“Hey,” she mumbled. “What are you doing?” she asked, raising up onto her elbows.
“Just checking your temperature. You had a pretty high fever. You remember any of that?”
“I remember the blood. My God,” she said, holding her stomach, eyes wide.
“It’s okay. I think you’re gonna be fine. I would say that you still need to see a doctor if you can.”
Rix made to get up from the sofa and struggled just to sit upright.
“What the hell have I got on? A diaper?” She began to laugh which turned into a quiet whimper.
“You’ll have to wear them. Pads won’t contain it.”
“Shit.”
“You’ll probably be weak for a couple of days. You really need to try and eat something and take some more ibuprofen. It’ll help with the cramps.” Edie pulled the blanket over Rix to cover her.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because Skylar asked me to. You’re his friend, aren’t you?”
“Well, thanks.” As she hung her head, tears slipped from the end of her nose onto her lap.
11
She went by the church even though it was almost eight a.m. and she looked like she had been doing terrible things all night. Mrs. Wheeler was unlocking the door to the reception area and gave Edie a hard look from behind her fifties era glasses. Edie would’ve sworn that the woman must have believed herself a saint because when she looked at you that way, you got the feeling that she thought she was bigger than you in some way.
She ignored Mrs. Wheeler to the best of her ability, intending to slip in the side door that opened into the hallway between classrooms. Instead, she heard her calling her name and saying, “A word, child. Before you start your work, I’d like a word.”
“Mr. Wheeler saw you outside that hippie coffee shop with that Skylar Wolfe.”
“Yes and?”
“And just what do you think you’re doing, young lady? Don’t you know how detrimental to your father’s reputation this could be? His daughter consorting with those people.”
“We are called to love everyone, Mrs. Wheeler.”
“Yes, well, that is all well and good in theory, dear, but you know as well as I do that you must save some with fear hating even the garment polluted by them.”
“Hate the sin, not the sinner, dear Mrs. Wheeler. I can do this all day.”
She went off in a huff to her desk and Edie, in no small rage, went about her duties without so much as looking in her direction again.
She managed to drag herself to biology class and was beginning to get a second wind by one o’clock. It wasn’t entirely a lie when she told Skylar that she didn’t sleep. Ever since she was a little kid, she felt more awake, more alive, at night.
Sometimes, when everyone else was asleep, she would sneak out the kitchen door and sit out in the swing in the backyard and watch the sky. She would wait for some sign that God saw her, heard her, knew she existed, something. Once, when she was about twelve, a shooting star blazed across the night sky and she remembered feeling like he was telling her that he did.
She tried to remember that.
Her phone began to vibrate against the desk and she punched the volume button to stop it. She sat next to the window and watched other people going about their business, holding hands, chatting, living. She wondered what it was like to be them. They seemed so free to her, coming and going at will without anyone to question who they spoke to or where they went.
Another buzz of the phone and she swiped the screen to see Skylar’s name pop up on the blue background.
Come out to play, Edie.
Can’t I’m in class right now.
I know. Come out.
Later.
No, now. Let’s go.
Go where?
I’m not going away. I’ve got something for you.
Okay, okay. Stop.
She fully intended to meet him after class and she sat there, staring out the window, focused on the distant horizon and the sinking sun. Sometimes she wanted to run right toward it and never look back, to skip town and start a new life, to be anywhere else.
Someone was calling her name. It was muffled, as if it were far off or maybe it was just in her head. She had not slept at all and was nearing that point where your body would revolt and make you see and hear things until you finally caved and went to bed.
Moving to the window, she looked down to find Skylar standing in the courtyard between the science and technology buildings. He was calling her name.
Something in this Sky kept her heart from fleeing. He was like springtime, when the weather shifts from cool to warm in seconds, and the sky, sometimes clear and peaceful, might cloud over with no notice and bring a brooding storm full of heat and lightning.
It was breathtaking.
She quickly gathered her things and went down to him, telling herself that it was just because he was causing a scene and someone needed to stop him. The flutter inside her as she drew near him said otherwise.
“What are you doing?” she asked, feigning anger and looking around at the people who were staring.
“I wanted you.”
It was such a simple answer. And it stopped her in her tracks.
“Rix wanted me to give you this.” He held a cord necklace strung with some sort of pendant. “It’s a carved bone totem. She makes these things for extra money, but she made this one for you. It’s her way of saying thanks.”
“Oh, wow. She didn’t have to.” The totem was a pair of wings, delicately carved and detailed. “I didn’t know you could do this with bone.”
“Are you coming?”
“Where are we going?”
“I’m going to teach you how to drive.”
“What? Why would you wanna do that?”
“Because you feel stuck and if you learn how to drive, you will always have a way out. You have a job, we could find you a cheap used car. It’s about freedom.”
