by Jordan Marie
“I’m not sick,” I whine, pushing back into him and grinding against him so there can’t be any question what I want.
“You are, and it’s been a stressful day for you,” he says, slapping me lightly on the ass. “Quit tempting me before I spank you. I’m trying to take care of you.”
“I’m trying to get you to take care of me. And well, you can spank me. I think I’m turning into the kind of woman who likes that, as long as you are the one delivering the spankings,” I tell him honestly. With my history, that even surprises me. But I know I’m safe with White. I always will be. I finally understand that.
“It sure as fuck better not be anyone else,” he grumbles and then rolls over on his back. He pulls me so I’m lying over him. I quickly adjust myself so I’m straddling him and his cock is pressed right where I need it the most. Before I can lift up and guide him inside, he locks his hands on my hips and forces me to remain the way we are.
“Behave, woman.”
“I’m trying. God, your cock is so hot,” I moan. I may not be able to let him inside, but I can slide against his cock. Damn, that feels good.
“Kayla, honey, you’re killing me here. We need to make sure you’re okay before we have sex.”
“I’m okay. I’m more than okay. Quit worrying! The only thing wrong with me is that I’m really horny.”
“Can you give me tonight, please? I need tonight with you in my arms, holding you and making sure you’re okay.” I stare at him. Looking back, this will probably be the moment that convinces me the most that Black is right and I do need counseling, because out of nowhere, the old self-doubt and worries slam into me. I know my face pales because suddenly I feel really embarrassed for begging White to make love to me when clearly that’s not what he wants to do. Maybe he’s tired of me. Maybe I don’t have what it takes to… “Stop it, Buttercup,” White orders, yanking me from my thoughts.
“What?”
“I saw you second-guessing yourself. Stop that shit.”
“It’s just… I…”
“Do you feel how hard my cock is right now?”
“Well, yeah, but you’re a man,” I try to joke, feeling uncomfortable.
“I am. I’m your man and your pussy is sliding against my cock right now and coating me in your cream, and all I want to do is plunge deep inside of you and never leave. I’m holding myself back, because I need to know you’re okay. I want you healthy. That’s it. There’s no deep hidden reason I don’t want to make love; there’s no other reason other than I love you and it’s my job to make sure you are okay.”
“I told you I’m fine. I thought all in all, today went well and they’re out of our hair now. They can’t bother you again.”
“Is that all you’re worried about? Them bothering me?”
“I don’t want my family causing you problems, White.”
“Those people are not your family, Kayla,” he growls and I sigh. I slide off of him because clearly sex is the furthest thing from his mind. I know we have things to talk about, but I was hoping we could approach it when he was at least a little calmer and over the mess of the last few days.
“White—”
“I mean it. Sweetheart, those people are not your family. They’re slime that your mother failed to protect you from. You should have never in a million years been around them.”
“My mother stayed drunk too much to help. It doesn’t matter. It’s over now, White.”
“Yeah, it is, and it would have been over way before now, if you had told me. Why didn’t you tell me all the horrible things he did to you, Kayla? Why didn’t you come to me?”
“White, what you heard Kurt talk about was before you and I grew close. I was just a little girl.”
“Then why didn’t you talk to someone? Anyone?”
His question cuts deep. He doesn’t mean it the way it feels, but it makes me mad just the same. This is how everyone reacts when they hear about it. They don’t understand. They weren’t there. They didn’t live through the nights of feeling alone and unwelcome in the only home I’ve ever known. They don’t understand how it is to go to school with kids my age and hear them talking about their parents and all the fun things they did over the weekend. They didn’t live through the nightmares, the punishments from Kurt when I failed to clean or cook, things nine- and ten-year-olds should never be in charge of. They weren’t there when the belt cut into my skin because I had to be punished when Rachel’s food wasn’t prepared right. They know none of it, and as much as I love White, I don’t want to relive that and tell him. Not now, maybe never.
“What makes you think I didn’t try?”
“Because you were stuck with them until they left!”
“I tried, White. The system is broken. So much more broken than you could ever imagine. I tried telling teachers, doctors… even preachers. It didn’t work. No one listened, and if they did, Social Services would come out, deem Kurt was the perfect parent and he was dealing with a spoiled stepdaughter who wasn’t adjusting well to her mom not being around.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Yeah. So eventually I learned not to complain. It hurt less that way and I just did my best to get through each day. That’s it. Maybe that’s weak, maybe you see it as weak, but that’s all there is to it. I survived and then Ida Sue rescued me.”
“Kayla, sweetheart…”
“She showed me who a mother was. She made me feel cared for and loved and I vowed that someday, somehow, I would have a little girl and I would show her all the love in the world, all the love that I never knew existed until I got adopted by a crazy mixed-up woman who named all her kids after flowers and colors. I vowed that someday, if God just gave me the chance, that I would have a house full of kids and I’d name them after my favorite things in the world and there wouldn’t be a day that went by that they didn’t know how truly loved they were.”
“Kayla.”
“What?”
