“I love you, honey. I love you so much. I love you,” she sobbed, unsure why she was on the verge of tears.
“Shh, Jess, I love you too. I will always love you. Come on, honey, it’s alright.”
“Baby, I love you.”
“Let’s get in the car, Jess, before someone really does come along,” he said softly.
Kyle guided his wife into the car and bent down to retrieve her panties from the concrete. She took them and sheepishly thanked him as she pulled her shirt back into place. He climbed into the driver’s seat and started the air, cranking the air conditioning. It was humid in the parking structure, and they were both drenched in sweat. Jess lay back in her seat and caught her breath, reaching for Kyle’s hand. She clutched it tightly.
“I mean it. I love you, Kyle. I don’t want this to—”
“Stop right there. I mean it, Jess. It sounds like you’re beating yourself up, and that’s ridiculous.”
“Are we really okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, I do feel a little weird, but it’s as much about me as anything about you. I have a lot of questions about myself.”
Jess turned in her seat and realized her skirt hung open, still exposing her. She tried pulling it closed. “What do you mean?”
Kyle chuckled mirthlessly. “Well, it’s fucking weird that I got off on seeing you fuck another man, isn’t it? It goes against everything about being a man, doesn’t it?”
“Don’t do this to yourself, honey. I’m sure you’re not the only one.”
“Oh, I’m not. I looked this up. There’s all kinds of stuff on it on the internet. Some of these guys are called cucks, but I’m not one of those guys. I don’t want you to call me names or tell me how tiny my dick is.”
“Good. I wouldn’t do that,” she declared.
“There’s this other group. They call their wives hotwives.”
“You’ve always said I’m a hot wife.” She smiled, and it drew one in return from Kyle.
“You are, but not like you’re hot, but hotwife, all one word. These guys get off on their wives fucking other men, but they don’t sleep with other women. It’s different from swinging.”
“So they like to watch?”
“Some of them. And some of them don’t just watch. They are into threesomes, just with two guys focused on the woman. And some of them stay home while their wives go out and date.”
“I don’t want to date other men.”
Kyle squeezed her hand. “I don’t want you to. Reading about these guys made me feel a little better about this, but I still have to wonder about it. Was this always in me and I didn’t know it? I mean, I do like it when you’re all dressed up and guys hit on you. Maybe it was always there.”
“Did you ever think about it before?”
“No, not that I recall. But once it came up, it was all I thought about. And then seeing it—wow. I can’t ever unsee it.”
“Is that bad, honey?”
He shook his head. “No. I didn’t mean it like that. It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. Seeing those pictures you texted me when you were just dressing up to tease him was hot, but when I saw the other pictures…and the video. Damn, Jess, you have to be the sexiest woman on the planet. You are the hottest hotwife.”
“So you really liked watching me?”
“Yeah, Jess. More than I should, probably.”
“Did I do anything bad? It got intense. I didn’t want to do anything to upset you, but I have to be honest—I wasn’t always thinking clearly.”
Kyle chuckled again, this time he sounded amused. “I could tell. I was really shocked you didn’t make him use a condom, but we talked about that. I’m cool with it now. And I have to admit, it stung a little when you called him honey. It sounded emotional.”
“Sorry, Kyle. It did get emotional. Not like I was falling for him, but there were emotions. I’m not a hooker. I can’t shut that off and just have sex. I need to feel something.”
“I know, babe. And I know that makes it dangerous, but the risk is part of what makes it hot, I think.”
“Really?”
“I think so. Like I said, I’m still figuring a lot of this out. But the one thing I am sure of is that I love you.”
“I would never risk our family,” she said.
“I know. If I really thought another man could steal you I couldn’t do this.”
“I’m not a possession.” She gave him her tight-lipped smile.
“You know what I mean.”
“By the way, I had no idea Nic would be there. I was as surprised as I’m sure you were. I would have told you if I knew that was going to happen.”
“It didn’t look like you minded.”
“It was…interesting.”
“I didn’t know you were into that.”
“I didn’t either, but I’ve been learning a lot about myself lately. I think it’s time I start deciding who I want to be, rather than let other people decide for me.”
“I think that’s a great idea, sweetheart.” They kissed.
“Have you spoken to either one of them?” Kyle asked.
“They were pretty busy when I left.”
“What are you going to say to them?”
“I don’t know if I have to say anything to Winston. He understood what this was. I’ll hold him to his word to let it go.”
“And you won’t be tempted when you see him?”
Jess sighed. She didn’t have an answer for that—or she didn’t want to give an answer. Of course she would be tempted. How could she looked at Winston and not think about what they’d shared? But other things were more important to her.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s over, and I am okay with that.”
“And Nicole? That’s got to be weird right?”
“We’ll work it out. We’re like sisters.”
“Sisters who kiss,” Kyle joked.
“Ew, stop. You know, she had an idea to make sure you didn’t feel left out,” Jess teased.
“I like where this is going.”
