by Corie Allen
We sat in the hotel all day. I had been looking through the paper for three weeks trying to find a nice house that we could move into right away. There was a house on knickerbocker and cooper on the sheriffs sale list. It was around the corner and up the street from Rich’s mom house on Decatur Street. I talked Rich into going to look at it. I was tired of staying in a hotel. I just wanted to be in a place that I could call home.
Jocelyn laid next to me in the king size bed. I could feel her phone vibrating on the bed between us until she answered it.
“Hello.” Jocelyn answered, holding the phone away from her ear.
“Damn you loud as shit, what’s up?…
Who else over there?…
You got a check for me?…
Okay, I’m gone call a cab. I be there in 45 minutes.” Jocelyn hung up the phone and looked at me. “Akira, my best friend in the whole wide world. I need a favor.”
I knew what was coming. I knew she wanted me to go somewhere with her.
“Where you want me to go?” I asked her.
“Manny and Wiz from Wilson Avenue.”
“I told you, I’m done Jocelyn.”
“Naw, I just want you to go. I don’t wanna go to they house by myself. I’m gone do both of them though.” I looked at Jocelyn and shook my head.
“Aight girl I’ll go, call the cab.”
Jocelyn called Myrtle Car Service and I got up and dressed.
The cab driver turned around and looked at us. “Where to?” He asked.
“221 Moffat Street.” I replied seeing that Jocelyn was busy fixing her hair up.
“Jocelyn, when you gone find you a nice dude and fall back?”
Jocelyn looked at me and smirked.
“Not everybody can find a nigga like Rich. I’m saying, I’m not jealous, but you know how most of these niggas be out here, and I love dick too much. It be taking two niggas at once to satisfy me. I would fuck wit Wiz but I already let too many Brooklyn’s Finest niggas hit.
“See if you stop letting niggas run triz on you things a be different.”
“Man fuck these niggas… we might as well just share Rich!”
“Fuck outa here… bitch I’ll kill you even though you my best friend.”
“Sike naw… you know I was just playing.”
We pulled up in front of Manny’s house. Wiz was already outside. He paid the cab driver and we got out. Wiz led us into the house. Manny was sitting in the living room on the sofa talking to some light skin chick. There was two niggas in the kitchen bagging up. We followed Wiz down the stairs.
The basement was a miniature apartment. There was a big screen television and two sofas. In between the sofas there was a sandwich bag full of weed and a box full of vanilla dutches on top of a coffee table. Jocelyn picked up a Dutch before sitting down. Wiz stood in front of Jocelyn and pulled his dick out.
“Damn what you rushing me for, can I smoke first?” Jocelyn asked Wiz in disgust.
“Naw shorty, I need that now.” Wiz replied. Jocelyn put the Dutch on my lap and started sucking Wiz off. I cracked the Dutch, rolled it, and lit it up. I smoked and watched videos while Jocelyn finished handling her biz. I passed the Dutch once she was finished. Wiz sat down between us and joined the rotation. Jocelyn held out her hand to Wiz.
“What’s up wit my check nigga?”
Wiz exhaled.
“Manny ‘bout to come down in a few, you know he got you ‘ma. What up wit you Akira. You sitting there all quiet and shit, what’s really good?”
I cut my eyes at Wiz and snapped at him.
“I’m cool… I’m chillin, you already got what you needed right?”
Wiz passed the Dutch to me.
“Shorty you talking fly like your tongue got wings.” “Naw I’m P.M.S.ing, my period on.”
I took a few puffs and passed off to Jocelyn. I could hear footsteps coming down to the basement. The first person coming down was Manny. Jocelyn jumped up to go over to Manny just as Kevin cleared the ceiling. Kevin's face looked as if he had seen a ghost. He pulled out his gun and stormed toward Jocelyn.
“What the fuck… Manny this the bitch that shot my brother.”
Kevin grabbed Jocelyn by the neck and threw her to the ground. I stood up and Kevin pointed the gun at me.
“Akira sit the fuck down.”
