by Amy Clipston
“That’s all you’ve got?” Frannie tugged her hand from his and crossed her arms. “You can do better, Rocky Sanders, I know you can.”
He snorted and shook his head. “You make me crazy, Amish woman.”
“You make me crazy, Englisch man.”
His belly laugh mingled with her higher, softer giggle. Frannie loved that sound almost as much as she loved Rocky.
He sighed and wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I keep thinking about how patient God is with us. It takes us so long to figure everything out. We moan and carry on about His will and His plan, trying to figure it out.”
She certainly had done her share of moaning and carrying on in the last year. “We do.”
“We need to be patient.”
“We do?”
“I love you. I want to marry you. But I have things I need to do first. A lot of learning. A lot of changing to do. Can you understand that?”
Love you. Marry you. Frannie’s brain was stuck on the first two sentences. Fraa. Mann. Boplin. The life for which she’d prayed and hoped. “Jah.”
“Do you understand?” He looked so worried, so uncertain. “Will you wait?”
“Of course I’ll wait.” Frannie inhaled. Finally. A breath. “I love you too.”
He sighed as if he’d been holding his breath. “What will your parents think of all this?”
“Leroy called and left a message at the phone shack last night. They left their own message this morning at the store.”
“No argument?”
“They trust folks here. They trust Leroy.”
“What would you think about going home then?”
“Back to Jamesport?” Sweet relief ran through her. No more holidays without cheeky Hannah and baby Rachel, who surely wasn’t a baby anymore. Obadiah and his brood. Rufus. Joshua and his mystery special person. “Back to my family and yours? I’d like that, but truth be told, I only want to live wherever you live.”
“We’ll go home, then, when the time is right.”
His gaze, full of emotion, full of love, wandered across her face. His expression held her there, unable to look away. Aenti Abigail could storm onto the porch at this very moment, Onkel Mordecai bringing up the rear, and Frannie wouldn’t be able to move.
His hands came up, both of them this time. They cupped her face. His expression gave her a hint of what was to come, but she didn’t have time to brace herself. He leaned down. His lips touched hers. She closed her eyes, wondering at the softness of his skin on hers. She reached for something to hold on to before she fell into the whirling vortex of emotion. Her hands found and gripped his solid biceps. He would always be the rock to which she could cling.
Her heart quivered and opened like a sunflower seeking the warmth and brilliance of the sun. Rocky filled up every nook and cranny that had been waiting for him to simply come home to her. He tasted of kaffi, maple syrup, dreams, and hopes. The kiss deepened and lingered with a sweet promise of many more such kisses.
After a time, he raised his head a scant few inches. His arms dropped. For an instant, Frannie felt cold. Then he wrapped them around her waist, lifted her off her feet, and pressed her against his chest. “How about that?” he murmured. “What do you think of that?”
Frannie felt as if she were flying, wings spread for the first time in her life. She rested her forehead on Rocky’s shoulder. “You found the perfect gift.”
“I reckon it’s the first of many such gifts.”
He proceeded to make good on that promise.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Rocky follows Frannie from Missouri to south Texas, knowing her family disapproves. Do you think he is right to pursue her, knowing she’ll have to give up her faith and family to be with him if he doesn’t join her faith? Do you think love is more important than approval?
2. Frannie and Rocky both say they will abide by Leroy’s decision. Rocky will go home and Frannie will become a teacher’s aide, knowing she’ll never marry. Do you believe in a love so strong, you’d be willing to forego all other chances for marriage and family because of it?
3. Rocky has never felt close to God because he identifies him as “abba” or “father.” His father abandoned him and left his mother for another woman. Do you have trouble relating to God the Father because of problems in your own life? How do you overcome those feelings?
4. Rocky is willing to give up electricity, computers, his phone, even his beloved Dodge Ram pickup in order to put distance between himself and the world so he can be closer to God. What are you willing to give up in order to have a closer relationship with God?
5. Abigail tells Frannie that English people are rarely successful when they join the Amish faith. They’re unable to adapt to such a plain, austere lifestyle. What can you do to lead a simpler, more Godly life without going so far as to give up electricity, cars, computers, and phones?
WHEN WINTER COMES
BARBARA CAMERON
GLOSSARY
ab im kopp—off in the head
aenti—aunt
allrecht—all right
bensel—silly child
boppli—baby
brechdich—magnificent
bruder—brother
bu, buwe—boy, boys
budder—butter
budderhaffe—butter dish
daadi—grandfather
daed—dad
danki—thank you
Deitsch—Pennsylvania Dutch language
demut—humility
dochder—daughter
dumm—dumb
elder—parents
Englisch—English
Englischer—a non-Amish person
fiever—fever
fraa—wife
frack—dress
Gebottsdaag—birthday
geh—go
groossmammi—grandmother
guder mariye—good morning
gut—good
gut nacht—good night
haus—house
hochmut—pride
hungerich—hungry
kaffi—coffee
kapp—prayer covering or cap
kich—kitchen
kind, kinder, kinner—children or grandchildren
liebschen—dearest
mead—girls
mamm, mammi—mom
mann—man
mauseschtill—mouse
mei—my
minutt—minute
mudder—mother
nachtess—supper
nau—now
nee—no
onkel—uncle
Ordnung—the written and unwritten rules that guide the Amish way of life
redd-up—clean up
rumschpringe—the running-around period that starts when a teenager turns sixteen years old
schpass—fun
sehr—very
sohn—son
snitz pie—dried apple pie
vatter—father
wasser—water
wie geht—how are things?