“We’ll see. Maybe it’s not smart to open that door again.”
“So we’re done? With all of this?” Kyle asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying—you liked it. I liked it. If you’re ever tempted again, or maybe some guy starts hitting on you and it gets out of hand…”
“Are you saying this is something you want to do again?”
Jess was more than surprised. She’d never even considered doing anything with anyone else. For her, it was about her attraction to Winston, as much as anything else, and she was adamant that she would not be his mistress. It didn’t occur to her that Kyle might want to do something like it with someone else. So if she met another man she felt attracted to, was Kyle giving her a pass?
“I don’t know, Jess. I’m just not closing the door. It was hot. I love the change in you. I don’t know if I just want to pretend this never happened. Maybe it’s something we should explore.”
“I’ll think about it, but no promises. I don’t know if I want to be one of these hotwives. If I start going off with other men, there’s always the risk we’ll lose our connection.”
“Just think about it.”
“I will. But can we go home? We’re paying to park by the minute. This is a very expensive conversation!”
“Expensive, but worth it,” Kyle said, smiling.
twenty-eight
six months later…
Jess was excited to throw a party now that many of the renovations on their house had been completed. They finally broke down and hired some people to come in and do the work. After what happened, it didn’t seem like a good idea to have Winston come over and do the work. Always the gentleman, he understood and gracefully bowed out. Jess suspected he was too busy with his budding romance with Nicole to take care of them anyway.
Life changed after her experience with Winston. The most immediate effect was on their love life. Jess and Kyle cou
Jess avoided Winston for a while. She would still wave when she left in the morning, but gone were the days when she would go out of her way to cross the street just to tease and flirt. Maddy missed their neighbor, but that was made easier when Winston stopped appearing on his doorstep in the mornings. With Nicole spending the night, he had reason to stay inside.
Avoiding Winston was a tricky decision. She talked to Kyle about it, asking if it would make him more comfortable. She didn’t need to do it for him, Kyle insisted, and Jess couldn’t help suspecting her husband hoped contact would spur another night of reckless passion. Kyle swore he agreed it was better that they didn’t go there again, but Jess realized she’d always be suspicious of his motives. But then, she wasn’t exactly pure on that front. Jess trusted herself, but had nagging doubts about her self-control. If she closed her eyes, she still vividly remembered how Winston felt inside her, how his hands felt on her body. She could still feel his kiss on her lips. When Jess touched herself while alone, it was those nights with her lover she thought about. It didn’t affect her love for Kyle, or her attraction to him, but it was there.
Kyle gave her plenty of reason to suspect he wanted a repeat performance. He always encouraged her to dress to the nines when they went out, choosing sexier outfits for her than Jess ever would have worn before. Jess went with it. She’d discovered she enjoyed her newfound sexual power, and the attention from other men thrilled her like never before. When Kyle left her alone at the bar and a man hit on her, Jess couldn’t help thinking about the possibilities, leaving her soaked and ready to drag her husband out to the car for a quickie. She wondered if it was inevitable she would be with another man again.
The house was crowded with friends and co-workers for the holiday party, but one set of guests occupied her thoughts. Nicole and Winston would be coming as a couple. It would not only be the first time Jess spent any time near Winston, but it was also the first time she would be around her friends as a couple. Jess wondered if she would be jealous.
Jess had seen Nicole many times since that night, and luckily things went right back to normal. Jess let it go more easily than she thought possible, and of course it rolled right off Nicole. Every once in a while, Nicole would make a remark, or mock-flirt with her, and Jess would turn red, but it was all just to tease Jess. It was exciting to see her friend fall in love for the first time. At first, it bothered Jess to hear about Winston. She couldn’t help being jealous. Nicole being Nicole, she never stopped telling Jess how amazing Winston was—in and out of bed—and now that she had a frame of reference, she couldn’t help picturing it when Nicole bragged of their exploits. When Nicole breathlessly told Jess about the night they brought another woman home from a club, Jess couldn’t help feeling left out. That turned into a night to remember for Kyle.
“You look pretty awesome tonight,” Jen told her. Jess was in the kitchen with her sister, and they were catching up.
“Yeah? Thanks. I just wanted to look festive,” Jess replied.
Kyle had commented on her outfit too, and Jess denied that she’d dressed in anticipation of Winston coming to the party. She’d denied it with a suggestive smile. The truth was, Jess did want to look good for Winston, even if nothing was going to happen. Her vanity said she wanted him to remember what he was missing. Her red-and-black patterned wrap dress hugged her figure and showed off the cleavage created by a very special bra. Old Jess would have worn a cami because the dress was low-cut, but now she proudly showed off her perky boobs. And only she knew—so far—but the black hose she wore with her knee high riding boots were not tights, but thigh highs. A few of her co-workers from the office had already given her a second look in that dress, and Jess tried to hide how pleased she was.
“Is that all?” Jen asked, eyes narrowing.
“What do you mean?”
