by E. N. Joy
“Actually, I don’t think you can do it,” Zelda expressed, hoping that Tamarra could read between the lines. She took the camera from Tamarra again.
Tamarra felt as though she and Zelda were having the conversation all over again, only this time, in front of everyone else. Could everyone read between the lines? Zelda was the only one Tamarra had told how she really felt about marrying a man with a child, with a baby momma. Actually, Tamarra didn’t have to tell her. Zelda had seen right through Tamarra by her actions. Could everyone else?
“Trust me, Zelda, I can do it.” Tamarra took back the camera. “After all, you’ve done enough by allowing us to have Sakaya’s birthday party here at Family Café.”
Zelda paused for a minute. “Okay, so maybe you can do it, but do you want to do it? I mean, really want to do it, Tamarra?”
Tamarra thought for a moment as she took in Zelda’s words. Zelda kindly took the camera again as she did so.
“Can somebody take the picture already? I want cake,” the now pouting four-year-old stated.
“Yes,” Sasha chimed in. “Are we missing something here?” She looked back and forth from Tamarra to Zelda.
“Uh, no, not at all. Isn’t that right, Zelda?” This time Tamarra snatched the camera from Zelda.
“If you say so, Tamarra. If you say so.” Before shooting Tamarra a glaring look and walking off, Zelda stated, “You folks let me know if you need anything else over here.” She glared at Tamarra the entire time.
Maeyl cleared his throat. “So, honey, you gonna take that picture or what?”
Unique’s oldest son blessed the cake before they all dug in. Sasha and Maeyl had invited a couple of people from the church to help celebrate their daughter’s birthday. Unique and her three boys were included on the list.
A few other people from the church showed up to lend their support as well. Some attended just to be nosy, to see if anything happened that they could run and talk about. “The Love Triangle” was the title given by the rumor and gossip mill at New Day to the situation between Tamarra, Maeyl, and Sasha. It was obvious it was titled by those who didn’t know all the facts. Had they known the facts, they would have realized just how improper the title was. After all, there was no love triangle. Maeyl loved Tamarra and only Tamarra. He didn’t even have love for Sasha based on GP that she was his baby’s momma. At least Tamarra didn’t feel that he did. He’d never told her such. But then again, she’d never asked. She had only assumed that the mother of his child didn’t somehow hold a piece of his heart.
The only connection her man and that woman had was their daughter, Sakaya, so if there was any love triangle, it would be between Tamarra, Maeyl, and Sakaya. But who was Tamarra kidding? She knew that even then the love didn’t go three ways. She just couldn’t force herself to warm up to the child like she knew she should. She couldn’t grasp the idea of a ready-made family, a child already made by another woman with her man.
“Tamarra, you haven’t gotten a picture with Sakaya yet,” Maeyl realized. “Why don’t you go stand by her with that cute little doll you bought her and let me get a shot of the two of you?”
“Okay,” Tamarra agreed. She could do this. It was just a little ol’ picture. “Is that okay with you, sweetie?” Tamarra turned and asked Sakaya.
“Sure!” Sakaya, being the little ham she was, was happy to oblige. “Let me just find Mommy.”
“Uh, baby,” Maeyl told his daughter, “I kind of just wanted to get a picture of you and Tamarra.”
“But I thought you said you wanted me to take it with the Barbie Miss Tamarra bought me.”
“I do, sweet—”
“Well, I named her Mommy. Mommy is my new Barbie’s name.” Sakaya grabbed the doll that donned a beautiful wedding gown, went and stood by Tamarra, then posed. “I named her Mommy because when my real mommy gets married, this is the kind of wedding dress she is going to wear.”
“Oh, okay, I see,” Maeyl said, relieved he didn’t have to boot Sasha out of a picture and risk hurting her feelings. He really did just want one of his daughter and his future wife for his scrapbook. Ever since he went to that single scrapbooking session one of New Day’s members held at the church, he’d been hooked. Tamarra had claimed the hobby was far too tedious and time consuming to take on. Ironically, she was the one who had talked Maeyl into going. She had also catered the event with some finger sandwiches, cheese and veggie trays, and refreshments.
