by Jordan Marie
“Will you stop? You are not. I’d venture to say Maxwell was right there with you. He is just as responsible as you are. There’s still a chance you’re not, though, if I’m going to be entirely honest, sugar, it’s not very likely.”
“I know.”
“He’s like his dad. I swear those Kincaid soldiers could knock up a nun wearing a chastity belt thirty paces away.”
It’s a weak laugh, but I laugh.
“I’ll pick up a test while I’m in town. You can do it and then we’ll know for sure. Sound good?”
“What if someone sees you buying it?”
“Then, they’ll just think that Marcum has done it again. I promise you, your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks, Cherry.”
“I got your back, sugar. The main thing is not to get excited. That’s not good for you right now either way. You can take the test and then we’ll figure out our next step.”
“Okay, sounds like a plan,” I tell her weakly.
“Damn straight it is. I’ll head out now and be back with your test in an hour or so.”
I can’t stop the sigh. “I’ll stay here and work up the nerve for to take the damn test.”
“What test?” Max asks from the door, and my heart stops. Cherry squeezes my hand, before getting off the floor.
“I’ll be back, sugar.”
“Okay,” I whisper, but my eyes never leave Max’s. My heart is in my throat.
Cherry skirts around Max, and it just leaves the two of us.
“Tess? What test is Cherry talking about?”
37
Max
“Tess?” I prod her when she still doesn’t answer. I want to hear her say it. I know though, god do I know. The knowledge is sitting in the bottom of my stomach like lead. Tess is pregnant.
“Max, I…you’re back early.”
It’s a stupid sentence because I didn’t even tell her where I was going. In fact, I haven’t left the compound. It’s a sentence born out of desperation, and we both know it. She’s stalling for time. Her face is white, and the truth is standing between us like a loaded gun.
“You’re pregnant?”
Tears gather in her eyes, but don’t quite break free, and she nods her head yes. She’s worrying her hands together, and I should try to soothe her, but I can’t. My whole body feels like I’m not able to take enough oxygen through my lungs to sustain it.
“I’m sorry, Max.”
“How long have you known?” I gave her a tattoo while she was carrying my child. Jesus, why does that matter? She was fucking shot at while carrying my child.
“I don’t know for sure; there’s a chance. Cherry is going to pick up one of those home pregnancy tests.”
“Fuck!”
Tess jumps like I’m about ready to hit and her. I feel guilt. It’s my fault this is going on, not her. But still…motherfucker.
“Max…”
“Son of a bitch! What the fuck are we supposed to do now?”
“Nothing has to change, Max. I might not be pregnant and even if I am, we can still carry through with our plans. Nothing has to change!
“Everything will change, Tess! Son of a bitch! Everything will change!” I growl picking up something from the table. I think it’s a glass, but I’m not sure. I throw it across the room, my anger has me acting and reacting without a thought in my head, except I fucked up. I fucked up horribly bad. The glass connects against the wall and shatters with a loud crash.
“What the fuck?” Marcum yells, coming through the door a minute later.
Tess stands up, shaking with tears pouring from her face. That’s when I’m sucker punched yet again. There’s so much hurt in her eyes. It’s my fault too. I know it. I’m not upset with her. I’m upset with myself, but she doesn’t know that. She’s taking all of this on her shoulders when I’m responsible.
“Tess,” I start, but she runs from the room, and I just hang my head in disgust.
“What the fuck did you do now, boy?”
“Just let it go, Marcum. I got it handled.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
I ignore him and take off after Tess. She’s my priority. I find her in our room lying on the bed, with her back to me, crying quietly. I kick off my shoes and get on the bed and spoon her. I can’t stop my hand from holding her stomach. Our child might be resting there. After the mess with Renee, that’s something I never wanted again. The pain of losing a child, even one I never got to hold, is something I can’t explain. It gutted me. Is it fucked-up that I may be having another child, this time with a woman I care about, and I most likely won’t have the option of being around for the mother or the child? Is that the definition of irony? It’s probably no less than I deserve. I get that. Still, the thought of it is ripping me apart inside. That’s my cross to bear.
“I’m a fucking asshole, Kitten. I’m sorry.”
“No, you have a right to be upset,” she whispers brokenly, her voice thick with tears.
“I’m not upset with you, Tess. It’s me. It’s just bad timing.”
“I know.
“If you’re pregnant, Tess. You can’t go with me. It wouldn’t be safe.”
“Max!”
I shush her quietly, my lips against her hair, and I breathe in the strawberry scent of her. Can I live without her? How do you leave someone behind when they’ve become your only reason for living? How do you say goodbye? I’m not sure I’m strong enough.
“Tess, you were shot…”
“It was a graze,” she argues, but her voice gives away her doubt.
“It just as easily could have not been. What if you are carrying our baby, and that happens? The risk is too great.”
“So we’re just supposed to never see each other again, Max? How is that a solution? How is that fair?”
“Tess, I killed…”
“A monster, you killed a monster.”
I smile, despite the heaviness inside of me. “Marcum says I’ve been living my life and going off half-cocked, for way too long, and he’s right. Actions have consequences; I didn’t think about them. Then again, how in the world could I have ever prepared myself for you, Tess? I’ve never known anyone like you.”