Jocelyn tried to get up and run. Kevin cracked her in the face with his gun. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I watched Jocelyn fall to the floor.
“Shut the fuck up!” Kevin said as he held the gun pointed at my face. Manny grabbed Kevin's arm and scolded him.
“The fuck is you doing Kev. You not gone do this in my house!”
“Fuck that yo. I told you this bitch shot Black!” Manny pulled out his gun.
“Look Kev, me and you aight, but you not gone dead this bitch in my spot, that’s what you not gone do.” A female came running down the steps with a gun. She locked eyes with me for a moment.
“Aye yo, what the fuck is going on down here Manny?”
She looked at me again.
“Baby go upstairs, this shit don’t concern you.” Manny said to her.
“This shit do concern me. Wiz and Kev gone have you sitting in jail. Fuck that, all y'all gotta leave.” She stood there with one hand on her hip and the other hand holding a small .380. She stared at Kev and Wiz.
“And those bitches gotta go too… ASAP!” She continued.
Kevin looked at Manny and laughed.
“Nigga you betta control ya bitch. Matter fact you need to check that bitch!” Kevin said as he sat down on the sofa.
Manny swooped down on Kevin, punching him in the nose. They tussled briefly before two shots rang out.
--bang, bang-
Manny dropped to the floor.
“Oh my god!” the female screamed as she raised her gun and shot Kevin in the chest.
Kevin dropped his gun and fell to the floor. She ran over to Manny and tried to pick him up. It was too late. Manny was shot in the heart. Wiz stood there frozen as I also did. He looked up at the barrel of the gun that was now pointed at him. He plead for his life.
“No… Shakita, don’t shoot me.” He pleaded. “It’s your fault, it’s all your fault.” She replied. “No… Shakita…” Wiz plead.
--Bang-
She shot Wiz in the face. Wiz was slumped over the couch. Jocelyn sat up against the wall. The gun was now pointed at her.
“Please don’t kill me, please, I was just here for Wiz… please don’t…
--click, click-
The gun was jammed. She charged at Jocelyn who was balled up in the fetal position.
I screamed out.
“Nooooooooo!”
She stopped and sat down on the floor and cried. “Why… why… I loved him so much.”
Tears raced out of her eyes and pain echoed through her voice. She was about to kill us all, yet I kneeled next to her and took the gun out of her hand. She cried on my shoulder. She looked into my eyes and made the strangest face. Her tears stopped, she held my chin.
“No… it couldn’t be. What’s your name baby?” “Akira.” I replied.
“Oh my god, oh my god. My baby. My baby. I named you Akira Stephanie Wilson. I’m your mother.” “What?” I screamed at her.
I didn’t know how to take it. This crazy ass lady claiming to be my mother. She knew my middle name though. I looked at her and it was like looking at myself but older. She started hugging me. I was mad at her for not being there for me.
Jocelyn was still sitting against the floor rubbing the knot in her head.
“I’m your mother. I knew you looked familiar when I came down the stairs. Baby you look the same way you did on your third birthday. I still have the picture on my dresser. My name is Shakita Stephanie Wilson. I gave you my middle name.”
Jocelyn, my mother, and I left the house together. We walked around to Decatur Street to my moms house. She showed me pictures of my siblings and myself as a baby. I met my brothers Quran a
nd Teran. We sat and talked an hour before Rich called.
“Hello.” I answered
“Where you at Baby?
“I’m at my moms house?”
“What?” He questioned.
“I’ll explain everything to you, just give me a few minutes. I’m talking to her now.”
Rich hung up the phone and I continued to talk to my mother. My life seemed to be complete. Somehow I could not stay upset with her. The last time I saw her I was too young to remember. We talked and cried. I filled her in on most of the details of my life. All except Rich. I wanted her to meet the love of my life in person. He meant so much to me.
“Mom.” It felt so weird saying it.
“Yes baby.”
“I want you to meet my boyfriend.”
“Okay, I’m up for that.” She replied.
“Mom, I love you.” I said, smiling.
“I love you too.” She said, holding me in her arms. “Baby I’m sorry, I was young, I never wanted to give you up. I just wish I could rewind time.”