“Oh, no! Wait, Daddy,” Sakaya yelled. “Mommy’s shoe is missing.” The little girl looked down at her doll’s feet, bearing only one shoe. She frantically looked around.
“I found it!” Tamarra shouted, picking the shoe up off the table and then walking it over to Sakaya. “Here, let me put it on for you.” Tamarra went to slip the shoe on the Barbie’s foot until Sakaya stopped her.
“No! Daddy has to do it! Daddy has to do it!” she shouted as her eyes welled with tears. She drew so much attention that everyone gathered around to see what was the matter.
“Just relax, honey. Calm down,” Maeyl coaxed her.
“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Sasha asked, breaking through the crowd.
“I need Daddy to put her shoe on.” Sakaya held up her doll to show her mother.
“Tamarra was going to put it on, honey,” Maeyl told his daughter. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay,” Sakaya replied to her father. “You have to slip the missing shoe on Mommy just like the prince did in Cinderella when he finally found her. He slipped the shoe on her and then they got married and lived happily ever after… just like you and Mommy.”
For some reason, Tamarra didn’t think the child was referring to her doll anymore. Something told her that she was referencing her real mommy. Embarrassment, humiliation, awkwardness, mortified: those were just a few words to describe the way Tamarra was feeling at that very moment.
Both Maeyl and Sasha were speechless as their daughter now stood before them bawling. They decided to pull her to the side and whisper, but loud enough for everybody to hear.
“Now, sweetie, remember Daddy told you that he’s marrying Miss Tamarra?” Sasha said. “Not me, sweetie. Mommy and Daddy are not getting married.” Sasha tried to assure her daughter.
“But…” Sakaya looked to Maeyl. She wanted him to tell her that her mother was wrong.
“There is no but, pumpkin. I’m marrying Miss Tamarra. You’re going to have two mommies.” Maeyl backed Sasha up.
Sakaya now cried even harder.
“Sweetie, when I explained all this to you, you said that you liked Miss Tamarra,” Maeyl reminded her.
“I do, and I’d want Miss Tamarra to be my mommy too. Only she doesn’t want to be my mommy.”
Both Maeyl and Sasha let out a sigh of relief. They were relieved to know that they weren’t going to have to deal with rebellious stepdaughter syndrome. All they had to do was to explain to her that Tamarra did want to be her other mommy.
“Oh, honey.” Maeyl pulled Sakaya close to him, “Miss Tamarra wants nothing more than to be your mommy too.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Sakaya told her father.
“Well, how do you know?” Now Sasha was curious. “Has someone said something to you?
“Yes,” Sakaya responded matter-of-factly.
“Who?” both Maeyl and Sasha were quick to ask.
And once again, matter-of-factly, Sakaya replied, “God.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Child, what you are doing is nothing short of cybersex,” Mother Doreen spat with the aftertaste of disgust still on her tongue. Remnants of it made its way through the phone receiver and into Deborah’s ear.
“Come on now, Mother Doreen. I wouldn’t go that far as to say all that,” Deborah said, downplaying her and Lynox’s back and forth e-mails.
“‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ said the stripper before she turned her first trick.”
“Mother Doreen!” Deborah’s nervous laughter was from both shock and amusem
ent at her elder friend’s comment. “I hope you are not pairing me with the likes of a stripper. Because if you are, I resent that remark.”
“Humph. Sounds to me like you resemble that remark.” From the gasp she heard on the other end of the line, Mother Doreen knew that she just might have gone too far. “I’m sorry, Sister Deborah. I don’t know; maybe I’m just too old school for today’s technology, but I ain’t never heard of no man courting a woman via Internet.”
“Well, he’s not really courting me, but I guess I prefer that term over cybersex. Geesh. Besides, I suppose even if we were involved in cybersex, which we are not, it’s the safest sex I know.”
“I beg to differ. The safest sex is no sex.”