She turns on her back and looks at me, her hand goes over the top of mine on her stomach. “Why does it already sound like you’re saying goodbye to me, Max?”
“Let’s see what the test says. No sense in borrowing trouble until we know.”
“I’m scared, Max.”
“I know, Kitten. I am too.”
“I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t want to be pregnant, but the thought of our baby, growing inside of me…I want your baby, Max.”
I want your baby, Max. The words lay like led against my heart.
“Close your eyes and rest. We can’t make any decisions until we know for certain,” I tell her, my voice gruff.
My head is a mess. Marcum laid out my choices during our last talk. I didn’t want to face them. Now, I may have no choice. None at all.
38
Tess
Pregnant.
How can one word fill you with despair, joy and fear all at once? I’m pregnant with Max’s baby. I’m on the run from the law and knocked up! Jesus. The room is silent. Max and I are both just staring at the damn, plus sign, on the stick.
“Fucking hell,” Max whispers and I kind of wish he had kept silent.
The staggering weight of what we just found out hits me and my stomach rolls. I try to hold it down, but the simple truth is, Max is right. There’s a child now. I have more than myself to consider. I’m going to lose him. The small voice in the back of my head repeats, and it’s just too much.
“I’m going to be sick,” I gasp, putting my hand over my mouth and running to the restroom. I barely make to the toilet in time. Max is right behind me. I feel him lift my hair out of the way, and as I’m finished retching, he hands me a towel. Perfect. Just how every woman wants to be remembered by the man th
ey love—kneeling over the toilet, puking their guts out.
“You okay, kitten?” Max asks, his voice soft, and I lean back into him, letting his body warm me. I feel so cold.
“Give me a minute.” His fingers continue sifting through my hair, and I want to memorize this moment. Memorize it and never let it go, because I know my time with Max will be ending. “I’m going to rinse my mouth,” I tell him, standing and getting away from him. I’m upset, and I want to blame him. It’s not fair and if anything, more my fault, but there it is regardless.
“Tess…”
“I just need a minute alone, Max. Okay?” I tell him, not turning around. I turn the water on in the sink and brush my teeth. I make a point of not concentrating on him, or anything. I’m a robot on autopilot until I hear the door close. Then I put the brush down, rinse my mouth and slowly sink to the floor as my grief overwhelms me. In my mind, it was always a possibility that I would end up alone. A huge probability, if I’m honest. Yet, faced with the harsh reality of it, I can’t catch my breath. It’s a hurt that goes bone deep. I’m not crying. I don’t think I can cry. No, I’m hurting. I feel as if my heart is being shred into pieces while I sit here on the cold floor.
“Sweetheart,” Max says, and I hadn’t even realized he’d come back in the room. He gathers me in his arms and carries me out of the room. He puts us on the bed, holding me tight and snuggling into me. I remain stiff, but I don’t fight him. I don’t have it in me to extend that much energy. “Tess…”
“Don’t say it, Max. Please? Not right now. I just can’t handle it.”
“Tess, we need to…”
“I don’t want to!” I yell trying to pull away from him.
“Tess, damn it….”
“I don’t want to give you up, Max! I don’t! You think I’m strong enough to watch you walk away and never see you again? I’m not! Do you think I’m strong enough to raise a child who will never know how amazing its dad is? I’m not!”
“Tess, honey…”
“Oh God, Max. I’m not. I don’t want to do any of this without you. I don’t want to be without you. Please, oh god, please. Please just give me a little time without having to think about it. Max, please.” The pleading cues my tears and I… crumble. A deluge of pain and fear swamps me and steals my breath. Max holds me and lets me cry, but that’s almost as painful. Who will hold me when he’s gone? Who will help me to survive?
I cry until I can’t cry anymore. Until, I’m so far broken that the tears stop. My eyes are raw, my sides hurt, from the gut-wrenching, unanswered pleas, and my head hurts. Only when I reach that point does Max somehow gather me closer and tries to absorb my pain. That’s impossible.
“You’re going to make yourself sick, Kitten.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I tell him, and that’s how it feels. Nothing matters now.
“It does. You have our baby to think of. This may not be the way we saw things going, Tess, I get that. It is how things are though, and I need you to be strong. I need you to take care of our child.”
“He or she won’t ever get to know you, Max.”
“Bullshit. They will, Tess. I’m not missing out on being a part of his or her life.”
“What are you going to do, Max? Send us letters from Bora Bora?”
“Aruba.”
“Whatever.”
“No, I’m going to find a way to be part of this child’s life. A way to be a part of your life, Tess. I’ll talk with Marcum, and we’ll call in some favors. We’ll figure this out.”
His words bring me hope. And I almost allow them to soothe me, until I realize, it’s just a pipe dream. Max was in the pen for murder. That, in itself, is hard to get out of, but if you add on taking part in a jailbreak and prison riot, escaping, and taking a hostage, he may never see the light of day. I maybe could testify and get that last part taken off, but doing so may end up with me in prison and what will happen to my baby then? No, Max was right to begin with. There’s more than just me to consider now.