“Stop crying,” White whispers and he pulls me against him. It’s then that I realize I have tears running down my face and my body is shaking with the energy it takes to just breathe.
“I’m not crying,” I lie, burying my face into his chest and crying harder.
“Okay, Buttercup, if you say so,” he whispers, stroking my hair. I’m not sure how long we stay like that. Maybe it’s ten minutes, maybe an hour. I couldn’t say, but eventually my tears slow and then stop altogether. Slowly, my breathing returns to normal and I can feel nothing but White holding me, touching me… loving me. “We’re not naming any of our children after coffee.”
“What?” I ask, confused and pulling away from his chest to look at him. He once again moves me so I’m sitting over him, my legs on each side. He pulls himself up on the bed so he’s leaning against the headboard. He moves his fingers along my jawline, under my eyes, up the bridge of my nose and then to my forehead. My eyes almost close from his gentle touch.
“You love coffee. I’m pretty sure you love coffee more than you will ever love me, but there’s no way in hell that you’re going to ever name our children after coffee. You try to name our child Maxwell or Folgers and I will revolt, woman.”
I can see the teasing look in his eyes. I take a shuddery breath and smile. “We can compromise.”
“Not on this.”
“That’s too bad,” I tell him, my hand going to my stomach. “I was hoping to name this little guy Keurig.”
“Oh, hell no! Wait… what?”
CHAPTER 66
WHITE
“That’s the reason I fainted. I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a daddy.”
You’re going to be a daddy… Those words rock me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I’ve been spending so much time trying to make Kayla pregnant that I never realized how I’d feel when or if it finally happened.
“I thought you were taking birth control pills until recently?” I ask, afraid to believe what she’s saying. But inside, my brain is shouting just one thing: Kayla’s pr
egnant.
“I was, but remember when I got sick and the doctor gave me an antibiotic? Apparently that increases the likelihood of pregnancy. And, well, we have been going at it like rabbits according to Black, so…”
“You’re pregnant?” I ask her again.
“Uh huh.”
“And the baby’s okay? You’re okay? Why did you pass out?” I ask her, a million questions popping through my head, but three is all I can get out. I move to the hand holding her stomach and put mine on top of it. She’s not showing and I know it’s way too soon, but it’s almost as if I can feel our child there. Pride and love war in my heart and my entire body feels warm from the fight. I’m going to be a daddy. Kayla and I are going to have a child.
Kayla laughs, putting her other hand on top of mine, holding me closer to her stomach. There’s something that feels so right about this, almost as if we’re holding our child together.
“I was dehydrated and the stress hit me at the wrong time. But the doctor did a thorough checkup and both me and the baby are fine. More than fine. We’re perfectly healthy, I promise you.”
“You’re having our baby.”
“I am,” she says softly, tears and happiness mixing in her eyes. In that moment, it hits me how beautiful she is, how blessed I am.
“I love you, Kayla Lucas.”
“I’m not a Lucas.”
“You are in every way that counts and… fuck it. Let’s get married today.”
“What? Are you insane?”
“No. I want you to have my name. I want to be able to shout it to the world that you’re my wife.”
“White, you’re being crazy. We can’t.”
“Why can’t we?”
“Well, for one, Ida Sue will kill us.”
“She’ll get over it. Come on, sweetheart. Go crazy with me. Let’s get married.”
“You’re serious? You really want to get married today?”
“More than anything in the world,” I tell her honestly. Kayla stares at my face for a few more minutes as if she’s really deciding on just how serious I am.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Let’s get married!” she cries out, nodding her head in agreement. I might have just screamed “Yes!” at the top of my lungs. I’m not sure. I do know that I jump off the bed, taking Kayla with me, and I hold onto her as I spin her around. When we’re finished, I stare into her eyes, into the eyes of the one woman who owns me—body and soul—and I give her the words that I’ve never given another woman and never will.
“I love you, Kayla. With all of my heart, I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
“There’s that softness again.”
“I have my moments.”
“I’ll be looking for them.”
“Sounds like a plan. You better let me down unless you’re planning on us getting married in the nude,” she says, and I let her slide to the floor.
“As great as that sounds, I’d have to kill the preacher for looking at your body, so that might not be a great start to our married life.”
“Yeah, I’m all for conjugal visits, but I rather little Keurig get to know her daddy without the bars.”
“Kayla, you are not naming our child Keurig. I forbid it.”
“We’ll talk about it. We have about seven months to decide.”
“It’s already…?? Holy shit.”
“What?” Kayla asks, confused.
“We’re going to be parents in seven months?”
“That’s what they tell me.”
“We have to buy a house! We have to have a nursery and a big front yard. We’ve got so much to do.”
“Then I guess we better get busy.”
“Well, what are you waiting for, woman? Go get dressed!”
“Yes sir,” she laughs, heading off into the bathroom.
“Repeat those words to me tonight, Kayla Lucas, and I’ll make sure to reward you.”
She stops and turns to look at me, shakes her head, and gives me a full smile… a smile a man would fight a war to see every night.