Deborah really didn’t want to debate about it with Mother Doreen. She knew eventually Mother Doreen would start quoting scriptures, and although Deborah was pleased with the amount of biblical knowledge she had, she couldn’t go toe to toe with New Day’s former church mother. If it came down to it, Deborah felt Mother Doreen wouldn’t be able to give her Bible as to whether what she and Lynox were engaging in was sinful. “There’s no sin in what Lynox and I are doing. It’s not like we’re actually—”
“Oh, don’t take me there, because I might not be able to find my way back,” Mother Doreen pleaded, cutting Deborah off before she could say what Mother Doreen suspected she was going to say.
Deborah couldn’t help but chuckle at how offended Mother Doreen was acting. Here she had been excited to share with someone about the little tit for a tat via Internet she’d been having with Lynox. When she decided to call up Mother Doreen and share it with her, she had no idea the woman would make it seem so dirty.
“It’s like I said back when New Day had that issue with those pictures of Sister Tamarra and Brother Maeyl being posted to the church Web site. The Internet is supposed to be a source to do Kingdom work, to spread the gospel, but man has tainted it. Don’t let Satan use you, child, to be one of those people who taint it.”
Deborah shook her head. “I promise, Mother Doreen, I am a woman of God. I know not to cross the line.”
“Well, if you ask me, if you trying to stay saved, then you shouldn’t even be walking the line.”
“All right, Mother Doreen,” Deborah said, preparing to end the call, seeing that she was not going to change Mother Doreen’s opinion regarding Internet chatting. “I better get back to work. I’m editing a manuscript that I have to have back to the author by the end of this week.”
“Okay, child, I’ll be praying for you. By the way, how’s the Singles’ Ministry, especially now that it has some men folk?”
“Same old New Day Divas. It doesn’t matter whether men are members or not; some of them are just set on holding on to the hurt, pain, and failure of past relationships. There’s so much of it that there isn’t any room for them to love someone new. Half those women aren’t ready for God to send them a husband. And there are some wonderful and blessed brothers up in New Day, too. It’s unfortunate that too many of us wouldn’t know our God-sent husband if God Himself placed him in front of us.”
“Does that include you as well?” Mother Doreen decided not to put her friend on the spot like that and wait for an answer, so she said her farewells and they ended the call.
Deborah sat there for a minute pondering the unanswered question Mother Doreen had posed. Would she know the husband God had for her when she saw him? Had she truly been delivered and cleansed from her past? Surely she had. Ever since she got her spiritual breakthrough and went on her sabbatical, she didn’t feel the same. She felt a hundred pounds lighter. That’s how much baggage she’d been towing around in a hefty bag over her shoulder: garbage that had an embarrassing stench.
But just in case, she decided to say a prayer to God. One could never be too sure about something unless they prayed about it and waited on God to answer.
With her eyes closed and head bowed, Deborah, at first, prayed out loud, but then she reverted to praying silently in her mind. She didn’t want to speak it out loud for fear Satan might try to intercept her prayer. She’d learned on her sabbatical about spiritual warfare. Part of the teaching was about the three heavens: the heaven God resides in, the second heaven Satan resides in, and the heaven on Earth where man resides.
Satan resides in the second heaven in between Earth and the Heavenly of Heavens. He makes it his business to try to keep man’s prayers from reaching God. Deborah was not about to play pitty-pat and ping pong with the devil, so as not to take any chances, she spoke her prayer in her head. The devil has powers, but only God knows man’s heart. The devil can influence the mind, but he can’t read it, she resolved.
Heavenly Father, I come to you repenting for my sins, forgiving those who have hurt me, and asking for forgiveness for those who I have hurt. Father, if there is someone who I have truly not forgiven in my heart, that maybe I’ve even forgotten about, please reveal them to me, bring them to my remembrance so that I may do so. Lord, as you know, Lynox has been persistent in his pursuit of me. No matter what I do or say, he’s there.