wunderbaar—wonderful
ya—yes
CHAPTER 1
Rebecca wrapped her arms around herself as she stood at the edge of the frozen pond. She felt drawn to it in spite of herself. It was here, one bitter cold day five years ago, that her life had changed so much.
She used to love rushing here after school and her chores. She’d quickly exchange her boots for skates and fly across the ice. No one understood her fascination with skating, not even her twin. Her parents thought it was a passing interest, but when it didn’t fade as she got older, they bought her bigger skates as she needed them.
She wasn’t trying to be special or stand out. That would be against everything she and her community believed in. Demut—humility—was valued above all among the Plain people.
It had been years now since she’d skated. The accident had changed everything. It had been her fault, and she’d had to pay for it. But as bad as she felt about losing a
sister, she knew that it had to be worse for her parents, who had lost a daughter. Even if it appeared that they had been able to forgive her, Rebecca didn’t believe it. She blamed herself so much . . . how could they not blame her too?
If she’d been a good daughter, Lizzie wouldn’t be gone.
So she became the best daughter she could be, to make up for the missing one. She enjoyed cooking and helping out around the house when she wasn’t working at the gift shop in town. And she watched and worried over her siblings like a mother hen, concerned that bad things might happen if she didn’t.
It was so quiet here now she could hear the icicles tinkling like glass wind chimes as the chill breeze rustled the bare tree branches. The fields lay dormant beneath the blanket of snow that also covered the nearby farmhouses and barns. Farmers who’d worked so hard harvesting their crops now studied seed catalogs and planned their spring plowing and planting. They repaired farm equipment, and even with the winter’s shorter days, some of them enjoyed having a few hours to do some carpentry.
Families gathered indoors in front of the fireplace and played games. When friends came to visit, there was plenty of time for holding quilting circles and catching up on the latest news over cups of tea and cookies warm from the oven.
In quiet Paradise, Pennsylvania, things became even more peaceful in winter.
But Rebecca felt anything but peaceful. She’d come home from her job and found herself restless. So she donned her coat and bonnet again and went out for a walk in spite of the cold.
Stop being afraid!
Startled, Rebecca whipped her head around and scanned the field behind her. There was no one in sight. Hers were the only footsteps in the vast expanse of snow-covered fields that led to where she stood.
The voice was so familiar. She hadn’t heard it for a while, but she’d never forget it.
Stop being afraid. It’s time to stop being afraid.
“I’m not afraid!” she cried out.
But her words vanished in the wind that swept across the icy white surface of the frozen pond. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself as the chill seeped into her feet, then her legs, then her body, and finally her heart. Still she stood and stared out at the pond.
She thought she saw something, there, at the far edge of the pond. Something—someone? Blinking, she looked again, but there was nothing. Her eyes were just watering a little in the cold, that was all. She should get home, help her mamm with nachtesse. On these cold winter evenings, it was so nice to sit at the big carved wooden table with her family and share a meal and try not to think about how she felt each year when winter came.
Her mind wandered. She felt herself moving, light as air, gracefully skimming across the icy surface of the pond, the wind a cold caress on her face. Flinging her arms out, she soared like a bird, her cape and long skirt rippling in the wind, the only sound her skates as they barely touched the ice. She leaped and spun and felt her heart lift and warm and beat harder and harder, faster and faster as the old excitement burst through her as she circled the pond.
Surely this was what it felt like in heaven, she thought, smiling.
Lost in her dreams, she didn’t hear the crunch of steps on the snow behind her.
“I knew I’d find you here.”
Startled, her eyes flew open, and she spun around at the sound of the deep male voice behind her. “Ben! What are you doing here?”
Her feet slipped on the snowy bank, and she started to fall. He reached out and caught her, but then his feet slid out from under him too. As he fell, he held tighter and tried to shield her from the worst of it, pulling her over as they landed on the snow.
Winded, Rebecca found herself staring down into the face of Ben Weaver. His brown eyes were full of concern. “Are you all right?”
“I asked you what you’re doing here.”
“You were skating.”
“Skating?” She stared at him incredulously. “Look at my feet, Ben Weaver. Do they look like they have skates on them?”
“Skating,” he repeated. “Flying across the ice like you used to.”