I’m a very blessed man.
EPILOGUE
KAYLA
Two Years Later.
“There you are! We were getting worried. You’re late,” says White when I walk through the door. I stop for a minute, frozen by what I see. White’s lying on the floor with little Max pulling at his hair. She has her daddy wrapped around her fingers. This never gets old. No matter how many times I see it, it’s more precious, more beautiful every time.
“Mommy!” Max squeals and I laugh, bending down to pick her up as her chubby legs take off running towards me.
“How’s my pretty baby?” I coo, giving her wet kisses and making her giggle.
Ida Maxine Lucas is the light of her parents’ lives. She came into the world kicking and screaming, instantly demanding attention, and nothing has been the same since. I knew from the day we found out she was going to be a girl that I was going to name her after Ida Sue. The Maxine I demanded, just because White was convinced if we had a boy I was going to name him Maxwell. I had to show him it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy; I could still surprise him. He caved after a little bit of convincing—a job that I loved doing and was almost disappointed when he caved.
A lot of things have changed in the past two years. We’ve moved close to Ida Sue and the rest of the family. In fact, we’re just a few minutes away from Gray and CC’s. We have a big house with five bedrooms because White says we’re going to make sure we have the big family I always wanted, and we’ve both been working towards that. I smile as Calder walks in from the kitchen.
The adoption of Calder Lucas just became final last month. He was a boy who went to the school that I teach at now. He’s been living with us for a year, but it’s been a long and hard process to make him ours. He’s twelve and he’s been through hell and back, thanks to his drug-addicted parents who abandoned him. He’s slowly learning to open up and trust us though and his hero worship of White is growing every day. But then how can he keep from viewing White as a hero? He’s mine and that just becomes clearer the more time we have together.
“Hey, you’re just in time for dinner. Dad and I cooked together tonight,” Calder says and my heart stops and then beats erratically. My eyes flash to White and he’s grinning from ear to ear. I know we’ll talk about it more tonight, but right now, I have to act like nothing has changed, even though it all has: Calder just called White “Dad” for the first time!
“Good, I’m starved,” I tell him, trying to bite down the wave of emotion that is moving in me. “What are we having?”
“We made your favorite: cheeseburger macaroni,” Calder says, deadly serious.
“That sounds suspiciously like your favorite, but I’m starved so I’ll let it pass,” I joke. It doesn’t matter if it was sawdust, let alone Hamburger Helper. The fact that White moves mountains to take care of me and to make me feel loved and cherished, even after two years of marriage, ensures that it doesn’t matter what is served; if they made it for me, I’d still eat it. Knowing that Calder, who is now legally our son, helped make dinner just adds to that. I hug him and I don’t even have to bend down because even though he’s just twelve, Calder is almost the same height as me. He’ll be taller than White if he keeps this up, and it’s no wonder that he’s already on the radar of college scouts. It’s not football, but White couldn’t be prouder of Calder and he’s been shooting hoops with him and helping him any way he can.
“You look tired, sweetheart,” White says. He comes and takes little Maxie out of my hands and kisses me gently on the lips.
“Call-ber! Call-ber!” Maxie yells. She gets her D sounds and B sounds mixed up, but Calder doesn’t care. He takes her from White like the proud brother he always seems to be. He’s a beautiful child, tall and lean, with dark chocolate eyes and pale mocha skin. His mom was African American and his father was Italian, and the beauty of that mixes perfec
tly. He’s already got girls following him everywhere. I joke that soon I’m going to have to beat them away with a stick. What he doesn’t know is that I’m not really joking. White says he’s had a talk with him about it all. I hope it stuck, because if not, we’re in for a world of trouble soon.
I watch as the kids disappear into the kitchen and then I’m completely distracted as White takes me in his arms.
“I missed you today, Buttercup.”
“Only because it’s off season for Mason Texas High’s winningest football coach ever and you’re home early now.”
“A lot you know, Mrs. Lucas. I miss you every day.”
“I missed you too,” I whisper right before our lips meet. We break away a few minutes later and I want to protest, but I know the kids are just in the next room. Tonight, though…
“How come you were late? Everything go okay at the doctor’s?”
“Yep, everything’s perfect.”
“You sure? You felt awful bad last night. I was worried. I should have taken off today and brought you to the doctor myself so I could have made sure they checked you out better.”
“They checked me out just fine, worrywart. I’m perfectly healthy for a woman who’s three months pregnant.”
“Three months pregnant? Are you serious?”
“It seems like that promise you made to fill this house up is going to happen sooner rather than later, thanks to your super sperm and Ida Sue’s magic shakes you still keep drinking.”
“Hey, those things taste good after you get used to them.”
“You lie,” I laugh.
“Okay, I lie, but they at least deliver on the sperm count.”
“You’re crazy,” I laugh as his hand moves to my stomach to cup it.
“Another beautiful girl to spoil. I can hardly wait.”
“It could be a boy, you know.”
“Nope, it’s a girl. One you can’t name Keurig.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of Starbucks this time.”