A smile crossed Deborah’s lips as she continued.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s because you have placed him in my life, Lord. If he is maybe…perhaps…you know…the man you have for me, my Boaz. God, you know more than anyone that I love what I do, my writing, my career. I love New Day and the ministries. But, God, I sometimes hide behind those things. Well, in the past I have. But I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to be found…by him…by the man you have seeking me as his wife. So, Lord, I just want clarity in the matter, and ask that you do all things I’ve requested in this prayer. In the name of your son and my savior, Jesus Christ, amen.
Deborah felt a flush rush over her. It was like a waterfall was cleansing her. “Oh thank you, God. I love you, Holy Spirit!” She had no pretenses about verbalizing her praise out loud, though. She hoped of all things, Satan heard her praises to God loud and clear. “I love you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Hallelujah. Glory to your name. You are so awesome. Thank you, God. Thank you in advance as I feel you moving now regarding my prayers. I only want to please your heart, Lord. Give me the guidance I need to please you. I don’t want to do anything that would offend you or your people,” Deborah said as she thought about what Mother Doreen had to say about her going back and forth with Lynox on the Internet.
“Rah, tah, sa, bay yah, row tou, hey sah…” Her rambling tongues continued for about twenty minutes. She couldn’t seem to stop. Obviously, her spirit had a lot to say and was going to get it out in spite of her time frame on finishing up the manuscript.
“Thank you, Lord,” Deborah said as she paused, giving God a moment to reply to her spirit. After a few more minutes, she opened her eyes and closed out her conversation with God.
“Whew! That’s what I’m talking about,” Deborah said, feeling as though she’d just had a makeover.
She walked over to her computer and logged on. Lo and behold, there was a message from Lynox. Deborah paused, took a deep breath, and then clicked it open. Deborah’s jaw dropped as she read his e-mail.
Born2Write: I’ve really enjoyed my e-mails back and forth with you for the past couple of weeks. It’s been entertaining and has allowed me to get to know you. But after this e-mail, I won’t be sending you any more. Why? Because I want to get to know you better and I can’t do that by Internet. Besides, if I’m being honest, it’s kind of creepy, you know, using made-up characters from a made-up book when we can just keep it real…be real…be ourselves and not just some online personalities. My only prayer is that you feel the same way. I still have your number, so I’m going to take a risk and call you. If you want to get to know me better as well, then I’d really like that. If not, if this was just something to keep you entertained, to break the monotony of the real work-related e-mails I’m sure you have to sort through daily, then just hang up in my ear. I hope you won’t choose the latter.
Deborah finished reading the e-mail, stood up, ex
tended her arms toward the heaven and then shouted out another praise. “God, like that one book title says, you don’t play!” She clapped her hands and did a little dance. Just that quickly God had given her a sign that He was answering her prayers. Right before Deborah went to delete the e-mail, her cell phone rang. She picked it up and noticed that the call was private. Back when Lynox had first contacted her, he’d called her from a private number.
Still ecstatic, she regained her composure and answered the phone. “Everything Literary. How may I help you?”
“Deb, it’s me. I hope you got my e-mail. I know you probably weren’t expecting me to call so soon. I just couldn’t wa—”
Before the gentleman caller could finish his sentence, Deborah slammed the phone down in his ear. She looked up and yelled, “God, what kind of dirty trick is this?”
Chapter Fourteen
“Uh, so, uh, how’re things going?” Paige asked as she walked into the ticket booth of the movie theatre. She’d been at work for three hours and had managed to dodge Norman by doing busy work in her office and assisting at the concession counter.
She hadn’t seen him since their accidental kiss. Being the boss had its perks in needed situations, and in this situation, it was making sure she arranged the work schedule so that she and Norman didn’t work the same days or hours. It had worked up until now. An employee had called off, and Norman was the only one available to come in and cover.
Paige had made up her mind that she would avoid Norman at all costs, but doing so was driving her crazy. She felt as though everyone could sense that something was going on with her. As a matter of fact, she knew that they knew something was going on with her.
“Are you okay, Mrs. Dickenson?” the young female concession stand worker had asked Paige after she’d insisted on preparing the next batch of popcorn.