she must be imagining it.
“We are two wounded souls, you and me. But when we’re together all the bad parts seem to melt away. And so you shouldn’t be scared, because together we bring out the best in each other. We love harder, stand taller, feel stronger. We accept each other but know what else? We accept ourselves. And that’s something I’ve never really had before.”
She put her hand over his. “When I’m with you I almost believe anything is possible.”
“It is. I promise you it is. And if you stumble a time or two, I’ll be there to catch you.”
Jess closed her eyes. This was the hardest part. After having so much taken from her—her independence, her self, it was terrifying to willingly give it away. But then she felt Rick’s hand leave her face and the warmth of it pressed against her stomach and she had no choice. Her heart was no longer her own, and it was time she trusted it.
“And I’ll be there to catch you, too. I promise.”
Before she could say any more, Rick slid off his chair and onto his knees in front of her. He cupped her neck in his hand and she cradled his stubbled face in her hands as she kissed him at last. It was full-on, open-mouthed hunger with the taste of victory as they came together. The blanket dropped to the floor and Jess melted off her chair into his embrace until they were twined together on the floor of her shop, making up for lost time. He took little nips at her neck, molded her breasts in his hands until petting was no longer enough and clothes came off in a tangle of arms and legs and fabric.
Jess ignored the hard surface of the polished floor as she lifted her hips and welcomed him home once more. It was only then that their fevered actions slowed and Rick braced himself up on an elbow, utterly still inside her, his gloriously dark eyes delving into hers.
“I love you, Jess.”
Moisture gathered at the corner of her eyelids. “I love you, too.”
Making love with him had always been amazing but tonight was different. It didn’t matter that they weren’t on a plush mattress with candles and lacy lingerie and atmosphere. It was different because for the first time ever they’d given themselves completely to each other, heart, body, soul. When Jess cried out goose bumps rippled over her skin and Rick called out her name as he found his release.
Jess was sure she couldn’t feel any more complete, but she was wrong. Rick tenderly put her back together, clipping her bra and pulling her sweater back over her head. He reached beneath the collar with both hands and pulled her hair out from beneath the fabric, spreading the curls out over her shoulders as a smile played over his lips.
“What?” she asked, tugging on a boot that had been tossed aside.
“I hope our daughter has your hair. And your eyes.”
She melted.
“Well, chances are he will have your eyes. That’s basic genetics. Brown is dominant.”
“Healthy, happy, and with both of us works for me. He could have purple eyes for all I care.” He put out his hand and helped her up. “I nearly forgot. I brought you something. I thought I might need an ace up my sleeve.”
“You thought you might have to buy me off, is that it?” She grinned up at him, amazed at how an hour could bring such a change and take her from dismal to blissfully happy.
He led her over to the sales counter. “The night I sent you away, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a drink more. I just wanted to forget about all the pain, but I knew I couldn’t, not after how far I’d come. So instead I started this.” He opened the top of the shallow box. “I talked to Tom. He said he could fit this into your current door or put it in a new one, whatever you like. Merry early Christmas, Jess.”
She stepped up and gasped at the beautiful sheet of glass on the counter. With trembling fingers she reached out and picked it up, the soft glow in the room backlighting the design. Lilacs, tons of them, in shades of purple and white, w
ith delicate leaves surrounding them. It was the most beautiful piece of his she’d seen.
“For Treasures,” he said quietly. “For your front door. I thought it would be appropriate for Treasures on Lilac Lane.”
“Oh,” she said softly, staring at the stunning creation. “It’s amazing. You did this for me?”
He looked at her over the edge of the glass. “I did.”
Reluctantly she put it back down so she could wrap her arms around his neck. “Who needs a treasure,” she whispered in his ear, “when we have all this?”
He squeezed her close. “Will you marry me, Jess? Maybe I would have taken things slower if it weren’t for the baby, and I know it seems rushed. But we would have gotten here eventually. I know that as sure as I know I love you. Will you do it? Will you be my wife?”
It was fast, he was right about that. But she’d known him all her life and loved him for probably half of it. “Yes,” she whispered, surprising even herself. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
He picked her up and spun her around, kissing her jubilantly until she started laughing and squirmed against his embrace.
“Rick, I have ten women coming here in less than an hour to make Christmas ornaments. You have to put me down.”
“For now,” he murmured softly. “But not for long.”
CHAPTER 23
Rick and Jess kept the engagement under wraps for the first few days, but it was clear that they were back together as they stuck together like glue. Everyone seemed happy that they’d worked things out, and so Rick invited Abby to meet up with them at his house to clear up their unfinished business.
He was nervous. He couldn’t quite explain why, but he sensed there was something important about that necklace that would change things somehow.
Jess grazed her hand over his back as she passed by him to put a pot of tea on the table. “Relax. It’ll be fine,” she soothed, and she’d barely said the words when there was a knock at the door.