“Give me a chance, Tess. Don’t give up on me yet.”
“Does Marcum have that much power?”
“If anyone does, Tess, it would be him.”
“When will we know?”
“He’s working on it now. He seemed to think he’d have an answer sometime tomorrow.”
“What do we do in the meantime?”
“We savor every moment, Kitten.”
“I’m still scared, Max.”
“I know.”
“It will all work out, Tess.”
He says again and I know he’s trying to assure me, but I think that ship has sailed.
“You have more confidence in life, than I have Maxwell,” I tell him my hand, tightening in his.
“We have our happy ever after to find. My woman believes in fairy tales. I want to be the fucker who gets to give them to her.”
“I like that,” I tell him.
“That I want to give you a happy ever after?”
“That you called me your woman.”
“You are, Tess. Regardless of what happens next, you are my woman.”
“I have your mark on me,” I whisper trying to find something to hold on to.
“And you have one on me,” he answers. I turn to look at him, not sure of what he is talking about. “Your surprise was kind of ruined,” he says, and I nod my head in agreement. I kind of forgot completely about it. It feels like a lifetime ago.
He takes his shirt off, reaches for my hand and places it just under his heart. Just under the spot that is glossy from the cream on it and shiny from the new tattoo. It’s a key, the kind that reminds you of old antique locks and the key had my name inside of it. Mine. A key over his heart, with my name. Tessa.
“A key above your heart, Max?” I question, and his smile is almost sheepish. Where is the cold man who kidnapped me?
“What about it?”
“Not a thing,” I whisper leaning up to try and kiss him. He more than meets me half way. For this moment, I concentrate on his kiss and stop worrying about what happens next.
39
Max
Marcum might not have been around when I needed him growing up, but he sure as hell has been working like a madman, to help me now. He’s called in marker after marker and put feelers out, near and far, to try and save my sorry ass. I didn’t have a lot of hope, but I underestimated the old man. Completely. I hug him and slap him hard on the shoulder.
“I owe you.”
“Fuck that. I want time with my grandkid.”
“When do we set all this in motion?”
“Tomorrow is soon enough; spend the day and night with your woman. Even with the governor’s assurance, this shit will be tricky and drawn out. It will be at least a month before you see the outside again, boy.”
“Yeah I know. I can deal,” I tell him and I can. I’m not looking forward to it. Before, it didn’t matter so much. I didn’t have a thing waiting for me on the outside. I didn’t even care if I kept breathing. Still, knowing Tess is waiting for me, I have everything.
“Then go; get your woman and give her something to keep her warm for the next month,” he orders and I flip him off. I don’t waste any time getting to my woman though. He may be an asshole, but he sure as hell isn’t wrong.
Fuck, I’m so damned eager; I’m practically running to our room. Tess is lying on the bed, reading. Gorgeous; with dark hair soft against her skin. Those long lashes of hers, highlighting her deep emerald eyes and that body. Hell, the woman’s body tears me up just looking at it. If I live to be a hundred, I don’t think I will ever get enough of her.
“Hey, you,” she smiles sleepily. She’s still sad. I’ve explained to her what Marcum is trying to work out. We both agree it’s the wisest move we have, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “Any word?” she asks.
“Yeah. Marcum heard back from the Governor an hour ago. The deal is in place.”
“He’ll pardon you?”
“He told
Marcum no less than three to four weeks after I turn myself in.”
“What? No! Max that’s a month! You can’t be locked up in that hellhole for a month!”
“Kitten, are you forgetting how long I was in there before I met you.”
“No, I’m not! That’s exactly the reason you shouldn’t be going back in there, Max. I still don’t see why we can’t take off for Aruba like we planned. I know we were worried about what could happen, but I think we’re just letting fear stop us.
“He can’t just do it the day I’m arrested, Tess.”
“Why not?” I give her a look, and she frowns at me, but it stops her lecture. “I don’t like it, Max.”
“Duly noted.”
“When does all this, go down?”
“Tomorrow,” I deliver the word like the sucker punch I know it’s going to be. Tess’s hand tremors and she puts it on her stomach where our child is resting. You can’t tell she’s pregnant and besides her being tired, there are no outward signs, but I swear, sometimes I can see it all over her. It’s going to kill me to be away from her.
“That’s too soon…” she whispers.
“The sooner it happens, the sooner I can come back to you and the baby.”
“You promise this guy can be trusted?”
“Marcum says he can,” I tell her.
“Okay,” she whispers standing up. She walks to me and stops when she gets right in front of me. She gives a smile, which is meant to be naughty, but the sadness in her eyes drowns it out.
“What are you doing?” I ask when she drops down onto her knees and reaches up to undo my belt.
“Making sure you know what’s waiting for you when you get out.”
“Tess…” My hands are caressing her face. This woman is cementing herself inside of me. She’s becoming a part of me, and it’s a part I can’t do without. Her small hand circles around my cock and I watch as she pumps it slowly. I want this, but still… “Kitten, you’ve been feeling bad…”
“I need this, Max. If I’m going to have to give you up for even one day, then I need all the memories I can gather.”