“You’re ab im kopp,” she muttered. Shaking her head, she struggled to get to her feet.
But her long, dark blue frack had a mind of its own. It was tangled with Ben’s trousers, and he didn’t help her extricate herself. Instead, he just chuckled and watched her struggle. Finally, she yanked the material away and stood, her hands on her hips.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded again as she brushed at the snow on her skirt and coat.
“Your mamm sent me,” he told her.
“Is something wrong?”
He held out his hand, seeking to reassure her. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Then why would she send you?”
Ben got to his feet without effort, picked up his black felt hat, and brushed at the snow on his jacket and trousers. “She was worried about you,” he said.
The moment the words left his mouth, Ben regretted them.
Rebecca went still, and it was like a shutter came down over her face. “She has no reason to worry,” she said. Turning, she started to climb the slope, slipping and sliding as she went.
Ben followed her, but even with his long strides it wasn’t easy to keep up. “Rebecca, let me give you a ride home.”
“I walked here. I can walk home.” Then she bit her lip. “But thank you,” she said.
“Stop it!”
She halted and stared at him. “Stop what?”
“You’re just too polite.”
“Too polite?” Her eyebrows rose higher, if that were possible.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Rebecca. I know you’re upset.”
“I’m fine. I need to get home.”
“I thought we were friends.”
His quiet words stopped her.
She turned. “We are. But no one needs to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re still sad sometimes, especially this time of year.” His eyes searched hers. “You’re freezing, and I’m cold. Just get in the buggy and let me drive you home. Please.”
Turning, he began walking to the buggy, not sure if she’d follow. He knew how stubborn she could be. But surely she wouldn’t insist on walking home, as cold as she must be.
He heard her sigh of exasperation behind him and the stomp of her feet in the snow, and he couldn’t hold back a chuckle.
“You think it’s funny?” She hurried to catch up with him. Her breath huffed out in the cold wind.
“No, Rebecca.”
As they walked, he cast her a worried glance. She was shivering even harder. “Here, let me give you my coat.”
“You can’t do that. You’ll catch your death of cold without it.”
“Better me than you.”
She put out her hand to stop him. “I’ll be fine. We’re almost to your buggy. It’ll be warmer there.”
Something inside him relaxed. So at least she was going to let him drive her home.
What was it about her that attracted him so? There were other girls he could have pursued, but no . . . five years ago he’d realized how much he cared for Rebecca, and no one else would do.
He’d decided to ask if they could date, but before he could, her life had been forever changed. Nothing before the accident seemed to matter now. But it had been five years. Wasn’t that long enough for her to heal?
And did she—could she—forgive him for what had happened to Lizzie?
Rebecca’s steps were awkward by the time they were at the buggy, and getting in seemed to be an effort. He lifted her in his arms, startling her so that she whipped around and stared at him, her eyes wide.
“I can get in by myself.”
His heart did a funny little flip in his chest as he realized how close their faces were. He settled her on the seat and reached for the blanket to tuck it around her.
“Really, there’s no need to fuss—,” she began, then sneezed.
He pu
lled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. “Do you want to worry your eldre if you get sick?” he asked quietly.
As what little color she had faded from her cheeks, he knew his words had hit home. He finished tucking the blanket around her legs, then walked around to his side of the vehicle and climbed inside.
She stared straight ahead as the buggy began moving, her black bonnet hiding her expression. “I thought you were at the Brownfield home today.”
“I stopped by to see your father.”
Ben worked for Amos, so Rebecca didn’t question that. But business hadn’t been the topic of their conversation today.
They passed their old schoolhouse, and he stopped the buggy for a moment. “We had some good times here, didn’t we?”
“When you weren’t annoying me, you mean?”
He grinned, unrepentant. “I was a young boy then. Besides, I was just teasing you.”
“I looked it up in the dictionary. The word tease. It means ‘to annoy in fun,’” she told him dryly.
He’d had fun, he reflected. Rebecca had always been so quiet, so composed, that he’d enjoyed getting a rise out of her. Then her cheeks would turn pink, her hazel eyes would flash, and she’d tell him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone.
From the time he was sixteen, he’d decided he wanted no other woman for his fraa. He told himself that all he had to do was wait until they were older. Then he’d ask if they could date.
That was before what he’d come to think of as that day.
She sneezed again, jerking him from his thoughts.
“Are you still cold?”
“I’m fine,” she told him, using a tissue to blow her nose. “I’m sure it’s allergies.”
“To what? Snow?”
She rolled her eyes. “People can have allergies in the winter.”
“You don’t.”
“Since when do you know everything about me?”
He opened his mouth and then shut it. How could he answer that question? They’d grown up together in the same small community and attended the same school. Everyone knew everyone else’s business here in Paradise.
But sometimes her father confided his concern about his eldest daughter to Ben as they worked on a joint project. And her mother looked on him like another son and did the same.