“So why are you so hellbent on leaving this place, anyway?”
“I guess it’s just the small-town mentality. God, work, television.”
“And why are you so mad at God? Your life doesn’t seem so bad to me.”
“I’m not mad at God. I’m mad at hypocrites, but I’m a hypocrite and that makes me mad at myself. I don’t wanna be like them, but sometimes I am.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Billy Charlie is gay. I have never felt judgmental of him and I prided myself about that. But then, you came along, and I judged you. The way your mood swings in seconds, the way you dress, the way you live with Rix and Wendy and Arlene. I did. I’m going to be just like them.”
“So, you’re beating yourself up because you think I’m crazy?”
“Something like that. You scare me. You make me look at myself in ways that I never have.”
“That’s not always a bad thing. I’m sorry about the mood changes. There are things you don’t know about me. If I tell you, I’m afraid you might run away for sure. I’m too chicken shit to tell you.”
“But here you are, teaching me how to drive.”
“Yeah. Here I am. You make me feel like maybe I’ll be okay. Like things will be okay if I can just be with you.”
There was a silence, not an awkward, what now kind of silence, but an understanding that was evolving between them.
**
“I can’t see over the steering wheel.”
Her first spin around the abandoned parking lot of the old strip mall was halting and could’ve possibly given them both whiplash. Skylar just laughed and said, “Here, let me slide in under you and then you’ll be able to see.”
He moved into position, careful not to put his hands on her. “Now, both hands on the wheel.”
She struggled to reach the pedals and see over the hood at the same time and kept having to readjust herself in his lap. “Can you hold me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Put your hands on my hips so I don’t
keep sliding off.”
“Is this better?”
He ran his hands down her waist onto the soft curves of her hips. She heard a little rumble in his throat as he did so and said, “Behave.” She turned to grin at him, knowing what he was thinking and not minding.
“Alright, now slowly at first. Just push the pedal just a little until you get the hang of it.”
“Like this?” She twisted her bottom around so that she could extend her leg and reach the gas.
“Mmm, hmm.” He sighed and said, “Ease it a little further until you get the speed you want. When you get ready to stop, do the same with the brake. Easy.”
She could feel him, how he wanted her as she sat in his lap, growing harder each time she extended her leg and twisted her bottom against him, his breath coming quicker until she felt his hands gripping her tighter.
“Okay. That’s enough. We can’t anymore, not tonight.”
“What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, no. I just can’t take it, Edie. Surely you know. I mean, I know you feel me.”
She slid off his lap onto the seat next to him and looked at him, letting her eyes explore him. He was shaking. It was barely perceptible, but it was there, an electric hum ready to escape the moment she touched him.
Her hand slid up his thigh. It made her feel so powerful to see him squirm under her hand that way and she found herself moving it up closer to that place where he wanted her to touch him.
He leaned his head back onto the seat and groaned, exposing his neck. She was tempted to run her tongue along the jugular there, feeling her own desire stir in her belly. His eyes found hers and he saw the intent behind them.
“Don’t do it,” he said, his voice hoarse with want. “Don’t tease me.”
She ran her finger along the seam of his jeans and felt him shudder beneath her touch. Leaning into him, she moved her face closer to his jaw and let her breath warm the skin there.
He turned his head and put his mouth against her eyebrow, kissing her gently. “Come here.”
She pulled her skirt up and crawled back onto his lap, this time facing him. Planting small kisses on the corners of his mouth and down his neck, the pleading that came from him made her want to move her hips so that she could feel him there between her legs.
His hands slid up her back, pulling her t-shirt over her head. He pulled her into a slow kiss, pulling at her lips with his until she felt like she might die if he stopped.
She put her hands on his, showing him what she wanted by placing them on her breasts. He nuzzled the crook of her neck, letting his hands wander beneath her skirt.
“Unzip your pants,” she breathed into his ear, raising herself to give him room.
Sliding her hand into his jeans, she felt every inch as she toyed with him. His fingers dug into her bottom, pulling her down onto him. She moved as if to ride him, moving her hips so that the soft mound between her legs moved over his erection with only the thin cotton of her panties between them.
“If you wanna stop, then we’d better stop now.”
He leaned his head back and she took the opportunity to run her tongue along his jugular, feeling his throbbing pulse in her mouth as well as between her legs.
She fought against the urge to move fast and eased herself up and down in a slow rhythm that made him pull at her hair, her shoulders, her hips.
“Ah, Skylar, you feel so,” she panted with the surge that was developing deep within her, “good.”
“God, you gotta let me,” he whispered, burying his head in her chest. “Please.”
The flash of headlights sweeping across the vacant lot startled her into jumping back to the passenger’s side. As the lights headed their direction, Skylar started the truck and they pealed out of the parking lot howling with laughter.