“There’s just something different about you over the last few months.”
“Different?”
“You’ve got this confident aura. I mean, you were always confident, but this is different. I mean, look at you. It’s like a sexy attitude. Even Mike’s noticed it.”
“I don’t know how I feel about Mike noticing my sexy attitude,” Jess replied, with a laugh.
Jess had always felt something was off about Mike, especially the way he behaved when Jen was around other men. Now that she was more experienced, she questioned if Mike might be like Kyle, but Jess could not imagine her sister doing what she had done with Winston. Jen was even more of a goodie-two-shoes than Jess.
“This isn’t about Mike,” Jen protested. She leaned in close and whispered, “Are you having an affair?”
“What?” Jess responded, more loudly than she intended. A couple heads turned their way. Jess smiled like nothing had happened. Now she lowered her voice. “I am not having an affair. Why would you think that?”
“From what I’ve read, when a woman goes through a lot of changes, when she gets sexier, a lot of times it’s because she’s having an affair.”
“Jen…”
“Listen, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I know Kyle goes away a lot for work, leaving you alone down here.” The way her sister said down here made it sound like Jess lived in a war zone.
“You’re starting to sound like Mom. Waitaminite. You haven’t talked to Mom about this, have you?”
“She’s noticed something’s different about you, but I didn’t tell her my suspicions.”
“Well, I am not having an affair. I have not slept with anyone behind Kyle’s back.”
Jess liked that she could answer her sister without lying. Everything she said was true. Jess knew she had changed, and she was dressing sexier in general, but she felt like the changes were internal. If her sister, who she only saw every-so-often noticed something, what were other people saying?
Jen was called away by Mike. Jess finished refilling the spiked punch and carried the bowl in the dining room. As she looked toward the living room, she saw the front door closing, and there—head and shoulders above most of the other guests—was Winston. Presumably petite Nicole was in front of him. Kyle moved through the crowd and intercepted them. Jess felt a spike of panic, and took a deep breath to steady herself. She pressed through the crowd to greet their new guests.
“Hey you guys,” Jess called out, over the noise of the party. The rowhome was fairly packed with friends.
“Hey, hon. Merry Christmas!” Nicole announced, in the midst of hugging Kyle.
“What’s up, man?” Kyle said, sharing a handshake and that half-hug that guys do that ends with a slap on the back.
“Not too much. Can’t complain,” Winston said.
Jess was held spellbound for a moment, staring at Winston. He wore a snug white sweater that highlighted how massive he was, and snug jeans that reminded Jess of just what she was missing.
“Hello. You there?” Nicole said, stepping in front of Jess.
“Yeah, sorry. There’s just a lot going on here,” Jess replied, pulling her friend into a hug. She held Nicole out at arm’s length and examined her ugly sweater.
It had a giant multi-colored Santa on the front, but Nicole being Nicole, it was very tight and had a deep V-neck. The ugly sweater was matched with a tight leather skirt and red spiked pumps. Even with the heels, she seemed tiny beside Winston.
Nicole came close and whispered to her friend “It’s okay, hon. He’s hot. I know it. You know you can borrow him anytime you want.”
“Stop it,” Jess said, feeling her cheeks heating.
Jess turned to Winston, and there was an awkward moment while she tried to figure out how she should greet him. It was only on her side, though, because Winston grabbed Jess and pulled her into a tight hug. She closed her eyes and held her breath as she instinctively sank into his muscular frame. Just being in his arms made her heart quicken, and she was right back there in his living room, standing naked before him. She was disappointed when he let her go.
“How are you doing, Jessie?” he asked.
“Great. I’ve been great. I’ve missed you,” she said, those last words slipping out before she could stop them.
“I’m only right across the street, baby. Stop over and see me sometime.” There was that handsome smile.
Before she could answer, Kyle slapped a hand on Winston’s back, and said, “Let me get you a drink, buddy.”
Jess’s eyes narrowed. Kyle looked a little too happy to see Winston.
~~~
Winston’s feelings upon seeing Jessica were unexpected. He honestly didn’t expect to have much of a reaction at all. He’d glimpsed her here and there over the months and while he’d check her out, it didn’t go beyond that. He was with Nicole now, and in love, maybe for the first time in his life. Sure, Jessica was still hot, but he didn’t feel the need to drag her back into his bed. He was sure the obsession was out of his system. But seeing her again up close, and feeling her body against his, he had a surprisingly visceral reaction.
Nicole had been very understanding about his feelings for Jessica, even after they were officially a couple. One of the things he loved about the little brunette was her lack of possessiveness. Just because they were a couple, it didn’t mean either of them suddenly had a personality transplant. Nicole said he was free to bed Jessica anytime he liked—although she would prefer to be there to join the fun. He knew she was serious. They were out at a club one night and Nicole convinced a very pretty blonde to come home with them. The three of them had a fantastic time, but it was not like when they were with Jessica. There was a special energy to their threesome with Nicole’s best friend.
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