She cried and I wiped her tears. Everything was okay now.
Rich
I decided to go to the Hot Bar until Akira called back. I was puzzled when I’d heard she was at her mothers house. As far as I knew, Akira’s family had abandoned her when she was a toddler. I shrugged my shoulders and sipped on my smooth bitch. My phone started to vibrate, it was my baby.
“Hello.”
“Hey baby where you at?” Akira asked me.
“I’m at the Hot Bar.” I responded.
“Stay right there, we coming around.”
I sat there at the bar wondering who we consisted of. I was trying to imagine what Akira’s mom would look like. I wasn’t pressed for her to approve of or like me because Akira was already mine. I just hoped for the best for Akira’s sake. I just wanted her to be happy. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have a real family for a change. Akira was my family. Just as I thought about Akira and I having a family, she walked in the bar. Akira was followed by Jocelyn. Shakita was walking in the bar after them. She was looking good as usual. It seemed like a good opportunity to introduce her to Akira.
Akira came and sat next to me and gave me a kiss. I beckoned for Shakita to come over to me. Before I could open my mouth, Akira took hold of Shakita’s hand and said:
“Mom, I want you to meet Rich, Rich meet my mom.” My heart dropped down to my knees. I could tell by Shakita’s facial expression that she was just as shocked as I was. I didn’t know what to say. There was a moment of silence before Shakita broke it. “What’s up Rich?… baby I been knowing Rich since he was a baby. His mom still live across the street. So this is the man you love so much?”
My nerves were on edge. This was too much. I couldn’t believe that Shakita was Akira’s mother. I had sex with Akira’s mom. This was bad. I was waiting for Shakita to say something that would break the ice. She didn’t disappoint me.
“Akira, you two make a nice couple. Rich is perfect for you baby.”
I was frozen in disbelief. Shakita held back what happened between us. I didn’t know how things were going to end up, but this was a relief because I didn’t want to lose Akira. Besides, Shakita was just a fuck. A good one though. I was feeling tipsy off the smooth bitch that I just drank. I ordered another one because this shit was crazy.
We made small talk for a few minutes before Shakita hit me wit the news about Manny. I must admit, I was not saddened. I felt bad for Shakita’s lost though. We left the bar and went to Shakita’s house. By then the police had half the precinct on Moffat Street.
I didn’t give Manny much thought. I was just happy for Akira. This was an important time in her life. I watched Akira and Shakita bond as mother and daughter.
Quran and Teran emerged from their rooms and kept us all occupied. Shakita beckoned for me to follow her. We went in the twins room and she shut the door behind us. Her expression turned serious.
“Rich, this is crazy, that’s my daughter in that room, I can’t believe it.”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“I can’t believe this shit either. I never would have thought some shit like this. She do look like you though.”
Shakita grabbed my hand.
“Rich, she was talking about you like you was the Pope or the King of England. She loves you. I know I told you that bitches can complicate your life. Aint this ironic? Manny is gone, now she’s all I have, and the twins. You said you wanted to be a boss. Like I said you have to maneuver. What happened between me and you stays right here right now. Nothing happened! I need to be a mother now. Be good to my baby Rich. Just don’t hurt my baby.”
Shakita held me in her arms.
“You know when I was younger, I was wild as shit. I fucked up my kids lives. Now I have a chance to make things right with Akira. I definitely don’t want her traveling down the same road that I traveled.” Shakita let go of me and we had an understanding. On Wilson Avenue everything was quiet. I paid for Manny’s funeral. Homer’s cop ass was there taking pictures. Manny and Wiz were gone. I had to step up to the plate. Dave and Xavier were hungry and eager to step up with me. I had alot of good new soldiers to complement them. Shakita was cooking and everything was broken down into nickel bags again. Money flowed through Wilson Avenue like never before. I bought the house on the corner of Knickerbocker and Cooper from off the sheriffs sale for only $9000. Nobody wanted it. Mr Nick, the smoker/handyman, painted, laid carpet, and installed new windows for me. Everything was coming together.