12
Skylar insisted on taking her to the house and outright refused to drop her at the corner.
“Are you afraid they’ll be upset that you were with me?”
“I’m not afraid for anyone to know. Don’t ever think that. I just know how my dad can get and I’ve never stayed out all night and not called home.”
“So, you’ll be in trouble for being with me.”
“You don’t want to get in the middle of family stuff, do you?”
“I guess not. I’m still taking you to the door, though.”
“Fine.”
She kissed him on the cheek before he turned back toward the truck. There was a heaviness in her chest as she watched him pull out of the driveway and she realized that she missed him. He’d been away from her for all of a minute and she missed him.
When she entered the house, her mother was sitting in her recliner, reading a devotional that she’d had since Edie was a child. There were circles under her eyes and the puffiness on their lids made her look much older than Edie remembered.
She lowered the book upon seeing Edie and smiled, though she stayed out all night and not so much as let her know she was alive.
“Did you decide to come back?”
“I’m sorry, momma. I was helping a friend and then I went on to class today.”
“I know. Mrs. Wheeler told your father that you came by the church this morning.”
“Yeah.”
“She also said that you two had words over this boy you’ve been seeing.”
“Seeing? We’re friends, that’s all,” Edie lied.
“Honey,” she shook her head in disbelief.
“I don’t know why it’s everybody’s business who I see. I’m eighteen years old. It’s time for me to do me.”
“I don’t dispute that. I only ask that you be honest with me, please. I don’t want to worry about what you aren’t telling me and what you don’t tell me is always worse than the truth.”
“All right,” Edie conceded. “I was with Skylar. A friend of his had a medical issue and was running a fever. I sat with her last night.”
“And tonight?”
“Tonight, Skylar taught me how to,” she stumbled on the words, “drive.”
“I see. So, you two are together?”
“I don’t know, yet. I like him.” Edie sat on the sofa across from her and said, “Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not angry with you. Of course, I can’t speak for your father.”
Edie rolled her eyes, knowing what his reaction would be.
“Can I speak frankly with you, Edie?”
“I hope so.”
“Take every opportunity you get to be happy. Don’t be afraid to take chances, just be safe. If Skylar makes you happy, then don’t fall into the trap of worrying what everyone else will think.”
“And what about dad?”
“Especially not him. Don’t get trapped like I did thinking you’re doing the right thing or what’s expected of you. Know yourself. Be true to her.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me.”
“I’ve raised you right. Now, it’s time for you to decide what your own truth is. Whatever that is, whoever that is, I will support you and I will fight for you. Even against your father.”
“Mom, is there something you wanna tell me? I mean, it seems like you’re unhappy and I thought maybe it was because of me, but now I’m wondering if it’s more than that.”
She grew quiet, laying aside the devotional and reaching for Edie’s hands. “I’m fine. I just want to be honest with you. I owe you that. You’ve always told me the truth and I appreciate that.”
“Mom, if you’re unhappy, you can leave. People do it all the time. We’d be okay.”
“And go where? I’ve never held a job outside church or home. What would I do? And what would people say? The preacher’s wife leaving him?”
That was the first time she’d ever felt sorry for her mother.
**
When she thought about what her mother said, she began to get scared. What if she fucked up and chose the wrong person? What if she got stuck, the way she
was, and couldn’t leave?
She knew she felt something for Skylar, and she knew that something was different about him. Sometimes, she was a little frightened by him.
Billy Charlie was right. She played it safe way too much and it was time to take a chance. She’d always respected that about him. He seemed willing to take up anything if he thought it’d make him happy. Edie always wished she were able to chase after her own dreams unhindered by guilt or second thoughts.
She left before her father did that morning so that she wouldn’t have to ride in the car with him. He would listen to what Mrs. Wheeler and the others would say about Skylar and his friends and he would forbid her to see them.
Whatever happened, she had made up her mind that she would not be stuck. Stuck in that small-minded town with nowhere to go but church and the market. She needed the thrill of the unexpected.
She needed Skylar.
She left school early so that she could finish what she needed to do at the church and go see him. She hadn’t texted him all day because she thought maybe they both needed time to process what was happening.
That was bullshit. She was scared.
Edie put her earbuds in, put her phone in her back pocket, and fired up the vacuum cleaner. The floors took the most time, by far, so she thought she’d finish them first. She always worked faster if she did what she least liked first.
The hum of the machine was drowned out by “Cherry-Coloured Funk” as she made her way toward her father’s office. The door was left ajar, signaling that it was okay for her to come in to clean. It also usually meant that he was not inside.
There was the now familiar odor of metal and decay that seemed to permeate her father’s spaces. Edie stepped into the room and the door slammed behind her, closing her in. Startled, she spun around and saw that she was alone.
The Color of My Native Sky Page 6