Jocelyn
I had finally stopped turning tricks. Not because I was tired of it. Believe me I wasn’t. Sometimes I think I was born to be a ho. It was in my bloodlines. My momma was a ho, and my momma’s momma was a ho. Who the fuck was I to think I was going to be different? Who the fuck was I to change the family tradition?
My mom turned me out when I was 13. I’ll never forget that day. She got a call from one of her regulars. His fetish was eating pussy. What kind of man eats out strange bitches? Anyhow her period was on. She didn’t think about that until he’d gotten to our little one bedroom apartment. I would usually stay in the bedroom or go outside when my mom turned tricks. She would keep them in the living room. This time I came out the room to get something to drink. I went back into the bedroom. A few minutes later, my mom came into the room and sat down on the bed next to me.
“Jocelyn, you know I love you right.”
“I love you too mommy.” I answered.
She continued:
“I need you to do something, it’s not hard. It’s gonna help momma pay the bills and keep food in your little stomach all the time.”
“Okay.” I naively answered.
That day I became a pro… a pro-fessional, a prostitute. My mom let that man eat me out. After that, he took my virginity. That was the beginning. I took to the game like fish take to water. From that point on, my mom would constantly remind me. “Bitch, you gone earn your keep around here.” And that I did. It was easy. I had been secretly spying on my mom since I was old enough to know what she was doing. I would watch everything she did. I knew what to say, and I knew what to do.
When I was fourteen my mom took me to Wildwood on vacation. Wildwood, New Jersey was a beautiful shore town. It was the first and only resort I had been to. It quickly turned into a nightmare. What started out a day on the beach ended up in my mothers death. She was carried away by a riptide. Instead of relaxing and floating, my mom tried to fight the tide. She ended up drowning.
The Department of Youth and Family Services or DYFS placed me in a youth emergency shelter. The food was bad, the beds were hard, and the other residents made me sick. I didn’t last twenty-four hours. I walked out the front door and hitched a ride. Some fat Spanish guy. He was headed to Atlantic City. I sucked him off on the way, to pay for my ride. In Atlantic City I did what a pro does. I hit the track, the blade, the stroll… Pacific Avenue. I was there for two days before pimps started coming at my neck. I was
a renegade. A ho without a pimp. On most tracks, renegades are considered in the way. I got jumped a few times and robbed before I gave in. I met Black in front of Caesars Casino. He just said the right things at the right time.
“You know I can make your bad luck go away. You choose a nigga like me, motherfuckers a slap they momma before they even think about fucking wit you.”
With those words I chose up.
I stayed with Black for two years. I was in line to be his bottom bitch, ‘Queen Bee’… first lady. He passed me up for some new bitch just because of my age. I left that night. I hitched a ride with some niggas from Brooklyn. They was from Brownsville. They partied me and took me to Club Wet. That’s where I ended up meeting Erik from Marcy Projects. I stayed with him until the day I met Akira.
I hadn’t told Akira or Rich about my past, not completely. They knew bits and pieces. Especially after I shot Black.
Pro’s recognize pro’s. Shakita recognized me, and I her. Not only that but she’d been with Black too. She didn’t press me for too much details about my life, she probably could sense that it was too painful. To be honest the pain was now gone. What’s done is done, I have to live for the right now. I stopped tricking because my period stopped. I’m a pro, and far from stupid. I only had unprotected sex with Rich. I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t want to lose the one good friend I had. I never fucked Rich behind Akira’s back. We did that threesome when he came home and that was it. I had just taken a pregnancy test last night and it was positive. I just wish we had used protection because I just know Akira will be so hurt when I tell her.
Well, if I get an abortion then that would make everything okay. I didn’t want to kill my baby. Maybe I could blame it on Wiz since he’s dead anyway right? Problem solved…
Rich
I decided it was time to go see my brother PJ. He was still up north at Elmira. The ride was long as shit going upstate. I hadn’t been up there in two years, the last time my mother went. I was waiting about twenty minutes before PJ came out in his prison issued uniform. It was good to see him again.